Kung Fu Karl - Back to School (Ep #19)


Uploaded by MondoMedia on 25.08.2012

Transcript:
[Karl:] School's in, suckers!
It's that time of year,
when kids pack up their suitcases,
kiss their mommies goodbye,
and put on their thinking caps as they head off to college.
Now college ain't all about jell-o shots,
panty raids,
and horrifying foot fungus from the shower.
There's a whole lot more you gotta learn about college life,
and it brings us to the
Back in the day, I was a bright-eyed freshman at the prestigious
It was move-in day, and I had just met my new roommate,
He was polite, clean, and generous,
so naturally I hated his stupid face.
I quickly realized that having a roommate sucked,
so I got Doug to move out with a savvy move I called
It's exactly what you think it is.
I managed to get 20 roommates to move out that first week,
so the school just stopped trying and let me live by myself!
I could do my aerobics in the nude,
practice my sonic accordion as loud as I wanted,
and hog that sweet, sweet Top Ramen all to myself.
Anyway,
a couple weeks passed, and I started to get pretty lonely.
I didn't have any friends,
I gained the Freshman 230,
and my foot fungus was getting more aggressive by the day.
I needed a roommate bad.
And since no human student wanted to live with me,
I went with the next best thing and stole a test monkey from the science lab.
I named him Crotch Face,
and he was awesome.
Me and Crotch Face were best buds.
We'd party together,
groom each other,
and have epic feces fights.
But the good times didn't last long.
After a long night of drinkin' and crammin' for an Intro to Stained Cushions final,
Crotch Face started to furiously hump on my sonic accordion.
I politely asked him to stop,
and he responded like any civilized insane test monkey would.
By trying to rip off my genitals
and eat my face.
Now, I've fought a lot of crazy things in my day.
But fighting a drunk monkey is the worst.
After goin' for my face and junk,
he climbed to the top of the bunk bed and started hurling barrels at me.
And just when I thought I was a goner,
My old roommate Doug Friendlyson busted in to save the day!
As Crotch Face tore Doug's genitals to shreds,
I got the hell outta there,
dropped out of college,
and we all lived happily ever after.
Well
except for Doug and Crotch Face.
They ended up killin' each other.
Well, I hope you freshmen learned something from today's life lesson.
Drunk monkeys make bad rommates.
You probably didn't learn anything though.
'Cuz all freshman are dummies.
Well, I'mma go wizz at my old Alma Mater,
hang out by the girls' locker room, and just see what happens.
So until next time, I'll leave you with
If you accidentally call out the wrong name during sex,
just start yellin' out all kinds of random shit.
She'll think you're insane, which is always a huge turn-on.
Tweet your questions at ASKKFK,
and I'll answer the hell out of it.
Or just ignore it.
It's question time once again.
What do you think's worse:
constantly having to study for a super-hard exam you'll never take?
Or constantly puking from being insanely hung over.
Leave your answers in the comments below!