Congressmen Submit Emergency 3 AM Bill Demanding IHOP Stay Open All Night

Uploaded by TheOnion on 27.05.2010

We now call to order this hearing for House of Representatives Bill
323, the "I-Hop should stay open all night so we could get some pancakes act".
This bill was submitted by representatives Haley, Nelson and Reymous.
For immediate review very late last night under the provisions of the National
Emergency Legislation act. -Can we dim the lights, it's really bright in
-HR323 would by federal order require all I-Hop restaurants to "remain open 24 hours a
effective right this minute, even if some manager has to get out of bed and drive out
here to start making some pancakes. -Well, we stand by the bill.
-Right. We wrote it. Apparently, so we support it.
-You must feel strongly that this issue is urgent, considering you submitted the bill
at 3:33 AM this morning and sent me a text message reading "...Sol you have to support
the pancake bill. Bill, we are dying here, where are you? Come out.
-Right. Now look, this is about consumer confidence.
What happens if the American people were out late with their colleagues and a couple of
really fun software salesmen from boston. And then they walk all the way to the
I-Hop and they find that it's closed. -It outrages them. They get mad and they turn
around and slip and fall on the wet grass.
-And how exactly does that factor into the 2 million dollars a year marked here for
research to determine whether pancake and waffle batter are the same thing?
-I don't know how that got there... -This bill would also require the Federal
Government pay the bill for the tram or monorail or whatever connecting the
"Black Sheep Pub" on North Capital street to all I-Hop restaurants....
-Right the monorail... -I think we made some illustrations of that.
-The bill gives the estimated cost of the tram as probably not even that much.
Is there any more definite number there?
-Um... -Alright.
The final section here calls for Rep. Reymous to be henceforth to be
referred to as the "Dawn Man"... -That's right.
-He is the "Dawn Man". -Dawn man!
-You are wasting my time and the time of this committee.
-Excuse me, I gotta go. -What? Congressman this committee is still in
session you can't....