Spriggs: A Halo 3 Machinima, Episode 5 "Hammer Time"


Uploaded by RunningGunStudio on 12.01.2008

Transcript:
Well, you two didn't take any direct hits so you're both in the clear.
Oh, that means you are here, coincidently enough, for the unveiling!
It was tricky, I had to borrow parts from a couple different sources,
but your officer is unexploded.
Oh, you're a master at your craft.
I think it's some of my best work, oh thank you.
Oh, don't you boys agree?
How do I look boys?
Absolutely fine.
What? Is there something on my... that doesn't feel right.
No, nothing on your face... everything's cool...
Oh, you're fine, the scarring is just a bit off.
I can handle scarring, scarring's... very manly...
In fact, I think you'll look better for it once it heals.
You'll look like a whole new... man?
Just... just think about all those girls that you can get.
Oh, well, I didn't work a miracle here.
I dunno about that Meme, it's pretty close.
I mean, that's what I thought he looked like before I met him.
Don't you agree Spriggs?
My god... my virgin ears, such profanity!
Uh... maybe... maybe some of you would like to restate
your previously stated opinions?
I did my duty to the human race by ensuring
that you would never breed again? Tee hee!
It makes you look like a whole new man.
You can get all those, uh, tentacle porn chicks now.
Eew.
Yeah, maybe not. I'm going for a drive.
I'll... this is... this is tighter than it used to be.
I'll see you boys later.
Uhh... yeah... about that...
Mission successful, those humans never saw us coming.
They weren't even there!
I'll just be glad when we can unload so we can eat.
Oh I'm so hungry.
Relax, we got everything we needed.
Despite your ability to fuck everything up.
Are you saying I'm unreliable?
No. But now that you mention it.
Hey guys?
When have I ever let you guys down?
How long of a list do you want?
Now you're just being cruel.
Tell me one thing, one thing you've done that worked out for us.
Uhm... guys?
I got us three new translators, didn't I?
Ooh. Three for one? Stupid grunts... I'll take it!
If these translators are so good,
why were the grunts so willing to trade?
Answer me that, mister know-it-all.
I'm sure they had a good reason.
But you know what really bugs me?
What?
You really wanna know?
Yeah!
Guys!
WHAT?!
Did anybody remember to get some food?
Noooooooo!
You know, I'm not that concerned about the mongooses,
not even my warthog.
I'm kinda curious about the rest of the warthogs,
and I'd love to know where our power supply went to,
but what I really wanna know is
WHERE ARE MY GOD DAMNED TANKS?!
I blame Triple M.
Sergeant, present!
Willy did it sir!
Snitch.
No shit, I coulda guessed that,
but since we're all here now,
somebody got to the big toys first.
Hey, I only used one tank,
and I only mildly singed the warthogs.
So I assume it's Wednesday?
Well, Thursday.
We've been a bit disorganized without you sir.
Is that how you managed to misplace all of my tanks?
I have no recollection of any armored units sir?
Try that again sergeant.
Well then I admit it might be possible
that theoretically right now they could potentially
be half way to Kansas...
And why would they be "half way to Kansas"?
The power cores I was working with might have become unstable.
What power cores?
The power cores for the me... err... the rail... err...
I have no memory of any power cores sir.
Try that again, intelligibly sergeant.
I didn't say anything of importance?
Again.
Uhh... these are not the power cores you are looking for?
Do I look like a complete idiot sergeant?
Don't answer him, it's a trick question.
Fine, what were they for?
Maybe he was working on a plasma core launching system?
And why would he be working on a "plasma core launching system"?
Cause our enemy doesn't have one?
What enemy? We're in peace time you idiots!
The enemy... you know... cause they're... the enemy?
Willy...
Yeah?
Willy...
Compile a report on the plausibility of a
plasma core lauching system and have it on my desk by 0430.
I'll copy and paste it from my personal files.
But why so early?
I need napkins for my donuts. Triple M.
On my way to toilet detail, sir.
Belay that, get a wrench and rebuild my armor core.
Oh, and Triple M...
You guys done yet?
Meme's got toilet detail.
Uh... Hammer...
I’m sorry, lieutenant, but I didn’t hear what you just said.
Hammer...
Oh no, you are going to clean toilets my dear.
This is my base, and if you insist on watching over me,
you're gonna be working under me, you got that?
Oh, well that went well, didn't it?
You really showed her sir.
Are you two talking?
No, maam.