BACK TO SCHOOL w/ Dan Brown & David Rees - 9/5/12 (Full Ep)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 05.09.2012

Transcript:
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Ladies and boys, class is in session.

[BELL RINGING]
DAN BROWN: Excuse me.
Do you mind if I uh sit here?
BETH HOYT: Nope sorry.
No, that's seat's definitely taken.
DAN BROWN: Just let me grab a corner, maybe?
BETH HOYT: No, no, no.
I'm putting my my bag there, or something.
Dan?
DAN BROWN: I'll sit somewhere else.
BETH HOYT: Oh, my God!
Dan, I thought--
I thought you were Nate.
Take a seat.
Oh, my God.
You guys, I'm so-- it's Dan Brown, you guys.
Man, welcome to My Damn Channel LIVE.
I'm so glad you're here.
DAN BROWN: Thanks for having me.
BETH HOYT: OK.
I'm really glad you're here actually.
It's really, really convenient.
Because we're doing a back-to-school
episode right now.
And um we were planning on you providing like a lot of the
tips and stuff, to make this school year awesome or better
or just like to not suck.
DAN BROWN: Cool!
BETH HOYT: So--
DAN BROWN: I was hoping to do that.
I have quite a few tips about how to make school awesome.
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah.
It's all coming back to me.
Sorry, I just took a sip of this Capri Sun.
And I just transported--
OK.
Let's talk chemistry.
DAN BROWN: Let's do it.
BETH HOYT: Um Dan, are you going into the school year
distracted about any summer crushes?
DAN BROWN: Uh not--
I'm not really going into the school year at all.
But I mean, yes, I, uh, Taylor Swift.
BETH HOYT: Yeah?
She's got you, huh?
DAN BROWN: She told me we're never ever
getting back together.
BETH HOYT: She flips back and forth.
You never--
never means maybe with her.
DAN BROWN: I'm hoping.
BETH HOYT: Yep.
DAN BROWN: How about you?
BETH HOYT: She'll write some songs for you.
I, um, I definitely have--
I met James Van Der Beek this summer.
DAN BROWN: OK.
BETH HOYT: I had a concussion at the time.
Um I had-- oh, I met this guy.
I was coming out of the beach.
And I tossed my hair around.
And he came out of the water.
[BELL RINGING]
Whoa.
Um, OK.
I guess that's moving on to the next period.
Um, but if you guys need help getting over your crushes,
Joseph Birdsong from "Answerly" is here to help.
Check this out.
We'll be right back.

BETH HOYT: Mm mm mm, mm mm, mm mm, mm.
Woo!
That is some good orange soda.
This week's question comes from our website.
"Joe, I'm a lesbian, and I have a major
crush on this girl.
The problem is, she's straight.
I know that the best thing for me to do is to let her go.
But I don't know if I can.
Do you have any advice on how to get over a straight girl?"
Well, you know me.
I've always got something to say, whether it's good, or
whether I need to keep my mouth shut.
So here I go.
Every single one of us is going to have a crush, at some
point in our lives.
And it's going to be somethone we just can't have, for any
number of reasons.
And we will have to ask ourselves.
How do I get over a crush?
Now, a crush does not have to be a bad thing.
It becomes a bad thing, when we start
obsessing over the person.
And then, it affects your relationship with the person.
And then it weirds them out because you're going
a little bit crazy.
But there are some things that you can do to help get over
these feelings.
The first step that I have written down is
to accept the crush.
I accept you, crush.
Woosha.
You need to realize that this is just a crush.
This never something deeper.
This was never some deep love that you shared
between each other.
You did not have 20 babies together.
And you need to ask yourself if you really want to be with
someone who doesn't share these sorts of
feelings with you.
And then, you need to recognize what all this means,
which is that you're crazy in the head.
And you need to calm your torts, calm your torts down.
Next, you need to put away all of the reminders of that
person in your life.
This might be a little bit hard, especially if that
person is your friend.
But it might be what you need right now, if you're crushing
pretty unhealthily, to help get you over the situation.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Why do I make sounds?
After this revelation, you need to focus
on something else.
You need to, like your binoculars, you focus them,
except with your mind.
You focus.
Or your time, you focus.
Am I making any sense?
Nope?
Nothing's unusual about that.
If you keep yourself busy, then hopefully, your mind will
have less time to think about the person.
And you can see that you can have fun without them.
And if you feel like it, it might help to get out there,
to go flirt with some people, have a good time, live your
life, meet some people.
The YOLO is what all the kids are saying these day.
I know what you kids are saying.
I listen to you kids, sometimes.
Find a new crush, maybe a celebrity crush.
Reblog a whole bunch of pictures of
your celebrity crush.
And then, you tape up a bunch of photos of your celebrity
crush to your wall.
And then, you roll your body along the wall.
And then, you watch all of his or her movies.
And then, you bake a cake with their face on it.
And then, you can eat their face on the cake so that they
can always be with you.
This advice probably seems a little bit lame or obvious.
But a big part of getting over a crush is just realizing it
is a crush and realizing that you will have other crushes.
And then, maybe one of these days, one of those crushes
will like you as well.
And you will have 20 babies.
And then, you will be happily ever after.
And then, you will break up.
And then, you'll want to roll under your
bed for about a month.
And then, when you're under your bed, you
open up your laptop.
And I'll be there.
I'll be there to help you through it.
Yay!
So as usual, you can leave questions for future videos in
the comment section or on my site at cupofjoeshow.com.
[BELL RINGING]
BETH HOYT: Now it's time to take our school photo ID.
These are never good.
And you have to use them all year long.
And you only get like two seconds to take it.
It's so much pressure.
So we're going to give you some tips on how to take the
perfect ID photo.
OK Dan, what's our first tip?
DAN BROWN: OK, well, this may sound obvious.
But the first tip is, you have to smile.
Nobody looks good with a serious photo.
BETH HOYT: All right.
Let's show them how it's done.
Um Nate, you're going to take our pictures?
Don't, don't mess this up, seriously.
NATE: Smile.
BETH HOYT: Oh, I think it's good.
Let's take a look.
Good job, very nice smile, wonderfully done.
OK, my turn.
NATE: Smile.
BETH HOYT: OK.
Let's see it.
Nate, Nate, you take the pictures
in between the blinks.
I told you not to--
OK, were going to get this next one.
Um what's tip number two, Dan?
DAN BROWN: All right.
Tip number two is, you have to look right into the camera.
Your friends will try to distract you.
But don't let them.
BETH HOYT: Right and the photographer will like tell
you to say cheese.
It's a very simple step.
But it's extremely vital.
OK, Dan, go for it.
NATE: Say cheese.
DAN BROWN: Cheese.
And it looks like--
wow!
Look at that, direct contact.
Really nailing it.
Good job, Dan.
DAN BROWN: I do what I can.
BETH HOYT: [SNEEZING]
Oh, no.
No, no, no, that doesn't count.
That doesn't count.
That doesn't count because I was--
Nate!
OK.
It's impossible.
I'm not looking at the camera because it's impossible to
keep your eyes open and sneeze.
That's a fact.
DAN BROWN: That's a fact, scientific.
BETH HOYT: Yep.
DAN BROWN: All right, the final tip, this is less about
the technique and more about just, uh, feeling.
You have to imagine yourself as you want
to be seen by others.
And that positivity will transfer right to the photo.
BETH HOYT: Great tip.
OK, go for it.
Um I gotta nail this one.

Wow!
OK.
That looked very positive.
Let's see it.
Wow!
I tell you what.
So that's how you see yourself, huh?
DAN BROWN: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: That's how--
I see that.
All right.
I'm ready.
I'm seeing positive.
I'm feeling positive.
Let's do this.
OK.
This one better be it.
Let's see it.
What?
What is--
That's not funny.
DAN BROWN: I--
I think that's how I see yourself.
BETH HOYT: Oh, no.
Nate, what is happening here?
NATE: I don't know.
Something weird's going on.
BETH HOYT: I mean, obviously, I think.
That's--
OK, let's use the um-- let's use the one with my eyes
closed, I guess.
NATE: You didn't like it.
So I deleted it already.
BETH HOYT: OK.
Well, let's take another one.
NATE: OK.
BETH HOYT: All right.
I'm ready.
[BELL RINGING]
No, ah!
We're out of time.
OK.
That's another year, another bad photo.
That's too bad.
Um I'll just spend the rest of the year like making up for it
by wearing fabulous clothes.
That's how you make up for it.
NATE: Sure.
BETH HOYT: And OK, because she's the best and
fashionable, let's get our "Coffey Chat" on
with Shannon Coffey.

SHANNON COFFEY: You're watching "Coffey Chat." Today,
I want to talk about style.
Style!
As you already know, I'm a professional fashionista.
You know, a style guru.
I want to give you some history about clothes because
it's very important.
Clothes were invented out of necessity.
Because people were always like bong, bong, woo, woo, oh,
your privates.
I can see your privates.
Um and that wasn't OK.
So then people were like, well, we need
to cover our privates.
What are we going to do?
And that's when they said, oh, what about some leaves?
Leaves.
Leaves were like the original fashion.
People would be like, oh, I got some leaves on me.
I'm a fashion icon.
What I'm wearing right now is just something I threw on.
It's not like a well-prepared outfit.
It's just kind of what I hang out in.
So I'm gonna pick out some items
from my personal wardrobe.
And I'm gonna put together some different types of
outfits, style.
T-shirts are a very popular kind of clothing.
You can wear a t-shirt that's plain.
Or you can wear a t-shirt that has something on it.
If you like cars, this is a good shirt to wear.
Because then, people will say, oh, that
person's wearing a car.
They must like or know about cars.
Obviously, I like cats.
Cats!
You can wear something with patterns.
The pattern on this tank top is a bunch of eyeballs.
That lets people know.
Oh, you gonna look me.
I'm gonna look you.
A cool thing about fashion is you don't always have to use
things the way they're intended to be used.
For example, you have a skirt.
Now you could just wear this as a skirt.
And it'd be really cute.
Or you can say, I'm gonna wear this skirt like a top.
No rules.
You don't like it as a top?
OK, then you can wear it like a necklace, a necklace.
Brr, brr.
No rules.
Tights are a good way to say, oh, these are my legs.
But they're not naked.
A easy fun thing is to just throw on a dress.
For a long time, only men were allowed to wear dresses.
But now that it's 2012, everyone can wear dresses.
It's the future.
If you're just wearing a dress, you can get away with
not adding anything to it.
But if I was going to wear this dress, I would wear it
with this black leather jacket.
This kind of mixes a more delicate side
with a bad-ass side.
You could also add a denim vest.
When you're wearing layers of clothing, you're also showing
people the different layers of your personality.
In this case, they say, oh, she's got leather.
Watch out, she's dangerous.
Oh, she's got denim?
She like everybody else.
And if you got flowers, that means you're
delicate, like a flower.
If you're a real estate agent and you're
showing off a new house.
This is a good outfit to say, you know what, I'm confident.
You should buy this house.
I think I would probably add a little feminine hat on the
side, just like this.
Oh, look me.
I'm wearing a hat.
I have style.
It's a really good look if you're
going to report a crime.
You could say, hey, I hear a crime happened.
Look at me, I'm trustworthy.
This is basically a one-piece denim jumper, which basically
means it's like a full-body suit.
I know some places call hoodies jumpers.
But as you can see, we're in the US.
So I'm gonna call this a jumper.
And I would add this longer shirt, that is a sort of
flannel type of shirt.
You could take this bottom part and like tie it
up in a cute knot.
I just let it sit like that.
And it looks like a little bit flirty and playful.
Neon colors are very popular.
And they're really good for standing out.
So I always like to buy a couple of neon items, to just
make an outfit pop.
This is my favorite piece of neon clothing that I own.
And it really just stands out and says, look at me.
I'm a fashion icon.
If you're gonna wear an outfit like this, you have to be
prepared for people on the street being
like, look at you.
You are sexy right now, with that vest.
So just be prepared that a lot of people are going to
compliment you and maybe hit on you.
Because you're wearing a sexy vest.
So now this look is as good as it gets.
You're looking good.
If there's someone that you're trying to attract, and you
want to say, I am so sexy.
This is a really good look.
It's a really good idea to add a lot of
accessories to your outfit.
Sometimes, when you store your jewelry, they'll get all
tangled together like this.
This is actually a blessing in disguise.
Because now you have something that nobody else owns.
It's a one-of-a-kind.
So when this happens, don't try to disconnect the stuff.
Just use it any way you can.
In this case, I would say that this is going
to be an ear cuff.
When you're accessorizing, there's no
such thing too much.
So a good thing is to just keep on adding.
You can put one here.
Another thing you can do is put like an
arm-warmer thing on.
I like this because it adds a little bit of
color to your outfit.
I also like this because it looks a
little bit like a cast.
And you've got to think, oh, did she break her arm?
Or is she just really fashionable?
Mystery.
If your a teacher who's about to give all your students an
F, this is a really good look to say, I'm serious, better
start studying.
OK, that's it.
I hope you guys enjoyed my style advice and got some good
style tips.
And I'd like to remind you about My Damn Channel's
sponsor, becomeanex.org.
They're on a mission to help quit people smoking.
And they have a really cool series
called The Tweekly News.
So check it out.
[THUNDER]
[CAT MEOW]
BETH HOYT: It's time to get real with you guys.
We're going to talk about bullying.
NATE: Bullying happens in schools everywhere.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, and it's not cool.
Um but sometimes kids wonder.
You know, what's just horsing around?
And what's crossing the line into bullying.
Today we're going to show you.
NATE: OK.
So for these scenarios, Beth, why don't you play the bully.
BETH HOYT: Yes, OK.
DAN BROWN: And I'll be the other person being bullied.
BETH HOYT: Actually, you know what, Dan.
That's very nice of you.
But we have Nate here.
I'll just bully Nate.
So you don't have to do that.
I'll bully you.
NATE: OK.
BETH HOYT: It'll be fun.
It's gonna be fun.
Oh, do you want to give the first bullying tip?
DAN BROWN: Oh, sure.
OK.
The first kind of bullying we're going to look at is new.
But it's also very hurtful.
It's called cyberbullying.
Beth and Nate are going to show you guys how dangerous
this kind of bullying can be.
BETH HOYT: Fantastic.

NATE: [WHISTLING]
BETH HOYT: [LAUGHING]
MALE SPEAKER: Don't do that.

DAN BROWN: OK.
The next kind of bullying is verbal bullying, name calling.
It can scar you.
Uh Beth, can you please show us what it means to cross the
line from just teasing to abuse?
BETH HOYT: Sure, yeah, yeah.
OK.

Well, look who it is.
It's Nate.
Nate, why are you wearing that headset?
Are you talking to your mom?
When was the last time you wet your pants, Nate?
Was it recently, when you were in bed and you thought you
were peeing?
But you were really just in your bed and you weren't in
the bathroom.
What is this up here.
Is this your face or did your neck throw up?
Nate, you're going to be alone forever.
F-O-R-V-E-R.
MALE SPEAKER: Don't do that.

BETH HOYT: Oh, gosh.
DAN BROWN: Great job, Beth.
BETH HOYT: Thanks.
DAN BROWN: Lastly, let's address physical bullying.
Nobody should touch anyone else, without their
permission.
BETH HOYT: Unless it's your crush.
And he pins you up against the locker, for like a movie kiss.
That's-- that's OK.
DAN BROWN: Uh that-- that one is an exception.
But Beth and Nate, uh please demonstrate unwelcome
physicality.
BETH HOYT: OK, great.
All right.
Here we go.
Get down, what's this?
NATE: Ow!
BETH HOYT: It's a nuggie.
Oh, that's what it is.
NATE: Ow!
What are you doing?
BETH HOYT: Oh, and then, what's this?
Did that hurt?
NATE: Yes, ow!
Ow, ow!
BETH HOYT: Why are you doing that?
MALE SPEAKER: Don't do that.

BETH HOYT: Say something.
I dare you, say something.
Say--
[BELL RINGING]
DAN BROWN: And scene.
BETH HOYT: OK.
[LAUGHING]
Wow!
Really saved by that bell, Nate.
OK, I love you.
Thanks.
DAN BROWN: Thanks-- thanks for helping us out, Nate.
BETH HOYT: Get back to work though.
OK?
Thanks.
Ha, that was fun.
DAN BROWN: Yeah.
And remember, if you feel like bullying has gotten too
serious, you can always go to an authority figure.
BETH HOYT: Like me.
Nate, if you like want to talk about what just happened with
anyone, you can come talk to me about it.
So--
DAN BROWN: Or start a blog.
BETH HOYT: OK.
We'll be back with more tips.
And we'll get into your chat.
But here's a new "McMayhem" for you, in the meanwhiles.

STEPHEN SEIDEL: (OFFSCREEN): People are expected to pick up
their dog poop.
We're here to make them pick up somebody else's.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): We're the poo poo policemen.

STEPHEN SEIDEL: (OFFSCREEN): It's a program called leave
one, take one.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): You come in.
And if you see some extra poop just lying around.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Right.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): Pick it up.
You see any dogs up there?
What did they have for breakfast this morning?
I'll pick up the smaller one.
And you pick up the larger one.
I'll hold the dog.
You go in for it.
STEPHEN SEIDEL: (OFFSCREEN): That's a
regular dog right there.
There it is.
That's a healthy one.
STEPHEN SEIDEL (OFFSCREEN): That is a--
STEPHEN SEIDEL: (OFFSCREEN): Quarter pounder.
CHRIS CROCKER: A dog owner, a great citizen.
STEPHEN SEIDEL: (OFFSCREEN): Thank you.
Appreciate it.
We're going to send this poop to the lab.
And you have fun with your labs.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): I'm gonna pull this
around your your hand.
And before you know it, that poop is gone.
If dog poop smelled good--
FEMALE SPEAKER: Yeah.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): They'd make cologne out of it.
The only way we can keep this park safe is, we gotta take up
all that shit.
The way things are working out between me and you.
I didn't know that we would-- one minute we'd be talking
about poop.
And the next minute, we would be picking it up together.
And we're actually trying to start uh, scientifically,
trying to figure out how to stop dogs from pooping.
And there it is.
It's called the pull and swoop.
You pull and swoop.
[ALL]
Pull and swoop, pull and swoop.
If you didn't know, we're picking up the poop.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): Someone didn't pick up their
dog's poop.
So I have some right here.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Uh, some dog poop?
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
FEMALE SPEAKER: OK.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): Would you mind
throwing it out for me?
FEMALE SPEAKER: I don't mind, yeah.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): All right, in the garbage can.
MALE SPEAKER: OK.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): And your poop smells so bad.
OK?
All right, thank you.
I think your dog just peed on me.
I'm not even kidding.
I guess that's strike one?
MALE SPEAKER: Yeah, probably.
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): OK.
[BELL RINGING]
BETH HOYT: OK.
We're back.
Let's talk about my favorite thing in a new school year.
BETH HOYT: School supplies, I recommend, uh, Trapper
Keepers, if you want to be fully-equipped
for the school year.
BETH HOYT: So good.
I recommend picking out the Lisa Frank folder that
represents your spirit animals.
Also, using paper bags as book covers because that's like,
you can doodle on them.
And last tip here is a pencil case that's big enough to
sneak candy into.
Although, it's really weird to call it a pencil case.
Because who uses pencils anymore?
DAN BROWN: Yeah, I don't think I've used a pencil since they
invented the iPad.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, it's so--
DAVID REES: Both of you are saying things that
you'll come to regret.
BETH HOYT: Oh!
Wow!
So scared, you startled me.
I didn't see you there.
Hi, David.
DAVID REES: Hi.
BETH HOYT: Um you guys, this is David Rees, pencil expert.
I didn't see you.
DAVID REES: Thanks for having me.
BETH HOYT: Our pleasure.
DAVID REES: Why aren't you using uh pencils?
MATT MCMANUS (OFFSCREEN): Uh, they're just kind of rendered
irrelevant these days by new technologies, smartphones,
what have you.
BETH HOYT: And pens, too, are just sometimes more efficient.
I--
DAVID REES: In what way?
BETH HOYT: I'm wrong.
DAVID REES: In what way?
BETH HOYT: They'll-- you can write on your skin.
DAVID REES: Is a pen better than a pencil?
BETH HOYT: You can write on your skin.
DAVID REES: You can do that with a pencil.
DAN BROWN: Pens last longer and you don't
have to sharpen them.
DAVID REES: Pencils last longer than pens.
BETH HOYT: I do kind of agree with you on that one.
DAVID REES: There are pencils that are hundreds of years old
that still work.
And there are pens that dry out, in a matter of months.
BETH HOYT: That's true.
DAVID REES: You literally have no idea what you're saying.
BETH HOYT: But um--
I mean, also you guys, if you have questions,
then get in the chat.
Because we're gonna-- we're gonna open up your pencil
expertise to people.
DAVID REES: Nothing would make me happier than to answer
people's questions about pencils.
BETH HOYT: I would like to see you extremely happy.
I would like that.
DAVID REES: Who's to say I'm not teetering on
ecstasy as we speak?
BETH HOYT: Um so I have a question.
Um, well.
How did you and pencils become so intertwined?
When did this--
DAVID REES: Well, actually, I have a
pencil sharpening business.
For those Americans who still do use pencils, for the price
of $20, I will sharpen their pencils, via my website
artisanalpencilsharpening.com.

And I've also literally written the book on pencil
sharpening techniques.
BETH HOYT: That's true.
DAVID REES: My book, How to Sharpen Pencils, contains 18
chapters of pencil sharpening techniques for the for the
enthusiast.
BETH HOYT: Or the soon-to-be enthusiast.
DAVID REES: Or the soon-to-be enthusiast.
BETH HOYT: I suppose if you're starting off.
And you're feeling a little--
DAVID REES: To read this book is to become a pencil
enthusiast.
BETH HOYT: Gah, it sounds exciting.
DAVID REES: It's a gateway drug.
DAN BROWN: And and so what-- how do you sharpen a pencil?
I just thought you stick it in and do the thing.
And then, it's done.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, me too.
DAVID REES: How old are you?
DAN BROWN: I'm 22.
DAVID REES: OK.
That--
BETH HOYT: Me too.
DAVID REES: That explains a lot.
There are many ways to point a pencil, guys.
OK, the oldest technique, of course, is to use a straight
blade, like a pocket knife.
BETH HOYT: Mm hm.
DAVID REES: And then there are more advanced techniques that
have spun out from that.
There's antique sharpeners, called little shavers, which
are just articulated blades on on arms.
There's also single and double burr hand-crank sharpeners.
There's single-blade pocket sharpeners, which produce the
iconic, uh, ribbon of shavings.
There's--
BETH HOYT: The iconic ribbon of shavings?
DAVID REES: Yeah.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
BETH HOYT: No.
DAVID REES: All right.
Let me see if I have some in my kit, actually.
NATE: Well, in the meantime, do we have a comment?
BETH HOYT: We have a comment from YouTube.
Good call.
Let's get in there.
Are you ready, David?
DAVID REES: I'm ready.
BETH HOYT: This is from pawneegoddess. "When was the
pencil invented?" That's a good question.
DAVID REES: The birthplace of the modern pencil we date back
to around 1565, when shepherds discovered in Borrowdale
Parish, England, the world's first and still largest
naturally-occurring deposit of graphite, which is an
allotrope of carbon.
And it was then that shepherds started using the graphite to
mark their sheep.
They misidentified the graphite as lead, which is
actually why we call a pencil lead, lead, even though it's
never had lead in it.
You can chew pencils all day.
You'll never get lead poisoning.
DAN BROWN: And-- and what's an allotrope?
DAVID REES: An allotrope is a certain molecular arrangement
of an element.
So graphite is an allotrope of carbon, as is diamond.
DAN BROWN: OK.
DAVID REES: Diamond and graphite are both carbon.
The difference is that the molecular structure of
diamond, uh, is, uh, very powerful.
The bond is very powerful, which makes
diamonds very hard.
Whereas, the molecular structure of graphite is
actually a thin layer of hexagonal lattices, which
means the graphite is sharp, which make it
ideal for pencil pointing.
BETH HOYT: Well, it's also why it always crumbles
when you push hard.
DAVID REES: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: Which is when pencils, I think, are--
DAVID REES: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: Inferior to pens.
We have another comment from YouTube.
Um, misssavetheicecaps, "can you show us a perfectly
sharpened pencil?"
DAVID REES: I can't.
BETH HOYT: I think--
DAVID REES: Next comment.
BETH HOYT: Like you-- like, you don't have
one here right now.
Or that is never--
DAVID REES: I don't have one.
And, and, and, I mean, an unsharpened pencil, of course,
achieves a certain platonic ideal, insofar as, we have not
yet corrupted it, by trying to point the pencil.
BETH HOYT: Sure.
DAVID REES: But a sharpened pencil, the excellence of its
form is going to be determined, in part, by the
ends to which the user wants to apply it.
And so each perfect pencil--
each pencil's perfection, rather, is determined in part
by what the user wants.
So I can't--
some woman--
BETH HOYT: What if I want to just--
DAVID REES: Some ice cap enthusiast--
BETH HOYT: She's trying to save the ice caps.
DAVID REES: She's like, show me a
perfectly sharpened pencil.
It's like, well, I have no idea what you
want to use it for.
BETH HOYT: How far is this from--
see this one just-- you can wind up, you know.
DAVID REES: Well, this is like, I mean--
BETH HOYT: This is just a windy--
DAVID REES: This is a mechanical pencil that is--
that is a plastic simulacrum of a of a cedar pencil.
BETH HOYT: Oh gosh.
DAVID REES: It's disgusting.
BETH HOYT: Oh, that's--
DAVID REES: These are-- these are
garbage and must be destroyed.
BETH HOYT: Ooh!
DAN BROWN: Don't do that.
Hold up.
Now, why why do I always get graphite on my hand from
mechanical pencils and not from pencil pencils?
What's the difference?
DAVID REES: Well, you--
you just lied to me.
BETH HOYT: You've upset him.
DAVID REES: There's no difference in the lead of a
mechanical pencil and that of a regular pencil.
DAN BROWN: OK.
DAVID REES: Or what we might call a pencil, OK.
And the graphite, depending on the quality of the graphite,
is going to leave smudges.
Because, of course, it's adhering to the skin as well
as the page.
BETH HOYT: We have a comment from YouTube.
Let's--
let's cool this down, you guys.
This is getting heated.
DAN BROWN: Uh, yeah.
BETH HOYT: Let's look at this comment from YouTube.
And it's from mrx4271.
"What is the difference between F pencils and HB,
question from an amateur artist." And
then, this face, LOL.
DAVID REES: Is that what that means?
That's a face?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
So I taught you something.
That felt really good.
DAN BROWN: Yeah, I thought it was XD, for a long time.
DAVID REES: Youth is wasted on the young.
OK.
Here's how it works.
If you've ever seen a classic yellow number two pencil.
It usually says two and HB.
Two is the American designation of lead quality.
HB, or Hard Black, is the European
designation of lead quality.
OK.
BETH HOYT: It's the internationally good pencil.
DAVID REES: Well, right, exactly.
The European system goes from number one to number four,
that determines pencil leads.
This system was, in fact, due in part to-- you know who
Henry David Thoreau is?
DAN BROWN: Yes.
DAVID REES: He wrote a famous book called, Walden.
He went off.
And he lived in the woods.
He left his iPad behind him and his Xbox and all all
childish things.
And he went and lived in the woods.
He was able to do that because his father
ran a pencil company.
BETH HOYT: Wow!
DAVID REES: OK?
Now, the European system runs all the way from nine H, which
means super hard, all the way to nine B, which is super
soft, super black.
And how is the graphite quality determined?
It's the ratio of graphite to clay, in the mixture.
The more graphite that's in the mixture, the softer the
lead and the darker the mark.
And so our friend with the punctuation face would
probably like it because the line is more
expressive, for an artist.
The more clay that's in the mixture and the less graphite,
the sharper the point, OK, but the lighter the line.
Because there's more clay.
BETH HOYT: Did you guys get that?
Here's another comment from YouTube.
aixela15, "how many kinds of pencils exist?" Very, very
questioning that, you know, with the--
DAVID REES: Let's have a rule where I only answer questions
where the question marks are normal.
BETH HOYT: You didn't state that rule before that comment
was brought up.
DAN BROWN: No [LATIN].
BETH HOYT: But from now on, we will.
DAVID REES: From now on.
So I have-- the question was, how many
types of pencils exist?
I'm going to answer this as--
many types of pencils exist.
I mean--
BETH HOYT: How many?
DAVID REES: The-- it's limited, in part, by the
manufacturers' imagination.
I don't ever know how to begin to answer that question.
There are colored pencils.
There are eyeliner pencils.
BETH HOYT: We'll accept many.
DAVID REES: Number two pencils--
as I mentioned, there are 9H, 8H, 7H, 6H 5H,
4H, 3H, 2H, HH, HB--
BETH HOYT: You just do that silently.
And we're gonna look at another comment.
DAVID REES: You know, you can't begin to answer a
question like that.
DAVID REES: Well, you did begin it.
And IsThisAwkwardEnough wants to know, "what is your
favorite pencil?" I love that question.
DAVID REES: Well, I have a number of
favorite pencils, of course.
My-- the pencils that are closest to my heart are those
that I've kept up with me, throughout my life, that have
certain sentimental adherences to them now, right.
I mean, and the original goal of my company was to--
was to sharpen beloved pencils from people's childhoods.
So we have those pencils.
OK.
But we put those aside.
Because those don't represent new pencils, for the
contemporary purchaser of pencils.
I can recommend General's semi-hex number two pencil,
which happens to be the last
American-made number two pencil.
They're made across the river, in Jersey City, New Jersey.
I toured their factory, a couple of months ago.
BETH HOYT: I'm sure you did.
DAVID REES: And then there are all sorts of other great-- a
Japanese pencil, the new Japanese pencil the Mitsubishi
9850 is a kick-ass pencil.
But you have to uh go to a specialty shop to buy that.
You're not going to see that at your big box store.
You're not going to see that at Office Depot or Walmart.
Those pencils are all Chinese garbage.
BETH HOYT: It's a high bid on eBay.
DAVID REES: Exactly.
DAN BROWN: Kick-ass.
BETH HOYT: I--
I mean you just raised the pencil awareness, not only in
this room, but across the globe.
DAVID REES: Well, that's why I wrote the book.
I wanted to share my expertise and increase the enthusiasm
about pencils.
BETH HOYT: You guys if you want learn more about how to
sharpen pencils, check out David's book, How to Sharpen
Pencils, available wherever fine books are sold.
Um-- also, I hear you're bringing "Get Your War On"
Huffington Post.
Can you tell us about that?
DAVID REES: Yeah, "Get Your War On" is a political cartoon
that I used to make before before I
started focusing on pencils.
And we're going to be making some animated versions of the
cartoon, on a website called the huffingtonpost.com,
between now and the election.
BETH HOYT: Cool.
Well, let's all check that out.
That sounds great.
DAVID REES: Thank you.
BETH HOYT: Oh, well there it is.
All right.
We're going to set up for the bee.
Meanwhile-- a spelling bee, in the meantime, I've got
something for you.
It's a My Damn Channel video premier.
You guys, this is Status Kill, with "Talk is Cheap." Stay
right there.

DENTON SPARKS: You guys need to stop talking about what
you're going to do and what you want to do and what you're
thinking about doing and what you're considering doing.
And just shut up.
And get out there.
And do it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Repeat, I see multiple targets
coming your way.
Watch your six.
DENTON SPARKS: Sally, come in.
What?
FEMALE SPEAKER: You're being surrounded.
You have to get out of there.
DENTON SPARKS: I cant.
I'm pinned down.
COMPUTER VOICE: You have a new notification.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm thinking of riding my bike to
work every day.
I need to get back into shape.
DENTON SPARKS: Yeah, do it.

COMPUTER VOICE: New notification.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm thinking of starting a
Kickstarter campaign.
DENTON SPARKS: Do it.
[GUNFIRE]
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm thinking about
going back on my diet.
DENTON SPARKS: There was a reason why you stopped.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm thinking about
writing a short story.
DENTON SPARKS: You're an accountant, man.
You ain't gonna do shit.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I gotta start having more fun.
I never have fun.
DENTON SPARKS: Then what makes you think you're gonna start?
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm thinking
about cutting my hair.
DENTON SPARKS: And I'm thinking you're just saying
that to get some attention right now.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Wondering if I should start my
own charity for homeless people.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm thinking about starting a club
for single geeks.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm gonna give up all sugar.
I'm done with sugar.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I am moving out
of my parents' basement.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I'm taking flying
lessons next year.
DENTON SPARKS: Please, stop talking about
it and just do it.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Whatever, Sparky.
I bet you're just sitting there scared to do something
in your life.
DENTON SPARKS: Oh yeah?
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
DENTON SPARKS: OK, fine.
Well, I'm thinking about venturing out into the world.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): You should do it.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Go for it, dude.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Go, go, go.
DENTON SPARKS: I--
I'm going to do it.
Ah!

Ah ha!

I'm thinking this was a bad idea.
Thanks a lot, guys.

[BELL RINGING]
BETH HOYT: OK.
We love games.
We're also trying to learn things.
Solution, a My Damn Channel spelling bee.
That's how we do it.
So, um, now, Nate's going to be reading us the words we
have to spell.
But there are two complications.
First, these are words that you guys have
typed in the comments.
And we have to spell them exactly as you spelled them.
Send us the words.
Get in the chat and challenge us.
The second part of the spelling bee is that for each
word we get wrong, we have to take a shot.
And these are cafeteria-themed shots.
So if we spell badly, we have to take shots of ketchup and
mustard, baked bean juice.
This is straight from the can.
And tater water, that's water that had tater
tots soaking in it.
So um the first one to drink all three loses, in
more ways than one.
OK, let's go.
I'll go first.
Nate, what's the first word?
NATE: The first word is funions.
Funions, um funions.
I fell like I watched this chat.
OK, funions.
F-U-N-I-O-N-S, funions.
NATE: Correct.
BETH HOYT: Yes!
DAN BROWN: Oh, that's not even fair.
DAN BROWN: All right.
I'm ready.
NATE: Your word is--

BETH HOYT: This is getting intense.
NATE: I have no word yet.
NATE: This is getting very intense.
BETH HOYT: We are smelling the smells of these shots.
NATE: Yo.
BETH HOYT: And it's anticipation.
NATE: Wait, my word is yo?
NATE: Yo.
NATE: Can I have the language of origin, please?
NATE: Uh America, I think.
NATE: OK.
I'm gonna go Y-O. That's it.
NATE: That's incorrect.
DAN BROWN: Damn!
NATE: The correct spelling is Y-O-O.
DAN BROWN: That's yoo.
NATE: Yeah, Nate's kind of telling you bad.
Maybe Nate should split that with you.
Oh, maybe, maybe.
BETH HOYT: I think Nate should split that.
NATE: No, I'm not.
DAN BROWN: Oh!
BETH HOYT: Tater water down.
DAN BROWN: I mean, it tastes like tater tots
BETH HOYT: That might be the easiest one.
BETH HOYT: Next word
NATE: Next turn.
BETH HOYT: All right, next word.

NATE: Your word is congloblate, by
thekanemonster.
BETH HOYT: OK, kanemonster, can I hear it again?
Conglom--
NATE: No, you can't.
No, you can't.
I'm sorry.
BETH HOYT: Conglomate, conglomate?
Oh, you guys, I don't even know if that's what it was.
Conglomate, C-O-N-G-L-A-M--

NATE: That's incorrect.
BETH HOYT: Oh!
I'll do--
I'll do that the bean baked-bean juice.

I'm OK.
I'm OK.
NATE: Dan, it's you turn.
BETH HOYT: I'm OK.
DAN BROWN: All right.
BETH HOYT: It's a good one.
That's a good one, Dan.
I hope you get to that one.
DAN BROWN: Yeah, I'm ready for it.
BETH HOYT: All right.
What's the word?
NATE: Dan, your word is from AlbertEinsteinium.
And it is magikal.
DAN BROWN: Magikal, uh M-A-G-I-K-A-L.
NATE: That's correct.
BETH HOYT: Oh, come on.
That's a little.
NATE: It's not magikal.
You said it the way-- it sounded like that.
BETH HOYT: Well then, he paid you back for giving you the yo
that he missed.
OK.
I'm ready for the next word, Nate.
NATE: Unicorns.
BETH HOYT: Unicorns, U-N-I-C-O-R-N-Z?

NATE: Incorrect.
BETH HOYT: No.
NATE: It's with an S.
BETH HOYT: They spelled it right?
That's not-- that's a trick.
Ugh, tater water.
NATE: This one's good.
BETH HOYT: Mm, mm, that one isn't that bad.
That was kind of good.
DAN BROWN: It's like a tater tot but water.
BETH HOYT: It's like a-- it's like a yeah, tater tot water.
NATE: That's exactly what it is, pretty much.
BETH HOYT: I think I'm gonna--
DAN BROWN: No, don't.
BETH HOYT: No, I'm not.
NATE: I couldn't handle it.
I was grossed out.
NATE: Dan, it's your turn.
DAN BROWN: All right.
I'm ready for it.
NATE: Your word is from iRawaf.
DAN BROWN: T-E-A-U, portmanteau.
NATE: That's correct.
DAN BROWN: Ooh.
BETH HOYT: Oh, he's good, you guys.
I only have one more shot.
I really want you to taste that baked bean juice.
You think you'll do it worse than me?
DAN BROWN: I'll--
I'll taste it.
BETH HOYT: Wait, don't.
You might have to do that, to get there.
I might nail this.
DAN BROWN: You could nail this.
But you're not gonna nail it like portmanteau.
I gotta get in your head here.
I gotta psyche you out.
BETH HOYT: I might have.
That was--
DAN BROWN: I really don't want to drink either of these two.
NATE: Beth.
BETH HOYT: I know.
You really wanted ketchup and mustard.
DAN BROWN: I really--
NATE: Your submissions is from rosie21elise.
It is supercalafragili sticexpiealidocious.
BETH HOYT: Oh, come on, supercalafragili
sticexpialidocious, S-U-P-E-R-C-A-L-I-F--

NATE: That is incorrect.
BETH HOYT: Ah, just like I thought.
That was too long.
DAN BROWN: Here, I'll do this one with you.
BETH HOYT: What a nice guy.
DAN BROWN: I'm gonna do the baked bean juice, though.
I'm not gonna--
BETH HOYT: It's really bad.
DAN BROWN: All right.
I'm ready.
BETH HOYT: Thanks for doing that with me.

DAN BROWN: I mean, it's just like--
BETH HOYT: You're so strong.
DAN BROWN: It's like if you-- if you are eating baked beans.
NATE: Dan, is the winner of the spelling bee.
DAN BROWN: Woo!
BETH HOYT: Oh, God, you guys, I do it for you.
Dan, did it for me.
That was really nice.
Oh!
There was a bit in my gums, that just came out.
Awesome, it's like a hot dog, but without the
hot dog and the bun.
Thank you so much for being-- um for doing that, Nate.
That was really nice.
OK.
So um I'll see you guys--
uh see you later.
You can-- yeah.
OK, man, it's been a really great show.
And we need to remember it for all eternity.
Do you want to make a time capsule?
DAN BROWN: I would love to make a time capsule.
BETH HOYT: OK, we will do that when we return
in, like, 30 seconds.
FEMALE SPEAKER: We want you to come work for
your father's website.
It is good, honest work.
CHILD: I'm never gonna be like you, working on the internet.
I'm gonna live by the sweat of my brow.
This sucks.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MALE SPEAKER: And that's why I think this show needs an
asshole living in the garbage.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
CHRIS CROCKER: Hi, I'm Chris Crocker.
And you're watching My Damn Channel LIVE.

BETH HOYT: All right, you guys.
We've got our time capsule.
And we're going to make some history here.
Also, we'll answer some questions in the comments.
So get in there, too.
All right.
What's first things first that go in here?
Let's put these IDs in the time capsule.
Let's get rid of this um whatever happened here.
Put it in there.
DAN BROWN: I kind of like my picture though.
I might hang on to this.
BETH HOYT: You keep it.
DAN BROWN: Nah, I don't want it.
BETH HOYT: No, you can keep it.
DAN BROWN: No, the-- the time capsule trumps all.
BETH HOYT: OK, it's true.
Because then, it'll be like, you know,
you open it in years.
It's like, wow.
DAN BROWN: Super excited.
BETH HOYT: We have a comment.
And this is from um--
it's from nemrod2x.
"Dan Brown, aka Pogobat, is the first person I was
subscribed to on YouTube, back in 2006 or 2007."
DAN BROWN: Oh, that's so cool.
Thank you nemrod2-X-K-7,000 --
BETH HOYT: That's so cool.
You were someone's first.
DAN BROWN: That's really neat.
That's neat.
BETH HOYT: That is neat.
Thanks for sharing that.
We'll put that memory into the time capsule.
DAN BROWN: Yes.
BETH HOYT: That's in there.
Um, next up, let's put-- we'll put David Rees' book in there.
DAN BROWN: Who uses pencils, anyway?
BETH HOYT: Right, really, seriously.
DAN BROWN: You don't need them.
BETH HOYT: It's like, pencils, you know.
DAN BROWN: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Let's put these pencils in there.
DAN BROWN: Yeah, the broken ones in particular.
BETH HOYT: Look at-- that's what's inside there, guys.
DAN BROWN: This is the one I saved.
BETH HOYT: This looks like a cartoon.
But it's real life.
This is really happening.
DAN BROWN: They don't know that.
BETH HOYT: Uh, next comment is from, um, itsfuntosmile.
Sure is.
"What was your biggest fear starting school?" Dan.
BETH HOYT: Well, it depends on year to year.
I mean, it's like, by your eighth grade year, or 12th
grade year, you rule the roost.
BETH HOYT: Give me your eighth grade fear and your--
DAN BROWN: Eighth grade fear was--
BETH HOYT: You know, like maybe you're saying like sixth
and ninth were the worst.
DAN BROWN: I'm saying sixth and ninth were the worst.
BETH HOYT: Give me those fears.
DAN BROWN: Oh, man.
Well, I mean, it's the same fears that everyone goes
through, really.
It's fear of rejection, fear of not making friends, fear of
change, fear of uh terrible teachers, fear of death.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I'm scared.
I'm just--
I'm scared now.
That's a long enough list.
DAN BROWN: I mean, it's a school--
BETH HOYT: Death.
DAN BROWN: School's very scary, so just don't go.
BETH HOYT: No, you can't tell them that.
You're a role model.
DAN BROWN: Sorry, I mean, go.
BETH HOYT: We have another comment from YouTube.
And it's from SammyKitty92.
"Have you ever made a time capsule before?"
I did, in high school.
It was like we wrote a letter to ourselves and put in--
I don't know.
We put in some pictures.
But I did know--
I do know that I opened the letter like, last year when I
was home for Christmas.
I found it.
Because my friend found hers.
And she was like-- and she read hers.
And they're very embarrassing.
And the things that you think are important in high school
are just not going to be so important later on.
Not all of them, but a lot of them.
I was like, that's really--
none of that mattered.
Um what about you?
Have you made one?
DAN BROWN: Yeah, I've made one.
It's, as of yet, unopened.
It is sitting above the Revision3 offices, in San
Francisco, California.
And uh I did it during a YouTube
project called Dan 3.0.
And it's still hanging out.
BETH HOYT: That's exciting.
Uh let's put-- let's put the lobster in here.
DAN BROWN: Yeah!
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
This is my-- this is my friend.
But um he's going to go in the--
DAN BROWN: Yeah, we'll see him in a few years.
BETH HOYT: You'll survive.
Lobsters don't need to breathe.
I just burped ketchup.
I'm sorry.
And we have a comment from YouTube.
And that is, uh, from
AlmondBaller, wow, what a name.
"What to expect on move in day, college freshman."
Hm, depends on your um roommate situation.
I I experienced a-- oh, I'm living with this
person for a year?
That's what I encountered, and the smallest room ever that
you're living with someone for a year.
DAN BROWN: I would expect many college freshman.
BETH HOYT: Yep, it's a good thing.
You nailed it.
It's gonna happen.
But also so much fun, and you get to eat whatever you want,
whenever you want it and then gain weight.
DAN BROWN: Ramen noodles!
BETH HOYT: OK. um Nate, do you want to add something to this
time capsule?
Do you have anything like in your pockets?
What have you got?
NATE: All I've got is the key to my apartment.
BETH HOYT: Oh, cool.
Let's take that.
Nate just moved apartments, you guys.
This is key to Nate's new home.
Let's put it in the-- let's put it.
Do you have extra copies of the?
NATE: No.
BETH HOYT: OK.
Let's put it in here.
And we'll seal it up.
And then, that's it for the time
capsule, for today's show.
Um, let's seal it up.
And done.
DAN BROWN: There we go.
BETH HOYT: Remember when we made that time capsule?
DAN BROWN: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Do you want to see what's inside it?
DAN BROWN: Uh huh.
BETH HOYT: OK.
Let's look at it.
Oh cool.
DAN BROWN: It's a lobster.
BETH HOYT: Oh, my God.
I remember him.
He's still doing it.
He's still moving.
DAN BROWN: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Oh, remember this?
DAN BROWN: There are some pencils.
BETH HOYT: Do you remember when David broke these?
DAN BROWN: Yeah, who was David again?
BETH HOYT: Ah.
DAN BROWN: He knew like a lot about--
like he was an expert on like typewriters or something.
BETH HOYT: Something, you know, extinct.
DAN BROWN: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: OK.
Oh, here it is.
DAN BROWN: Oh, here's that book he wrote.
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah.
OK.
A book, what's a book?
DAN BROWN: Ah, who cares.
Here's that ID.
BETH HOYT: Oh, you look so good.
DAN BROWN: That was a good picture of me.
BETH HOYT: Oh, God.
It looks very scary.
And that is--
that's everything.
NATE: Beth, what about my apartment key?
BETH HOYT: What-- what?
NATE: You just put my apartment key in there.
BETH HOYT: Nate, that was-- we did this so long ago.
I don't remember everything we put in it.
DAN BROWN: You still on the same lease?
NATE: Yeah, it's my only one.
BETH HOYT: there's nothing else in here.
So you said we put your apartment key in here?
I guess it's in a different dimension, your key.
That's so cool for your key.
That's awesome.
OK.
Oh, man, that's all the time we have for today.
Thank you Dan Brown and David Rees for stopping by.
Buy David's book, How to Sharpen Pencils.
Check out "Get Your War On," at Huffington Post.
Dan, where can we find more of you, in the
near to close future?
DAN BROWN: You can find more of me at YouTube.com/pogobat,
in the near to close future.
BETH HOYT: Do it.
Well, you guys, be sure to subscribe.
And I'll see you tomorrow to answer all your
comments and questions.
And next week, Nickelodeon's Pete and Pete will be here,
along with Kitty Pryde.
And Grace will be rocking on Tuesday.
You're my favorite, bye.
Sorry, Nate.
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