The First Meeting - Bill & Sons Towing Ep. 1


Uploaded by BillAndSonsTowing on 26.04.2012

Transcript:
Bill & Sons Towing Episode 1 - "The First Meeting"
[PHONE RINGS]
DAVE Oh, one second. Bill & Sons Towing...
Whoa sir, slow down, I can barely understand you. Okay, okay. I'll have a driver there in five. Thank you.
Dave for Todd.
TODD Go for Todd.
DAVE Uh yeah, some retard locked his keys in the car. Princess and Park. Red Honda.
TODD 10-4.
TONY Morning bitches.
ERIC Tony, why'd you cut the sleeves off your shirt?
TONY Looks cooler this way.
ERIC We're not trying to look cool.
JON Well, you really nailed that one, then.
DAVE Burn! On both of us. Oh, hey. Here's your shirt.
JON Nice! Anybody got a pair of scissors?
TONY Heads up!
ERIC No, no, no. Could, could we not do that?
TONY Relax, they're not even that sharp.
ERIC No, I meant cutting off the sleeves.
TONY Hey, what's with the fucking meeting, man?
ERIC All right, look. Since Dad'll be at home resting for a little while, I thought it would be a good idea
to have a weekly pow-wow session. You know, talk about our goals and objectives for the week, overall business strategy,
ways to improve customer service, all sorts of fun stuff.
JON I gotta get out here. I got stuff to do.
TONY Yeah, I got a car in the garage.
JON I can't stay for this. This is ridiculous.
DAVE Guys, guys, guys. C'mon, c'mon. This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great.
The four brothers, together again. Bros before Tows, right?
TONY Oh, wow.
DAVE Yeah!
JON Alright, fine. Why, why does it say 'music' on there?
ERIC Great question! I've been thinking about installing a stereo system,
right by the front reception, you know get some soothing music going to calm down some of our angry customers.
DAVE You know what'd be great for that? Seal.
TONY Who's that?
JON How do you not know who Seal is? Kiss from a Rose??
DAVE Great tune.
JON Yeah, I remember it because it's shit.
DAVE He's got another big song but I can't remember the name of it right now.
ERIC Guys we have a lot to get through, so if we could stay focused-
DAVE Ooh, you know what'd be great, too? Enya. Kinda classical, kinda funky.
TONY I don't know any of these guys.
JON That's because Enya's a chick, dude.
TONY She got nice tits?
ERIC Oh! Foul language in the office.
The fourth bullet point right here, that's something we need to stop doing.
JON Tits is a medical term, man.
ERIC Really, Jon? That's a term your doctor would use?
TONY My doctor for sure, he's hilarious.
DAVE I think what Eric's trying to say is he'd prefer if we said 'breasts' when we're talking about tits
in the office.
ERIC No, that's not what I saying,...
TODD Todd for Dave.
DAVE Go for Dave.
TODD Why didn't you tell me the guy with the red Honda was a retard?
DAVE I did. I said, “some retard locked his keys in the car”.
ERIC He's driving and he's mentally challenged.
TONY Challenged? So what, we can't say 'retard' anymore, what the fuck is this?
TODD Do I charge this retard or what?
JON ERIC No. Yes.
JON Seriously?
ERIC Uh, we're running a business here, and if we want to expand-
JON Who wants to Expand?
ERIC Uh, we have a fleet of 3 tow trucks.
TONY Uh, two if you count the one I'm still working on.
JON The business is fine. We're doing fine.
TONY We're fine. I'm with Jon.
ERIC Oh really? So you don't wanna make more money?
TONY Okay, I'm with Eric.
DAVE Does anyone wanna hear what I think?
JON Who put you in charge, here?
ERIC Well I believe I'm the only one in here with their MBA.
TONY Ooh, well Jon'll see your MBA and raise you his GE fuckin D, buddy.
JON That's, that's not helping, Tony.
ERIC You know, a little appreciation would be nice here.
I quit a really high paying job to come back here and help you guys get this business back on track.
TODD What's the verdict? This guy won't stop talkin about wrestling.
ERIC Charge him.
TODD 10-4.
JON So that's how it's gonna be, you just get to decide. That's how it goes?
ERIC Yeah, well I believe I'm the only one CHAIRING THE MEETING.
JON Fine, then I'll call a meeting right now. Gentlemen, it's nice to see you both-
I can call a meeting.
ERIC You can't call a meeting in the middle of a meeting.
TONY Sure he can. Why not?
JON All in favour of ending dummy's meeting, can I see a show of hands.
TONY Right here!
ERIC No. No. Against, against the rules.
JON What? You make rules now, too?
ERIC Rules. One, two, three, fourth, FIFTH bullet point.
JON What you need to understand is that once you write something on here, it doesn't come true.
Okay, buddy?
BILL Shut up!
TONY Fucking retard. What are you, what are talkng about?
ERIC You can't say retard!
BILL Hey, everybody shut up!!
ERIC Dad?
BILL I've gotta get some files, no big deal.
DAVE You just had a heart attack.
BILL Aw, don't look at me like that Dave, you're acting like it was my first one.
Did your mother call?
What?
ERIC Well, you had four sons with four different women, you might wanna maybe give us a hint.
BILL Well we all know it isn't Tony. You know what happened there.
TONY Actually Dad, we don't.
BILL Well that's good. I think we should keep it that way, too.
No, it's Dave.
DAVE Yeah, we spoke about an hour ago.
BILL You did? She called?
DAVE Yeah.
BILL And?
DAVE Well, she thinks you're at home. In bed. Resting.
BILL That's perfect.
Well you should have seen me try to sneak out the window with this oxygen tank. I thought I was gonna kill myself.
Why aren't you out on the road?
JON Yeah, I'm just waiting for Eric to finish his “meeting” and then I'll get outta here.
ERIC What's “this”? It's a real meeting. I was just about to go over my Comment Box idea.
BILL Oh yeah, well I've got a couple of comments for ya.
Get this guy back out on the road, we can't stand around talking about our feelings. Nobody's making any money. Let's pick it up.
I thought you're supposed to be sorting our shit out for us, weren't ya?
ERIC Oh yeah, speaking of which,
um, if you need help with your paperwork; it's ah, it's kinda what I do. So, I mean I could-
BILL Okay, but I think I got this one. Okay?
ERIC Okay.
BILL Thanks, son.
ERIC No problem.
BILL That's my boy!
ERIC You know guys look, I know you guys have been here a lot longer than I have, and you've got
your way of doing things, which is, it's okay...
That man over there has poured his blood, sweat, and tears into building this tow truck company up over the past 30 years.
Can we do more? Sure. Are the books a mess? Yeah, probably. Would it be more efficient--
do you guys smell smoke?
JON Yeah, Dad's burning files again.
ERIC Oh Dad, what the hell?
[PHONE RINGS] DAVE Hello. Bill & Sons.
Eric, it's for you, some guy named Jim from your old job.
Alright.
ERIC Jimbo! How are ya?
JIM Fuck you, Eric. You need to return your laptop, you asshole.
ERIC Yeah. Yeah, things are great. How are you?
JIM You got fired, Eric. You don't get to take a laptop for screwing
what was arguably the easiest transportation merger-
ERIC Yeah, I'll send that over, lickety split. Not a problem.
JIM You better send it over lickety split, Eric.
ERIC Yeah, nice talking with you too, man. Okay, take care.
JIM Don't you fucking hang up on me, Eric.
ERIC Bye-Bye.
JIM I swear to Christ, I will smash your-
ERIC Dad, are you okay?
BILL [coughing]
DAVE Survive. That's the name of the other Seal song. ♪ No we're never gonna survive ♪
JON It's 'Crazy', Dave. 'Crazy'.
DAVE You're right. Thank you, Jonny. Good call.
JON I remembered that, because it's shit.