The Guild - S4 Ep 2: Strange Allies


Uploaded by watchtheguild on 23.02.2011

Transcript:
I hope this thing works...
I was in the middle of arguing with the guild, and my computer just, POW!
This bedroom feels like a crime scene now...
For... more than one reason.
Telling the guild about Fawkes was the right thing to do!
I just wish they hadn't jumped to all the... right conclusions.
They're so mad at me! I texted everyone: "Help! Computer broke! Sad face!"
And Bladezz was the first one to respond!
He's coming over with some spare pity parts he had lying around.
See if he can fix the thing. He needs to hurry!
I know they're talking about me, I can feel it!
Did I mention I can't get online right now...?
Damn it, Venom, why don't you just cut off my dick and tell me it's a popsicle!
[Phone rings] Raiding.
Hi! It's Codex! I've been having some computer problems,
so if you see me offline, I...
I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you, or anything.
To think that would be pathetically neurotic.
Oh. Sooo... I haven't talked to you, since our date the other night.
I don't normally drink, but I had a really good time.
As did I. I believe my favorite part of the evening was
after the second margarita when you said,
"Come back to my place, and take my armor off."
Wow, Drunk Me is really forward.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
The sexual act is one of our basic animal instincts.
Well, I shy away from my base instincts, and...
try hard to be really classy, like Audrey Hepburn...
At a certain point in the evening you farted on me.
In order to make me taco-flavored. It was cute.
Moving on... Tonight, I was thinking that, uh... I have your jacket!
Bring it to 521 Spring Street at 8 PM.
OK, it's a date! Oh... you hung up.
[Knocking]
I heard you let the bad boys in.
Thanks for coming over!
Is the guild still talking about me? Fix my computer, hurry!
OK! OK. But just so you know, I told the boss I had a family thing come up,
so if anyone asks, you're my cousin, who had boob surgery.
Enh, OK. The computer's right there.
Hmm, on the bed and waiting for me. Rawrr.
Do you have to make everything into a sexual innuendo?
- I'd like to in-your-endo. - Oh, God you're awful!
Who would've thought that last Holy Bolt
Codex shoved up Fawkes' butt at the LAN party
would've goosed him into a relationship? So romantic!
Reality check! There will be no relationship.
Be prepared for a depressed voice. Also known as normal voice...
I don't understand women! Codex is dating a jerk,
my one-and-only girlfriend, Riley, locked me in a clothes dryer,
and then my Mo...
and then my Mootherr.. M-mother... See, I can't even say it!
It's not your fault you're a social retard with girls.
It's not?
My Psych 101 class, which I went to once,
says it all starts with the parents.
Parents influence their kids!? What is that, a new study?
But you're a woman, and I'm totally normal with you dudes.
Normal?
Because we're your friends! Just treat Codex like you would treat us.
- Because let's face it, you and Codex.. - Not gonna happen.
Yeah, you're right. I need to let go of that,
and focus on being her friend. 100%. No, 110%!
Even though the math is weird on that. I'm gonna be her best friend ever!
So... how do I do that?
When did this guild go from playing a game together
to talking about feelings and holding each other's vaginas?
Do you guys really do that?
There's gross lady-dander all in this thing.
I didn't know you need to vacuum in there!
Who tells you that!? Did you fix it?
You're better off buying a new computer!
I can't buy a new computer, I'm poor!
My credit cards are maxed...
I survive on ramen, that's why my skin's so dry, and...
Unh, I'm sharing so much personal stuff today.
Where'd you get all these parts, anyway?
Oh, the uh, public library computer.
- What!? - You're a part of the public.
OK, here we go.
I love that sound! Move over! I have to log on.
I can feel them talking about me! I have to defend myself!
[VORK] The aesthetics are irrelevant!
We're building a Guild Hall, not a banjo factory!
Oh. So self-centered! What's going on?
Welcome back, best-friend Codex! My friendy friend frienderston!
We're just discussing design options for the Guild Hall!
We just need someone with a vision, and I am that person.
Check out my color palette.
OK, that looked like a pre-schooler's sock drawer!
Let me design it! Can we buy slavegirl NPCs?
I think we should let Codex do it, to show that we, as a collective,
are fine with whatever personal decisions she makes in her life!
Vork! I'm gonna fax you my design. I used every single crayon color!
Hold up chicky! Who made you lead designer?!
- But I want the turret model! - I want the turret model!
- I want the formal gardens add-on! - So do I! With the gazebo?
- And magenta walls...? - Yes! With the eggshell trim!
Did you borrow my crayon set? And my MIND?!
A gazebo painted in hashtag-FF33CC!? NO!
The primary function should be defensibility!
We're using austere! Hashtag-333333 stone!
Hashtag-FF33CC would make an extremely eye-catching target
for aerial dragon assault!
That feature doesn't even exist in the game!
There could be future additional downloadable content.
OK look, if it's defensible you want,
then the blood fountain is an immediate in.
No one wants to hang out in a hair band video!
Why don't we compromise on a design that everybody can enjoy?
- Great idea, bravehearted companion! - That's not fair!
- No... - What are you, stupid?
But the whole point of building a Guild Hall was to bring us together!
We shouldn't let this turn into a competition.
I agree, Codex. The only fair way to settle this
would be to give design rights to whoever earns the most gold.
Vork, that's the very definition of a competition.
Fundraising shall commence... NOW.
- Oh! - No fair! I have to go back to work!
I can't start till tomorrow. I have to get ready for my date.
I wanna find a really good quote to open with.
So you're definitely going out with Fawkes again!
I'm excited for you, because friends support friends!
Oh man, this is gonna be tough.
"And one by one, the nights between our separated cities are joined."
"One by one... the nights between our separated..."
Jacket!
NOW!
Nice dress.
Go DIE in it!