Dendy Chronicles - выпуск #3

Uploaded by Kinaman88 on 02.10.2011

Pavel Grinev a.k.a. Kinaman presents
Super Mario part 3
So, our marathon of freaky Mario games continues, and the next game is Super Mario 14.
The picture on the sticker doesn't make much sense,
and this time I'm not going to waste time discussing it.
Anyway, I don't have high expectations on this game.
What are the demons?
And how this related to...
That is...
How is that?
A cutscene.
An introduction, very Japanese.
A girl wrote a letter to her ninja that she is in trouble,
he got the letter and say 'I'm hurry to the rescue!',
he goes on the warpath, and...
His head transforms into Mario's head.
Simply ingenious!
Why Japan, why ninjas, why ..... Mario?!
Please, I can't play that, that's something psychedelic, that makes no sense!
Just look at this!
That's just too much, that's a grim nightmare.
My mind is already screwed up with Mario's presence here, but they also added Wario!
Oh my!
What have you do with yourself to think up something like this?
Alright, I'll show you a little bit of the game, but I'm out of words.
Let's continue to go crazy. After 14th game there should be 15th, but surprisingly we didn't have it.
Someone told that allegedly under that name there was a hack of the very first game,
where Mario's world was altered to the Sonic's world, including Sonic himself.
However, this version wasn't seen here at the time.
So we skip Mario 15, and go to...
Damn it...
to Super Mario 16.
I really didn't wanted to remember this one.
You may ask why? Well...
This cartridge embodies all the humiliating irresponsibility of the Steepler Company,
that dared to release absolutely unrelated game as 'Mario 16' on their so called 'licensed' cartridges.
Think how it was like back then - Super Mario 16 on Steepler's licensed cartridge.
I.e., if there is 16th game released as licensed,
that's automatically confirms that all the previous games starting from 3rd all were legitimate.
I.e. authentic and original, despite of all the absurdity they had.
Steepler's irresponsibility there is that they didn't even bothered to make sure that the games they releasing were authentic,
palming us off anything that Great Republic China palmed off to them, asking no questions.
Sadly, in 1990s here it wasn't related to games only.
That damn country earned from us more than Saudi Arabia on their oil.
Anyway, Super Mario 16.
The picture here blows your mind right away, just look.
No, wait, look at the picture of NES game Joe & Mac first.
How do you think, is Joe... or that's Mac? Whatever, is he resembles Mario at least a little?
The stoned pirates are sure that he is.
Pretty simple, isn't?
How would you turn Joe into Mario - just add a mustache, and put an Armenian cap on his head.
Now if someone could actually think that this guy resembles Mario rather than an Armenian taxi driver, I would be jealous of his imagination.
I'm not going to run the game here, because I really don't want to play it.
Instead, watch how it was presented to us 17 years ago in an episode of TV show 'Dendy - Novaya Realnost'.
...Ye Olde Mario, a mustached mid-aged mid-fatty Italian macho.
So many adventures he had, so many times he died, defeated by his foes,
but he continues to run across our TV screens for seven years already,
bringing joy both to millions of kids and adults.
Fate brought him in so many places.
And now, in 16th game of this endless series, he going to meet dinosaurs.
The traditional blue sky has been changed a bit, and now resembles a 16-bit game.
Programmers did a good job. The music gets only four points, because we have heard more impressive examples.
There are hordes of enemies at the levels.
We never saw so many enemies and other nasty things in any other Mario game...
Yeah, Suponev (the narrator) is right for sure.
We saw a lot of nasty things in ten previous Mario games, and this one has even more!
As you can see, in 1994 we were told by a major TV channel that this is a legitimate 16th Mario game, without any mention of its roots.
Damn, but that's not all!
Three months later Joe & Mac was reviewed in this show, the game that was hacked into Super Mario 16.
The things that were said about this game in the show back then, these days make you want to take a rifle and shoot yourself in the head.
...Those of you who know Dendy games for long time, probably see what I'm talking about already.
Mario 16, the game. All the backgrounds and sounds in this game were taken from that game, but the main character is different.
A small fat guy, like Mario, but wearing an animal hide instead of pants and shirt, and armed with huge hammers.
The hammers were taken from Adventure Island, I think.
Other than this, it is the same game.
Dinosaurs, pterodactyls, volcanoes, fireballs, and tireless Joe with a hammer...
Get it?
So, that's not Mario 16 was a Joe & Mac hack, but Joe & Mac was a Mario rip off instead.
Even hammers were copied from Adventure Island.
So, nasty Chinese pirates took all the backgrounds and sounds from the 16th game about you-know-who,
but these damned assholes replaced the hero with a random cavemen, and titled it Joe & Mac.
What a wonderful country we live in.
Isn't it cruel, telling us, young Dendy fans, from TV that Joe & Mac is a pirate game ripped off from Super Mario 16?
That's just because they got the Mario hack before Joe & Mac,
so when they got latter, they had to think up an excuse, and say that it is a hacked Mario.
But we didn't know that!
We didn't knew anything, other that we saw in 'Novaya Realnost' and read in a magazine! And we truly believed in this.
So, they simply duped us.
In theory, the story of countless Mario sequels would end after 16th game, but nothing like that!
In late 1990s one of my friends once got lucky, in fact unlucky, to see 17th Mario game.
I saw that game much later, in an emulator, but I honestly have no regrets that I missed it in 1990s.
Do you want to see that game? No problem.
It's fantastic, isn't?
Yet another ingenious idea of Chinese pirates.
But even that's not all.
The same friend told me that he saw this game along with other one.
Any guesses which game is was?
That's it.
The saying 'Misery loves company' is true. Or maybe, 'Where there's ass, there's shit'.
This crappy hack was called Super Mario & Sonic 2, with Chip & Dale replaced by Mario and Sonic.
Thanks God that it wasn't released by Steepler, Mario fans would commit suicide for sure.
Now we saw all the known numbered Mario games, and as you can see, majority of them is really bad.
But these weren't all the Mario games released for Dendy, so we still can hope to see at least couple of good ones.
Something that is pleasant to play rather than blows your mind away with cruel madness that happens there.
With good graphics and music, you know, how it supposed to be.
And ones that is actually about Mario.
So, let's cross our fingers, and continue that history lesson.
And the next game is Super Mario World.
If this reminds you the story about World 9 and pervert Mario, don't be afraid, that's a different game.
On the sticker there is a subtitle 'Volume 1'.
Like a first volume of a book. What's that mean? I'll tell you.
This game is an unlicensed port of Super Mario World, originally released for SNES in 1991.
The developer, JY Company, rushed to release the game on a single game cartridges, and simply didn't finished it in time.
and thus released half finished version of the game under title 'Super Mario World - Volume 1', hinting that it is just a half of the game.
Three years later, when the game spread around the world and was beaten by many players, who wasn't happy about the fact that it ends just in the middle,
JY Company released a multi-game cartridge that includes Super Mario World, now completely finished.
Those who was hoped to finally see an actual Mario game, not a Tiny Toon, Jackie Chan, or Sonic game, can breathe again a bit.
Super Mario World is an actual Mario game, despite Mario himself was removed from the sticker yet again, and replaced by Princess Toadstool.
The most major problem that it is a pirate game.
So what you could expect from a pirate port?
First of all, really bad controls.
It does not look bad at first glance, rather smooth - right, left, jump, duck, everything is fine.
However, when you press B, Mario boost his ass so much that you barely can track him down.
If you then press A, he blast off in the air like a rocket.
But strangely he lands slower than raises.
When you've got Yoshi, things are not improve - if Mario accelerate to the max and jumps up, he does not fly as far as you expect,
because when he gets to the highest point, he slows down and falling.
Don't forget about this when you jumps over large pits.
As for gameplay in general, it disappoints with serious lag.
When there are many moving objects on the screen, game starts to lag really hard.
And if there are even more objects, it could hang easily.
Regarding the graphics, things are better. Diversity of level themes, the map details are drawn well,
characters and enemies - everything is done well, for a pirate game.
Although, there is some inconsistence with colors of the bonus boxes,
sometimes they has flashing question mark, sometimes don't,
you can get a bonus out of some of them, but can't from other. So, you have to guess.
Music in the game is typical for a pirate game, although it has enough variety.
I will not mention differences between this port and SNES original, because there are a lot of them.
Things that pirates were able to rip from the original are there, other are not.
At least the game has an ending,
so you have a reason to beat it. By the way, you can do it with a second player.
Overall, this game is rather good, albeit sloppy.
That could be said for sure is that it is better than half of that trash we've seen previously.
At least it is actually about Mario Brothers,
and it wouldn't disappoint Dendy fans of 1990s, comparing to other games.
So, what's next?
What's this?
Simply perfect.
No logo, no title.
Only a huge pill, three weird critters, and an anime fashion model of 1980s.
So it is Dr. Mario?
Maybe it would make sense to mention it somewhere on the sticker?
Or mention that it is a Mario game at least?
Damn, Steepler, how could you?
Everyone believed that you was selling licensed games, why mock us so much?
Why wouldn't you write 'Dr. Mario' with a pencil, at least, or put a Mario picture there?
Damn no! A pill, three moronoids, and a random girl for no reason.
What she doing here? Why she is there?!
What can I say about the game.
This is a copy of the original NES game released in 1990.
Just like in Yoshi's Cookie, the brave plumber is in a puzzle game again.
This time he is a doctor who is supposed to find a way to destroy all the viruses on every level.
That's what you have to do there.
The viruses could be destroyed with pills of the same color, you surely know this already.
This game was also released for Gameboy. Surprisingly, Dendy version has no differences with NES release.
If only it had a proper picture on the sticker, it would be easily taken as legitimate.
By the way, as we mentioned Yoshi's Cookie and Dr. Mario that were done in a different genre,
we couldn't mention that Nintendo released two other Mario spin-offs afterwards.
This time they were done in radically different genre, and also had different developer.
The games are Mario is Missing! and Mario's Time Machine.
They were released in 1993 and 1994 respectively.
Unlike other original games about the plumber brothers, these were educational games,
developed by The Software Toolworks instead of Nintendo.
Nintendo just licensed them, and then published it on NES and SNES.
We had them on Dendy too, and here is one of the games.
A cartridge with Mario is Missing! titled Missing Mario.
Surprisingly, the picture matches to the game's content very well.
While Mario is kept in captivity by Koopa, Luigi runs across the world searching him.
He'll met a giant ape, portrayed here as Donkey Kong.
And if he won't find and save Mario, they won't spare him, and he go to Heaven.
Regarding Mario's Time Machine, I don't have it unfortunately.
Or fortunately, in fact, because I would not review these games anyway.
They were reviewed very well in one of videos of AVGN,
so if you want to see them, check his review.
Meanwhile, we continue to discuss good old freaky pirate games, with a crazy, crazy, crazy game
under a mysterious title Somari.
Seeing this intro, Dendy fans of 1990s probably would say 'Cool!', and Sega fans would say 'WTF!'.
Indeed, Somari, or SomarI, game is directly related to both consoles.
With efforts of Chinese pirates, two universes of superstars of the consoles were united -
Mario's and Sonic's.
They united it in a way that the whole game world is taken out from one, but only the protagonist is taken out from another.
As the result, there is a Dendy game where Mario travels in Sonic's world, having no idea what he is doing there.
What can be said about the game.
It is not bad at first glance.
If you wouldn't bothered by the fact that you controls a Italian plumber instead of a hedgehog,
and consider it a pirate port of Sonic The Hedgehog from Genesis, it would make a rather good impression.
Sonic's world is recreated rather well, for Dendy.
Graphics and music has decent quality, even better than in many other pirate ports.
Sluggish controls, a common issue of pirate games, is present, but it is not too bad.
Of course, gameplay is not that smooth compared to the original Sega game. Still, it has some drive.
Especially because in this game pirates added the Spin Dash feature activated with B button,
which originally appeared only in second Sonic's game.
So, Somari actually creates an impression of pretty good 8-bit version of Sonic The Hedgehog.
Just a minor issue.
What the hell Mario is doing there?! Tell me please!
If pirates wanted to port first Sonic game to Dendy, why they replaced Sonic with that damn Italian?
Just because he is a superstar of this 8-bit console, and Sonic would be looking irrelevant there?
Damn, how relevant it was to copy whole Sonic's world and put a completely unrelated character there?
Well, you can draw a parallel between it and the little-known 15th Mario game, where Sonic visited Mario's world.
In this case you can consider Somari as a return game, sure.
But I can bet a pound of potatoes that at the time no one cared about that.
They just did that they want, and didn't give a shit.
So, we have only four game left that are allegedly related to Mario.
I think they barely could surprise you or me after all that crap that we already saw.
Any attempt to figure out what the creators of these games were thinking is doomed.
So let's turn off the brain, and continue with a game titled Mario Rider.
The picture is clearly suggests that it is a racing game with Mario.
You know, I wouldn't be surprised if it is a Mach Rider hack with Mario as a biker.
So, we see a biker, but it looks neither like Mach Rider, nor as a game about you-know-who.
Well, I almost guessed.
Pretty logical solution, isn't - replace head of the biker with Mario's head.
Indeed, why spend a lot of money, hire developers, make graphics, story, gameplay... for advertising, don't know...
...when you can just take a random game, put a mustached face there, and that's it.
Here is your brand new Mario game, without any major expenses.
Nintendo's staff is just incompetent, they should learn from Chinese pirates.
So, what was I talking about?
Oh yes, Mario Rider game is a hack of Top Rider.
The only difference is the weirdly twisted Mario's head on the biker's neck when he takes sharp turns.
By the way, there was another version of this game, titled Super Mario Kart Rider.
The difference is that you can choose a head on the rider's neck, like Yoshi's or Bowser's.
Probably that's all that pirates managed to do when they tried to port Super Mario Kart from SNES.
Speaking of Super Mario Kart, take a look at another game,
Kart Fighter.
Judging by the title and sticker, it is sort of SNES port of the game, but don't jump to conclusions, that's not even a racing game.
That's heavy stuff.
When you turn it on and see the title, it is difficult to guess what kind of game it is, especially considering Mario's brothers.
Knowing that the pirates capable of, we won't be surprised that this is, for example, Donkey Kong.
And this is Princess Toadstool.
Mario and Luigi were certainly drawn by drunk beatniks who were inspired with Yellow Submarine.
No, this is not a naked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, it is just Koopa.
You may ask, how all this is related to karts, and why there is character selection?
Well, just because it is... a fighting game!
Yes, dedicated to fans of Mortal Kombat for Dendy.
We had many kinds of Mario games, but not a fighting yet.
But why Kart, you may ask? Just because.
Developers of this wonderful game ripped off the characters from the Super Mario Kart for SNES,
but decided to put them into a fighting game for a reason.
The game itself is just your typical pirate Street Fighter, with all the stuff.
By the way, developer of the game, Gouder Co., is also made Street Fighter IV and Master Fighter VI for Dendy.
So choice of genre was rather obvious, despite of characters.
You know, I understood it long ago that it is useless to trying to find any meaning in the stickers of Dendy games.
Still, I continue to view them and be amazed.
Now I'm holding cartridge with a game titled 'Pizza Pop Mario'.
Get it? Pizza. Pop. Mario.
It is kinda like 'Ninja Baseball Batman'.
The picture is intriguing.
Scared Luigi runs away with a pizza in his hands from a large tomcat in sunglasses, who holds a even larger pizza.
And all this happens near Chicago Cups stadium.
And the game is titled Pizza Pop Mario.
So, there should be a pope (a pun), probably with a pizza too.
Well, Okay.
It seems that the game is actually titled Pizza Pop, and Mario is developer.
So, after Mario was a plumber, a cook, and a doctor, he decided to became a pizza peddler.
He succeed in life for sure.
Now he have to run with a pizza in hands through Chicago streets, fighting with bullies and cats.
That's so cool I'm pissing turpentine.
Mario is a pizza peddler, just an ingenious idea for another game.
You know, I have ideas too.
How about Mario is a firefighter, Mario is a gardener?
Even better, Mario is a pressman of brick tea, that would be hella game!
In sum, flip that shit, I'm fed up with that fat asshole!
But... we still have one game that we unfortunately have to see.
Sure, we saw a lot of absurdity on the stickers,
so I hope this one will not blew your mind.
Just remember, breathy deeply and repeat to yourself:
'This is a Mario game, no matter what'.
So, there is a large house in the shape of a hamburger, with Soviet Union flag over it, and two guest workers runs out from it.
Mario brothers come a long way from the first to the last game.
How it stated...
And how it ended.
That's the final chapter of adventure of the plumber brothers on Dendy console.
Viva la China, gentlemen.
Introduction is just great.
A piece of aircraft's tail under a cloud, and title M.C. Mario.
So what's how it is.
After a pizzeria they went to McDonald's.
Somehow Mario got into McDonald's world, and now he have to find a Hamburglar, instead of the princess.
Damn, what's the toilet he dived into to emerge in this crazy world?
At first glance, game stylistic is the same.
You travel on the map, jump on the springs and mushroom-like platforms, but collect M's instead of coins.
You think 'So, not much has changed', until you jump on the head of a foe.
Then you get that in this game everything could be killed only by throwing the boxes, a homage to Chip & Dale.
Also, there are a lot of cool walls that ..... move you to the very start of a level when you touch them.
When you manage to complete a level, everything that you would see there is your black twin Mario that give you high five.
By the way, you can play this game with a second player, but nothing changes, except in the end of a level you will be black.
However, when players change, you'll see a picture of a Caucasian boy from a mountain village.
Well, gentlemen.
Only in Russia we were able to play Tiny Toon titled Mario.
Only here we could buy Super Mario 5 on a licensed cartridge in a branded Dendy shop.
Only in Russia, damn it, we could hear from TV that Joe & Mac is a rip off of Super Mario 16.
And only in Russia...
...we can turn a blind eye on all this, and play these games no matter what.
You know what?
It would be just perfect if they put Mario in a Street Fighter game, and released it on the licensed Steepler's cartridges.
That would be just...
It can't be!
Created and directed by Pavel Grinev a.k.a. Kinaman.
Camera work by Maksim Edush a.k.a. McSIM
Cover versions of 'Super Mario Bros.' music by Darkman007 and 8 Bit Instrumental
Props by Oreanor and Ilyich
'Mario' games for Dendy shown in this video:
This video uses clips from 'Dendy - Novaya Realnost' TV Show.
Special thanks for help:
Produced by Kinamania Productions