Ep 20 - Parrish Goes Hollywood - 12-Steps To Recovery

Uploaded by 12stepswebseries on 04.06.2012

[uptempo drums play]
PARRISH Yo what’s up with this Eleanor
Spivey chick? You really think she can help me?
BLUE She has mad respect in the industry
And I told her all about you. You have an opportunity of a lifetime.
An audition for a Colt 45 commercial?! All you need is a perm and you’d be a
Light-skinned Billie Dee.
EVERYONE In order to become someone different
you have to leave all your crap on the floor, and build from there.
ELEANOR Then taste that malt liquor.
Smell it. Feel the buzz. Picture yourself doing something
ignorant. Now say it.
PARRISH Colt 45. It works every time.
ELEANOR Billy D. Williams would be proud.
BLUE So what you think P?
PARRISH How I still got feelings about Sheryl.
BLUE I knew you were going to say that.
This is more serious than I thought. I think I’m gonna have to call
in some back up on this.
PARRISH Backup? What are you about to do now?
BLUE Something I should have done weeks ago.
[Phone Rings]
BLUE Sheryl?
SHERYL I’m sorry who is this?
BLUE It’s Blue.
SHERYL Oh my God, is Parrish Okay?
BLUE Ain’t nothing wrong with Parrish.
I got your number from Chauncey. So just calm down.
SHERYL I know I’m not on your speed dial.
So what do I owe this pleasure too?
BLUE As a matter of fact, it is something
wrong with that boy. I don’t know if you put pennies under his bed or
chicken feet in his closet or what, but the boy is going ridiculously
crazy over you. You put something in his spaghetti? I’m going against my
better judgment and I’m going to do you a favor. I’m making you my
sixth date.
SHERYL I can’t believe you’re
willing to do this. Is this a scam Blue Garner?
I know you’re the king of pyramid schemes.
BLUE Don’t worry about what I’m doing.
Just be happy I’m doing you this favor alright?
I need you to be ready when I need You to be ready. And I’ll call you
When I call you.
SHERYL Ok Mr. Blue.
BLUE If that boy gives you a second chance,
You best believe there will be Hell to pay if you mess this up.
SHERYL Or else what?
BLUE I know a couple of chicks that
know voodoo too. Okay? Later.
FLIP Who was that?
SHERYL That was my ex-boyfriend’s best
friend. He wants me to go out with Parrish.
FLIP Well he’s a little slow to the draw
don’t you think? Besides, women who are about to get married don’t go out
on dates with ex-boyfriends. Right?
FLIP Enjoy your drink my dear.
We have a lot of planning to do.
[uptempo theme song]
[Old 70’s porno type music]
PARRISH When I entertain,
I like to bring out the best. The best for me is Colt 45.
Goes down smooth and comes out with a kick, if you know what I mean.
PLUM Forget about me?
EVE Looks like you’re gonna need more
Colt 45 P-Town.
PARRISH I think you’re right.
Sometimes you need to put in double duty and with Colt 45, it works
every time.
Here’s to Ménage à Trois.
DEVANTE [Italian accent]
CUT! That’s a print.
That was freakin’ hot P-Town. Billy D. who? You’re the new face of Colt 45
and with me manning these sexy spots, you’ll be hotter than Brad, George,
Denzel and Seth.
DEVANTE Seth Rogen, c’mon baby, get with the
program. Speaking of program, a group of us are getting together later to do
some real debauchery, Hollywood style. You in?
EVE C’mon It’ll be fun Parrish.
PLUM Yeah, lots of fun for the grown n sexy.
PARRISH Believe me, I know that these are
the times that Charlie Sheen talks about, but I just don’t have a steady
supply of Tiger’s Blood. I gotta meet with my manager about another gig
and I’m going out to Queens to see my parents.
PLUM Ooh, I love a momma’s boy.
EVE C’mon Parrish. You’re gonna pass up
partying with me and Plum? We’re the life of the party.
PLUM I think he’s playing hard to get.
DEVANTE Come on ladies. Lets not corrupt the
franchise just yet. See you at the next shoot P-Town, I mean P-Money.
EVE & PLUM Bye Bye.
PARRISH You guys have fun.
DEVANTE We’ll send you some pictures.
BLUE Where the babes going?
PARRISH Debauchery type sex rituals, end of
the world stuff.
What? And you let them go?
[Whimsical music]
GERI Ma’am, a book can’t make
your son Gay. The teacher ordered Related Affairs
for all of his English Literature classes. You’re the first parent to
call here complaining.
Ma’am, how do you know that?
Umm mmm. Yes. Yes... Now wait a minute.
You didn’t say that at first. Ma’am if you caught your son
reading Related Affairs while wearing fishnet stockings and high heels,
then the book is not the problem. Sounds like you and your son need
to have a talk and I am not Oprah, so I will not be serving as moderator.
So I say thank you very much for calling Peabody & Weinstein.
You have a great day Ma’am.
Urghhh!!, Girl c’mon in here and have a seat. I wanted to beat her
Jamaican butt. She makes gay sound like it’s the swine flu or something.
I bet twelve Mike Tysons couldn’t beat the gay out of her son.
DANI A gay love story is a tough sale in
the Caribbean culture. However, controversy is good for business.
GERI Yeah, for you. You got an office
with a door, more money and don’t have to deal with complaints while
sitting in a cubicle.
DANI Keep working hard and you can be a
literary agent too.
GERI Umm, I enjoy my weekends too much
Miss fifty-five hours a week and no man. Do I look like I want to be an
old maid who gets her face eaten off by twenty-three cats?
DANI First of all, I only have three cats
and they are like little children. And second of all, I got a man.
GERI Is someone keeping secrets?
Sugar Bear Herman Cain would be proud. C’mon Girl give me the goodies.
DANI Geri, people only tell you things when
they want to spread gossip around the office.
GERI Now you know that ain’t right! I can
keep secrets...sometimes.
DANI Coming to Macy’s with me?
GERI I didn’t tell you? I’m helping my
cousin get situated in her new place. She finally decided to leave
that hick town of ours and be a New York Fashion Designer.
DANI Awww, I remember when I lost my cherry
in the Big Apple?!
GERI Girl, you better rephrase that.
DANI Girl Oh stop.
GERI Girl, my Jellybean. Here’s a
picture of us in High school.
DANI WOW, nice outfit and she has such a
...pretty face. I bet she won best personality and most likely to succeed.
GERI How’d you know? Jellybean is a doll.
I haven’t seen her since I left home, but we were really close growing
up. Do you know she made her own prom dress? My Auntie popped a gasket when
she learned Jellybean used her good drapes as material. She came down the
stairs like Scarlett O’Hara.
DANI She sounds very creative and resourceful.
GERI The most creative person I know. But
Cuz of her weight, she didn’t date much. she put all her energies into sewing.
And next to my Momma, she’s hands down one of the best cooks I know.
The things she can do with a pig. Chile, she’d put Ms. Rachel Ray out
of business.
DANI Hmmm, she sounds wonderful.
GERI She just needs that right guy.
someone that’s kind, attentive and funny. A really special person
who can see pass the physical and really appreciate her for who she is.
DANI I think I have the perfect guy for her.
GERI Do tell Dani. Who you got?
[uptempo love song comes on]