25 Douchebags and a Gentleman - Ep:18


Uploaded by LizzieBennet on 07.06.2012

Transcript:
Lizzie: First of all, I would like to say that I love my sister Jane.
Breaking news, I know.
But ever since she and Bing have been spending more time together, I’m getting this...vibe...off of her.
Not a bad vibe, but rather an “I’m so happy to be with someone, and I wish you were too” vibe.
She’s not as bad as Mom, don’t get me wrong. But it sometimes gets...wearing. And maybe part of the reason I went out with Lydia the other night--
small part.
Miniscule.
--was not unrelated to that.
But Carter’s during swim week? Let’s just say my expectations weren’t high.
My name is Lizzie Bennet, and last night was...surprising.
So yeah, I went to Carter’s with my sister Lydia. And, no, I was not wearing that top.
And it’s Swim Week, so the swim team’s in town.
Which swim team?
All of them.
So, The bar was full of swimmers, all with very nice...drinking habits.
Jane: Lizzie, why is Lydia passed out on the couch?
Lizzie: She’s not--She’s not passed out. I take my sisterly duties very seriously.
Jane: She seems pretty passed out.
Lizzie: Sugar crash. I made her switch to energy drinks. She was bouncing off the walls. Not pretty.
Jane: You took her to Carter’s?
Lizzie: Not took, more like chaperoned. You know how Lydia is.
Jane: That was really sweet of you. Did you guys have a good time?
Lizzie: Uhh...Clearly you’ve never been to a bar during swim week. It was saintly of me. And...uhh...fun is not exactly the word I would choose.
Jane: I thought you liked swimmers.
Lizzie: Ugh. Allow me to demonstrate a typical interaction of the evening.
How old are you?
Jane: Lizzie you know that’s not proper.
Lizzie: I don’t care. You want a drink?
Jane: Um...sure?
Lizzie: Cool. Get me one, too.
Jane: Oh, okay! What do you want?
Lizzie: Aww my bad, babe. Let me get that for you.
Jane: Lizzie, could you please stop?
Lizzie: Is coming across like an ass an elective offered in our schools because if so, they are totally acing it.
Jane: Maybe they were just trying to make conversation. You know how hard it is to meet people.
Lizzie: Jane.
Jane: Too nice?
Lizzie: Way too nice.
Look, I’m thrilled that you’ve met an awesome someone...but that doesn’t mean my Mr. Right is just going to fall out of the sky so we can double-date. He’s certainly not going to fall off a bar stool.
Jane: Every relationship has to start somewhere.
Lizzie: I guess You did meet Bing because Mom was stalking him.
Jane: No, We met at that wedding.
Lizzie: Regardless, I hope my next relationship doesn’t start in the gutter.
Jane: So every swimmer in that bar was a loser. Really?
Lizzie: Well, there was this one guy...
Oh, please don’t sit there. Looks like some of these athletes don’t mind being up to their ankles in liquids.
Jane: Wow, he did that?
You put your jacket...over a beer puddle. I didn’t think that happened except in period films.
Lizzie: It’s making a comeback. Like mix tapes and tandem bicycles.
Jane: He seems really nice.
And he asked you what you’re studying, and made a joke about a walrus...?
Lizzie: Now you spoiled the punchline.
Jane: So what was his name?
LIzzie: George Wickham. I think he’s one of the coaches. But, don’t get too excited, I’m still not sure he makes up for all the others who were staring at my chest all night.
Jane: But you like him.
Lizzie: That’s not the point.
Jane: It’s not?
Lizzie: I’m not saying he’s the guy for me. I”m not saying I’m ever going to see him again. I’m just saying he’s a gentleman, a rare, rare...Okay Fine. Yes, George Wickham is programmed into my phone and he already texted me today. Happy?
Jane: Yay! Are you going to see him again?
Lizzie: Well finals are coming up, but hopefully later this summer.
But regardless, all this goes to show you that gentlemen are an endangered species and if aren’t careful, they’ll go the way of mix tapes and tandem bicycles.
Jane: But those are making a come back.
Lizzie: Not the point!
The point is that there’s no excuse for a guy to be rude, arrogant, or stuck-up.
Jane: Oh that reminds me, Darcy walking by the house the other day. Weird.
Lizzie: And there’s no excuse for him either. George proves it.
Jane: Is George cute?
Lizzie: Smoking hot.