The Micros - Episode 1: Pilot

Uploaded by TheMicrosPoker on 29.11.2010

>Oh my god oh my god oh my god...
>>Limp dude, limp. I'd limp here.
>Are you retarded? Raise, you nit. So pretty, so pretty...
>>>Hey, who's playing here? You guys need to stay out of it.
>>Ahh he reraised! He reraised!
>[laughs] It tastes so good, oh so good!
>>He's got aces, I know it. Just wait for a better spot.
>Don't listen to the Vaginese kid. 4-bet small. 4-bet small. He'll jam, he'll jam.
>>>Seriously, will you both shut up? I'm calling.
Great, now what?
>Don't look at me. I told you to 4bet.
VO: Poker Blog, entry 272. Fate is a funny thing.
It pushes you along from point to point on a timeline and offers no clues about where it's taking you.
One second you're hanging out, just like any other day, watching that episode of The Wire where Bodie gets got,
And the next thing you know you're playing heads up in the Sunday Mega Million
for one point two million dollars.
My name's Chase Berger. I've been grinding the micros for 7 or 8 months now.
I deposited $200 initially, and after 854,722 individual hands of poker...
...I've made about three-fiddy.
Oh, what the f-
$0.33 profit after four hours. That's what, like twelve cents an hour?
Eight point two five cents an hour. That's a big day for you.
I just can't catch a break.
[Tommy] You should move up to where they respect your raises.
[video game noises]
Wait a second are you playing StarCraft? I thought you were grinding.
I already hit my target number of hands for the day.
Now I'm just 20-tabling to cool down.
You're insane.
Chase VO: But of course, Tommy Phuoc is anything but insane.
Unlike me, he can consistently turn a profit. But he's too chicken to move out of the micros.
Now 'Balls' on the other hand...
Balls really is insane.
A heads up specialist, Balls is one of the craziest degenerates ever to play the game of poker.
Gone from busto to robusto and back more times than we can count.
Done more to redistribute wealth around the globe than Isildur1.
Sacre bleu! Zees feesh, he eez crazee!
Kali ma, shakti de!
He's all over the place. 50 big blinds, up to 300 big blinds. What an asshole.
[doorbell rings]
Mom? Can you get that?
Chase VO: The world knows Balls is crazy. The world knows Balls is dangerous.
What the world doesn't know, is that Balls--
[Girl] Good morning, ladies!
--is a girl!
Today is your lucky day, Tommy. I'm playing the Mega and you're buying a piece of me.
Broke again, Rose?
Yeah, spent a bundle last night on your mom.
[Mom] Did someone call me?
No, sorry Mrs. Berger!
Look, you want you can buy in for a third. 'Yay team' on three. One...
We're not buying you into the Mega.
Come on! Today's the day, I can feel it!
Last time I staked you you open-shoved every single hand.
If anyone's playing the Mega, it will be me.
You? And watch in horror as you fold your way into a mincash? No thanks.
That's my offer, take it or leave it.
Oh I'll take your offer all right, I'll take it and shove it right up your--
I'm playing.
I just registered
Chase, that's your whole bankroll.
You want in you can buy a third. You too, Rose. But I'm playing.
That's what I'm talking about boys!
I'm risking 5 buyins on this, Rose. 5. B. I. Not like you would understand, but this is not smart bankroll management.
That's not what you're gonna say when we win you little bitch! [laughs]
Maybe there's still time to sell pieces on 2p2...
Chase VO: Tommy was right, this wasn't smart bankroll management. Taylor Caby would not approve.
But can you really blame me for wanting to break out of my rut? To have something to get excited about?
1.2 million, USD. Can you imagine? It's why we play. The only reason we play.
For the big pots. For the life-changing money.
For finally moving out of your mother's basement...
...and into a sick house in Thailand with tons of poker friends.
For traveling around the world and playing in the biggest games on the planet.
For bottle service at Tao and playing "Hooker/Not a Hooker".
For partying so hard you blackout and wake up naked in an inflatable raft full of hundred dollar bills.
CHASE! Earth to Chase, clock's a tickin'!
Forget it, he's folding. You can't call with an ace on board.
What are you nuts? This guy's bluffing, I can feel it! Call!
Fold or call?
Chase VO: Ah, who am I kidding? I'm no high stakes baller.
I'm just a break-even donk stuck in the micros.
Fold or call? What does it matter? It's all the same, because no matter what I do, it'll be the wrong choice.
It's my fate.
But then again...
It could be... destiny!
Are you outta your f***ing mind?!?
There's no way he can call with worse!
Relax guys, I know what I'm doing.
Oh F***.
[both] Oh F***.
Oh F***!
So this is what two point two seven percent feels like.
Rose: [Stream of curses]
Come on.
Come ON!
Chase VO: Destiny is a funny thing.
One second you're hanging out, watching that episode of The Wire where Bodie gets got.
The next thing you know you're grabbing life by the sack and spiking a one-outer on the river for one point two million dollars.
Split three ways it's four hundred thousand dollars each.
Enough street cred to bribe our way right into the HSNL monthly shit thread.
Destiny... here we come!
[music: We wanna be free, to do what we wanna do!]