Codex: intrepid detective; Vork perches for justice - The Guild S6 ep. 9: The Case of the Game Leak

CODEX: Crap.
Crap.
Crappity-crap-crap-crap-crap.
Uh!
Crap!
Crap.
Crap!
This job is stressful!
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
THEODORA: Someone leaked everything you'd ever want to
know about the expansion.
Where are these balloons [HITTING BALLOONS AWAY]
crowding me?
SULA: And 96.4% of the feedback on
the forums is positive.
THEODORA: We might as well release it now.
FLOYD: Yeah, but look this one says the lower changes are so
egregious that Steve Jobs would hock a loogie
on it from the grave.
CODEX: Yeah, but that's one comment in a thread of 211.
FLOYD: Yeah, it's semi-valid from his perspective.
I gotta write a personal apology.
CODEX: That is crazy.
Awesome!
I will order personalized stationery.
FLOYD: Everybody out!
And these balloons!
[POP]
Come on, go, go, go, go, go!
There's more people out there.
More people out there with that bald guy.
We gotta look into that bozo.
He might be behind this entire leak.
CODEX: No, no, no, Floyd, think it through.
It had to be somebody who had access to test server.
It's not that guy.
FLOYD: Oh God, It's one of our innermost.
[GASPING]
Breathe, breathe.
CODEX: Breathe, Floyd, Breathe.
FLOYD: I'm already saying that!
Alright, who could it be?
Sula?
Roy?
Alright, they're all fired!
Everybody's fired!
Ah!
Ah!
CODEX: OK, Floyd?
Floyd?
You don't need to fire everyone, you just need to
fire the one person who leaked.
FLOYD: Yeah, yeah!
Your mission, if you choose to accept it-- and if you don't
you're fired!-- is to find out who leaked this info.
And then get me some Twizzle-wizzlers.
I need some mouth-cuddling!
Ah!
Quick!
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
ZABOO: Aw, isn't she great?
Just so full of life!
TINK: Ugh, you are so effing freaky.
ZABOO: I am now at 100% reputation with her.
If I issue a request, she just does it.
Dance, baby, dance!
That's it.

TINK: Can you tell her to dance better?
CODEX: Guys?
Super-crisis.
CLARA: Ooh, Codex, did you see that the game added an
underwater awesome area?
It's all over the web.
CODEX: Yes, Clara, it was a secret that got leaked.
You guys didn't do that, did you?
ZABOO: I wouldn't threaten the homeland of my soulmate!
Slash hug.
TINK: Me either.
Donovan and I are doing great.
We know each other so well now.
He wants two sugars in his coffee.
Bam!
Did it without asking.
CLARA: Without asking?
ZABOO: Just for no reason?
TINK: Uh, yeah.
Why did that happen?
CODEX: Guys!
I have to find out who leaked the expansion info.
Floyd wants me to investigate.
CLARA: You're investigating?
Awesome!
Maybe you'll get a concussion like Nancy Drew.
It always seemed like fun.
Bonk.
Ha.
We could make a video out of that!
Ha.
MR. WIGGLY: Honey, Bladezz talked me into it.
Quit my job.
CLARA: Guys, I'll be back.
CODEX: How am I supposed to question people?
Everyone hates me.
ZABOO: Well, you have that zip drive.
I mean, just use the dossier files.
Try to get them to open up, like you did with Floyd.
DONOVAN: Hey!
TINK: Hey.
DONOVAN: Let me take you to lunch today.
TINK: For?
DONOVAN: No reason.
TINK: Cool.

Oh God, Donovan just asked me to go to lunch later.
No reason!
CODEX: So?
TINK: There's just something freaky going
on in my chest area.
Maybe I'm having a heart attack?
ZABOO: Tink, those are feelings.
TINK: What?
CODEX: Ugh, I can't hear this.
It might compromise my investigation.
Bye.
TINK: I'm not letting this get real between me and Donovan.
I'm not!

[THUNK]
ZABOO: No!
How could you?
[SOBS]
It'll be two hours before she respawns, you monster!
TINK: Evil meter up, feel better now.
MR. WIGGLY: A world record holder was 40 so there's still
time for me to win a medal.
CLARA: You want to enter a pizza-throwing competition?
MR. WIGGLY: Discus!
Oh man, I'll be training 12 to 15 hours a day for the 2016
Olympics, surviving on nothing but creatine and protein bars.
Oh man, Bladezz helped me understand that it I don't
grasp it now I may never reach it.
BLADEZZ: Hello there.
CLARA: Hmm, yes, but I don't understand why you had to quit
your job though.
I mean my video career's just getting started and I'm
pregnant, right?
So yeah, this needs to be fixed.
BLADEZZ: Clara!
You're going to tell this guy here--
man are we best friends--
you're going to tell him, no your life's dream is no more
because you have a million children to feed?
That is a selfish, selfish thing.
MR. WIGGLY: Clara, listen to my bro.
You can't be saying that to me.
I was born to spin, baby.
CLARA: I think I am saying that, honey.
How about you translate that into bro-speak, Bladezz, while
I go record some breakup advice for a
soon-to-be-single mom.
BLADEZZ: Take your time, chica.
We'll be training.
MR. WIGGLY: And I look good when I do.
BLADEZZ: Hear that, bro?
Gold medal.
MR. WIGGLY: Great!
[MAGNUM PI THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

CODEX: Book him.

SULA: Yes, I went to Bryn Mawr.
I had a 3.69 GPA.
Let me guess, community college?
THEODORA: The leak is irrelevant.

Floyd isn't releasing the area.
[CRASH]
Who moved that there?
DONOVAN: The leak?
Whatever.
I like your friend.
Does she like me back?
What's her favorite color?

Does she like boardgames?

CODEX: [SCREAMS]
Zaboo!
ROY: Where was my in-game character at 3:45 PM?
I've been with Floyd for 10 years and he sends this
thieving lackey to interrogate me?
Next time he wants concept art, I'm going
to do it in MS Paint.
CODEX: Whoa.
Nancy Drew was way more hard-ass than she read.

VORK: Madeline, you're right.
Standing for something is glorious.
Observe the masses gather.
MADELINE: Herman, be careful.
CONTROLLER GIRL: Gonzo.
The cause is tearing relationships apart.
Instagraming!
MADELINE: Please don't post whatever you just took.
VORK: Are you using a black-and-white filter?
It's very editorial.
MADELINE: Vork, I understand now.
You represent an impassioned cause, but you are
playing with fire.
Half of these people aren't fighting the same battle.
OBSERVER : Vork, we vandalized Petrovski's Wikipedia.
ASCII digs.
This is for real.
VORK: The justice of my cause tumbleweeds with the weight of
righteousness.
MADELINE: You are creating a situation that could get very
complicated very quickly.
I know from experience.
VORK: Oh. from your time in Nicaragua?
MADELINE: Lebanon.
VORK: Whatever.
The game authorities created this.
They will deal with the complications.
MALE VOICE: Yeah!
[APPLAUSE]
VORK: Restore my character, or else!
FEMALE VOICE: Yeah!
[APPLAUSE]
CONTROLLER GIRL: Or else what, Vork?
VORK: I will not eat until they do.
MALE VOICE: That's great!
CONTROLLER GIRL: He's going on a hunger strike.
What's the longest you've ever gone without eating?
Let me know in the comments.
MADELINE: I'm sorry I inspired this in you.
Call me when you get down from the dragon and I might
consider going out with you again.
Might.
VORK: But I'm standing, I'm sitting, I'm
perching for justice.
Madeline!
OBSERVER : Way to get your balls out of that sack.
Time to show her and those game assholes who's boss.
VORK: How?
How do I get them to understand?
OBSERVER : No worries, my man.
You got your sword and your board.
Time to take this fight to the next level!
CROWD: Vork!
Vork!
Vork!
Vork!
Vork!
Vork!
Vork!
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
STORM: Hi everybody, we're Paul and Storm.
PAUL: We'd like to tell you about "LearningTown," our
brand new show that's coming to Geek & Sundry.
STORM: It's exactly like "The Guild."
PAUL: Except it's about two guys who take over a
children's show.
STORM: And it's a musical.
PAUL: And there is no gaming in it, or any of the
characters from "The Guild."
STORM: And it has puppets.
PAUL: And they're going to catch on fire.
STORM: Just like "The Guild."
PAUL: "LearningTown." It's not for kids.
PUPPET 1: Yeah, so what was that about catching on fire?
PUPPET 2: The fire?
What the f---?

[CRASH]