Westboro 2.0: The Rise of the Eastboro Baptist Church (Mockumentary)

the westboro baptist church is one of the most controversial
hate groups in america
led by the reverend fred
phleps, they are infamous for spreading their anti-gay message at protests
around the country
Many experts agree that they are no longer the main adversary of LGBT
community. A new more radical group
has been formed by the dissenters of the westboro church
calling themselves the
eastboro baptist church
they claim that their guerrilla tactics will eradicate the gay lifestyle
in America
this militant group is led by reverend phelps own brother Frank Phelps
Why did you break away from your brother's church and form your own?
Cause my brother's too soft when it comes to getting rid of fags
what are your ideological differences?
Well we both hate homos
a lot!
But he's wasting his time protesting at funerals
I say you got to confront the queers
directly!
So how is the Eastboro Church going to be different?
we're gonna man up
and battle the fruits on their own turf!
Frank trains his followers
preparing them
for protests
around the country
When you come face to face with a queer
you got to let him have it
no give it to him
nice and hard
God hates you faggot!
Die you cum guzzlah!
You semen slupring sissy sodomite
frank stresses the importance of working as a team
he uses circle of trust exercises to build unity among is gay crusaders
I want you all
to come together
man to man
Frank takes much pride in the picket signs they create
this is going to totally ruined your little gay day parade
you queens!
frank says
when fags go to hell
satan ass rapes them for all of eternity
oohhh, ass-rapes
Them signs are much better than the crap my brother comes up with
Frank is obsessed with every aspect of the gay experience
to defeat a homo
you must first think like a homo
Tear it up, tear it up poppi, ooohh, oohhh
There you see it
he's got that same look on his face
your right, and it's always during the cum shot
good work
now we have to dig even deeper
Busy, busy, busy. A lot of hungry little mouths to stuff!
oohhh
do, do, do,
it's raining men
here you go boys
ohh, so precious and healthy
mmmhhh

Let me get that for you
I caution
that what follows, many will find as
morally reprehensible
But as a filmmaker I feel it is my duty to present what Frank
refers to as quote unquote 'fag patrol'
You see that game last night? Yeah Lebron tore it up last night
Lebron?...tore it up?
Sounds pretty queer to me

you scram!
Is there some sort of problem officers?
search him
strip search!
What agency are you guys with?
But I
get to cuff him
although frank forbids women from all group activities he is permitting the
wives of the men to see them off for their big trip
I do not approve my wife's tardiness
Yeah and he never wants to have sex...same thing with bruce
And when lawrence finally gives in
he always wants to just do it from behind
and he always

shoves my face in the pillows
oh honey
i'm so sorry
ohhh, I can't stay mad at that face
That's all woman right there
The men begin their tour of destinations including fire island
provincetown and san francisco
They will begin their crusade at the New York City Gay Day Parade
Come home soon, my whole body is waiting

Planning a surprise attack
frank and his followers attempt to blend in with the crowd
spread out wide
infiltrate the fag core
and when I give the signal
unload on them
Frank where are you gonna be?
Up there
on the queer mother ship


Now frank, now! Frank come on do it frank, do it!
the greatest lesson i learned from my time with the eastboro baptist church
is that if hate fags
deep down you just might be one




Hi
it's me frank

I got to tell you something
I have eaten from the forbidden tree
I have tasted the forbidden fruit
Satan's got a hold on me I'm a homo, its true
you got to tell
my brother cause it runs in the family We're all gay, we're all fruits
This is my soulmate. We are gonna be so happy together
You gotta tell him that he's got a new brother in law. We'll be at the family barbeques. I gotta go now...bye..bye
Bye!