YouTrax News Parody 19 Justin Bieber Tattoo, Lindsay Lohan, Tori Spelling, Bus Baby

Hello there, and welcome to the next five minutes of your life that you're never get
back again. The news in a second, but first. It seems that the in thing to do this year
is checking into sex rehab. Everybody's doing it. Jesse, Tiger, Betty White. I've been thinking,
why not me. So I've been checking out this place in Arizona. I just hope they don't ask
me for my papers. I'm hoping I get in but... Oh, that might be them now. Hello? Yeah, hi.
Yeah I've been waiting for your call. Oh, you have some questions? Sure go ahead. Who
recommended me? Um, Jesse Woods? You wanna know about my sexual history? How many times
this week have I had sex? Let me see um. None. How many times this year? None. No, no sex
at all. I'm married. What do you mean I don't qualify? I thought you could help me get lucky.
It's for what? Wait a minute. You're kidding. You mean people pay you guys thousands of
dollars to have less sex? OK one more question. Are there gonna be any hot chicks there? Hello?
Hello? OK then. Ah, yeah, thanks for the info. Bye. Thanks. They're gonna put me on the list.
And now before I start to cry, let's get on with the news.
The biggest news story this past week of course has been that of the biggest oil leak in US
history in the gulf. And now the blame game is being played out, with a lot of finger
pointing towards a guy from Texas who when one day he was shooting at some food , and
up through the ground came a bubbllin' crude. Reluctant to do so, BP has snow been forced
to allow public video monitoring of the leak. Let's take a look at that video feed from
here. "I just wanna see if this dog does what Chewy
does, when you hold certain dogs..." Uh oh. Wong leak.
Moms and dads, there's no further need to lockup your sons and daughters because this
week Larry King and his younger wife announced that they will not be seeking a divorce after
all . One of the reasons is they couldn't figure out who would be getting custody of
the baseball coach. Mrs. King stated that now that things are
getting back to normal, they'll be getting on with their lives as usual . First up? Finding
a new soccer coach for her son. Wherever he goes, Justin Bieber is greeted
by hordes of young girls hoping to get close to the wanna be singer/pop star. Here we see
many of his out of control fans trying to get a glimpse of him arriving at the airport
in New Zealand. "I touched his head with this hand! I touched,
I touched something of his." I touched something of his.
Oh yeah, well, it certainly wasn't his talent. Uh oh, I'm gonna fry for that one.
Justin just got his first tattoo this week. Here we have exclusive photos of his new body
art. Elin Woods, soon to be ex wife of Tiger Woods,
is going back to college. Could it be she's not getting a good settlement in the divorce?
Let's hope that one of the courses she takes is how to spot a lying cheater, with a minor
of swinging golf clubs more accurately. This month it was announced that the New York
Yankees player Alex Rodriguez has been dating actress Cameron Diaz . And it's now being
rumored that he had been secretly seeing Diaz while he was dating Kate Hudson. Giving new
meaning to the term double header. The Obamas hosted a state dinner in honor
of Mexican President Calderon this week at the White House. Security was tight so as
not to have a repeat of the problems that arose last year at another infamous state
dinner. So, where were the gate crashing Salahis? After unsuccessfully trying to get into a
Tupperware party in Long Island, they finally managed to crash a kids party at a local Chucky
Cheese. Democratic Senate hopeful, Richard Blumenthal
this week, gave an apology for what he said were misspoken statements when he claimed
on many occasions in serving in Vietnam. Youtrax News Editorial: Richard Blumenthal is a fine
and outstanding political figure who will make a fine Senator for the state of Connecticut.
I'm sorry, I miss-spoke. What I meant to say is that if Dick Blumenthal is hoping to become
Senator, with his attempts at worming his way out of the truth and his half assed apologies,
he's sure to fit right into Washington. A quick thinking bus driver avoided a catastrophe
when he stopped his vehicle in time to avoid hitting a 14 month old toddler in the middle
of the street just after midnight. If that wasn't enough, a few blocks later, the driver
encountered another body in the street, but this time kept on going when he realized it
was just another night out on the town for Lindsay Lohan.
And finally, It was reported last month that Tori Spelling
was so underweight that people worried about the state of her health. So this week, she
released a new photo of herself in a bikini to show, although still thin, that she was
at a healthy weight. However, when shown a photo of Tori, both Tiger and Jesse said,
"No thanks, we're good". And that's the news. We'll see you back here
again, next week.