[Goodwin:] I'm so excited,
my favorite show is on!
"Real Pine Trees of Federally Protected Land!"
*ring*
*sigh*
Thank you for calling, my name is Goodwin, how may I help you?
[Booming Voice:] Goodwin! This is God.
[God:] Heh. Naw, I'm just kiddin'. Hey, it's God! How are ya?
[Goodwin:] Hey God, how's it goin'?
[God:] Well, it's goin' fine. Thanks for asking.
[God:] Hey, I wanted to let you know that, uh, I'm closing the gates of heaven.
[Goodwin:] Uh, say what now?
[God:] No, no, we're closin' up. We got enough.
[Goodwin:] You have enough? There's a - a maximum capacity for heaven?
[God:] Well, it turns out the Jehova's Witnesses were right. Who'd 'a thought it?
[Goodwin:] W-wait...
[God:] Hey, could you do me a solid?
You know- spread the word?
[Goodwin:] O-okay.
[God:] Well, you know what, I'd love to stay and talk,
but, kinda domain tea time, okay?
So- do that for me. Spread the word.
[Goodwin:] Wait. Did God just quit?
*ring*
You practical joker!
I knew you were hosin' me, you crazy canadian!
[Voice:] Aw, hey, what's up Big Pimpin'?
It's me. The Devil.
I just wanted to let you know that, since god just quit an' all,
I'mma straight up be takin' over this operation.
[Goodwin:] Oh man, are you serious?
[Devil:] Oh yeah. And with God outta the picture,
I can finally have some fun.
I can make slinkies go up stairs,
I can cook rice in... thirty seconds. [Goodwin:] Oh my goodness!
[Devil:] Crazy stuff. Ice that never melts,
Democrats and Republicans gettin' along,
[Goodwin:] What? Bipartisanship is witchcraft!
[Devil:] Yeah. Put a hole in the bottom of every cup,
I'mma shoot Tony the Tiger in the face.
It's gon' be grrrreat, bitches.
[Goodwin:] You can't do that! That's all terrible stuff.
[Devil:] Yeye, so for my first trick,
I'mma make everybody's pets jump up and revolt against their owners.
*screaming* You hear that?
Ooh, I believe that baby just got ate whole.
Alright man, cool, look it's been goot chattin' with you and all and I love doin' magic,
but I gots ta run.
Me an' Dick Cheney goin' cruisin' for some bitches.
Stay away from dem pussies!
[Goodwin:] Sounds pretty bad out there.
Thank goodness WE don't have any pets.
Except for Freaktopus.
*gasp* Oh no! Badwin!
[Badwin:] Freaktopus! What are you doing?
Put me down! [Goodwin:] I do not approve of this!
[Devil:] You don't like my work?
[Goodwin:] No! This is naughty, you have to stop!
[Devil:] And if I don't?
[Goodwin:] Uh. I-I-I-I Guess I'll just have to send out a mass email with this photo
from your high school yearbook.
[Devil:] You can't do that! I'll lose my street cred!
Nn-nobody will fear me again!
Okay. Okay okaykaykaykaykay. Okay.
It's done, just calm down. Look.
[Badwin:] Tentacles...
[Goodwin:] I'm glad we had this talk.
What's wrong with Badwin?
[Devil:] Uhh, ye, traumatic experience,
uh, probably suppressing the memory.
He definitely gon' be messed up from here on out.
Uh, but, I'm glad we cool. Peace.
[Goodwin:] Huh. Well, as long as he's ok.
[Badwin:] *panting*
For some reason...
I'm in the mood for calamari.
How 'bout you?
