The Green Bean Gelatin Plan - Ep: 19


Uploaded by LizzieBennet on 11.06.2012

Transcript:
Lizzie: Good morning, Internet.
Or, you know, whatever time it is where you are. What time is it?
Good lord.
Wake up Lizzie. Come on.
I’m sorry Charlotte, you should probably just cut all of this.
Why do I even bother saying that? You never do.
Charlotte, you should keep in all of this mindless blithering in the video. Blah Blah Blah Blah...
My name is Lizzie Bennet, and...
So, why are you being treated to the Lizzie Bennet Zombie Diaries today?
So glad you asked. Is it because we are careening into the end of the semester, and I’m slammed with deadlines?
True, but no.
Is this a shameless ploy to invoke an internet meme for more viewers?
Not. Even.
Is it because George Wickham is back in town and neither one of us got any sleep last night?
Ha! You wish.
No, the blame, as it will surprise no one to learn, rests with my mother.
I believe I’ve mentioned before that she loves a good panic.
Charlotte, roll the clip.
Thrift is to be admired, Lizzie, but that is no reason to show off our virtue.
But her latest fixation has taken on a whole new level of nuts.
This morning, my mother dragged me out of bed to go grocery shopping with her at four AM.
Who goes grocery shopping at four AM?
Insomniacs? College students? Vampires?
Yeah, obviously, someone must or we wouldn’t have 24-hour grocery stores.
Well, now you can add the Bennet family to taht list because Mom has decided she doesn’t want any of our neighbors to see her using coupons.
So I’m dutifully helping her fill our cart with cans of green beans in cranberry juice. Five for four dollars, this week only!
When it hits me what’s wrong with this picture? We’re buying canned green beans in cranberry juice at four in the morning!
Jane: Hey Lizzie, you want me to drop you off on my way in to work?
Lizzie: Yeah, hang on a sec.To be continued.
Lizzie: Hey again. It’s been another fun-filled day in the Bennet household.
I didn’t think this was possible, but the green beans in cranberry juice situation has gotten even stranger.
Mom wasn’t just buying them because they were on sale. Oh no. She had a plan.
Behold. Green beans in cranberry jello.
Seeing is believing am I right?
And now for the plan! Hang on.
Jane? Can I borrow you for a second?
Jane: What is it?
What are we doing?
Lizzie: I need a scene partner.
Ta da! Isn’t it perfect?
Jane: Wow Mom, that’s a really nice cranberry gelatin mold with green beans in it. Lizzie, this isn’t very nice.
Lizzie: Is it true?
Jane: Yes, but, you always make Mom seem unhinged.
Lizzie: Okay, you play Mom.
That’s so nice Mom, are we eating that or is it for the neighborhood potluck?
Jane: Oh, no. Jane, it’s no for eating.
Lizzie: Oh? What’s it for?
Jane: It’s for you to carry over to Mr. Bing Lee’s house. Now, I have checked the weather, and we are due for a freak rain storm tomorrow afternoon. You’ll wear your white dress--with full lining of course--the rain will melt the gelatin, which will then run all over your dress. Naturally, when you arrive at his house, Bing Lee will offer to wash it for you...This isn’t a good plan, Lizzie.
Lizzie: I know.
Jane: I don’t want to do that.
Lizzie: Don’t worry. You won’t. I got this.
The things I do for my sister.
This plan was impressive, even for Mom. The only thing Mom loves more than a good panic is a convoluted plan.
I was just planning to talk to Mom, but when I went downstairs, she was talking to Dad. And I wasn’t eavesdropping. It just that her voice...carries.
Should I get in costume for this? Eh, Screw it.
They were talking about a second mortgage and the falling value of the house--and...other personal financial details that I will not share on the Internet.
I haven’t been talking about this stuff because...it’s boring, but there’s a reason we all still live at home and Jane isn’t paying back her student loans. But, now it seems to be getting worse.
Is this whole marriage fixation a race to get us out of the house before there isn’t a house to be out of anymore? Like we’d lose the house. At least not anytime soon. Mom just loves a good panic.
You know the parts that are just gelatin aren’t that bad...let’s just save that for later.