Gilbert Gets It - Records Made from Dead People


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 21.06.2012

Transcript:

-Hey folks, Gilbert Fottfried here.
So a man in London has started a business that takes the
ashes of recently cremated people and presses them into a
vinyl record.
Look, I get it.
You want your dead relatives to live on, and what better
way than by playing a couple deep cuts from their corpse?
What do you think of my grandma?
She's got a nice beat, and she's easy to dance to.
I can't imagine anything more offensive than my loved ones
being pressed into vinyl, except maybe 8-track.
Maybe people should be made into a CDs so you could skip
right to your favorite parts of them.
For Christians, MP3s would definitely be the best.
Then, you could store them in the cloud.
Where's grandma?
She's up there.
Meanwhile, the town of Middleboro, Massachusetts has
voted to issue a $20 citation to people who swear in public.
Look, I get it, there are a lot of towns in Massachusetts,
and you need to find a way to stand out as the dumbest.
$20 might not seem like a big fine, but the first thing you
would say when you're handed a ticket for swearing is, what
the fuck is this?
Then you get another and you say, thanks a lot asshole!
And eventually the town has all your money.
It's just going to keep everyone inside their homes
where they're safe to yell about what a stupid fucking
idea this is!
Finally, a Florida couple has been arrested because police
say they Googled ways to kill people in their sleep minutes
before their friend was strangled to death.
Look, I get it, you are dumb enough to murder someone, but
not smart enough to know how to do it.
If you have to ask how to kill someone, maybe it's best not
ask the big computer that now runs the world.
Personally, I've always thought of murder to be a do
it yourself kind of project.
If you Google something, there's no going back.
Just for example, you happen to Google how to break into
Mila Kunis' house, that's going to stick
with you, trust me.
My advice is, if you're looking to cover your tracks,
distract the investigator with other incriminating searches.
My search history from this week includes how to destroy
DNA evidence, best place to hide small human bones,
soaking bullets in poison, faking your own birth, and
puppy adoption services.
The authorities will have no idea where to start.
I'm always looking for more weird crap to rant about, so
if you've got something good, just send it to me on Twitter.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go Google how to kill
a talking duck!