Mike Weaver: The Man Behind the Dog | EP. 1 | Heavy Petting


Uploaded by HEAVYPETTING on 30.05.2012

Transcript:
Woof. Mike Weaver says, woof. Mike Woofer says, woof. Mike Woofer says, weird. I like
pets. Heavy pets. That's good promo stuff, you gotta remember that. Alright, listen.
I'm excited, you're excited. The network: over the moon. Right? But this is a bit of
a super group. We all got a lot of credit. So, we gotta make it work. Put the egos aside
for the betterment of the show. Everyone with me? Okay, good. Good chat. Two more things.
Ease up on the closeups. Babe's gettin' a little older, alright? You're my co-host.
Bounce the ball back. You gotta throw me a bone once in a while. Okay, I'm gonna some
vanity pushups. Show's in 15 minutes. So, if you need me, just text. Alright? No calls.
Well, I'm just lookin' for a little Heavy Petting. With Mike Weaver. I'm Mike Weaver,
and I'm the host of Heavy Petting. And it's kind of a late night talk show format. We'll
have some sketches. Have some crazy people on. Some wacky stuff too. I don't know what
we're gonna get up to. You have to stayed tuned and watch. Oh, be less cryptic? Hi,
I'm Mike Weaver, and welcome to Heavy Petting. The theme of tonight's show is land, sea and
air. We also have a special visit from our animal expert, Safari Steve. So let's get
right into things and check out the land portion of the show, right here. The clips? Oh, there
just, you know, real G-rated stuff we found on the internet. Just lighthearted fare. Lovely
pets. Just a chance for some real levity on the show. And now, to the sky! On a serious
note, do you know how fast one of those 75 pound birds of prey could maim one of those
40 pound toddler? If you answered, no, you're the kids father. Congrats. Well, my co-host,
Bunk, like you said, is my actual dog. So, it'll be interesting to see, dynamically,
how she responds to playing second fiddle to me. And between you and me, she's gonna
have to keep her ego in check because it can get away from her. When we come back: Rin
Tin Tin, was he gay? You be the judge. Right back after these. And we're clear. Be back
in 5. Right on, right on. Hey, that felt good, huh Bunk? Gettin' into the swing of it here.
Well, there goes Bunk. Great job, Bunker! Great job! Way to go! Yeah, great job. Awesome.
Good job, Bunkers! Good job. Does anyone know where an intern is? Anyone? Kona, know where
the intern is? No? Because I need some copies here. Well, our director is Kona. Very happy
to have him. He's been–he's sort of a legend in this town. Started out with Woof-T with
what I believe was Deadliest Catch. Do you remember the show about dogs jumping for their
balls off cliffs? Way back, way back I think he cut his teeth on My Two Dads. Safari Steve,
another guy on the show. You know, he's the type of guy who has more animals as friends
than people, which is perfect because he's our animal expert. And he really knows his
stuff. Snakes like to hide in dark places. Oh? So, if you suspect a snake is in an area,
say heating duct, or couch cushion, just reach in. Safari, always a pleasure. Pleasure, Mike.
Always good to see ya. Don't forget your bag there. Oh jeez, I'm missing a snake. Oh, there's
one by our PA Rodney. Oh, it's okay. Just pick him up. When he hoods up like that it
means he's lookin' for a friend. Don't vomit, Rodney. Rodney's kind of a p****. My life
is great right now. I mean, I'm excited about the show, the possibilities. The network is
really behind this. And, you know, on the personal side I got things going too. My girlfriend,
Victoria–I'm gonna pop the question in the next two weeks. Well, that's all the Heavy
Petting that we have for you tonight, English speaking internet. I'm Mike Weaver, until
next time. May all your hairballs be digestible, and your petting be heavy. Sayonara. I am
Mike Weaver. I'm Mike Wea–has anyone seen my girlfriend? This came for this morning.
As you can tell by the energy of this note, there has been a change in our relationship.
Michael, by the time you read this letter, I'll be on a quest to India to discover my
scared chakras. But I did leave you something we shared during our journey: my cat, Lee
Majors. Love, always. V. Did she just break up with me? Wait, Lee Majors? Oh no! Meow.
F*** Lee Majors.