Daddy Knows Best - A Trip to Swim Class


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 11.04.2012

Transcript:

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

TRACY: Hey.
Where were you?
STEVE: Swim class.
TRACY: Oh, that was like, a couple hours ago.
STEVE: Yeah.
But, you know, there's uh, traffic, and it's nuts.
TRACY: Oh.
STEVE: And he's really fussy, so I'm gonna put him down.
TRACY: Oh, no, I'll put him down.
I miss him.
STEVE: Oh, it's OK.
I got him.
TRACY: So fussy.
No, I got it.
Come on, bubby.
Come on.
STEVE: All right.

OK.

TRACY: Hey, Steve?
STEVE: Yeah?
TRACY: This reeks like cigarettes.
STEVE: Huh?
What smells like cigarettes?
TRACY: This jacket.
Smell it.
STEVE: What do you mean?
TRACY: It like, reeks like cigarettes.
Like, ugh.
STEVE: He's smoking.
This is unbelievable.
TRACY: What it is?
STEVE: Oh.
Classic laundry mishap.
TRACY: Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
This looks just like him.
STEVE: Calm and [INAUDIBLE].
TRACY: No, this is definitely not my thong.
Oh, god, it's-- it is wet.
STEVE: What?
TRACY: It's wet.
What is that?
STEVE: It's more moist than it is wet.
TRACY: What is this?
Where did you get this?
STEVE: OK, you know what?
Fine.
You ruined the surprise.
Surprise.
TRACY: What is it?
STEVE: I got you a child who goes pee pee in the potty.
Our son took his first pee pee on the potty.
He did it.
TRACY: Yay?
STEVE: Yeah.
TRACY: What?
How?
I don't understand.
Explain to m that has--
STEVE: He took a pee pee on the potty, and the potty
happened to be inside of a strip club.
TRACY: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, what?
Did you just say a strip club?
STEVE: Whoa, lower your voice.
Our son is in REM sleep.
The developmental--
TRACY: You took our kid to a strip club today?
STEVE: Not--
TRACY: A smoke filled--
STEVE: Technically speaking, OK, yes, we
went to a strip club.
TRACY: OK?
STEVE: We were looking for a bathroom.
Da da, da da, potty, potty.
And I saw, it a lot of glare, and I
saw an unmarked building.
TRACY: Right.
STEVE: I thought it might have been a house of worship.
TRACY: But it was a strip club.
STEVE: It happened to be a strip club, yes.
TRACY: OK.
STEVE: It happened to be a strip club.
TRACY: OK, good.
So you went in, went to the bathroom, you left?
STEVE: We went inside, we went to the bathroom, we walked
out, got a lapdance, and we walked out.
We left.
TRACY: OK, what did--
Did you just say--
You just got a lapdance?
STEVE: Yes, we got a lapdance.
TRACY: You got a lapdance?
STEVE: You don't know what happened.
They're very intimidating at these places.
A gigantic black guy came over, looked me
right in the face.
TRACY: Oh, yeah.
And he put a gun to your head?
STEVE: He said, hey man!
Y'all gonna get a lapdance.
TRACY: Really?
STEVE: Yeah.
TRACY: Yeah.
STEVE: Even the boy.
TRACY: Oh, wow.
He just, just like that?
STEVE: Yes.
TRACY: He told you you're going to get a lapdance.
STEVE: Yes.
I was frightened for, for my safety, and for Jack's.
TRACY: So you're telling my baby got a lapdance at a
dirty, filthy strip club, just covered in smoke?
STEVE: I don't know.
I didn't see him.
He was in a separate room.
TRACY: In a separate room?
STEVE: Shh.
TRACY: You've got to be kidding me.
STEVE: You can't do it at the same time, babe.
You can't make eye contact.
There's a very weird thing with boners.
TRACY: I--
STEVE: And for the record.
TRACY: Yeah?
She had nice tits.
TRACY: Oh, OK.
STEVE: But her ass was zitty.
Your ass has got way better complexion.
TRACY: Oh, wow.
Thank you so much, Steve.
That's go great.
That makes me--
STEVE: God, you're making a mountain out of a thong.
You are.
TRACY: Yeah, no, really?
But then, you bring my son Jack.
It reeks like--
No.
Move your foot.
Move your foot, Steve.
STEVE: Why?
There's not underneath my foot.
What food?
STEVE: Steve.
TRACY: Move the--
I'm moving my foot.
TRACY: This foot.
Steve.
STEVE: Oh, god.
TRACY: Destiny?
Really, Steve?
Destiny?
STEVE: I didn't--
TRACY: You got a stripper's phone number.
Are you kidding me?
STEVE: I didn't get a stripper's phone number.
Have you been listening at all?
This thong was in his jacket.
That phone number was in his jacket.
TRACY: Mm-hmm?
STEVE: I think we see what the problem is here.
TRACY: Yeah.
STEVE: You've been raising, like a young Tony Soprano.
TRACY: And did he smoke a cigarette himself?
STEVE: No.
TRACY: Take him to Oprah, you now?
STEVE: Give me this.
I'm going to call this Destiny, and I'm going to tell
her A, we have her thong in case she's looking for it.
TRACY: Oh, yeah.
STEVE: And B, make sure she knows how inappropriate it is
to give a phone number--
TRACY: Yeah.
STEVE: To a young child.
She, she should wait until at least he's 15 years old.
TRACY: Great, yeah.
Yeah.
Why don't you do that?
You do that.
You be busy with that.
STEVE: Fine.
TRACY: And I'll be taking him to swim class from now on.
OK?
TRACY: You sure you wanna do that?
STEVE: Yeah, I do.
TRACY: You really think you're ready to get back into a
bathing suit?
I shouldn't have said that.
Wish I could--
TRACY: Just sleep out on the couch forever.
STEVE: OK.
I like the way cold leather fells on my--
TRACY: Yeah.
Good.
It, it's just unfair, you know?
Because I don't know what's--

STEVE: What did--
What was the last thing you saw?
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]