Part 7 - A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court Audiobook by Mark Twain (Chs 32-35)

Uploaded by CCProse on 27.11.2011

Well, when that cargo arrived toward sunset, Saturday afternoon, I had my hands
full to keep the Marcos from fainting.
They were sure Jones and I were ruined past help, and they blamed themselves as
accessories to this bankruptcy.
You see, in addition to the dinner- materials, which called for a sufficiently
round sum, I had bought a lot of extras for the future comfort of the family: for
instance, a big lot of wheat, a delicacy as
rare to the tables of their class as was ice-cream to a hermit's; also a sizeable
deal dinner-table; also two entire pounds of salt, which was another piece of
extravagance in those people's eyes; also
crockery, stools, the clothes, a small cask of beer, and so on.
I instructed the Marcos to keep quiet about this sumptuousness, so as to give me a
chance to surprise the guests and show off a little.
Concerning the new clothes, the simple couple were like children; they were up and
down, all night, to see if it wasn't nearly daylight, so that they could put them on,
and they were into them at last as much as an hour before dawn was due.
Then their pleasure--not to say delirium-- was so fresh and novel and inspiring that
the sight of it paid me well for the interruptions which my sleep had suffered.
The king had slept just as usual--like the dead.
The Marcos could not thank him for their clothes, that being forbidden; but they
tried every way they could think of to make him see how grateful they were.
Which all went for nothing: he didn't notice any change.
It turned out to be one of those rich and rare fall days which is just a June day
toned down to a degree where it is heaven to be out of doors.
Toward noon the guests arrived, and we assembled under a great tree and were soon
as sociable as old acquaintances.
Even the king's reserve melted a little, though it was some little trouble to him to
adjust himself to the name of Jones along at first.
I had asked him to try to not forget that he was a farmer; but I had also considered
it prudent to ask him to let the thing stand at that, and not elaborate it any.
Because he was just the kind of person you could depend on to spoil a little thing
like that if you didn't warn him, his tongue was so handy, and his spirit so
willing, and his information so uncertain.
Dowley was in fine feather, and I early got him started, and then adroitly worked him
around onto his own history for a text and himself for a hero, and then it was good to
sit there and hear him hum.
Self-made man, you know. They know how to talk.
They do deserve more credit than any other breed of men, yes, that is true; and they
are among the very first to find it out, too.
He told how he had begun life an orphan lad without money and without friends able to
help him; how he had lived as the slaves of the meanest master lived; how his day's
work was from sixteen to eighteen hours
long, and yielded him only enough black bread to keep him in a half-fed condition;
how his faithful endeavors finally attracted the attention of a good
blacksmith, who came near knocking him dead
with kindness by suddenly offering, when he was totally unprepared, to take him as his
bound apprentice for nine years and give him board and clothes and teach him the
trade--or "mystery" as Dowley called it.
That was his first great rise, his first gorgeous stroke of fortune; and you saw
that he couldn't yet speak of it without a sort of eloquent wonder and delight that
such a gilded promotion should have fallen to the lot of a common human being.
He got no new clothing during his apprenticeship, but on his graduation day
his master tricked him out in spang-new tow-linens and made him feel unspeakably
rich and fine.
"I remember me of that day!" the wheelwright sang out, with enthusiasm.
"And I likewise!" cried the mason. "I would not believe they were thine own;
in faith I could not."
"Nor other!" shouted Dowley, with sparkling eyes.
"I was like to lose my character, the neighbors wending I had mayhap been
It was a great day, a great day; one forgetteth not days like that."
Yes, and his master was a fine man, and prosperous, and always had a great feast of
meat twice in the year, and with it white bread, true wheaten bread; in fact, lived
like a lord, so to speak.
And in time Dowley succeeded to the business and married the daughter.
"And now consider what is come to pass," said he, impressively.
"Two times in every month there is fresh meat upon my table."
He made a pause here, to let that fact sink home, then added --"and eight times salt
"It is even true," said the wheelwright, with bated breath.
"I know it of mine own knowledge," said the mason, in the same reverent fashion.
"On my table appeareth white bread every Sunday in the year," added the master
smith, with solemnity. "I leave it to your own consciences,
friends, if this is not also true?"
"By my head, yes," cried the mason. "I can testify it--and I do," said the
wheelwright. "And as to furniture, ye shall say
yourselves what mine equipment is."
He waved his hand in fine gesture of granting frank and unhampered freedom of
speech, and added: "Speak as ye are moved; speak as ye would speak; an I were not
"Ye have five stools, and of the sweetest workmanship at that, albeit your family is
but three," said the wheelwright, with deep respect.
"And six wooden goblets, and six platters of wood and two of pewter to eat and drink
from withal," said the mason, impressively.
"And I say it as knowing God is my judge, and we tarry not here alway, but must
answer at the last day for the things said in the body, be they false or be they
"Now ye know what manner of man I am, brother Jones," said the smith, with a fine
and friendly condescension, "and doubtless ye would look to find me a man jealous of
his due of respect and but sparing of outgo
to strangers till their rating and quality be assured, but trouble yourself not, as
concerning that; wit ye well ye shall find me a man that regardeth not these matters
but is willing to receive any he as his
fellow and equal that carrieth a right heart in his body, be his worldly estate
howsoever modest.
And in token of it, here is my hand; and I say with my own mouth we are equals--
equals"--and he smiled around on the company with the satisfaction of a god who
is doing the handsome and gracious thing and is quite well aware of it.
The king took the hand with a poorly disguised reluctance, and let go of it as
willingly as a lady lets go of a fish; all of which had a good effect, for it was
mistaken for an embarrassment natural to one who was being called upon by greatness.
The dame brought out the table now, and set it under the tree.
It caused a visible stir of surprise, it being brand new and a sumptuous article of
But the surprise rose higher still when the dame, with a body oozing easy indifference
at every pore, but eyes that gave it all away by absolutely flaming with vanity,
slowly unfolded an actual simon-pure tablecloth and spread it.
That was a notch above even the blacksmith's domestic grandeurs, and it hit
him hard; you could see it.
But Marco was in Paradise; you could see that, too.
Then the dame brought two fine new stools-- whew! that was a sensation; it was visible
in the eyes of every guest.
Then she brought two more--as calmly as she could.
Sensation again--with awed murmurs. Again she brought two --walking on air, she
was so proud.
The guests were petrified, and the mason muttered:
"There is that about earthly pomps which doth ever move to reverence."
As the dame turned away, Marco couldn't help slapping on the climax while the thing
was hot; so he said with what was meant for a languid composure but was a poor
imitation of it:
"These suffice; leave the rest." So there were more yet!
It was a fine effect. I couldn't have played the hand better
From this out, the madam piled up the surprises with a rush that fired the
general astonishment up to a hundred and fifty in the shade, and at the same time
paralyzed expression of it down to gasped
"Oh's" and "Ah's," and mute upliftings of hands and eyes.
She fetched crockery--new, and plenty of it; new wooden goblets and other table
furniture; and beer, fish, chicken, a goose, eggs, roast beef, roast mutton, a
ham, a small roast pig, and a wealth of genuine white wheaten bread.
Take it by and large, that spread laid everything far and away in the shade that
ever that crowd had seen before.
And while they sat there just simply stupefied with wonder and awe, I sort of
waved my hand as if by accident, and the storekeeper's son emerged from space and
said he had come to collect.
"That's all right," I said, indifferently. "What is the amount? give us the items."
Then he read off this bill, while those three amazed men listened, and serene waves
of satisfaction rolled over my soul and alternate waves of terror and admiration
surged over Marco's:
2 pounds salt . . . . . . . . . .. 200 8 dozen pints beer, in the wood .. 800
3 bushels wheat . . . . . . . . .. 2,700 2 pounds fish . . . . . . . . . .. 100
3 hens . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 400
1 goose . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 400 3 dozen eggs . . . . . . . . . .. 150
1 roast of beef . . . . . . . . .. 450 1 roast of mutton . . . . . . . .. 400
1 ham . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 800
1 sucking pig . . . . . . . . . .. 500 2 crockery dinner sets . . . . .. 6,000
2 men's suits and underwear . . .. 2,800 1 stuff and 1 linsey-woolsey gown
and underwear . . . . . . . . .. 1,600
8 wooden goblets . . . . . . . .. 800 Various table furniture . . . . ..10,000
1 deal table . . . . . . . . . .. 3,000 8 stools . . . . . . . . . . . .. 4,000
2 miller guns, loaded . . . . . .. 3,000
He ceased. There was a pale and awful silence.
Not a limb stirred. Not a nostril betrayed the passage of
"Is that all?" I asked, in a voice of the most perfect
"All, fair sir, save that certain matters of light moment are placed together under a
head hight sundries. If it would like you, I will sepa--"
"It is of no consequence," I said, accompanying the words with a gesture of
the most utter indifference; "give me the grand total, please."
The clerk leaned against the tree to stay himself, and said:
"Thirty-nine thousand one hundred and fifty milrays!"
The wheelwright fell off his stool, the others grabbed the table to save
themselves, and there was a deep and general ejaculation of:
"God be with us in the day of disaster!"
The clerk hastened to say: "My father chargeth me to say he cannot
honorably require you to pay it all at this time, and therefore only prayeth you--"
I paid no more heed than if it were the idle breeze, but, with an air of
indifference amounting almost to weariness, got out my money and tossed four dollars on
to the table.
Ah, you should have seen them stare! The clerk was astonished and charmed.
He asked me to retain one of the dollars as security, until he could go to town and --I
"What, and fetch back nine cents? Nonsense!
Take the whole. Keep the change."
There was an amazed murmur to this effect:
"Verily this being is made of money! He throweth it away even as if it were
dirt." The blacksmith was a crushed man.
The clerk took his money and reeled away drunk with fortune.
I said to Marco and his wife:
"Good folk, here is a little trifle for you"--handing the miller-guns as if it were
a matter of no consequence, though each of them contained fifteen cents in solid cash;
and while the poor creatures went to pieces
with astonishment and gratitude, I turned to the others and said as calmly as one
would ask the time of day: "Well, if we are all ready, I judge the
dinner is.
Come, fall to." Ah, well, it was immense; yes, it was a
I don't know that I ever put a situation together better, or got happier spectacular
effects out of the materials available. The blacksmith--well, he was simply mashed.
I wouldn't have felt what that man was feeling, for anything in the world.
Here he had been blowing and bragging about his grand meat-feast twice a year, and his
fresh meat twice a month, and his salt meat twice a week, and his white bread every
Sunday the year round--all for a family of
three; the entire cost for the year not above 69.2.6 (sixty-nine cents, two mills
and six milrays), and all of a sudden here comes along a man who slashes out nearly
four dollars on a single blow-out; and not
only that, but acts as if it made him tired to handle such small sums.
Yes, Dowley was a good deal wilted, and shrunk-up and collapsed; he had the aspect
of a bladder-balloon that's been stepped on by a cow.
However, I made a dead set at him, and before the first third of the dinner was
reached, I had him happy again. It was easy to do--in a country of ranks
and castes.
You see, in a country where they have ranks and castes, a man isn't ever a man, he is
only part of a man, he can't ever get his full growth.
You prove your superiority over him in station, or rank, or fortune, and that's
the end of it--he knuckles down. You can't insult him after that.
No, I don't mean quite that; of course you can insult him, I only mean it's difficult;
and so, unless you've got a lot of useless time on your hands it doesn't pay to try.
I had the smith's reverence now, because I was apparently immensely prosperous and
rich; I could have had his adoration if I had had some little gimcrack title of
And not only his, but any commoner's in the land, though he were the mightiest
production of all the ages, in intellect, worth, and character, and I bankrupt in all
This was to remain so, as long as England should exist in the earth.
With the spirit of prophecy upon me, I could look into the future and see her
erect statues and monuments to her unspeakable Georges and other royal and
noble clothes-horses, and leave unhonored
the creators of this world--after God-- Gutenburg, Watt, Arkwright, Whitney, Morse,
Stephenson, Bell.
The king got his cargo aboard, and then, the talk not turning upon battle, conquest,
or iron-clad duel, he dulled down to drowsiness and went off to take a nap.
Mrs. Marco cleared the table, placed the beer keg handy, and went away to eat her
dinner of leavings in humble privacy, and the rest of us soon drifted into matters
near and dear to the hearts of our sort-- business and wages, of course.
At a first glance, things appeared to be exceeding prosperous in this little
tributary kingdom--whose lord was King Bagdemagus--as compared with the state of
things in my own region.
They had the "protection" system in full force here, whereas we were working along
down toward free-trade, by easy stages, and were now about half way.
Before long, Dowley and I were doing all the talking, the others hungrily listening.
Dowley warmed to his work, snuffed an advantage in the air, and began to put
questions which he considered pretty awkward ones for me, and they did have
something of that look:
"In your country, brother, what is the wage of a master bailiff, master hind, carter,
shepherd, swineherd?" "Twenty-five milrays a day; that is to say,
a quarter of a cent."
The smith's face beamed with joy. He said:
"With us they are allowed the double of it!
And what may a mechanic get--carpenter, dauber, mason, painter, blacksmith,
wheelwright, and the like?" "On the average, fifty milrays; half a cent
a day."
"Ho-ho! With us they are allowed a hundred!
With us any good mechanic is allowed a cent a day!
I count out the tailor, but not the others- -they are all allowed a cent a day, and in
driving times they get more--yes, up to a hundred and ten and even fifteen milrays a
I've paid a hundred and fifteen myself, within the week.
'Rah for protection--to Sheol with free- trade!"
And his face shone upon the company like a sunburst.
But I didn't scare at all.
I rigged up my pile-driver, and allowed myself fifteen minutes to drive him into
the earth--drive him all in --drive him in till not even the curve of his skull should
show above ground.
Here is the way I started in on him. I asked:
"What do you pay a pound for salt?" "A hundred milrays."
"We pay forty.
What do you pay for beef and mutton--when you buy it?"
That was a neat hit; it made the color come.
"It varieth somewhat, but not much; one may say seventy-five milrays the pound."
"We pay thirty-three. What do you pay for eggs?"
"Fifty milrays the dozen."
"We pay twenty. What do you pay for beer?"
"It costeth us eight and one-half milrays the pint."
"We get it for four; twenty-five bottles for a cent.
What do you pay for wheat?" "At the rate of nine hundred milrays the
"We pay four hundred. What do you pay for a man's tow-linen
suit?" "Thirteen cents."
"We pay six.
What do you pay for a stuff gown for the wife of the laborer or the mechanic?"
"We pay eight cents, four mills."
"Well, observe the difference: you pay eight cents and four mills, we pay only
four cents." I prepared now to sock it to him.
I said: "Look here, dear friend, what's become of your high wages you were bragging
so about a few minutes ago?"--and I looked around on the company with placid
satisfaction, for I had slipped up on him
gradually and tied him hand and foot, you see, without his ever noticing that he was
being tied at all.
"What's become of those noble high wages of yours?--I seem to have knocked the stuffing
all out of them, it appears to me."
But if you will believe me, he merely looked surprised, that is all! he didn't
grasp the situation at all, didn't know he had walked into a trap, didn't discover
that he was in a trap.
I could have shot him, from sheer vexation. With cloudy eye and a struggling intellect
he fetched this out: "Marry, I seem not to understand.
It is proved that our wages be double thine; how then may it be that thou'st
knocked therefrom the stuffing?--an miscall not the wonderly word, this being the first
time under grace and providence of God it hath been granted me to hear it."
Well, I was stunned; partly with this unlooked-for stupidity on his part, and
partly because his fellows so manifestly sided with him and were of his mind--if you
might call it mind.
My position was simple enough, plain enough; how could it ever be simplified
more? However, I must try:
"Why, look here, brother Dowley, don't you see?
Your wages are merely higher than ours in name, not in fact."
"Hear him!
They are the double--ye have confessed it yourself."
"Yes-yes, I don't deny that at all.
But that's got nothing to do with it; the amount of the wages in mere coins, with
meaningless names attached to them to know them by, has got nothing to do with it.
The thing is, how much can you buy with your wages?
--that's the idea.
While it is true that with you a good mechanic is allowed about three dollars and
a half a year, and with us only about a dollar and seventy-five--"
"There--ye're confessing it again, ye're confessing it again!"
"Confound it, I've never denied it, I tell you!
What I say is this.
With us half a dollar buys more than a dollar buys with you--and THEREFORE it
stands to reason and the commonest kind of common-sense, that our wages are higher
than yours."
He looked dazed, and said, despairingly: "Verily, I cannot make it out.
Ye've just said ours are the higher, and with the same breath ye take it back."
"Oh, great Scott, isn't it possible to get such a simple thing through your head?
Now look here--let me illustrate.
We pay four cents for a woman's stuff gown, you pay 8.4.0, which is four mills more
than double. What do you allow a laboring woman who
works on a farm?"
"Two mills a day." "Very good; we allow but half as much; we
pay her only a tenth of a cent a day; and-- "
"Again ye're conf--"
"Wait! Now, you see, the thing is very simple;
this time you'll understand it.
For instance, it takes your woman 42 days to earn her gown, at 2 mills a day--7
weeks' work; but ours earns hers in forty days--two days short of 7 weeks.
Your woman has a gown, and her whole seven weeks wages are gone; ours has a gown, and
two days' wages left, to buy something else with.
There--now you understand it!"
He looked--well, he merely looked dubious, it's the most I can say; so did the others.
I waited--to let the thing work.
Dowley spoke at last--and betrayed the fact that he actually hadn't gotten away from
his rooted and grounded superstitions yet. He said, with a trifle of hesitancy:
"But--but--ye cannot fail to grant that two mills a day is better than one."
Shucks! Well, of course, I hated to give it up.
So I chanced another flyer:
"Let us suppose a case. Suppose one of your journeymen goes out and
buys the following articles:
"1 pound of salt; 1 dozen eggs;
1 dozen pints of beer; 1 bushel of wheat;
1 tow-linen suit; 5 pounds of beef;
5 pounds of mutton.
"The lot will cost him 32 cents. It takes him 32 working days to earn the
money--5 weeks and 2 days.
Let him come to us and work 32 days at half the wages; he can buy all those things for
a shade under 14 1/2 cents; they will cost him a shade under 29 days' work, and he
will have about half a week's wages over.
Carry it through the year; he would save nearly a week's wages every two months,
your man nothing; thus saving five or six weeks' wages in a year, your man not a
Now I reckon you understand that 'high wages' and 'low wages' are phrases that
don't mean anything in the world until you find out which of them will buy the most!"
It was a crusher.
But, alas! it didn't crush. No, I had to give it up.
What those people valued was high wages; it didn't seem to be a matter of any
consequence to them whether the high wages would buy anything or not.
They stood for "protection," and swore by it, which was reasonable enough, because
interested parties had gulled them into the notion that it was protection which had
created their high wages.
I proved to them that in a quarter of a century their wages had advanced but 30 per
cent., while the cost of living had gone up 100; and that with us, in a shorter time,
wages had advanced 40 per cent. while the cost of living had gone steadily down.
But it didn't do any good. Nothing could unseat their strange beliefs.
Well, I was smarting under a sense of defeat.
Undeserved defeat, but what of that? That didn't soften the smart any.
And to think of the circumstances! the first statesman of the age, the capablest
man, the best-informed man in the entire world, the loftiest uncrowned head that had
moved through the clouds of any political
firmament for centuries, sitting here apparently defeated in argument by an
ignorant country blacksmith!
And I could see that those others were sorry for me--which made me blush till I
could smell my whiskers scorching.
Put yourself in my place; feel as mean as I did, as ashamed as I felt--wouldn't you
have struck below the belt to get even? Yes, you would; it is simply human nature.
Well, that is what I did.
I am not trying to justify it; I'm only saying that I was mad, and anybody would
have done it.
Well, when I make up my mind to hit a man, I don't plan out a love-tap; no, that isn't
my way; as long as I'm going to hit him at all, I'm going to hit him a lifter.
And I don't jump at him all of a sudden, and risk making a blundering half-way
business of it; no, I get away off yonder to one side, and work up on him gradually,
so that he never suspects that I'm going to
hit him at all; and by and by, all in a flash, he's flat on his back, and he can't
tell for the life of him how it all happened.
That is the way I went for brother Dowley.
I started to talking lazy and comfortable, as if I was just talking to pass the time;
and the oldest man in the world couldn't have taken the bearings of my starting
place and guessed where I was going to fetch up:
"Boys, there's a good many curious things about law, and custom, and usage, and all
that sort of thing, when you come to look at it; yes, and about the drift and
progress of human opinion and movement, too.
There are written laws--they perish; but there are also unwritten laws--they are
Take the unwritten law of wages: it says they've got to advance, little by little,
straight through the centuries. And notice how it works.
We know what wages are now, here and there and yonder; we strike an average, and say
that's the wages of to-day.
We know what the wages were a hundred years ago, and what they were two hundred years
ago; that's as far back as we can get, but it suffices to give us the law of progress,
the measure and rate of the periodical
augmentation; and so, without a document to help us, we can come pretty close to
determining what the wages were three and four and five hundred years ago.
Good, so far.
Do we stop there? No.
We stop looking backward; we face around and apply the law to the future.
My friends, I can tell you what people's wages are going to be at any date in the
future you want to know, for hundreds and hundreds of years."
"What, goodman, what!"
"Yes. In seven hundred years wages will have
risen to six times what they are now, here in your region, and farm hands will be
allowed 3 cents a day, and mechanics 6."
"I would't I might die now and live then!" interrupted Smug, the wheelwright, with a
fine avaricious glow in his eye.
"And that isn't all; they'll get their board besides--such as it is: it won't
bloat them.
Two hundred and fifty years later--pay attention now--a mechanic's wages will be--
mind you, this is law, not guesswork; a mechanic's wages will then be twenty cents
a day!"
There was a general gasp of awed astonishment, Dickon the mason murmured,
with raised eyes and hands: "More than three weeks' pay for one day's
"Riches!--of a truth, yes, riches!" muttered Marco, his breath coming quick and
short, with excitement.
"Wages will keep on rising, little by little, little by little, as steadily as a
tree grows, and at the end of three hundred and forty years more there'll be at least
one country where the mechanic's average wage will be two hundred cents a day!"
It knocked them absolutely dumb! Not a man of them could get his breath for
upwards of two minutes.
Then the coal-burner said prayerfully: "Might I but live to see it!"
"It is the income of an earl!" said Smug.
"An earl, say ye?" said Dowley; "ye could say more than that and speak no lie;
there's no earl in the realm of Bagdemagus that hath an income like to that.
Income of an earl--mf! it's the income of an angel!"
"Now, then, that is what is going to happen as regards wages.
In that remote day, that man will earn, with one week's work, that bill of goods
which it takes you upwards of fifty weeks to earn now.
Some other pretty surprising things are going to happen, too.
Brother Dowley, who is it that determines, every spring, what the particular wage of
each kind of mechanic, laborer, and servant shall be for that year?"
"Sometimes the courts, sometimes the town council; but most of all, the magistrate.
Ye may say, in general terms, it is the magistrate that fixes the wages."
"Doesn't ask any of those poor devils to help him fix their wages for them, does
he?" "Hm!
That were an idea!
The master that's to pay him the money is the one that's rightly concerned in that
matter, ye will notice."
"Yes--but I thought the other man might have some little trifle at stake in it,
too; and even his wife and children, poor creatures.
The masters are these: nobles, rich men, the prosperous generally.
These few, who do no work, determine what pay the vast hive shall have who do work.
You see?
They're a 'combine'--a trade union, to coin a new phrase--who band themselves together
to force their lowly brother to take what they choose to give.
Thirteen hundred years hence--so says the unwritten law--the 'combine' will be the
other way, and then how these fine people's posterity will fume and fret and grit their
teeth over the insolent tyranny of trade unions!
Yes, indeed! the magistrate will tranquilly arrange the wages from now clear away down
into the nineteenth century; and then all of a sudden the wage-earner will consider
that a couple of thousand years or so is
enough of this one-sided sort of thing; and he will rise up and take a hand in fixing
his wages himself. Ah, he will have a long and bitter account
of wrong and humiliation to settle."
"Do ye believe--" "That he actually will help to fix his own
wages? Yes, indeed.
And he will be strong and able, then."
"Brave times, brave times, of a truth!" sneered the prosperous smith.
"Oh,--and there's another detail.
In that day, a master may hire a man for only just one day, or one week, or one
month at a time, if he wants to." "What?"
"It's true.
Moreover, a magistrate won't be able to force a man to work for a master a whole
year on a stretch whether the man wants to or not."
"Will there be no law or sense in that day?"
"Both of them, Dowley. In that day a man will be his own property,
not the property of magistrate and master.
And he can leave town whenever he wants to, if the wages don't suit him!--and they
can't put him in the pillory for it." "Perdition catch such an age!" shouted
Dowley, in strong indignation.
"An age of dogs, an age barren of reverence for superiors and respect for authority!
The pillory--" "Oh, wait, brother; say no good word for
that institution.
I think the pillory ought to be abolished." "A most strange idea.
Why?" "Well, I'll tell you why.
Is a man ever put in the pillory for a capital crime?"
"Is it right to condemn a man to a slight punishment for a small offense and then
kill him?" There was no answer.
I had scored my first point!
For the first time, the smith wasn't up and ready.
The company noticed it. Good effect.
"You don't answer, brother.
You were about to glorify the pillory a while ago, and shed some pity on a future
age that isn't going to use it. I think the pillory ought to be abolished.
What usually happens when a poor fellow is put in the pillory for some little offense
that didn't amount to anything in the world?
The mob try to have some fun with him, don't they?"
"They begin by clodding him; and they laugh themselves to pieces to see him try to
dodge one clod and get hit with another?" "Yes."
"Then they throw dead cats at him, don't they?"
"Well, then, suppose he has a few personal enemies in that mob and here and there a
man or a woman with a secret grudge against him--and suppose especially that he is
unpopular in the community, for his pride,
or his prosperity, or one thing or another- -stones and bricks take the place of clods
and cats presently, don't they?" "There is no doubt of it."
"As a rule he is crippled for life, isn't he?--jaws broken, teeth smashed out?--or
legs mutilated, gangrened, presently cut off?
--or an eye knocked out, maybe both eyes?"
"It is true, God knoweth it." "And if he is unpopular he can depend on
dying, right there in the stocks, can't he?"
"He surely can!
One may not deny it."
"I take it none of you are unpopular--by reason of pride or insolence, or
conspicuous prosperity, or any of those things that excite envy and malice among
the base scum of a village?
You wouldn't think it much of a risk to take a chance in the stocks?"
Dowley winced, visibly. I judged he was hit.
But he didn't betray it by any spoken word.
As for the others, they spoke out plainly, and with strong feeling.
They said they had seen enough of the stocks to know what a man's chance in them
was, and they would never consent to enter them if they could compromise on a quick
death by hanging.
"Well, to change the subject--for I think I've established my point that the stocks
ought to be abolished. I think some of our laws are pretty unfair.
For instance, if I do a thing which ought to deliver me to the stocks, and you know I
did it and yet keep still and don't report me, you will get the stocks if anybody
informs on you."
"Ah, but that would serve you but right," said Dowley, "for you must inform.
So saith the law." The others coincided.
"Well, all right, let it go, since you vote me down.
But there's one thing which certainly isn't fair.
The magistrate fixes a mechanic's wage at one cent a day, for instance.
The law says that if any master shall venture, even under utmost press of
business, to pay anything over that cent a day, even for a single day, he shall be
both fined and pilloried for it; and
whoever knows he did it and doesn't inform, they also shall be fined and pilloried.
Now it seems to me unfair, Dowley, and a deadly peril to all of us, that because you
thoughtlessly confessed, a while ago, that within a week you have paid a cent and
fifteen mil--"
Oh, I tell you it was a smasher! You ought to have seen them to go to
pieces, the whole gang.
I had just slipped up on poor smiling and complacent Dowley so nice and easy and
softly, that he never suspected anything was going to happen till the blow came
crashing down and knocked him all to rags.
A fine effect. In fact, as fine as any I ever produced,
with so little time to work it up in. But I saw in a moment that I had overdone
the thing a little.
I was expecting to scare them, but I wasn't expecting to scare them to death.
They were mighty near it, though.
You see they had been a whole lifetime learning to appreciate the pillory; and to
have that thing staring them in the face, and every one of them distinctly at the
mercy of me, a stranger, if I chose to go
and report--well, it was awful, and they couldn't seem to recover from the shock,
they couldn't seem to pull themselves together.
Pale, shaky, dumb, pitiful?
Why, they weren't any better than so many dead men.
It was very uncomfortable.
Of course, I thought they would appeal to me to keep mum, and then we would shake
hands, and take a drink all round, and laugh it off, and there an end.
But no; you see I was an unknown person, among a cruelly oppressed and suspicious
people, a people always accustomed to having advantage taken of their
helplessness, and never expecting just or
kind treatment from any but their own families and very closest intimates.
Appeal to me to be gentle, to be fair, to be generous?
Of course, they wanted to, but they couldn't dare.
Well, what had I better do? Nothing in a hurry, sure.
I must get up a diversion; anything to employ me while I could think, and while
these poor fellows could have a chance to come to life again.
There sat Marco, petrified in the act of trying to get the hang of his miller-gun--
turned to stone, just in the attitude he was in when my pile-driver fell, the toy
still gripped in his unconscious fingers.
So I took it from him and proposed to explain its mystery.
Mystery! a simple little thing like that; and yet it was mysterious enough, for that
race and that age.
I never saw such an awkward people, with machinery; you see, they were totally
unused to it.
The miller-gun was a little double-barreled tube of toughened glass, with a neat little
trick of a spring to it, which upon pressure would let a shot escape.
But the shot wouldn't hurt anybody, it would only drop into your hand.
In the gun were two sizes--wee mustard-seed shot, and another sort that were several
times larger.
They were money. The mustard-seed shot represented milrays,
the larger ones mills.
So the gun was a purse; and very handy, too; you could pay out money in the dark
with it, with accuracy; and you could carry it in your mouth; or in your vest pocket,
if you had one.
I made them of several sizes --one size so large that it would carry the equivalent of
a dollar.
Using shot for money was a good thing for the government; the metal cost nothing, and
the money couldn't be counterfeited, for I was the only person in the kingdom who knew
how to manage a shot tower.
"Paying the shot" soon came to be a common phrase.
Yes, and I knew it would still be passing men's lips, away down in the nineteenth
century, yet none would suspect how and when it originated.
The king joined us, about this time, mightily refreshed by his nap, and feeling
Anything could make me nervous now, I was so uneasy--for our lives were in danger;
and so it worried me to detect a complacent something in the king's eye which seemed to
indicate that he had been loading himself
up for a performance of some kind or other; confound it, why must he go and choose such
a time as this? I was right.
He began, straight off, in the most innocently artful, and transparent, and
lubberly way, to lead up to the subject of agriculture.
The cold sweat broke out all over me.
I wanted to whisper in his ear, "Man, we are in awful danger! every moment is worth
a principality till we get back these men's confidence; don't waste any of this golden
But of course I couldn't do it. Whisper to him?
It would look as if we were conspiring.
So I had to sit there and look calm and pleasant while the king stood over that
dynamite mine and mooned along about his damned onions and things.
At first the tumult of my own thoughts, summoned by the danger-signal and swarming
to the rescue from every quarter of my skull, kept up such a hurrah and confusion
and fifing and drumming that I couldn't
take in a word; but presently when my mob of gathering plans began to crystallize and
fall into position and form line of battle, a sort of order and quiet ensued and I
caught the boom of the king's batteries, as if out of remote distance:
"--were not the best way, methinks, albeit it is not to be denied that authorities
differ as concerning this point, some contending that the onion is but an
unwholesome berry when stricken early from the tree--"
The audience showed signs of life, and sought each other's eyes in a surprised and
troubled way.
"--whileas others do yet maintain, with much show of reason, that this is not of
necessity the case, instancing that plums and other like cereals do be always dug in
the unripe state--"
The audience exhibited distinct distress; yes, and also fear.
"--yet are they clearly wholesome, the more especially when one doth assuage the
asperities of their nature by admixture of the tranquilizing juice of the wayward
The wild light of terror began to glow in these men's eyes, and one of them muttered,
"These be errors, every one--God hath surely smitten the mind of this farmer."
I was in miserable apprehension; I sat upon thorns.
"--and further instancing the known truth that in the case of animals, the young,
which may be called the green fruit of the creature, is the better, all confessing
that when a goat is ripe, his fur doth heat
and sore engame his flesh, the which defect, taken in connection with his
several rancid habits, and fulsome appetites, and godless attitudes of mind,
and bilious quality of morals--"
They rose and went for him! With a fierce shout, "The one would betray
us, the other is mad! Kill them!
Kill them!" they flung themselves upon us.
What joy flamed up in the king's eye! He might be lame in agriculture, but this
kind of thing was just in his line. He had been fasting long, he was hungry for
a fight.
He hit the blacksmith a crack under the jaw that lifted him clear off his feet and
stretched him flat on his back. "St. George for Britain!" and he downed the
The mason was big, but I laid him out like nothing.
The three gathered themselves up and came again; went down again; came again; and
kept on repeating this, with native British pluck, until they were battered to jelly,
reeling with exhaustion, and so blind that
they couldn't tell us from each other; and yet they kept right on, hammering away with
what might was left in them.
Hammering each other--for we stepped aside and looked on while they rolled, and
struggled, and gouged, and pounded, and bit, with the strict and wordless attention
to business of so many bulldogs.
We looked on without apprehension, for they were fast getting past ability to go for
help against us, and the arena was far enough from the public road to be safe from
Well, while they were gradually playing out, it suddenly occurred to me to wonder
what had become of Marco. I looked around; he was nowhere to be seen.
Oh, but this was ominous!
I pulled the king's sleeve, and we glided away and rushed for the hut.
No Marco there, no Phyllis there! They had gone to the road for help, sure.
I told the king to give his heels wings, and I would explain later.
We made good time across the open ground, and as we darted into the shelter of the
wood I glanced back and saw a mob of excited peasants swarm into view, with
Marco and his wife at their head.
They were making a world of noise, but that couldn't hurt anybody; the wood was dense,
and as soon as we were well into its depths we would take to a tree and let them
Ah, but then came another sound--dogs! Yes, that was quite another matter.
It magnified our contract--we must find running water.
We tore along at a good gait, and soon left the sounds far behind and modified to a
murmur. We struck a stream and darted into it.
We waded swiftly down it, in the dim forest light, for as much as three hundred yards,
and then came across an oak with a great bough sticking out over the water.
We climbed up on this bough, and began to work our way along it to the body of the
tree; now we began to hear those sounds more plainly; so the mob had struck our
For a while the sounds approached pretty fast.
And then for another while they didn't.
No doubt the dogs had found the place where we had entered the stream, and were now
waltzing up and down the shores trying to pick up the trail again.
When we were snugly lodged in the tree and curtained with foliage, the king was
satisfied, but I was doubtful.
I believed we could crawl along a branch and get into the next tree, and I judged it
worth while to try.
We tried it, and made a success of it, though the king slipped, at the junction,
and came near failing to connect.
We got comfortable lodgment and satisfactory concealment among the foliage,
and then we had nothing to do but listen to the hunt.
Presently we heard it coming--and coming on the jump, too; yes, and down both sides of
the stream.
Louder--louder--next minute it swelled swiftly up into a roar of shoutings,
barkings, tramplings, and swept by like a cyclone.
"I was afraid that the overhanging branch would suggest something to them," said I,
"but I don't mind the disappointment. Come, my liege, it were well that we make
good use of our time.
We've flanked them. Dark is coming on, presently.
If we can cross the stream and get a good start, and borrow a couple of horses from
somebody's pasture to use for a few hours, we shall be safe enough."
We started down, and got nearly to the lowest limb, when we seemed to hear the
hunt returning. We stopped to listen.
"Yes," said I, "they're baffled, they've given it up, they're on their way home.
We will climb back to our roost again, and let them go by."
So we climbed back.
The king listened a moment and said: "They still search--I wit the sign.
We did best to abide." He was right.
He knew more about hunting than I did.
The noise approached steadily, but not with a rush.
The king said:
"They reason that we were advantaged by no parlous start of them, and being on foot
are as yet no mighty way from where we took the water."
"Yes, sire, that is about it, I am afraid, though I was hoping better things."
The noise drew nearer and nearer, and soon the van was drifting under us, on both
sides of the water.
A voice called a halt from the other bank, and said:
"An they were so minded, they could get to yon tree by this branch that overhangs, and
yet not touch ground.
Ye will do well to send a man up it." "Marry, that we will do!"
I was obliged to admire my cuteness in foreseeing this very thing and swapping
trees to beat it.
But, don't you know, there are some things that can beat smartness and foresight?
Awkwardness and stupidity can.
The best swordsman in the world doesn't need to fear the second best swordsman in
the world; no, the person for him to be afraid of is some ignorant antagonist who
has never had a sword in his hand before;
he doesn't do the thing he ought to do, and so the expert isn't prepared for him; he
does the thing he ought not to do; and often it catches the expert out and ends
him on the spot.
Well, how could I, with all my gifts, make any valuable preparation against a near-
sighted, cross-eyed, pudding-headed clown who would aim himself at the wrong tree and
hit the right one?
And that is what he did. He went for the wrong tree, which was, of
course, the right one by mistake, and up he started.
Matters were serious now.
We remained still, and awaited developments.
The peasant toiled his difficult way up.
The king raised himself up and stood; he made a leg ready, and when the comer's head
arrived in reach of it there was a dull thud, and down went the man floundering to
the ground.
There was a wild outbreak of anger below, and the mob swarmed in from all around, and
there we were treed, and prisoners.
Another man started up; the bridging bough was detected, and a volunteer started up
the tree that furnished the bridge. The king ordered me to play Horatius and
keep the bridge.
For a while the enemy came thick and fast; but no matter, the head man of each
procession always got a buffet that dislodged him as soon as he came in reach.
The king's spirits rose, his joy was limitless.
He said that if nothing occurred to mar the prospect we should have a beautiful night,
for on this line of tactics we could hold the tree against the whole country-side.
However, the mob soon came to that conclusion themselves; wherefore they
called off the assault and began to debate other plans.
They had no weapons, but there were plenty of stones, and stones might answer.
We had no objections.
A stone might possibly penetrate to us once in a while, but it wasn't very likely; we
were well protected by boughs and foliage, and were not visible from any good aiming
If they would but waste half an hour in stone-throwing, the dark would come to our
help. We were feeling very well satisfied.
We could smile; almost laugh.
But we didn't; which was just as well, for we should have been interrupted.
Before the stones had been raging through the leaves and bouncing from the boughs
fifteen minutes, we began to notice a smell.
A couple of sniffs of it was enough of an explanation --it was smoke!
Our game was up at last. We recognized that.
When smoke invites you, you have to come.
They raised their pile of dry brush and damp weeds higher and higher, and when they
saw the thick cloud begin to roll up and smother the tree, they broke out in a storm
of joy-clamors.
I got enough breath to say: "Proceed, my liege; after you is manners."
The king gasped:
"Follow me down, and then back thyself against one side of the trunk, and leave me
the other. Then will we fight.
Let each pile his dead according to his own fashion and taste."
Then he descended, barking and coughing, and I followed.
I struck the ground an instant after him; we sprang to our appointed places, and
began to give and take with all our might.
The powwow and racket were prodigious; it was a tempest of riot and confusion and
thick-falling blows. Suddenly some horsemen tore into the midst
of the crowd, and a voice shouted:
"Hold--or ye are dead men!" How good it sounded!
The owner of the voice bore all the marks of a gentleman: picturesque and costly
raiment, the aspect of command, a hard countenance, with complexion and features
marred by dissipation.
The mob fell humbly back, like so many spaniels.
The gentleman inspected us critically, then said sharply to the peasants:
"What are ye doing to these people?"
"They be madmen, worshipful sir, that have come wandering we know not whence, and--"
"Ye know not whence? Do ye pretend ye know them not?"
"Most honored sir, we speak but the truth.
They are strangers and unknown to any in this region; and they be the most violent
and bloodthirsty madmen that ever--" "Peace!
Ye know not what ye say.
They are not mad. Who are ye?
And whence are ye? Explain."
"We are but peaceful strangers, sir," I said, "and traveling upon our own concerns.
We are from a far country, and unacquainted here.
We have purposed no harm; and yet but for your brave interference and protection
these people would have killed us. As you have divined, sir, we are not mad;
neither are we violent or bloodthirsty."
The gentleman turned to his retinue and said calmly: "Lash me these animals to
their kennels!"
The mob vanished in an instant; and after them plunged the horsemen, laying about
them with their whips and pitilessly riding down such as were witless enough to keep
the road instead of taking to the bush.
The shrieks and supplications presently died away in the distance, and soon the
horsemen began to straggle back.
Meantime the gentleman had been questioning us more closely, but had dug no particulars
out of us.
We were lavish of recognition of the service he was doing us, but we revealed
nothing more than that we were friendless strangers from a far country.
When the escort were all returned, the gentleman said to one of his servants:
"Bring the led-horses and mount these people."
"Yes, my lord."
We were placed toward the rear, among the servants.
We traveled pretty fast, and finally drew rein some time after dark at a roadside inn
some ten or twelve miles from the scene of our troubles.
My lord went immediately to his room, after ordering his supper, and we saw no more of
him. At dawn in the morning we breakfasted and
made ready to start.
My lord's chief attendant sauntered forward at that moment with indolent grace, and
"Ye have said ye should continue upon this road, which is our direction likewise;
wherefore my lord, the earl Grip, hath given commandment that ye retain the horses
and ride, and that certain of us ride with
ye a twenty mile to a fair town that hight Cambenet, whenso ye shall be out of peril."
We could do nothing less than express our thanks and accept the offer.
We jogged along, six in the party, at a moderate and comfortable gait, and in
conversation learned that my lord Grip was a very great personage in his own region,
which lay a day's journey beyond Cambenet.
We loitered to such a degree that it was near the middle of the forenoon when we
entered the market square of the town.
We dismounted, and left our thanks once more for my lord, and then approached a
crowd assembled in the center of the square, to see what might be the object of
It was the remnant of that old peregrinating band of slaves!
So they had been dragging their chains about, all this weary time.
That poor husband was gone, and also many others; and some few purchases had been
added to the gang.
The king was not interested, and wanted to move along, but I was absorbed, and full of
pity. I could not take my eyes away from these
worn and wasted wrecks of humanity.
There they sat, grounded upon the ground, silent, uncomplaining, with bowed heads, a
pathetic sight.
And by hideous contrast, a redundant orator was making a speech to another gathering
not thirty steps away, in fulsome laudation of "our glorious British liberties!"
I was boiling.
I had forgotten I was a plebeian, I was remembering I was a man.
Cost what it might, I would mount that rostrum and--
Click! the king and I were handcuffed together!
Our companions, those servants, had done it; my lord Grip stood looking on.
The king burst out in a fury, and said:
"What meaneth this ill-mannered jest?" My lord merely said to his head miscreant,
coolly: "Put up the slaves and sell them!"
The word had a new sound--and how unspeakably awful!
The king lifted his manacles and brought them down with a deadly force; but my lord
was out of the way when they arrived.
A dozen of the rascal's servants sprang forward, and in a moment we were helpless,
with our hands bound behind us.
We so loudly and so earnestly proclaimed ourselves freemen, that we got the
interested attention of that liberty- mouthing orator and his patriotic crowd,
and they gathered about us and assumed a very determined attitude.
The orator said:
"If, indeed, ye are freemen, ye have nought to fear--the God-given liberties of Britain
are about ye for your shield and shelter! (Applause.)
Ye shall soon see.
Bring forth your proofs." "What proofs?"
"Proof that ye are freemen." Ah--I remembered!
I came to myself; I said nothing.
But the king stormed out: "Thou'rt insane, man.
It were better, and more in reason, that this thief and scoundrel here prove that we
are not freemen."
You see, he knew his own laws just as other people so often know the laws; by words,
not by effects.
They take a meaning, and get to be very vivid, when you come to apply them to
All hands shook their heads and looked disappointed; some turned away, no longer
interested. The orator said--and this time in the tones
of business, not of sentiment:
"An ye do not know your country's laws, it were time ye learned them.
Ye are strangers to us; ye will not deny that.
Ye may be freemen, we do not deny that; but also ye may be slaves.
The law is clear: it doth not require the claimant to prove ye are slaves, it
requireth you to prove ye are not."
I said: "Dear sir, give us only time to send to
Astolat; or give us only time to send to the Valley of Holiness--"
"Peace, good man, these are extraordinary requests, and you may not hope to have them
granted. It would cost much time, and would
unwarrantably inconvenience your master--"
"Master, idiot!" stormed the king. "I have no master, I myself am the m--"
"Silence, for God's sake!" I got the words out in time to stop the
We were in trouble enough already; it could not help us any to give these people the
notion that we were lunatics. There is no use in stringing out the
The earl put us up and sold us at auction.
This same infernal law had existed in our own South in my own time, more than
thirteen hundred years later, and under it hundreds of freemen who could not prove
that they were freemen had been sold into
lifelong slavery without the circumstance making any particular impression upon me;
but the minute law and the auction block came into my personal experience, a thing
which had been merely improper before became suddenly hellish.
Well, that's the way we are made. Yes, we were sold at auction, like swine.
In a big town and an active market we should have brought a good price; but this
place was utterly stagnant and so we sold at a figure which makes me ashamed, every
time I think of it.
The King of England brought seven dollars, and his prime minister nine; whereas the
king was easily worth twelve dollars and I as easily worth fifteen.
But that is the way things always go; if you force a sale on a dull market, I don't
care what the property is, you are going to make a poor business of it, and you can
make up your mind to it.
If the earl had had wit enough to-- However, there is no occasion for my
working my sympathies up on his account. Let him go, for the present; I took his
number, so to speak.
The slave-dealer bought us both, and hitched us onto that long chain of his, and
we constituted the rear of his procession.
We took up our line of march and passed out of Cambenet at noon; and it seemed to me
unaccountably strange and odd that the King of England and his chief minister, marching
manacled and fettered and yoked, in a slave
convoy, could move by all manner of idle men and women, and under windows where sat
the sweet and the lovely, and yet never attract a curious eye, never provoke a
single remark.
Dear, dear, it only shows that there is nothing diviner about a king than there is
about a tramp, after all. He is just a cheap and hollow artificiality
when you don't know he is a king.
But reveal his quality, and dear me it takes your very breath away to look at him.
I reckon we are all fools. Born so, no doubt.
It's a world of surprises. The king brooded; this was natural.
What would he brood about, should you say?
Why, about the prodigious nature of his fall, of course--from the loftiest place in
the world to the lowest; from the most illustrious station in the world to the
obscurest; from the grandest vocation among men to the basest.
No, I take my oath that the thing that graveled him most, to start with, was not
this, but the price he had fetched!
He couldn't seem to get over that seven dollars.
Well, it stunned me so, when I first found it out, that I couldn't believe it; it
didn't seem natural.
But as soon as my mental sight cleared and I got a right focus on it, I saw I was
mistaken; it was natural.
For this reason: a king is a mere artificiality, and so a king's feelings,
like the impulses of an automatic doll, are mere artificialities; but as a man, he is a
reality, and his feelings, as a man, are real, not phantoms.
It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth, and
the king certainly wasn't anything more than an average man, if he was up that
Confound him, he wearied me with arguments to show that in anything like a fair market
he would have fetched twenty-five dollars, sure--a thing which was plainly nonsense,
and full or the baldest conceit; I wasn't worth it myself.
But it was tender ground for me to argue on.
In fact, I had to simply shirk argument and do the diplomatic instead.
I had to throw conscience aside, and brazenly concede that he ought to have
brought twenty-five dollars; whereas I was quite well aware that in all the ages, the
world had never seen a king that was worth
half the money, and during the next thirteen centuries wouldn't see one that
was worth the fourth of it. Yes, he tired me.
If he began to talk about the crops; or about the recent weather; or about the
condition of politics; or about dogs, or cats, or morals, or theology--no matter
what --I sighed, for I knew what was
coming; he was going to get out of it a palliation of that tiresome seven-dollar
Wherever we halted where there was a crowd, he would give me a look which said plainly:
"if that thing could be tried over again now, with this kind of folk, you would see
a different result."
Well, when he was first sold, it secretly tickled me to see him go for seven dollars;
but before he was done with his sweating and worrying I wished he had fetched a
The thing never got a chance to die, for every day, at one place or another,
possible purchasers looked us over, and, as often as any other way, their comment on
the king was something like this:
"Here's a two-dollar-and-a-half chump with a thirty-dollar style.
Pity but style was marketable." At last this sort of remark produced an
evil result.
Our owner was a practical person and he perceived that this defect must be mended
if he hoped to find a purchaser for the king.
So he went to work to take the style out of his sacred majesty.
I could have given the man some valuable advice, but I didn't; you mustn't volunteer
advice to a slave-driver unless you want to damage the cause you are arguing for.
I had found it a sufficiently difficult job to reduce the king's style to a peasant's
style, even when he was a willing and anxious pupil; now then, to undertake to
reduce the king's style to a slave's style-
-and by force--go to! it was a stately contract.
Never mind the details--it will save me trouble to let you imagine them.
I will only remark that at the end of a week there was plenty of evidence that lash
and club and fist had done their work well; the king's body was a sight to see--and to
weep over; but his spirit?--why, it wasn't even phased.
Even that dull clod of a slave-driver was able to see that there can be such a thing
as a slave who will remain a man till he dies; whose bones you can break, but whose
manhood you can't.
This man found that from his first effort down to his latest, he couldn't ever come
within reach of the king, but the king was ready to plunge for him, and did it.
So he gave up at last, and left the king in possession of his style unimpaired.
The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man; and when a man
is a man, you can't knock it out of him.
We had a rough time for a month, tramping to and fro in the earth, and suffering.
And what Englishman was the most interested in the slavery question by that time?
His grace the king!
Yes; from being the most indifferent, he was become the most interested.
He was become the bitterest hater of the institution I had ever heard talk.
And so I ventured to ask once more a question which I had asked years before and
had gotten such a sharp answer that I had not thought it prudent to meddle in the
matter further.
Would he abolish slavery?
His answer was as sharp as before, but it was music this time; I shouldn't ever wish
to hear pleasanter, though the profanity was not good, being awkwardly put together,
and with the crash-word almost in the
middle instead of at the end, where, of course, it ought to have been.
I was ready and willing to get free now; I hadn't wanted to get free any sooner.
No, I cannot quite say that.
I had wanted to, but I had not been willing to take desperate chances, and had always
dissuaded the king from them. But now--ah, it was a new atmosphere!
Liberty would be worth any cost that might be put upon it now.
I set about a plan, and was straightway charmed with it.
It would require time, yes, and patience, too, a great deal of both.
One could invent quicker ways, and fully as sure ones; but none that would be as
picturesque as this; none that could be made so dramatic.
And so I was not going to give this one up.
It might delay us months, but no matter, I would carry it out or break something.
Now and then we had an adventure.
One night we were overtaken by a snow-storm while still a mile from the village we were
making for. Almost instantly we were shut up as in a
fog, the driving snow was so thick.
You couldn't see a thing, and we were soon lost.
The slave-driver lashed us desperately, for he saw ruin before him, but his lashings
only made matters worse, for they drove us further from the road and from likelihood
of succor.
So we had to stop at last and slump down in the snow where we were.
The storm continued until toward midnight, then ceased.
By this time two of our feebler men and three of our women were dead, and others
past moving and threatened with death. Our master was nearly beside himself.
He stirred up the living, and made us stand, jump, slap ourselves, to restore our
circulation, and he helped as well as he could with his whip.
Now came a diversion.
We heard shrieks and yells, and soon a woman came running and crying; and seeing
our group, she flung herself into our midst and begged for protection.
A mob of people came tearing after her, some with torches, and they said she was a
witch who had caused several cows to die by a strange disease, and practiced her arts
by help of a devil in the form of a black cat.
This poor woman had been stoned until she hardly looked human, she was so battered
and bloody.
The mob wanted to burn her. Well, now, what do you suppose our master
did? When we closed around this poor creature to
shelter her, he saw his chance.
He said, burn her here, or they shouldn't have her at all.
Imagine that! They were willing.
They fastened her to a post; they brought wood and piled it about her; they applied
the torch while she shrieked and pleaded and strained her two young daughters to her
breast; and our brute, with a heart solely
for business, lashed us into position about the stake and warmed us into life and
commercial value by the same fire which took away the innocent life of that poor
harmless mother.
That was the sort of master we had. I took his number.
That snow-storm cost him nine of his flock; and he was more brutal to us than ever,
after that, for many days together, he was so enraged over his loss.
We had adventures all along.
One day we ran into a procession. And such a procession!
All the riffraff of the kingdom seemed to be comprehended in it; and all drunk at
In the van was a cart with a coffin in it, and on the coffin sat a comely young girl
of about eighteen suckling a baby, which she squeezed to her breast in a passion of
love every little while, and every little
while wiped from its face the tears which her eyes rained down upon it; and always
the foolish little thing smiled up at her, happy and content, kneading her breast with
its dimpled fat hand, which she patted and fondled right over her breaking heart.
Men and women, boys and girls, trotted along beside or after the cart, hooting,
shouting profane and ribald remarks, singing snatches of foul song, skipping,
dancing--a very holiday of hellions, a sickening sight.
We had struck a suburb of London, outside the walls, and this was a sample of one
sort of London society.
Our master secured a good place for us near the gallows.
A priest was in attendance, and he helped the girl climb up, and said comforting
words to her, and made the under-sheriff provide a stool for her.
Then he stood there by her on the gallows, and for a moment looked down upon the mass
of upturned faces at his feet, then out over the solid pavement of heads that
stretched away on every side occupying the
vacancies far and near, and then began to tell the story of the case.
And there was pity in his voice --how seldom a sound that was in that ignorant
and savage land!
I remember every detail of what he said, except the words he said it in; and so I
change it into my own words: "Law is intended to mete out justice.
Sometimes it fails.
This cannot be helped. We can only grieve, and be resigned, and
pray for the soul of him who falls unfairly by the arm of the law, and that his fellows
may be few.
A law sends this poor young thing to death- -and it is right.
But another law had placed her where she must commit her crime or starve with her
child--and before God that law is responsible for both her crime and her
ignominious death!
"A little while ago this young thing, this child of eighteen years, was as happy a
wife and mother as any in England; and her lips were blithe with song, which is the
native speech of glad and innocent hearts.
Her young husband was as happy as she; for he was doing his whole duty, he worked
early and late at his handicraft, his bread was honest bread well and fairly earned, he
was prospering, he was furnishing shelter
and sustenance to his family, he was adding his mite to the wealth of the nation.
By consent of a treacherous law, instant destruction fell upon this holy home and
swept it away!
That young husband was waylaid and impressed, and sent to sea.
The wife knew nothing of it.
She sought him everywhere, she moved the hardest hearts with the supplications of
her tears, the broken eloquence of her despair.
Weeks dragged by, she watching, waiting, hoping, her mind going slowly to wreck
under the burden of her misery. Little by little all her small possessions
went for food.
When she could no longer pay her rent, they turned her out of doors.
She begged, while she had strength; when she was starving at last, and her milk
failing, she stole a piece of linen cloth of the value of a fourth part of a cent,
thinking to sell it and save her child.
But she was seen by the owner of the cloth. She was put in jail and brought to trial.
The man testified to the facts. A plea was made for her, and her sorrowful
story was told in her behalf.
She spoke, too, by permission, and said she did steal the cloth, but that her mind was
so disordered of late by trouble that when she was overborne with hunger all acts,
criminal or other, swam meaningless through
her brain and she knew nothing rightly, except that she was so hungry!
For a moment all were touched, and there was disposition to deal mercifully with
her, seeing that she was so young and friendless, and her case so piteous, and
the law that robbed her of her support to
blame as being the first and only cause of her transgression; but the prosecuting
officer replied that whereas these things were all true, and most pitiful as well,
still there was much small theft in these
days, and mistimed mercy here would be a danger to property--oh, my God, is there no
property in ruined homes, and orphaned babes, and broken hearts that British law
holds precious!--and so he must require sentence.
"When the judge put on his black cap, the owner of the stolen linen rose trembling
up, his lip quivering, his face as gray as ashes; and when the awful words came, he
cried out, 'Oh, poor child, poor child, I
did not know it was death!' and fell as a tree falls.
When they lifted him up his reason was gone; before the sun was set, he had taken
his own life.
A kindly man; a man whose heart was right, at bottom; add his murder to this that is
to be now done here; and charge them both where they belong --to the rulers and the
bitter laws of Britain.
The time is come, my child; let me pray over thee--not for thee, dear abused poor
heart and innocent, but for them that be guilty of thy ruin and death, who need it
After his prayer they put the noose around the young girl's neck, and they had great
trouble to adjust the knot under her ear, because she was devouring the baby all the
time, wildly kissing it, and snatching it
to her face and her breast, and drenching it with tears, and half moaning, half
shrieking all the while, and the baby crowing, and laughing, and kicking its feet
with delight over what it took for romp and play.
Even the hangman couldn't stand it, but turned away.
When all was ready the priest gently pulled and tugged and forced the child out of the
mother's arms, and stepped quickly out of her reach; but she clasped her hands, and
made a wild spring toward him, with a
shriek; but the rope--and the under- sheriff--held her short.
Then she went on her knees and stretched out her hands and cried:
"One more kiss--oh, my God, one more, one more,--it is the dying that begs it!"
She got it; she almost smothered the little thing.
And when they got it away again, she cried out:
"Oh, my child, my darling, it will die! It has no home, it has no father, no
friend, no mother--"
"It has them all!" said that good priest. "All these will I be to it till I die."
You should have seen her face then! Gratitude?
Lord, what do you want with words to express that?
Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things
that are divine belong.