The Guild Season 5 Full Season with Trivia Annotations

-Almost finished packing.
I don't want to brag, but I am really good at it.
When I was 12, I rolled the score over on an arcade Tetris
machine, so.
Anyway, we're leaving tomorrow for the gaming convention.
-The guild is carpooling in Vork's creepy van.
So as long as there's not an Amber Alert out, we should
arrive tomorrow, ready for a weekend of--
I'm not really sure.
I've never been to a nerd-stravaganza before.
But getting offline and out of my element will be awesome.
Give me some space to work out my chaotically aligned
feelings about Zaboo.
Am I into him?
Do I want to do the nasty with him?
Idea isn't repulsing me, but--
whatever.
Road trip.
[SINGING TETRIS THEME]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[HORNS HONKING]
-I spy with my little eye, oh.
A family of six flipping us off.
-Uh, Tink, that looks like a very fun game, but if you
could lower this a bit so I can see this area better?
-Back off.
God, why did I agree to go on this trip?
-Vork, do something.
-Bladezz, stop doing whatever it is you're doing to Tink.
-Hey, it's that family again.
Still-- still giving us the bird.
-I'll have your license, fiend.
-Dude, how am I driving-ed.
Hello?
-Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
-Clara.
Don't make me pull this guild over.
-Are you watching that video I made you?
-Oh, my God.
You made High School Musical?
-No.
I recorded your kids saying good bye to us.
It was super cute.
-They noticed?
Now they're going to tell Wiggly I left.
Fudge nuts.
-I spy with my zombie eye--
-My fist coming towards your face if you don't shut the eff
up.
-Come on, Tink.
Everybody loves a car game.
Ow.
OK.
Punchbuggied.
Good one.
-Come on, you guys.
We're going to have so much fun at this convention.
I mean, we're going to play the game, get to know each
other better.
Right, Zaboo?
-Yeah.
Midnight munchkin madness.
Alliterated.
-Screw that.
Let me out.
-Psychological studies show that rats housed in
uncomfortably close proximity become overly aggressive and
gnaw each other to death.
-We may be close.
-Codex.
What the hell is this?
-Oh, it's nothing.
really.
-What?
What are you guys talking about?
I want to be involved in everything that
you're talking about.
-Conference in the south wing.
Now.

That better be a suicide note.
-I was just--
I don't know.
What do you think about it?
Him and me?
-You've gone from hot stud guy to kilted
guild leader to Zaboo?
Your relationship patching system is seriously going in
the wrong direction.
-He is not a downgrade.
I mean, look at him.
What--
what's wrong with him?
-Ooh, ooh, ooh.
The license plate game.
The winner gets a lesson from me in Fortran.
[BELCHING]
-And it's going to smell like burrito.
So.
-Maybe I just want someone who's nice to me for a change.
And warlock, priest combo is killer, right?
-Middle earth to Codex.
That's not real life.
-Well, maybe it can be.
Does it hurt to try?
-Yes.
-But you knew the convention was happening
sometime this year-ish.
Why are you acting so surprised?
-You can't mess with Kevinator.
The dude hooked us all up with rooms and tickets.
I'm a special guest, remember?
With air quotes.
-That little bastard deprived me of my hard-earned,
capitalist funded guild hall.
I intend to report him to the heads of the game [INAUDIBLE].
-Before this car stops, I want to play the license plate
game.
-Oh, boy.

[HONKING]
[SCREAMING]
[CRASHES]
-Polo-shirt-clad woman, we're here for the festivities.
-Please let us out.
-Welcome to the Megagame-o-ramacon.
We're only taking registration tonight.
The convention opens tomorrow, but--
-Excuse me.
Hey.
Vork, tell her you're chauffeuring a special guest.
-I think she got that.
-Oh, wow.
A special guest?
Are you kidding?
Follow me.
-Yep. already loving this.

-(PANTING) I am officially authorizing
the use of this parking--
OK, breathe.
Hi.
We are so honored to have you attend our convention.
-Ahem.
Excuse me, hi.
I'm the special guest.
What kind of VIP treatment is this?
-Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
Did I just insult you?
-Oh, hey-- hey, hey, hey, no.
Calm down.
It's OK.
You can't know everyone, right?
-Oh, excuse me.
I'm not just everyone.
I'm the cheesy pirate kid.
I'm a meme.
-I'm sorry.
I am sure lots of people are really
excited you're attending.
I mean, not that I'm not.
-Whoa.
I think we found someone more neurotic than you, Codex.
-Uh, yeah.
I told you this would be a great weekend.
-Wow.
Are you having spasms or something?
Because your face is twitching.
-OK, look.
We have rooms and badges under the name Finn Smulders, OK?
I don't want stalkers showing up to my door offering me
their bodies unless they're double D certified, got it?
-I have you here for six badges.
But as for rooms, we don't provide those to guests.
-What?
-What?
-What?
-OK.
Kevinator told me that he'd hook me and my guildies all
up.
-So you just assumed everything was taken care of
under the classification, hook up?
-That's how the leets speak.
-So we don't have any rooms at all?
-We're homeless.
I knew this would happen.
Mama.
-Yo.
Step.
Oh, it's cheesy internet pirate dude.
-You rock, cheesy.
-Arr.
-OK, see?
Do you really want to deprive the convention of that?
-OK.
OK.
OK.
OK, OK, OK.
Let me see what I can do.
-OK.
-OK.
-All right.
-OK.

-One room.
Everything else in town was taken.
-Sweet.
-Floor bed.
Let's check out the view.
-First person to flatulate sleeps in the hall.

-Never trust an ego-maniacal teenager to plan anything.
We arrived at Megagame-o-ramacon.
No free rooms and all the hotels were sold out.
Fun twist.
The convention worker, Rachel, stopped hyperventilating long
enough to discover that another special guest, Don
Lufgren's stunt double's assistant from Beef Soldier IV
canceled last minute.
So she snagged his room for us.
One room, six people.
Unbelievable.
-I'm totally taking the floor bed.
-I networked all our computers together.
I thought we could raid, sooth some tempers, maybe grab a
little chat time with Zaboo.
But--
-Die in your sleep, Bladezz.
-What the hell?
That's the last time.
-Tomorrow we'll look back and laugh.
If we survive the night.
[SNORING]
[GASPING]
-Guildies rise.
Strategy meeting at 8:00.
I will seek sustenance.
-Coffee table.
Not comfortable.
No sleep.
Convention time?

-It was so sweet of Zaboo to get these t-shirts made with
our guild crest on them, right?
He's so great, isn't he?
-Yeah, like we need more t-shirts, but sure.
Ugh.
I hate my morning face.
-I'm going to tell him I like him this weekend.
-Do you think I need a face lift after the baby's born?
[GASPS]
Can they do both operations at once?
-Clara, did you not hear me?
I said that I'm going to go after Zaboo in a romantic way.
-What?
Why didn't you say anything?
Do it now.
Worst idea ever.
-If you think it's a bad idea, why are you so happy about it?
-Well, because he'll jump all over it.
You'll get together for, like, a week.
And then it'll go so wrong you'll have to end it.
But he won't take no for an answer.
You'll have to change your name, move.
He'll be so devastated I'll have to talk him off the ledge
of a high rise.
I'll be in the paper as a suicide whisperer, get invited
on Ellen, we'll dance.
-Clara, I need real advice here.
-OK, all right.
Are you hot for him?
-Enough.
-Enough?
Oh, wrong answer.
-This is some juicy lady talk I've showered into.
-Ugh.
-Ew.
-Ew.
Gross, Bladezz.
Cover that up.
-All right.
My opinion.
He'll take you, used and all.
But a guy's not going to pass on anything with a lady hole.
Oh, uh, can you pass me my mousse, my cologne, spray,
vanishing cream, baby oil, and rosewater?
-Uh, what?
-Forget I said anything.
-Never.
-No way.
I think I need pirate eyeliner.
Oh, just a titch.
-My turn.
-Rude.
I love you.
-Breakfast is served.
-Is that seat taken?
-Nope.
-Ah, thanks for the breakfast, Vork.
-The food was gratis thanks to my ingenuity.
Up and down the hallway, people left vast quantities of
food right outside their rooms.
Look at the breadth of bounty I've scavenged.
Never say I do not provide for my tribe.
-Uh, I don't know about used food, dude.
-Reminder, this room is not free.
In order to make it through this horrendous, cash-strapped
weekend, we must employ what I'm coining, an
emergency CDS strategy.
-Can't digest sausage?
-Curry diarrhea soup.
-Uh, koala's drunken--
-Conserve, divide, scavenge.
We must pool our efforts, physical and mental, in order
to survive.
-OK, so pick up all shotgun shells and first aid packs we
come across.
And if one of us falls behind, leave them to save yourself.
-Let's just eat what's in our little kitchenette, you guys.
Snacks are yummy.
-Clara, don't eat from the mini-bar.
That goes on our room tab.
-They're not free?
-Anything but.
-My fetus made me do it.
-You guys, don't even worry about it, all right?
I got this covered.
Once I hook up with Kevinator, we're going to smooth it all
out VIP style.
-The Kevinator is a scourge of the gaming earth.
If it turns out there is no presence of the game
whatsoever here, I would not be phased.
I would prepare a lawsuit and hate crime charges.
-No worries, dude.
The game is right here.
Booth 451.
Oh man, this convention is amazing.
They schedule something every hour for three days straight.
-That's so exciting.
What are we going to do together?
-Um, yeah.
Your hair is kind of obscuring Sunday.
Thanks, Codex.
-Well, we should spend a lot of time in our
game's booth, right?
Guild bonding and all, right Zaboo?
-They have a whole seminar on the physics of Krull.
-How am I going to do all this?
Glaved.
-I don't know about you guys, but I have one more weekend
until I get all huge and bloated with
this new baby bump.
I'm going to have as much fun as federal
warning labels allow.
-Are you still eating from the mini-bar?
-Aw, nuts.
I forgot again.
Nuts.
[DOOR CLOSE]
-Let's go.
-And who are you supposed to be?
Little Bo Peep on X?
-I am an anime character you wouldn't be aware of because
you 're an idiot.
-What about this being a contemptible nerd fest?
-I grew up in this stupid town.
I don't want any losers from my past spotting me , wanting
to catch up.
Better to go incognito.
-Agh.
According to the schedule, I've missed the first ten
minutes of Star Wars and macrame.
-That sounds awesome.
Let's all go.
-Negative.
Macrame is the devil's handicraft.
-Making things?
Gross.
That's like working.
And working is unfun to the max.
-We're not here to have fun, Clara.
We have 500 tees to offload on spend-happy nerds.
-Is that why you brought those?
Businessing?
Let's do that tomorrow.
-Are you kidding?
Ugh.
-OK, fine.
You guys don't want to expand your geek mind, I'll go solo.
Han Soloed.
-Well, no.
I mean, I'll totally go with you.
Wait.
-Outie 5000.
-N-- n-- n-- no-- no wait.
I need the guild to be my entourage to be a buffer from
fans and keep me from getting mobbed by podcasters.
-I'm going to find an artist to draw my head on
the body of a unicorn.
Claracorn.
-Oh, fine.
Everyone goes their separate ways.
No one's spent any time together our first official
outing as a guild.
-I don't need your sanction, but you've accurately stated
the actuality.
Aloha.
-I didn't mean it.
-I cannot believe that my guildies jetted
off, leaving me.
Oh, and Zaboo, how more obvious could I be?
My vagina was practically in my hand.
We need more towels, please.
What am I supposed to do?
Go downstairs alone?
I've seen wildlife specials.
Cheetahs always go after solo stragglers first.
Whatever.
I'm going to go down there and explore the things that I'm
interested in.
Like--
what are those things?
What do I like?
The game has a booth down there, right?
Oh, can I have some more of those little shampoos?
Oh, packet.
That's convenient.

-Oh, uh.
Excuse me, do you know where the--
hi, I'm looking for booth 451.
Excuse me, maybe.
[SCREAMING]

-Where do I go, please?

-Look, I've told you three times already.
One per person.
-I've never been here before.
-You're weird enough looking to where I remember you--
again and again.
-It's not for me.
It's for, uh, my son.
Here, uh, Timmy--
Habi--
T--
Isis--
boy.
There you are.
My son.
Ask the nice man for your hat.
He's shy and has several attention deficit disorders.
-Grayson, why'd you get out of line?
-Grayson?
Seriously?
-Robin's real life name from Batman comics before Bruce's
son Damian assumed the role?
Previously known as Nightwing, now known as Batman.
-OK, we don't have time to go to the end of the line again.
So you can just forget about getting Darth Vader's
autograph, OK?
-He's giving away autographs?
-No.
$20 each in the autograph area.
-People foolishly pay celebrities to sign items for
them?
-They also take pictures with you.
-Pray you become an orphan.
Bruce Wayne would never be so fiscally irresponsible.

-Vork, hey.
Come with me to the game booth?

-Absolutely.
-I was able to obtain 15
complementary human-sized bags.
If Bladezz can't get the room free, we're now able to
manufacture a tent city to avoid hotel expenses.
-Oh, good idea.
How would you like me to visit your house more often?
-I'm going to choose option B, not visit at all.
-It's just I might be seeing Zaboo a lot if things go how
I'm planning.
-Ah, you intend to fling your femininity at him in a
copulatory manner.
Tread carefully.
Letting biology rule is a dangerous thing.
-Biology is not ruling me.
What I think I feel for him is real emotion.
-Codex, Codex, you're a woman reaching the end of her
fertile cycle.
This desperate biological imperative is driving you to
seek a genomic legacy, nothing more.
-That is ridiculous.
Haven't you ever been in love?
It's more than just genome.
-No.
Love is nothing more than bastardized biology.
Have you not seen March of the Penguins?
-OK.
I don't care what you or anybody else
in the guild says.
Zaboo is most probably certainly
almost the man for me.
Maybe.
-Crit, crit.
Lightning bolt, lightning bolt.
OK, let's ride into battle.
Everybody get on your mount.
And let's ride into battle, We're riding into battle.
We're riding into battle.
-Oh, hey dudes. having my workout.
Calisthenics.
-Hey, mister.
You better start paying attention to the workout.
-Sorry.
-You were saying?
-All right.
Now we're going to kill all these orcs with a fireball.

-Yo.
I'm looking for Kevinator.
His pirate awaits.
Argh.
-Argh.
Sorry, buddy.
Kevin got fired.
Messed with too many guildhalls.
So the player complaints took him down.
-But the dude was going to hook me up.
-Was he now?
You know, he says that to a lot of guys like you.
Hey, Floyd.
-Yeah.
-We've got another Kevinator joke invite.
-Hey, the pirate kid.
Hey, go.
Say it.
Say the line.
-Taste my pirate patty.
-That's pretty cool.
-The big boss over there really loves internet memes.
He's been down lately.
So I guess Kevin wanted to cheer him up.
And I'm folding shirts and stuff.
-OK, so wait.
Um.
Do you still want me to sign stuff and
pose with people and--
you can pay for my hotel room, right?
-No.
-Pardon.
Who am I serenading?
-Oh, do you know the double rainbow song?
[SINGING]
-Let's do it.
-Let's do it, man.
That came from the heart.
-T-shirts.
$20.
Baby with a gun.
What's not to love?
Hey.
Buy something first.

-Hello.
Remember me?
-Barely.
-OK.
Do you have a permit to sell those?
-Why?
-I'm sorry, but you have to have a booth or a table to
sell things.
It's rules and all.
-I'm a girl.
Rules in geekville don't apply to us, right?
-No.
I'm going to have to ask you to, um, pack up.
-Make me, squirrel.

-Storm troopers?
Whatever.

-Free photo.
Free photo.
You?
Thank you.
Very good.
OK.
Come on.
Completely free.
Yours--
can I sign your face?
-Why aren't you in the game booth?
Aren't you a special guest?
-Stupid Kevinator screwed me over.
I'm nothing but a punchline for him.
And get this.
He was fired before the convention.
So I can't even yell at him now.
-Someone drank my sweet juice glass of justice?
They must rehire him so I can have him refired.
I demand it.
-I can't believe they--
ooh, free [INAUDIBLE].
-I will sign this for you totally free.
-Bladezz, you have no appeal to anyone with your signature
or your picture.
Your currency is being a fool and you're worth less than $1.
-But I said I would take care of the room situation.
How am I going to pay?

-Create value where there is none.
Something Mrs. Zaboo taught me.
Bladezz, go upstairs and retrieve your laptop.
Does your phone do video?
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
I just had a dozen dollars idea.

-Clara.
Where are you going?
-I'm leaving.
This whole stupid being pregnant
thing is the anti-fun.
They won't let me do the convention zip line.
Breakfast martinis are totally out.
And five people have asked me, when is the baby due?
This place is awful.
-So what?
You're going to walk home?
-Well, I didn't think it through that far.
-Forget fun.
Help me offload these tees.
Gotta find a booth that will let us sell
them using their permit.
When you wipe, get back up again.
-I guess.
Fun me wanted, though.
Sad.
-And when you pop that kid out of the dutch oven, we could do
a girls' weekend away.
Agree now.
I'm not offering more.
-OK, sounds great.
You're like my sister from another brother-in-law.
-Huh?
-I love you.
-Whatever.
-Give me a hug.

-Sorry, panel's full.
-But--
but I've got to be a part of this.
I mean, interpreting middle earth topography with
vegetable parts.
I was going to make broccoli ents.
-Most panels, you're going to wait in line for an hour,
sometimes two.
Saw a guy do six in '98.
-Yeah, but-- but maybe I can just stand in the back or
something?
-Can't.
-Can you just keep the door open, and I'll watch it from
here?
-Whole point of the doors is that they shut.
-I just came from the MMO workout, OK?
I just--
How can you do both panels at once?
It's ridiculous.
-Socks and sandals.
DTP, buddy.
-I do not know what DTP means.
-Defeats the purpose.
It's like wearing a t-shirt under a bikini.
All right.
I'm sorry.
-There's a lot of things that you can improve on.
Must have it all.
Must have it all.
Yeah, I'm talking to myself.
Stop looking at me.
-How's the demo?
Great changes, huh?
-No.
They nerfed Rising Feys.
Are they smoking crack crazy?
-Well, a lot of us worked really hard to get this demo
ready for the con.
I haven't slept in a week, personally, getting it ready
for everybody to enjoy.
-Well, these changes are moronic.
I mean, they get rid of Gleaming Cross but keep
Aurora's Vale.
-Well, you know, the creator oversaw these changes
personally.
-Without Gleaming Cross, these warlocks are going to eat our
lunch at PVP.
They throw out this new demon's voice
ability, boom, one shot.
The creator needs a reality check.
-Seriously?
I mean, hundreds of us work for, like, millions of hours
to get this ready for the con.
And then you-- you spend two minutes on it, and you start
to tear it apart.
Do you ever think before you type stuff and criticize or
say things?
I can't believe I'm getting trolled to my own face.
Why don't you create an imaginary world?
It'd probably be like Fresno or something.
Screw this.
I need a kale smoothie.
-Wow.
You just tore a new a-hole into Floyd Petrowski, creator
of our game.
Bravo.
[SLOW CLAP]
-Time warp spell, work, please.

-Good thing I only had two bites of pre-owned frittata
this morning.
I can't believe I insulted Floyd Petrowski.
To gamers, he is the Itzhak Perlman of violinists, the
Oprah of middle-aged women, the whoever of
surfing and, or golf.
Floyd Petrowski invented the MMO in his
dad's basement at 16.
He is the guru epic drop of RPGs.
And I'll called his ideas moronic to his face.
Today, I created the anxiety dream that will haunt me for
the rest of my life.
Except my brain will make it worse.
So I'll be insulting him while naked falling off a cliff
holding a dead kitten.
Oh, [UGH]
frittata.

-Can the pirate put me in a headlock with a pro wrestling
background and say, to the plank with ye, matey?
-Five extra liability dollars.
-All right.
Roll up, buddy.
Let's do this.
What's your name?
-[INAUDIBLE].
-All right, let's go.
To the plank with ye, matey.
Arr.
-Who is that kid?
-Some internet pirate.
This viral video stuff's just a fad.
Thank you so much.
Take care.
Great.
-That was great man.
Have a good time.
Money well spent.
Oh, well, lookie who it is.
Are you in the wrong special guest line?
Because I believe the fifth vampire corpse from Twilight
is in the opposite corner, yo.
-I finally caught up on your body of work.
Blown away.
How did you invent this character?
What inspired you?
How could I have missed your genius?
-OK, well, now you're asking the right questions.
Well.
When I was four--
-Bladezz.
Next fan wants you to swim with him in the underwater
kingdom of the snorks.
-OK.
Uh, Rachel is it?
That's right.
How about you and your homies meet this pirate
in the lobby tonight.
We'll catch a soda and discuss my--
process?
-We have a raid tonight.
Fornicate at a later date.
-Tomorrow?
-OK.
Lobby, 7:00, tomorrow, squeal!
-All right.
Bladezz got groupies.
-Oh, and then I said, creator guy needs a reality check to
the creator.
And then it's just--
[SIGHS]
these cookies are really good.
Thanks.
-Don't thanks me.
Thanks my genre recipes class.
Those cookies from episode seven, season three of
Battlestar.
They got frackadamia nuts.
-Well, thanks for rushing over.
-I'm glad I caught your message.
I had to switch to a group texting app just to keep up.
Modern living.
-Why are you popular?
Who's texting you?
-Like, everyone at the convention.
You know how you can't get into any panels because the
lines are so long?
But you can save a seat.
So I started pooling people's numbers, and I created a
network of fans who save each other's seat for them.
All you got to do is snag an extra seat and text the
network and then boom.
And the guy at the other end is like, oh hey.
My friend says there's a seat in row X. No waiting.
I call it Seat Savers, the Buddy System for Making New
Friendships and Watching Your Favorite Panels, Organization
Inc.
-Wow, that's awesome.
I mean, the name really doesn't work.
-Right.
-Yeah.
-But cool concept.
-It's a good thing you're in my favorites, because your
message went right to the top.
It's pretty cool.
-I'm in your favorites?
Wow.
-Yeah, obviest.
Well, next panel starts in ten.
Gotta fly.
-Wait.
Let's do this.
Together.
-You want to go to Hot Girls from Other Worlds?
-No, no.
I mean, um, uh, I--
I think I like you in a you know kind of way.

-Ugh.
Skank badger.
-Aren't you a little short for a slave Leia?
-Mine's homemade.

-I love booth hopping.
And everyone takes charge cards.
-You spent more money on these bracelets than we'll ever earn
on these t-shirts.
And still, no one will help us sell our stuff.
Showing all this skin for nothing.
-Well, it really doesn't make sense for these vendors to cut
in a middle man, Tink.
Narrow profit margin barely covers their booth rental and
travel costs.
So they'd have to charge 90% percent of our wholesale to
justify a partnership.
[GASPS]
Shiny.
-Wait.
You sounded smart for a minute.
-OK, I'm felling a little lightheaded.
Why now?
What-- what changed?
-Why do people keep asking that?
Do I need a reason?
I mean, do people analyze how magnets work?
-Yes.
In physics class.
Like, all the time.
-Well, that's just stupid.
I mean, sometimes you just have to go with things and not
think about them.
Just really go--
I don't know.
-Do you like sports games?
-Sports games?
Like, no.
Ew.
-Say you got a free one, and it's just sitting there.
And, like, you're super bored.
-I mean, I guess I might try it.
-But you'd probably hate it.
And now it's used, and the resale value is totally blown.
Think about how the game might feel.
-Well, I mean, the economics are pretty clear.
But I don't think a game feels--
oh, this is an analogy.
-Look.
I worked really hard to become your friend.
And now that I know you, I like you--
as a friend.
But when I meet that special someone, I want lightning to
strike on both ends.
-Yeah, but are you sure nothing is striking here?
-Um, is it a crit for you?
Or is it just a chain lightning spell that does zero
damage because of your emotional resist armor?
-I guess your stats are right.
I'm sorry.
-OK.
Let's not let it be awkward, OK?
-Too late.
-You've already gutted the creator of our game.
-And oh, there he goes right now.
Stab me in the heart.
OK.
Dead kittens, dead kittens, dead kittens.
-Go.
Talk to him.
I mean, apologize to his face.
-What?
No.
But then he'll reject me like you just did.
And then I want to vomit.
And then--
OK.
Can you come with me?
-I can't.
Duty calls.
You know, for the Seat Savers.
The buddy system for making new friendships--
-OK.
See you later.
Bye.
-All right.
Go get him.
-What is this strange stuff?
I've never seen anything like it.
-If you don't know, you should probably move on.
-It's steampunk, the Eurotrash of nerd-dom.
-Oh, Princess Leia.
How original.
-Can we sell our shirts at your booth?
We're desperate.
Whatever cut you want, you can have.
-Clara, where did the smart words go?
-I'm sorry, but do those look like they
match our color palette?
-I don't know what that means.
-The answer is no.
-Would you like to purchase something?
If not, kindly clear the aisle.
Thank you.
-But I want to know what those goggle things are.
-They're called goggles.
-Neat.
Do you guys have baby clothes?
-A gas mask, perhaps.
-Come on, Clara.
Let's go.
-Oh, but I want to know more about the clocky windy stuff.
-That's not going to help.
Oh my God.
Emergency bail alert.
-Uh, pardon.

Ew.

-You know, I really tried to get excited about this demo,
but no one is responding.
The fans think the changes are moronic.
Maybe they're right.
We could-- we could take a new angle on the force powers.
We could tweak the party mechanics.
-Do you know that Soundgarden is now an oldies band?
-No matter what you do you're going to be dogged for it.
Cash out, man.
Move on.
Don't worry about your baby.
RTX promise.
-OK.
You know what.
Maybe it's time.
Huzzah.
To the kingdom.
Draw up the paperwork.

Woo.
-Wait.
Wait a second.
Did he just say he's going to sell our game?

-OK.
Eavestrapolation.
Floyd is going to sell our game.
That guy he was with, his name was Chet Grunwald.
I clocked his badge.
Yes, I used the word clocked.
I've been watching a lot of detective shows lately.
Anyway, I looked him up, and he works for RTX, the endgame
big bad of corporate gaming.
RTX takes indie games, and it sucks them up, and it spits
them out, with marketing and glossy graphics.
And they put the characters on fast food cups.
And just ew.
And Floyd looks so down and depressed.
And I'm sure he was referring to me
with that morons comment.
Man, I'm such a perp.
-Hey, Codex.
You and Zaboo do it yet?
-OMG.
Did you?
Did you do it here?
What about on the table?
-I don't want to talk about it.
Oh, yeah.
There's that too.
-I'm not being histrionic.
Draw up the paperwork?
What else could that mean?
Strength buff.
-In a daytime court of law, I don't think speculation of
this sort would be admissible evidence.
Take down the orcs, Clara.
Use frost.
-Well, they could have been talking about anything.
Like, maybe he ordered a bride from the Baltics.
Popsicle baddies incoming.
Pew, pew.
-No, it was definitely businessy.
The suit guy, he works for RTX.
He stood out at the con like Darth Vader at a baby shower.
Ugh.
Bladezz, you're drawing aggro.
Shielding.
-Who cares if he sells the game?
It's been around five years.
No one's going to screw with it.
Steady shot on the shaman.
Crap.
Down.
-Yeah, and big companies are fine.
What harm have they ever done except for being big?
I'm down.
-A more ignorant statement I've never heard.
Remind me to lend you Atlas Shrugged.
Codex, heels.
-What if they shut down the game?
Guys, we just wiped.
It's like you don't even care.
Zaboo.
-All right, all right.
Master chiefs, We'll reconvene at 2100 hours.
-What's the deal with your helmet friends?
Did they bring snacks?
-Nah.
My seat savers organization has gotten so big that I've
had to recruit help just to run it.
I found those guys sneaking an old lady into a Malcolm
McDowell look alike contest.
Good peeps.
-Are you forming a cabal?
That interests me.
-I don't know what that means.
But I did rework my schedule so I could fit in 48
screenings and panels just this weekend.
Just got to stay up to do it all.

First up, Fable.
Tickle your way into the monarchy.
So where are we?
Gailstone Gulch?
Let's do this, I've got 14 minutes.
-14 minutes?
We have another hour to raid.
-I'm overbooked this weekend.
That's why I got the master chief assistants.
-I cannot believe you.
The guild is more important than your
stupid butt warmer group.
Are you trying to tear us apart?
-Over-dramaticked.
-See, Codex?
Why would you be into him?
-They just need to do it already.
I'll watch.
-Wait, you told them about our thing?
-Everyone.
-She's
quasi-semi-partially-attracted to you.
It's a genetic fool's errand.
-Are you guys going to have babies?
-No, no.
It's just we--
I don't want to talk about it.
-We agreed it wasn't going to work.
Dead ended.
-So you guys kissed to make sure it was OK?

Well, there's only one way to find out.
You got to download the demo to make sure.
-No, Clara.
This does not feel right.
I just don't--
-At least she didn't throw us into a closet.
That would have been a weird analogy.
-Yeah.

Yeah.
-Hey.
-OK, so we're here.
-Uh, well, maybe we don't have to do this at all.
You know, we can just kind of pretend--
-No, no.
I think we should try it out.
I mean, definitively decide one way or another.
Right?
-Cool.
I'm game.
-OK.
-Maybe-- maybe we should do, like, a countdown.
-Oh, good idea.
OK.
-All right.
-Three, two--
-One, two--
-OK.
We're going to go from--
OK.
All right, here we go.
-One, two--
-Three, two--
-All right.
-OK.
Three.
-Two.
-One.

-Um
-It's not good.
-I'm going to stop kissing you now.
-Please do.
-OK.

-It was--
-I mean, it wasn't horrible.
It just was--
-It just was like cardboard a little bit.
-Yeah, it wasn't--
I--
friends.
-Yeah.
-We're friends.
-OK.
-Yeah.
-Done.
-Yeah.
All right.
-So that's it, right?
-Hey, remember that time we got shoved into the bathroom.
And then we totally started making out, like, hardcore?
And it was--
too sooned?
-Too sooned.
-OK.
-So it didn't work out.
Zaboo and I are definitely not compatible.
I mean, it was super--
hello?
-What are you guys looking at?
-Oh, Vork here talked us into the fancy
celebrity autograph area.
Currently watching the fruits of our labor.
Oh, this crap's paying for your room rental, by the way.
-People actually pay you to sign stuff?
-Better.
Check this out.
-Argh.
We're fighting.
Agh.
I'm being pistol whipped.
You're so strong.
We're on the moon, man.
Oh, you're friendly.
Arr.
-For a small fee, cheesy pirate kid will debase himself
in a video of your whim.
-Meme on demand at your service.
-You're whoring yourself out for money.
-Hey if the name fits, I'll wear it.
-Guys, we've got to figure out what's going with the game.
Does anyone want to take time out of their busy schedule
tomorrow and adventure game this out with me?
-I'll go with you, Codex.
I have to go pick up those boxes of shirts Clara and I
left at that snotty steampunk booth too.
-Oh, no, no.
Let me get the shirts.
I want to help with our business.
-You just want to go stare at that clockwork stuff again.
-I know.
You guys, so there's this new thing that I'm totally into.
There's clock pieces and brown and shiny bits and top hats
and corsets.
It's, like, my new favorite thing.
I'm going to go to the booth, get our shirts, and me and the
pretty girl are going to become best friends.
-That's great.
-Awesome.
-Oh, that's really interesting.
-How can you guys be calm about this?
I mean, we're talking about our game's existence.
What else do I have?
I mean, I'm unemployed.
Clearly, my personal life is a disaster.
And I just--
I don't understand--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
-Did you guys kiss already?
I forgot to notice.
-Guys, the game stuff can wait, OK?
This con is basically the epitome of living life.
Must stay up.
Ginsenged.
[UGH]
Oh, hey.
Anybody want to go to a superhero party
with me for 36 minutes?
One of the bouncers is on my Seat Savers list.
-Ooh, yeah.
Party.
-Hell, yeah.
-Oh, Bladezz, please don't go.
Absolutely not.
-I'm not going to go just to watch you guys having raving
and boozing and all night pill popping fun.
I'm going to stay here and eat room snacks.
-No you will not.
-We cannot party.
The very fabric of our--
social assistance is threatened.
I mean, come on.
[RAP MUSIC]
-I can't believe they carded me.
Don't they know who I am?
-Dude, I gotta go to, like, 10 more parties tonight.
Ugh.
I'm so exhausted.
I need an energy drink.

That's the stuff.
Master chiefs, clear a path.

-Oh, hey, Tink.
-Drunk isn't helping me.
My life is just really empty, you know?
I mean, what am I gonna do without the game?
Loneliness.
-Codex, you take everything so seriously.
I mean, just--

Uh, pretend to kiss me.
-OK.
-Pretend, you perv.
-What-- what are you hiding from?
Oh, the pretty girls?
I really like your eyelashes.
-Yeah, OK, yes.
The blonde chicks.
Can't let them see me.
-Why?
-They're my sisters.

-What the heck happened last night?
My eyes are super puffy underneath.
Probably from the drinking and crying combo.
I vaguely remember Tink's face being, like, this close to me.
Super smooth skin.
And then, I think--
well that can't be right.
I am so confused.
Bottom line, this trip is giving me perspective, but it
is not the good kind.
I have no idea how to steer my life.
I keep grasping for things that are not good for me, like
Fawkes and Zaboo and the game and-- why am I so out of
control right now?
Why can I just be normal?
And why are Tink's sisters white?
What's up with that?
[PLAYER PIANO MUSIC]
-Hey, hey.

-Yes?
-Oh, my God.
You guys look so amazing together.
Oy.
Spot of tea with you, mateys?
-You'll notice the rope.
We are having tea.
Please return later.
-Oh, but Tink and I left our t-shirts here yesterday.
-Oh, yes.
Gerald.
-Alina.
-Be a love.
Extract her dry goods from under the sideboard.
I quarantined them because the synthetic fabric choice was
absolutely ghastly.
-Quite right.
-You know, to be honest, I would have come back anyways.
I think your booth is just the coolest.
How can I join your club?
-Called it a club, did she?
Cheeky.
-We are not a club, dear.
We are aficionados of the steampunk genre.
-Oh, well, whatever it is, I want to be a member.
-Steampunk is not a whim, girl.
It's a way of life.
-It is a vast wardrobe commitment.
-Oh, I have commitment.
I'll buy whatever.
The husband never sees the credit card statements.
I have the kids hide them.
It's a game.
Look, I had a crummy time until you guys got here.
It would just make my con.
Pretty, pretty please?
-You're giving me ennui.
-Uh, the bathroom's that way.

-Oh, you're so strong.
Come here.
Let me just-- let me just get this for you.
You're so cute.
-My thanks.
-Lisette.
-Gerald.
-We could use a fourth for the costume contest.
Losing Pete to that steam powered pogo stick incident
was bad luck all around.
-That is no Pete.
-Our reputation must be maintained.
As costume champions for two years straight, we have
standards to uphold.
To train her in but a day's time.
-Can you--
wear a corset?
-Uh, well, it may squeeze my baby's head into a weird
shape, but it'll pop back.
Sure.
Sew me up.

-All right.
Tell Hackysack45 that there are no openings available in
vampire anatomy panel.
But we can get him a slot in Kevin Smith on Kevin Smith,
hosted by Kevin Smith at 3:00 PM.
Oh, and put out an all points for Global Warming on
Thundera, an Inconvenient Truth.
We need a seat there.
One of our elite members is offering a handshake with
Jewel Stait in exchange.
Probably could upgrade that to a hug if necessary, but let's
keep that as negotiating capital.
All right?

Thank you non-stranger Maid Marian.
I've got a seat for you in Science of the Supernaturals
right after this.
-Thank thee.
-I've been up for 48 hours straight.
And yet the method is still holding.

Uh, dude.
That's my seat, so--
-I'm sitting in it.
-Right, but she was saving it for me.
-I waited in line.
It's legit.
It's mine.
-Move now.
-Make me.
-Boss, don't let him break the Seat Savers.

-Indeed.
Master chiefs, lend a gauntlet.
Oh, look at that.
Rubber Girl, first edition, eh?
-Handle that gently.
-They won't.
-All right, fine.
I'm leaving.
Pox on you.
-I already got chicken pox once, so I can't get it again.

[SCREAMING]
-You are so creepy.

So did you, you know--
-I warned you upstairs.
Don't bring last night up.
-I was going to ask you, did you make
your costume yourself?
-No.
Someone was selling a replica of me.
Total coincidence.
-Well, it looks nice.
About last night--
-I told you.
Don't bring it up.
-I just want to know, because I don't really
remember what happened.
I mean, was there skin to skin?
-Cheek skin, yes.
Lip skin, no.
-OK, good.
I mean, Angelina Jolie is one of my five.
You know, people you can have sex with even if you're in a
relationship.
But I consider her the exception.
I don't really--
Why are your sisters white?
-You can't help yourself, can you?
How about you go and do something interesting with
your own life so that we'd be remotely interested in
snooping in your business?
-If I could do that, it would be on the agenda, believe me.
I'm sorry.
-So we're shooting a commercial, and she
just wants a line.
And some people ask me, what is a pirate patty?
-Fine.
-And, you know--
-Bladezz, there's another individual claiming to be
somebody who wants to cut in line and speak to you.
And he won't pay for a video.
-Hi.
-Holy crap.
Vork, do you know who this is?
OK, I'm blown away.
I mean, how did you invent your character?
What inspired you?
How could I miss your genius?
-Calm down.
I'm just a guy doing the same thing you're doing.
-Hm.
With half the business.
-That's--
So I am really impressed with your operation.
-Well, yeah.
I mean the whole video thing.
It was mostly Vork's idea.
But I bring the artistry.
So it's this killer combo.
-Yeah?
Well it works.
It's great.
Bork is it?
Is there a story behind that name?
-Not for you.

-So I was wondering if maybe I could take
you guys out to lunch.
You know, just talk a little internet strategy.
I really want to get in on the mind of today's youth.
Or the--
mean Lex Luthor behind that youth.
-Lunch?
With you?
Oh my god.
That would be--
-Untenable.
We have a full schedule.
Now move along.
We have paying customers waiting.

-All righty, then.

-Took out the whirling blades from the play test because it
was ineffectual against the warlocks.
-Hi, Floyd.
Yes, I know who you are now.
Um, I just wanted to apologize for what I said yesterday.
It was rude, and it was mortifying.
Well, for me actually.
-You know what?
It's fine.
You were right.
We're going to put the Gleaming Cross back in.
It's going to be in the next play test.
-Oh.
-So.
-Well, that's great.
Thanks.
Are you really going to sell the game?
-Hey, come on.
This way.
Look, I can tell from your snarky attitude that you
probably play my game a lot.
-That would be accurate.
And that's why I'm begging you.
Please, don't sell.
-My doctor says my cholesterol is so high that my veins are,
like, gummy worm solid.
I gotta change my lifestyle, you know?
I think it's time for me to cash out, walk away, let them
forget about me.
You know what I mean?
I mean, the game will be fine.
It'll be better.
They might ruin it.
But I mean, no.
They'll be-- it'll be all right.
-What about your fans?
I mean this game--
this game is my life.
-It's not real.

-Wow.
You're right.
Tink is right too.
I need to get a life.
You're gonna quit?
Maybe it's time for me to quit too.
-Aw, y--
you were right about the Gleaming Cross.
That's back in.
They-- they'll probably take that out, though.
-Vork.
That's, like, the fifth celebrity
you've blown off today.
I want to hang out with them to say that I
hung out with them.
Stop driving them away.
-Bladezz, fame is not something to-- to
court or aspire to.
It creates a modern day class system.
These people live in a world of false perfection, create
images that everybody wants and no one can attain.
I can't think of anything admirable about someone like
an actor, who-- who gets bussed to work,
given lines to parrot.
I mean, their every whim catered--
[DREAMY HARP MUSIC]
-Charity Maddox from Time Rings.
Sweet j--
j--
Jehoshaphat.

-Big decisions.
Big life decisions.
The past few years--
well, you've heard me whine.
You know they haven't been great.
Finding the game and the guild was a lifesaver for me.
It was a safe place where I didn't feel like collapsing
all the time.
But lately, I just--
I've been drifting.
And--
if I quit the game, will the guildies
be my friends anymore?
Was Floyd right?
Were they even real to begin with?
Without Codex, who am I?
That's what I have to find out.
I hate being an adult.
I'm hungry.
I might order room service.
Why is room service so expensive?

-Oh.
Whatever.
Too many people are mistaking me for the Asian girl from--
any show.
Gonna change.
I'll be out of here quick.
What next?

I made all these myself.
-Are you kidding?
-Pretty good for a pre-med major, right?
-Yeah.
-I'm not pre-med anymore.
I've been getting a costume design degree for the last
five semesters.
-Wow.
-Yeah.
But catch.
My parents have been paying for a pre-med
degree for two years.
They have no idea I switched majors.
-Why don't you tell them?
-I'm adopted.
I can't be the screw up.
That's like a bad indie film.
-Oh, you're adopted.
That's why you have white sisters.
Not that there were a lot of other options.
-They were so excited that I was going to be a doctor.
I don't want to disappoint.
So every time I get a text message asking, does this mole
look cancerous, dear?
I have to press the ignore button.
That's why I was avoiding Lara and Tara last night.
Check out my Gaga.
-Glamorous.
Lara and Tara?
Twins that rhyme?
Ew.
-Yeah.
Ridiculous.
-Oh, nice Chun Lee.
-You should tell them.
I mean, hard decisions are hard to decide.
But they make you feel better after.
Kind of.
-Are you kidding?
I've been basically stealing from them.
No thanks.
Lying and avoidance is better.
I didn't mean to tell you to get a life earlier.
-No, no,.
You're right.
I need to live life less sadly.
I just don't know what that is.

-Uh, hey, Vork.
Buddy, you're filming the wrong thing.
Magic's happening here.

Dude, your gaze-on for Miss MILF over there
is hard as a coconut.
-Madeline Twain was and is a goddess of the small screen.
She played the intrepid assistant, Charity Maddox, to
Chuck Boswell's professor in the seminal sci-fi adventure
series, Time Rings, 1992 to 1997.
-So before even my mom's time.
-I was the head of her mail order fan club, which consumed
my early 20s.
Then she betrayed us all and quit.
Her departure was so abrupt they couldn't compensate,
canon-wise.
Her character, Charity, was simply abandoned in a Roman
era episode, never to be referred to again.
Time Rings was canceled half a season after.
Curse you, Madeline Twain.
-So you hate her.
Uh, why are you trembling?
-She's still so beautiful.
-OK.
-Whoa, freeze.
Freeze, boy.
-Look, Sandman finished 14 years ago.
These kids have no idea who I am.
The convention's given me the biggest room in the place.
This is going to be embarrassing.
Your Seat Savers network is my only hope.
-Sure, sure, sure.
Yeah.
Your stuff's OK if you like universally acclaimed, awesome
graphic novels and such.
But I don't know.
You know, a few million Twitter followers is not going
to get Megagame-o-ramacon excited about a writer.
-Look.
Sandman Zero is coming out next year.
I'll get you a signed set.
Personally signed to you.
-To exploit the network?
For a panel?
Got to run.
So much to do.
So much to see.
So many things going on, you know.
-I'll put you in the comic.

-Cover.
And give me muscles.
-It's not that kind of a comic.
-Make it that kind of comic.
OK.
Maybe, like, special thanks or something?
-Yeah, we can do that.
-2:00 PM tomorrow?
Room 5A?
-2:00 PM tomorrow.
Room 5A.
-I'll alert the network.
Just this once.
-Look, I'm--
I'm really grateful.
Thank you so much.
-It's a new convention, comic man.
And the Seat Savers rule it.
Spread the word.
[INAUDIBLE].
-D-- don't do that.
-Sorry, Neil Gaiman.
-Hey, sexy.
My handler would love to meet you.
We're the guys in the popular corner.
Bladezz.
Stupid pirate.
-Oh, you boys are so busy.
I mean, the enthusiasm of the fans is admirable.
One can't help but miss being that popular.
-Oh, well, it's not that hard.
And you know what?
I think Vork could hook you up in return for
a little face time.
If you know what I mean, chicky.
[BRAYING]
-Hey, Madeline.
Good to see you again.
-Hi,
-Hey, guys.
Tell me how this Twitter thing works, and how
is it good for me?
-Ugh.
-Can I get a photo with you for MyFace?
My gay aunt will flip.
-MyFace?
Know what that is.
Met a woman on there once.
Definitely not your aunt.
Could be.
Uh, why don't you guys come hang with us tonight?
-Um, did you mean us, like other faces I recognize, and
hang out like talking and coolness?
-Uh huh.
I would love to learn about this new technology frontier.
And you guys are the experts.
-Vork won't go.
He's not impressed by the puppet people.
No offense, guys.
-Oh, Madeline there.
Be together.
Same room.
Lady, oh, oh, oh, ahhh--
-Uh, might be a yes.
-Sounds great.
-Yeah.
-Suite 304 at the Westin across the street.
7:00 PM.
-OK.
Well, um, let's go back to work, then.
Get you wiped off.
And we'll see you guys tonight.

-Dit, dit, dit, dit, dit, dit.
Sounds like a woodpecker.
[GASPS]
I said wood.
And pecker.
-No talent there.
-And she cannot mix a proper laudanum either.
Disastrous.
-And her chloroform, ineffective.
-No response on the Ouija board.
And because of the pregnancy, opium and
absinthe sicken are out.
-'Tis a right shame.
But you are absolutely unqualified in any of the
poseur fields.
Won't do for a costume contest.
Simply will not do.
We must create a respectable mise en scene.
Understand?
-Um, how difficult can it be?
Get a costume.
Act all snooty.
Done and done.
-Are you trying to undermine our faith?
Steampunk is a unique look and lifestyle.
And it--
[GASPS]
-Alina, your stays.
Your stays.
-Steampunk is steampunk, describable
only by the word itself.

-Thank you, darling.
I owe you a tonic at dinner.
I'm sorry, dear.
Though your efforts are admirable, If you don't get
it, you simply can't be a part of it.

[PLAYER PIANO MUSIC]
-Like I was saying, I've been disillusioned about the game
and the guild.
But your confiding in me upstairs, it really meant a
lot as a friend.
So I wanted do something for you, not about me.
-Ew.
Walking greeting card much?

-April Lou.
-We're so excited to see you.
-Look at you, as pretty as ever.
-April Lou?
-I take it back.
You're not OK.
You are dead.
[LAUGHING]
-Tink's name is April Lou?
That was super weird to hear.
So what spurred me to be a rascally meddler and invite
Tink's family, who I just discovered the existence of,
to a buffet-style intervention?
This weekend has been crisis after crisis for me.
The guild scattered, the game threatened.
My first impulse was to just abandon
everything and run away.
But I realized after talking to--
April Lou that my connection to my guildies is
more than the game.
We are friends.
And I wanted to reach out humanly to
prove to myself that--
wait a second.
This was all about me?
So much for the profound, feel-good speech part.
Ugh.
April Lou?
It's stupid.

[SOUNDS OF PUNCHING]
-Zaboo.
Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to see someone I know.
This has been the worst day ever.
-Oh, well, that's life.
And that's the con.
And con is life, and life is con.
Con life.
-Everyone in the guild was having fun without
me and I was sad.
But then I found those steampunkers and I was happy.
-That's good.
That's good, good, good, good.
-But I didn't pass their test.
And now they don't want me.
And I'm sad again.
Because I really want to be part of their
whatever-it-is so bad.
-I'll never give in.
You tell your goons to back off, little man.
-All we need is the whole front row to your panel, Talks
With Hunky Legends.
Don't make me tell my guys to punch lower.
-Like that's going to hurt.
I'm half god from the waist down.
-Hold up.
What is--
What's going on?
-We're just having a friendly little negotiation with Kevin
Sorbo for the Seat Savers.
No problem.
No big deal.
He's just a brawny, elegant, buff bastard.
But he'll bleed, just like the rest of them.
Won't you, hero?
-Oh, no, no, no no.
Not-- not the fine, chiseled jaw.
-Unchisel it.
-When was the last time you slept?
-Sleep?
I don't need sleep.
Like 50, 100 hours ago.
-That's the stuff.
-Call off your robots.
Zaboo.
Now.
Don't make me get out my mom voice.
But--
OK.
Master chiefs, pull the plug.
-Pull the plug, he said.

If I had my gauntlets on and my 12-pound leather pants that
I did all of my own stunts in, and Michael Hurst, who played
my amazing sidekick, Iolaus--
-Yeah.
Oh, he's the best.
---you'd be toast.
Totally, totally wrecked my jersey.
I got this at the Sundance Film Festival.
Now you've wrecked it.
Wrecked it.
-Keep walking Hercules.
Keep walking.
-OK.
You're coming with me.
It's time for bed.
Hey, back.
Back.
-Let go.
I gotta run a [INAUDIBLE].
-Honey, you've been in town all weekend and didn't call.
-Oh now, don't nag her.
Here, have some of my famous Yakisoba.
I didn't want her to miss out on her people's heritage.
So I just put my own spin on one of their native dishes.
It's a little ranch dressing and ham cubes.
-Mm, ham.
-Go on.
You love it.
-That looks delicious.
So Tink--
April Lou, would you like to tell Edith and John--
Argh.
-No.

[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
-Oh, dude.
On the list.
We made this.
Oh my God.
This place is definitely class.
You know, I bet they do not have any floor beds.
-Bladezz, be cool, man.
Be cool.
Charity.
-Madeline.
-Of course.
-Well, fancy seeing you here.
-I never expected those words to leave your
mouth towards my face.
-Well, they have.
-I hearing that.
-Uh, OK.
I think it's time to find my rightful place in the
Hollywood elite.
You know, get some famous celebrity time?
Ciao.
Hey, guys.
Oh, whoa.
Hey, man.
How you doing?
Nice movie face.
All right, cool.
Talk to you later, man.
Oh, my God.
No way, you.

Touchdown, right?
High five.

OK.
-Clara, no.
I need to be so many other places.
-My Morse code may suck, but whiny babies I can handle.
Arms up.

-Clara, I've been a bad boy here.
Did so many bad, bad things.
-It wasn't your fault.
It was the coffee and robots that made you do it.
-Not robots.
Master chiefs good, me evil.
-Oh, there, there.
Let me sing you a lullaby like I do my kids.
(SINGING) My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.
-Oh, my empire weighs so heavy on my soul.
-Oh, we'll make it better in the morning.
-Can you sing me another lullaby?
-Sure.
-(SINGING) Whoomp there it is.
Whoomp there it is.
Boom shakalaka shakalaka shaka boom.

Gets them every time.
Boop, boop.
-It's good to see you.
-Yo, dude.
Look at this junk.
I mean, we deserve caviar and crap, right?
-No way.
These crackers are my favorite.
I buy them in bulk.
-Nah, get out, dog.
I mean, famous people don't buy in bulk.
-Yeah, we do.
You want to see my discount card?
-Hey, buddy.
So where are you and I heading off to after the convention?
Bikini lady-ville?
The club [INAUDIBLE] land.
Maybe--
-Actually, I've got a-- a leak in my roof.
So I gotta go to the depot and get a tarp.
And this this sort of--
-Hey, sorry.
I--
can't hear you over all the lame.
What do you guys got in there?
Pure grain alcohol?
How about you signing me up and we'll
get this party started.
Ahooga.
-Actually, it's veggie juice.
You know, celery, carrots, spirulina.
-How is that a party drink?
-Party for our colons.
-And, uh, then we're going on a charity retreat.
It's, um, it's a summit about homeless youth.
-So that's just another way to say, going to rehab, right?
-Um, no.
-Hey, come on, you two.
Let's get this party started.
Ungh, ahh, uh.
-I've got a touch of sciatica.
-Recent breast reduction.
-That's us at the doggie park.
Look at that smile.
This is us in Maui.
He loves surfing.
Loves surfing.
That's his new collar I just got him.
-OK, so we're not hot-tubbing with skanky chicks later?
-Well, I don't--
I mean, I usually turn in around 9:00.
And hot tubs give me eczema.
Skin condition.
-You people are effing boring.
-Hey, sweet collar.
-Gee, thanks.
Yeah, I just picked it up.
-Oh, do you do Pets Without Borders?
-Seriously!

-A buddy of mine in security, he got us the passes to this--
whatever this is.
Personally, I don't have any use for all this experimental
comics and gaming.
-Devil spawn.
-But, uh, Lara and Tara, they wanted to see
the parade of weirdos.
Wow.
What a lot of freaks.
-OK.
Well, it's been great catching up.
-So Lara and Tara, did you go to high school with April Lou
here?
-Yeah.
We were in glee club together.
-Ooh, April, let's do that DeBarge harmony that we do so
well.
-(SINGING) Mi.
-(SINGING) Mi.
-Time to go, Dead Walking, a.k.a.
Codex.
-No, I'd rather stay here and learn more about you.
Friend.
-Real smart mouth on her.
Lot of sass.
Always loved that about my little girl.
-Once, she slashed the principal's tires because he
took jello salad off of the cafeteria menu.
-And once, she firebombed the janitor's closet because she
caught her boyfriend making out with another girl in
there.
-I hate you so much.
-And once--
-I'm not pre-med anymore.
For five semesters, I've been studying something else.
I didn't tell you because--
I didn't.
Happy, Codex?
-Uh oh.
-What are you studying now?
-Fashion design.
-That thing you're wearing, did you design that?
-Yes.

-Sure is pretty.
-It's beautiful.
-Are you a turtle?
-My baby's an artist.

-That's it?
No rage?
No screaming?
Not gong to have me arrested?
I've been staying up every night for months dreading
this, and you're totally cool with it?
-Totally cool.
-I just have one requirement, honey.
You've got to design Lara's wedding dress.
-Ted proposed to me.
-Ridiculous.
How did I survive childhood?
You people are unreal.

-Oh, she used to always stomp off like that when she was a
little girl.
That's just more Salisbury sushi for us.
-Well, I don't want to be a burden.
-I insist.
I can do a WordPress install, design a scalable logo based
on your Hellenic profile.
You'll have a custom blog in a week.
-Oh, I appreciate that so much.
I really do feel like I have something to share.
I'll get photos and bios to you by tomorrow.

-Well, I think Vork already has most of that stuff, right?
I mean you were the head of her fan club in the 1890s.
-1990s.
And yes.
Your talent is immeasurable.
-That is so lovely to hear.
When I quit Time Rings, I lost a lot of support.
Those were hard times.
-Your betrayal was monumental, but we can do nothing but move
on.
-Well, I don't think of it as a betrayal.
It was merely a-- a job I quit.
-Time Rings wasn't a job to the fans, It was a religion.
When I watched you disembark the Bravehunt time vessel--
season 2, episode 16--
knowing you would never again grace the vehicle or the
Thursday 8:00 PM time slot, I sobbed for weeks like a baby.
-OK, well, Vork, look at the pretty lady's nice hair.
-Yes, her hair is extraordinary, the color of
espresso and rich, Belgian chocolate.
In the middle of a season.
To abandon your character, Charity, at the height of her
conflicted feelings about the professor?
-OK, I'm off this train wreck.
-That story line was going nowhere.
I mean, Charity was a-- a prop for the writer to hang his
sick fantasies--
-Sick fantasies?
Is that what you call "Imagine That," That seminal episode of
television-- season 1, episode 14--
that dealt with the issue of mixed-race couples long before
its time?
-If you call mixed race an alien gang bang.
-The Labanza mated in groups.
With probes.
It was their way.
-Pardon me, I have found a headache.
-I am entitled to my opinion.
And we haven't finished talking about your blog yet.
Oh, dog gosh.
Jesus [INAUDIBLE].

-So why are you guys famous?
Oh, hey, Madeline.
-Hey, we've been downstairs for an hour.
-Oh, sorry about that, guys.
I'm just busy as a bee out up here hanging out with some
people you might recognize.
Hey, guys.
Ha-ha.
Awesome.
-Oh, my God.
You're partying with him?
What a playboy, right?
-As long as you catch him before 9:00 PM.
-You said you'd hang with us tonight.
Can we come in?
-Oh, invite only [INAUDIBLE].
Really sorry, but I've kind of got a better deal here.
So I'm going to have to see you in line tomorrow.
But you look great.
I love seeing you guys.
Big happy fresh faces.
OK, bye bye.
Oh my God.
No wonder celebrities have reality shows.
Drama.

-I can't sleep.
Tink hasn't said a word to me since we met up with her
family earlier.
She came in late, went straight to bed.
Or so she's pretending to.
I'm too nervous to close my eyes.
Pillow over the face risk and all.
And Zaboo's been comatose since I got in.
He's been farting what smells like espresso.
So ew.
Everybody's been acting so weird.
Tomorrow's the last day of the con.
But it can't be the last day with my guildies.
I mean, we're real friends.
But clearly, we need the game to hold us together.
So tomorrow, plotting.
I think I'm going to go sleep in the bathtub.
I can lock the door.
[FARTING]

-Tink.
Tink.
I'll forget about everything.
Your name, your family, everything.
Just please don't hate me.
-God, I slept so good last night.
It was like the biggest relief ever.
I owe you one, stupid.
-Oh, so we're cool?
Awesome.
Listen.
Even though our game's about to disappear, I still want to
be friends with you.
-They're not gonna shut it down.
-Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe I've been hallucinating about everything I've seen and
heard this weekend.
But today, you and I are going to find
out one way or another--
[SCREAMING]
[YELLING]

-Whoa.
Wish I would have known that before I kicked.
I would have done it harder.
-You?
You have been stalking me all weekend?
Why?
-Your appearance at this convention had a touch of
kismet to it.
-Oh.
So you were alone, saw somebody you knew, but you
couldn't even say hi like a real person.
-Nice.
Hit him with insight.
-The Axis broke up.
Through no fault of my own.
I thought you might be interested in a new guild
leader, one who does not smell of moth balls.
-Replacing Vork?
Let me give that a second.
-No.
No.
Not our guild.
You find your own family.
-Codex.
I am a lone, unarmed paladin in a PVP wasteland whose God
has forsaken him.
We once shared sexy time together.
Crit heal my loneliness.
-OK.
This convention is a perfect opportunity for you to be
somebody else, someone who's less jerky.
You might be able to find some friends here.
But those friends?
Not us.

-Wow.
No quote.
Maybe he actually listened.
-I'm just glad the mystery is solved.
Last night, I dreamed of a furry gnawing my face off.
It was starting to get to me.
Please don't do that.
-So yesterday, when I saw you making your robots beat up
famous peoples, I knew I had to step in.
-Agreed.
I just needed a good night's sleep.
Clara, you helped me regain my conscience.
And for that, I want to do you a favor.
-Are we going dancing?
-Even better.

I took in 28 hours of crafts classes over
the past two days.
So we're going to build you a costume that's so awesome
sausage that those steampunk guys are gonna be begging to
take you back.
-Oh, my gosh.
Thank you so much.
Do you need help?
Remember, I'm pregnant.
-Nope.
I've got it all taken care of.
I don't remember driving up with this thing.
-Ah, robots.
-My loyal henchmen.
-No, no, no, no.
This is not why I texted you here today.
I'm not going to the Dragons in Pastel panel.
Nor will I be attending the Android Girlfriends seminar,
Programming Your Own Passion.
In fact, I'm not going to be going to any panels--
ever again.
Although I can now sculpt any alien head in the sci-fi
universe from spreadable cheese--
-How cool.
-Yeah, it is cool.
I've done too much mass damage.
And now I've got to step down from the iron throne.
Big speeched.
No, no, no, no.
Shhhh.

Don't speak.
-They never do.
-I made up my mind.
The Seat Savers Buddy Network for--
making cool friendships and--
I gotta work on that stupid title.
It's dissolved.
It's been a pleasure serving with you Spartans.
DIsmissededed.

-I am so proud of you.
Hand me that blowtorch.
Let's burn things.
-Ha.

-Now what?
-There he is.
There's Floyd Petrowski.
Look at all those papers.
I bet it's the contract to sell the game--
and his soul.
-Hey.
Early birds, huh?
Look.
I didn't plan on hiring booth babes today.
But, uh, for you, I'll make an exception.
-Um, that's Floyd Petrowski in there, right?
-Yes, it is.
Ha, ha, ha.
Your friend busted his balls pretty good the other day.
She'll know as well as me.
-Great.
I made an impression.
-I super really want to meet him.
Can we go back there?
Say hi?
-Say hello?
Hell no.
Mm mm.
Boss is deep busy today.
He's making a really big announcement after the costume
contest tonight, so.
-What announcement?
Come on.
You can tell us.

-What are y'all doing?
Y'all giving birth?
Because that's what it looked like.
I'm not just some weird internet gamer type of dude
that's just going to go for every single chick that flirts
with me, OK?
That was flirting.
I'm gonna stand right here in a stance of power.
Cross me if you want to.
-What are we gonna do now?
-Wait the doofus out.
In the meantime, I haven't gotten a chance to play the
new demo yet.

-Recite to me the top of your rote.
-OK.
Avast, ye audience.
This be the Cheesy Beard's pirate warning you to listen.
Or I'll cut your internet with me cheesy mind.
-We may have to offer a discount for the accent.
-Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
-What's the meaning of this?
I'm giving no one refunds.
-Your pirate friend blew me and my friends off for more
important people.
He slammed the door in our faces.
-Boo!
-OK, OK.
Ladies, let's be real for a second.
We're really on different levels.
And hey, if the shoe had been on the other foot--
-I want it on record that as his manager, I do not
discriminate against anyone who's paying.
I'm equally un-fond of everyone.
-Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
-This is a PR disaster.
-I'm not doing anything other famous people wouldn't do.
Right?
Right, guys?
Right?

Come on, guys.
You?
-Shut up.
Hey.
How you doing?
-I'm good.
-What's your name?
-Your padawan learns the hardest lesson.
Never invite the wrath of fans.
-Chari--
er, Mad--
sigh.

-These changes are retarded.
They gift flurry arrows?
What am I supposed to do?
Slash hug them to death?
-Sh.
We don't want anyone more demoralized.
Wait a second.
We've been playing for two hours.
-Your point?
-There's the RTX guy.
They're gonna talk business.
We've gotta hear what they're talking about.
-We can't just barge in there.
-Well, what then?

-Check it.
Hey, hero.
-Huh?
Hi.
Wow.
-Want to take down the hydra boss at the Watering Pools?
-Yeah.
-Here.
Join our party and we can chat too.
-Play with girls?
Real girls?
Yes Warrior for hire.
Cool.
-Think of it that way.
-What are you doing?
-Sh.
-You're talking--
-Keep your finger on the push to talk button.
Cool?
-Cool.
-Baby?
-Baby.
This is so hot.
-Finally, someone who embraces a stereotype.
-I can hear them king.
Awesome plan.
-Ladies?
We ready to jet?
-In a sec.
Keep pressing.
-Wait, wait, wait.
Floyd just asked for their business plan.

-Oh, my God.
-Ladies, you're cute.
But I'm kind of dying over here.
-So are we.
-You gotta be kidding.
Codex, you were right.
-We gotta tell the guild.
-Ladies?
Ladies?
Aw.
Mega-boner.

-I called a guild summit.
This is so official.
I've read a lot about summits in history classes I've taken.
I seem to remember that out of one of them, they
produced the UN.
Oh, and there's that one G-something that European
hippies don't like.
I'm not stupid.
I'm just ignorant about things I don't RSS.
And I'm not putting my summit on the scale
of world peace or--
European hippies.
But this our game we're talking about.
We've got to get off the convention distractions and
focus on what matters.
I mean, th-- th-- this is serious.
Clara, I need you to take minutes.
Stop eating from the mini bar.
-Clara, are you insane?
-We have to pay for that crap.
-Why don't you throw money in the street?

-The situation is as dire as I
neurotically surmised yesterday.
-Must be a first.
-Vork, what are you doing?
-Leaving.
This has been a horrific experience.
I don't care to keep existing in this time space.
-But you're our ride.
-Then I suggest you get packing.
-We're discussing the future of our game and-- and-- and
forming a mandate.
-Besides, we can't leave yet.
Zaboo and I spent all morning making the most kick ass
costume accessory ever invented.
-Yeah.
Clara and I are going to have a three-way
with a trophy later.
Heh?
-Please turn that off.
The RTX guys said that their company wants to make the game
more accessible.
-As fans, we have no right to criticize what people do with
their creative properties.
-Oh, please, You're just sensitive about that chick you
were flirting with earlier.
-Vork flirting?
Hurl.
-Yeah.
He got smart-mouthed with some MILF-y TV star, put his foot
in it, and she stormed off in a huff.

-I alienated the fantasy love of my life.
I can no more heal this wound of mortification than pay full
price for miniature golf.
-Start dating an S&M chick.
Then she'll come sniffing around.
Worked for me and Codex.
Yeesh.
Stink-eyed.
-Listen up, guys.
They're going to make the game free to
play, appeal to casuals.
-Casuals?
-Don't aneurysm yet.
It gets worse.
The game will be free to play, but they're going to
micro-charge for everything--
changing costume colors, bank space
rentals, epic loot drops.
-I change my colors all the time.
I need rainbows at my fingertips.
-Clara.
Is that from the mini bar?
-No.
-This morning we were up $200 in snack charges.
Your fetus owes me.
And if we're checking out, so do all of you.
-Why?
You're covering the room.
You're the one who made us come.
And you made all that money off your booth.
-We were banned from our only income source because Bladezz
went diva-licious on our fans.
-They overreacted.
I was just being me, but more fancy.
-Ahem.
They're getting rid of all blood graphic effects.
Parents demanded it in order to be able to
market it to tweens.
-Screw tweens.
-Weren't you just one yourself?
-They're censoring all profanity.
They're getting rid of nipple NPC graphics.
-No.
Centaur chests are the best.
I won't let this happen.
I'm a mom, and I [BLEEP]
love swearing.
-Clara, are you seriously wiping your face with one of
our shirts?
-Whoa.
Scary villain costume.
-Not only did you ditch our business this weekend, but you
are using an $8 face napkin.
-They are taking death out of the game.
Instead, characters will just fall to the ground, and
canaries will circle their heads for 15 seconds.
Oh, oh, they're making an app.
-Adios.
Guadalajara, all.
-Vork, stop.
Listen.
I almost quit the game yesterday.
But I didn't because I love you [BLEEP].

-Whoa, that was weird.
-Are you serious?
-Yeah.
After the thing with you and the thing with Floyd, I just--
I just want to quit everything.
-Well, that would suck.
No one lets me harass them like you do.
-And you technically can't quit.
I believe I have you under contract.
-Well, whatever.
I'm not going to.
But look at us.
This convention has separated us.
How are we going to survive something like the change of
our whole universe?
-Fighting that would be hopeless.
I'll have to abandon Clara and start a new Clara?
Poor former me Clara.
-They haven't signed all the paperwork yet.
Floyd is totally stalling.
He's neurotic like Codex.
We can convince him.
-If we can track Floyd down at the ball, maybe we can show
him, as a guild, how important the game is to us.
And then--
and then convince him not to sell.
-Hello-ed.
You guys really need to check out the fine
print in the program.
It says that costumes are required for the costume ball.
And I ain't got one.
-We can use my steampunk one.
-Well, gee willikers for you.
But the rest of us have no more spendable income left to
purchase frivolous sundry.
-Yeah.
And I can't wear my pirate outfit or I'll get clubbed
with 1,000 light sabers.
-Fun fact.
I know a fashion designer.
-Um.
yeah, I can design, sure.
But where are we going to find materials?

BARBER SHOP QUARTET: (SINGING) Megagame-o-ramacon.

Megagame-o-ramacon.
It's the con that's number one.
So much fun for everyone.
It's Megagame-o-ramacon.

Cosplayers dressed 24/7.
It's a geek and gamer heaven.
If you're not here, you're out of luck.
You're entry's just 300 bucks.
-Costume contest starts in 10 minutes.
Line up.
-OK.
Watch the munchkin outfit, Tink.
All right?
-Clara.
You ready?
We gotta go find Floyd.
-First, check out what Zaboo and I made.
-Yeah.
Viola-d.

-You must be bleeping me.

-I had a boyfriend once who stole a traffic cone from a
parking garage while we were on a date together.
It was the most illegal thing I've ever been a party to.
And I panicked every time I heard a siren for, like, two
years straight.
I know the guild's going to have to break some rules to
convince Floyd not to sell the game.
But today, I am willing to go behind the gray bar
hotel for the cause.
That's prison speak for, well, you know, prison.
For once, I am risk taking in--
everything.
I'm wearing an outfit Tink made for herself.
I'm in danger of slipping nipplage with every step.
Viva la revolucione!
[SIRENS]
-Ooh.
That's not funny.
-You guys made a whole blimp?
-Yeah.
And this is how you operate it.
-I didn't take the extreme cosplay and the gobot robotics
panels for nothing.
-Guys, we're here to talk to Floyd, OK?
So forget about the blimp thing and let's go.
-Airship, Codex.
This creation is awe-inspiring.
Hey, is that the door to my van?
-Oh, yeah.
We got crazy creative.
-Uh, what number are you?
-Uh, we don't have a slot.
-Oh, if you aren't on my list, I can't have you walk--
or float--
in at the last minute.
I'm sorry.
-Oh, but--
-My, my.
How quaint.
-No, no.
Don't play it off, dear.
This thing is fracking amazing.
Uh, clipboard lady, I'm with them.
They have a slot, right?
I'm on their team.
I've earned it.
-Lisette.
-Gerald.
-We are short a quorum.
Alina was taken home with the influenza.
-The what?
-Bad chicken salad.
-So is she with you or not?
[CLAPPING]
-Welcome to the fold.
-It will require my assistance to operate from the ground
while you're on stage.
Pretty please, let me drive it.
-Hey, guys.
I just saw Floyd enter some VIP area.
There are burly men guarding it.
-Burly men?
I'll get them.
ORGANIZER (OFFSCREEN): Get ready, everyone.
-We have to stall.
Floyd is going to announce as soon as the costumes finish.
-Bladezz, they'll recognize you.
Go on stage and stall everyone.
-What am I supposed to do?
-Start by begging forgiveness from the fans.
There's fodder there.
-Go.
-Vork and I will stay here because we're gonna blow some
freaking minds.
-They'll let us in the special area, right?
No problem.
-Yeah.
Just bat my eyelashes.
-Yeah.
-I'll just bat my wings too, because--
Augh.
Every time I think I'm fragged, they
respawn me back in.
-No loss.
Oh, my God.
-Honey, we all found costumes from your native country.
-No words.
-Oh.
-You.
-Next year, you can make us all costumes, peanut.
-Never.
Move.
-Arigato.
-Thank you all for coming.
Look at--
-Hey, hey, excuse me.
Um, ladies and ladies, I might be a face you recognize with
fondness or loathing.
[BOOS]
-Uh, Rachel, con volunteer.
I--
I really owe you an apology.
Um, I done you wrong, girl.
And I'm here to say that I'm--
sorry.
-What about me?
Do you remember me?
-Yeah, and um--
what was your name again?
-Boo!
-You suck.
[BOOS]
-No, no.
Back.
Right.
Does anyone have a laptop?
Thank you.

-Holy butternut.
She's wearing her Time Rings costume.
Fate, must you rub your Tabasco irony
in my tender loins?

-Hi.
We have famous friends in there.
-Unlikely.
-But, uh, you can always use more hot
girls in the VIP area.
I've watched cable shows.
We're like furniture.
So--
-Chicks with subtlety and outfits that fit properly.
-Oh, God.
How long has that been out?
-Move on.
-Now.
-This chick was from LA.
Hey, Hollywood.
Oh.
Ashford.
Oh, man.
You smell like garlic and peanut butter.
It was kind of a weird combo, but you know, I won't judge.
So all right.
Oh, and Ed.
Uh, character name Frandis right?
I remember you told me one time you were so drunk you
peed in your own pantry.
That's-- that's a good story.
-Thank you, cheesy.
I love you again.
-Oh, apologizing feels good.
-Guys, where are you taking me?
Seriously.
I was in the middle of a crisis situation
back there, you know?
And now I'm in the middle of another one.
No, not Stan Lee.
Are you kidding me?
No, this is convention suicide, guys.
-Cheesy, cheesy, cheesy, cheesy, cheesy, cheesy,
cheesy.
-We've got to get in there.
-Don't yell at me.
I'm not the one who had my elasto-thong sticking out.
-It has no more structural integrity.
I don't know why.
-Forget it.
We're toast.
-Arf, arf.

Bark, bark, bark.

-Congrats.
I think.
-I love this one.
This guy came in from, uh, Japan.
Hey.
I didn't play Terry's video yet.
She has three kids.
And a peanut allergy, I remember people.
-Thank you, cheesy kid.
But let's move on to the costume contest, shall we?
Now, our mistress of ceremonies, someone you will
surely recognize--
Charity from Time Rings.
-Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
The first costume group is Steampunk Verite.
-Pedal to the brass fixtures, buckees.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
-Wrist, wrist, arm, arm, wrist, wrist.
-How my Alina would have loved this view.
Damn thee, chicken salad.
-I've never been in a parade before.
I--
I should have made my hair bigger.
-Wrist, wrist, arm, arm, wrist, wrist.
-I'll never sign your comics, monster.
Tell your men to fall back.
-Guys, we can't go back to the way it was.
You know, I actually had second thoughts too when Codex
and I totally made out.
But I knew it wasn't going to work.
I want to be good and noble in this world.
And you should too.
-What are you wearing?
Did I create that character?
Well, you win some, you lose some.
-Guys, just think about who you're dressed as.
You're the master chiefs.
I corrupted you, but you can fight back.
You're better than this, master chief number one.
And so are you, master chief number two.
You can't capture and tie up Stan Lee.
He's a legend.
-I agree.
-You know what?
I'll just untie him.
I'm standing right here.
Oh, it just slides off.
-Oh, I'm free.
Son, I've created many a superhero.

-Stan, that's it?
Because I feel like there's a second part of that sentence
that you were--

-Floyd.
We would like to talk to you about the--
-Stop it.
We encouraged furry fornication to get in there.
-Hey, those are my friends.
Let them go.
Vork, full steam ahead.

[DRAGGING METAL NOISES]
[ALARMED CROWD NOISES]
-Does anyone have a gyroaltimeter handy?
Oh, tally-ho.

-We're descending.
-I do believe we're about to crash.
Ho hum.
-Thinking back on what I vaguely know of history, there
is no event involving a dirigible blimp-mobile that
has ever gone right.
I mean, didn't those things famously crash and burn?
That's why we invented airplanes.
Because those balloon things were not reliable.
And, in general, our whole plan to save the game was just
like [BLOWS RASPBERRY].

I mean, we would make the worst Scooby Doo team ever.
Our van would crash.
The bad guys would get away with haunting whatever.
And-- and we'd lose the dog.
Come to think of it, Zaboo did disappear pretty
quick off the top.
(SCOOBY DOO VOICE) Row.
Zaboo Snacks.

That was terrible.

-Listing starboard.
-Oh, drat.
Where's my snuff?

-Through the rings of time.

[CRASH]
[SCREAMS]
APPLAUSE]

-Are we still on the continent?
[APPLAUSE]
-Wicked ride.
-Indeed.
-Good call, Floyd.
Let's get this wrapped up before the announcement.
-Yeah.
I also need to grab my inhaler.
-Tink, they're gonna go sign something.
Ah.
Zaboo.
-Man, I can't believe I didn't get Stan Lee's autograph.
He was sitting right here.
[PHONE VIBRATES]

-Master chiefs, we need to mobilize the Seat Savers
Network one last time.
Get out your cell phones.
We need to do this for the good of mankind to recapture
that hail of glory.

Who am I to judge?
I'm in a fricking butterfly costume.
[PHONES RINGING AND VIBRATING]
-You think you can go and get it?
Because, I mean, you look like--

what's up?
This some, uh, nerd power trip?
-Yeah.
It is.
-Intimidated?
Huh?
I can make these guys sit anywhere I want.
Well, I mean, not make.
Like entreat, or appeal to a higher--
it's collaborative work--
you need to talk to those girls.

-Looks like you dweebs got a date with security.
-Mom, Dad, meet my fiance.
-Oh, you're engaged to my baby.
Welcome to the family.
-He's so cute.
-Son, I'm in waste management.
-I'm out of here.
Ah.
Why do I have so many haters?
-Paper or plastic?
Opinion?

-I was wrong.
So wrong.
-You had your reasons.
-I insist on my wrongness.
Now, let's get you out of harm's way, Madeline.
-Right.
OK.
Let's continue with the costume contest.
Come on.
Let's go.

-Dudes, that was epic.
Oh, I hope someone caught that on video.
Viral times.
-We got it all.
Do you mind if we use your confessional for our website?
-Let me just speak to my manager.
Oh, God.
Oh, eyes burning.
Um, for the price of our hotel bill and a modest licensing
fee, I'm sure we can work something out.

-Floyd.
-Oh, not a good time for fandom.
I made my decision.
Done.
-I am going to talk to you like I talk to my webcam,
which never judges me.
So this is super, super hard to do.
All the crazy stuff that's happened tonight, that's been
me and my friends.
Because we love the game that you created so much.
It brought us together as a guild.
I would never be friends with so many different kinds of
people in real life.
Um, not that I'm racist or ageist or anything-ist.
I did use the word mongoloid one time thinking it was OK.
It is not OK.
The point is it that, um, you created something wonderful.
Don't allow it to be broken.
It would--
it would break us apart.
-You know, that's-- that's a really nice sentiment.
But this is my life.
It's my future.
How would you like every morning to wake up and read
things like, you know, oh, you look sickly in person.
You know?
Oh, I lost my save point.
Hope you die in your sleep.
Wouldn't that make you, like, you know, think about what you
do for a living?
-Look.
It is not easy to do what you do.
But no one else can do it.
You've got to think about it like a game party.
You are the take.
You are front and center.
And you have to be shielded properly so you can swing your
broadsword of creativity across the--
that is so stupid.
Please don't rage quit.
Just reconfigure your party.
That is, unless you really don't care about your legacy
and the game and-- and the people who play it.
But I think you do.
I think you care about it as much I care about my guild.

-I--
I hate making decisions.
-That concludes our costume contest.
Mistress of ceremonies.
Ahem.

-Yes.
My turn.
Oh, thank you.
Whew.
It's hot in here.
Oh yes.
Announce the winner.
And the winner of the costume contest and the $20 gift
certificate for bowling is Steampunk Verite.
[CHEERING]
-Yes.
Yes, I won something.
Thank--
-We won something.
-Mm, back off, Sir Ponce-a-lot.
You guys were just my accessories.
It's mine.
I won.
Yes.
Bowling.
-Great.
Oh, that was very sweet.
Thank you.
OK.
Now, a word from one of our sponsors.
You know him as the creator of an MMO that you love and play.
Please, hands together for Floyd Petrowski.

-You know what?
Who can resist a cute, generic superhero?
-I agree.
I am cute right now.
-I'll give it a shot.
But on one condition.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
-Hello, everybody.
I'm Floyd Petrowski.
I was going to make some big announcements about
changing the game.
But, um, if you played the demo, um, it--
it's all there.
So no changes, uh, to the game.
-What?
-That's right, Chet.
Not going to change anything.
-You know what?
Screw gamers.
All right?
I'm moving to comic books.
They'll work for food stamps.

-He's not very likable.
Um, so you know, we just thought, hey, let's just keep
doing what we're doing, you know?
And maybe give a fresh perspective on it.
The Gleaming Cross spell for priests is totally back in.
Other than that, uh, yeah, that-- that's it.
Uh, thank you.
[TENTATIVE APPLAUSE]
-Who wants some free t-shirts?
[CHEERING]
-Tink, best business ever.

-We did it.
-Yeah.
We did--
something.

-This con is done.
Can't wait to be sitting in front of a computer to
socialize again.
-Bye, Zaboo.
See you next year.
-For sure.
Down with the covenant.
-W-- what?
-Are those your robot friends?
-Now, Pumpkin, we were right disappointed about that fella
not being your real fiance.
-I wanted a double wedding.
-Now, you answer the phone from now on, OK?
-You know the probability of that.
But Christmas?
It's on.
-You make us elf outfits and we'll make you
teriyaki candy canes.
-OK, don't push it.
Please.
-Break it up.
I want to see my kids.
Wow, did I just say that?
-April Lou, Bye, April Lou I'm gonna miss you so much.
-Apr--
April Lou?
-Clara.
Your adventures in snacking cost me
half my weekend scratch.
-What?
-Does the phrase mini bar for breakfast ring a bell?
-Oh, yeah.
Ringy ding ding.
-We have to take you home with us?
-Ooh, hipsters.
I love your look.
-I'll miss you.
-Call me.
-We'll Skype.
It's free.
TINK (OFFSCREEN): Move it.
-Hey.
Are we ready to jet?
-Hiya.
I just perfected pee.
-I don't know if I can drive after last night.
-Why?
What happened?
-Mm.
-Codex.
See you Monday morning, right?
Work on those ideas of yours.

-Yeah.
I kind of forgot to tell you guys something.
[THEME MUSIC]