Filipino comedian talks about visit to sperm clinic


Uploaded by timtayag on 09.03.2010

Transcript:
anyway, good news is in about maybe...
3 weeks or 4 weeks, I'm going to be a dad
thank you
it's so exciting I know
we were trying for a long time
we were trying for about 6 months
nothing was happening
finally the doctor gave me advice
stop wearing a condom and it worked
I thought we had a problem so
I had to do this sperm count
anybody here?
just me?
nobody wants to admit
I had to check my sperm count
because I couldn't just count it
I got enough, I got a handful
I had to go
seriously has anybody here ever done this?
wow! I feel so vulnerable now
and it's funny coz you go there right
and it's a clinic, there's a counter and there's ladies
and they know what you're going to do so
I go there and I'm, "Hi I'm here for the sperm count"
oh yeah, just go in that room and they give you a cup
so I went in the room and they had a couch
and they had a urinal. you've done this?
oh, you work there?
and there's a small window in the back
there's a dvd player and a tv
so I sit down and check out the DVD
I was so unlucky to have one of those DVDs from the seventies
black pussy or something like that
and the DVD started hanging so I'm like great what am I going to do now?
so I needed some help but there was nothing
there was no lubrication. not even a dinner
so I ring the doorbell and the lady opens the window, "tapos na?"
hindi pa! but can I have some lotion or something?
sir, bawal!
this story doesn't really go anywhere. I just wanted to share with you guys
do I always have to have a punchline?
you only paid 150 so that's all I'm giving you
you guys are too much - where's this story going? nowhere!
I just wanted to talk about my sperm and you listened
how many jobs do you know where you get paid to talk about your sperm?
I don't think anybody can brag about that except me!
[applause]
I'm sorry if you guys are eating
[banter banter nonesense]
[more banter to kill time]
I'll give you some advice
are you married? oh you are so you don't need my advice
i was going to give you advice on how to pick up women
it's very easy
just go to cafe havana
[applause]
say a few tagalog words but in a thick foreign accent
kamusta ka? majenda ikew
ako poji
ikaw majanda, akoh poji
gusto koh sa pwet
and just walk away and it will make you mysterious
don't do that. tell your single friends
you should run after
especially if the police are there
[applause]