Friendship is Witchcraft - "Neigh, Soul Sister" (5)

Ahh, another uneventful scouting mission.
I must say, I'm exhausted.
I can't wait to roll into my cot...
Ahh, I think they're having... a barbecue...
What!?
Sound the alarms!
The camp is on fire!
They're all burning!
{ Help! Assistance is required! }
{ I believe there is something wrong with me! }
Good morning, children!
Parents!? How are you alive!?
You both died in that chariot crash while on vacation six years ago.
Well, if there's anything Sweetie Belle here has taught us, it's not to question things.
Well... makes sense to me.
I hope you like spending time with your biological sister...
...because we're dumping her on you so we can vacation all week and watch the solar eclipse.
The eclipse?
Is that this week!?
As in, Smooze will return and the end is nigh?
Ugh, that's NOT Smooze.
He's bigger.
{ The fun levels will be at maximum efficiency. }
{ I shall acquire my yo-yo, hammer, and other objects of FUN! }
So, when you say seven days, do you mean one whole week?
And four weeks in a month!
I'm so glad you took those classes.
These are my spare mustaches.
But I have so many preparations to make for the resurrection an-
Oh well, I guess "play hammer toss with your sister" will just have to be added to the ritual.
{ Look Rarity, I found more baggage. }
Vroom vroom!
Well, I certainly hope they have a fun vacation.
{ Rarity, have I ever told you that I love you? }
Let's see, first I have to see my therapist about my posttraumatic dress disorder...
...then I have an acting workshop...
{ I love you! }
Oh, uhh, of course, I love you too.
Then I have to meet Fluttershy and prepare for the end of days...
{ Rarity... }
{ I love you so much! }
O...kay...
Why don't... you...
Ah!
Go out into the woods miles away from me and plant this tiny tree?
{ Because life is worth protecting? }
{ When I'm feelin' broken down }
{ She has always got my back }
{ ...Something giant hat }
{ Yes, I love my sister, Rarity. }
There you are!
See, I told you, my compass always points to Sweetie Belle!
What are you doing alone in the woods?
{ Oh, I was just planting this tiny tree, and pondering the fragility of life. }
Cool! Cool!
Teach us?
{ Well, we're not supposed to think about death, but... }
{ Okay! }
This hat is MARVELOUS!
Oh, Sweetie Belle, you're back.
Put this in the faboratory, won't you?
{ Of course, I love you so much! }
{ Scanning... }
{ Scanning... }
{ Fabulous item located. }
Ugh, who put out this tacky clothesline?
{ I am displaying all of your fashion items. } Ugh, who put out this tacky clothesline?
{ I am displaying all of your fashion items. }
{ Hooray! }
You're...
...displaying my magical, one-of-a-kind, amazing, Technicolor, self-hugging sweater!?
The world isn't ready to know of its power!
{ Did I make a mistake? } The world isn't ready to know of its power!
{ Did I make a mistake? }
And it's a one-time only use! { Did I make a mistake? }
And it's a one-time only use!
PLEASE don't tell me you activated it.
Great.
Now who shall hug me?
{ Sweetie Belle! }
I think it's about time you took a bath.
Now!
{ Ugh... }
{ But the water makes me feel funny! }
Make me a drawing, okay?
{ Scanning... }
{ Arts and crafts located! }
{ Drawing... }
{ Drawing... }
{ Hmm... }
{ Insufficient beauty! }
{ I have arranged objects in an aesthetically pleasing manner. }
Did you use the dead raccoon I was keeping in this chest?
{ Um, well, yes, but I know you have more in your work room! } Did you use the dead raccoon I was keeping in this chest?
{ Um, well, yes, but I know you have more in your work room! }
But this carcass was the final component of my shrine! { Um, well, yes, but I know you have more in your work room! }
But this carcass was the final component of my shrine!
Do you KNOW how long it took the tenderize this!?
{ Oops. }
{ An error has occurred. }
Sweetie Belle... { An error has occurred. }
Sweetie Belle...
You really need to be more self-aware of your surroundings.
{ This reminds me of a song I wrote! }
{ Just Because You Feel Upset, Does Not Mean You Have to Yell. }
Stop that at once!
{ Error... }
You know how I hate jumping.
{ I love you. }
{ I love you }
{ I love you love you love you }
You know, little sister, you are beginning to sound like a broken record. love you
You know, little sister, you are beginning to sound like a broken record.
Now, why don't you go sing one of your silly songs and let me plot the apocalypse in peace?
{ My primary function is failure... }
Oh, hello, and welcome to the Conversion Spa.
This is your cult leader, Fluttershy, speaking.
Praise Smooze!
And, um...
...remember to leave some money in the donation tray.
Um, if that's okay with you.
Cult Leader Fluttershy!
I hate being late to our weekly Elmer's bath.
The usual!
I've almost finished the preparations for his return.
But what about the raccoon?
Oh, don't worry about that.
On my way here, I found a dead one lying in the middle of the street...
...and I stashed it in my hat so that the gypsy couldn't use it for her portal!
Pinkie has a portal?
I simply can't get enough of this Smooze Goo!
When I don't get my weekly fix, I start to get anxious and shaky.
I can see it now...
When he returns, the world will be consumed by his ooze!
What were you saying about the portal?
Ooh, this is just like the real earthquake that'll bring about the Smoozenami.
You've studied well.
Now tell me about the portal.
You know, since the world is ending, I really think I should do more for the cult.
So then I thought, rather than 20%, I should donate...
All my money!
Oh, no, I couldn't... All my money!
Oh, no, I couldn't...
No, I feel it is my obligation.
You've done so much for me!
But what about your sister?
Please? But what about your sister?
Please?
Isn't that her college fund? Please?
Isn't that her college fund?
Please? Isn't that her college fund?
Please?
Well, I'd hate to be a bother, but if it means that much to you, of course I'll take your money. Please?
Well, I'd hate to be a bother, but if it means that much to you, of course I'll take your money.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
I promise you will not regret this decision.
Now, if we miss the eclipse tomorrow, we'll have to wait another year.
Don't worry, the one good thing about being in a war is that I can never forget!
Wait... did I feed Sweetie Belle this morning?
How-dy, Sweetie Belle!
Wanna eat paper with me?
{ That dress looks FABULOUS! }
It does?
{ I just wish there was a way to make Rarity see that we are both flesh and blood! }
The Sentient Social!
Applejack and I host it every year!
It's a great way to get free labor on the farm.
{ Yes! }
{ Rarity loves to jump up and down! }
{ The chances of success are 100%! }
That is literally the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say, you worthless pile of trash.
Why would I spend an afternoon with a bunch of war criminals and their...
...war...
...crimes?
{ Why not? }
{ Could it be because you are a robot? }
Don't joke about that!
The robot police are always listening.
{ And if you have nothing to fear, then why won't you join me? }
A sisters contest?
With YOU?
If I wanted to be a loser, I would just join Twilight's softball team.
{ I have... so much... strength inside of me that you don't even know what I could do! }
{ If the world isn't going to love me, then I'll teach it to fear me instead! }
Oh no, I'm so scared!
What would you know about strength?
You can't even walk down the stairs without tumbling forward like a Slinky!
{ Well at least I don't spend every Veteran's Day sobbing on the floor! }
{ I bet you don't even have a war face! }
{ See!? Mine's better! }
{ I'm leaving! }
War criminal?
Well ain't that just the butter callin' the corn cob yeller!
Rawr!
Did I scare ya?
Wait, what war crime?
{ It's not just your family, she thinks my hair is a war crime! }
Honey, Rarity thinks EVERYTHING'S a war crime.
What war crimes!?
The kind where Apple Bloom shuts her mouth and does as she's told.
Sweetie Butter, just do your best to put up with Rarity until she dies!
Sisters always do.
{ But I'm always screwing things up! }
Apple Bloom screws things up all the time, and I just hide my disappointment. What's the worst you coulda done?
{ Incoming mortar! }
{ And she just kept screaming all day! }
{ Like... }
{ What's up with that? }
Don't you worry your ugly little head!
'Cuz it's time for...
Farm labor!
Apple Bloom, the grapes are different than our kind!
You know what that means.
Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!
{ You're making unstylish jelly!? }
{ Aren't you afraid the fashion police will come and beat you with their fabulous batons!? }
Nah, we can take 'em!
I remember...
{ Applejack, stop! The war was ten years ago!! You don't need to have a breakdown! } I remember...
{ Applejack, stop! The war was ten years ago!! You don't need to have a breakdown! }
I oughta burn your whole village, you little muckraker!
Apple Bloom, don't let that sheep share the spotlight!
Get outta my way, sheep!
{ Why have I seen these creatures in my dreams? }
Gravy!
Now that's how you stop a prison break!
I've been falsely accused!
Nya!
{ I wish my house had a fence... }
Drat. A few dragon scales short.
If only we could kill Fluttershy's father again and get more.
Maybe if I just use the raccoon corpse instead, nopony will notice...
Oh, sister, my sister!
I never appreciated you, and now you're gone!
And, scene!
After I wow the director with this monologue, I shall reclaim my sister!
For Smooze!
Sometimes I just stare into the flames and think about how small we all are...
Sweetie Belle!
I've been rainbow dashing all over looking for you-
{ Harumph! } I've been rainbow dashing all over looking for you-
{ Harumph! }
{ You do not fool me, Rari...bot! }
{ As a robot, you are merely programmed to say that! }
Now Sweetie Belle, if I were a robot, could I do this?
{ Then how do you explain those acting classes? }
{ You clearly have difficulties expressing real emotions. }
Ha ha ha, you're sounding more and more like my therapist each day.
{ REJECT. } Ha ha ha, you're sounding more and more like my therapist each day.
Ha ha ha, you're sounding more and more like my therapist each day.
{ I am uninstalling you from my heart drive and reinstalling Applejack. }
[BUY SOME APPLES]
[BUY SOME APPLES]
[BUY SOME APPLES] [BUY SOME APPLES]
[BUY SOME APPLES]
{{ APPLEJACK'S MY NEW SISTER, AND SHE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT. }}
Hold on there, wagon wheel.
Don't put words in my mouth.
{ Your lack of bloodlust on the battlefield is proof positive that you are a soulless automaton! }
I've got soul, but I am not a soldier!
Listen, I'll show you how to catch a hammer with your teeth!
Or the proper way to pose for headshots.
Wouldn't that be fun?
{ Look how fast I can run away! }
Can I go play on the tractor?
Oh, can I play on the tractor too?
I'm having a bad day.
Apparently, there are several roles I don't get to play.
Oh Rarity, there ain't no instruction manual for being a good sister.
It's somethin' all sentient creatures feel, deep in their souls!
Bein' sisters is like...
A rattlesnake!
You can have the head of a rattlesnake, with its sharp teeth and curious tongue...
...or the tail of a rattlesnake, with its mesmerizin' rattle!
But only together, do you have a whole rattlesnake!
And apart, all we are is just a... screaming mess, and a hollow object!
I have to go to the social!
But, what if I miss the resurrection..?
Ah, the day of the social.
The anniversary of Granny Smith's death.
{ Life is such a fleeting, yet precious thing. }
Eh? Where am I? What's going on?
{ One lives one's death, one dies one's life. }
Look, it's the pig farm!
This is where we harvest the blood to drop on ponies.
{ Why is it funny to laugh at someone else's misery? }
{ Oh look, our characters are so malevolent and heartless! }
{ Maybe next we'll hear a new cheap catchphrase! }
Moonshine gravy!
{ I hope you achieve maximum levels of fun. }
{ Initiating cry sequence... }
{ Gasp! }
Applejack and I dec...
...ided that I could do the race with ya, and we're only...
...going to charge ya twenty...
...hundred dollars!
{ Success!! }
Why don't you cross the Sentient Scanner?
It's only a few more feet!
{ It no longer matters to me whether my sister is a robot... }
{ ...because she is my real sister all the same! }
{ Set phasers to hug! }
{ Wha? }
{ What? }
{ So... you're the best sister ever and a shapeshifter!? }
No, it's Rarity.
But during the race, I was wearing my magical Applejack contact lenses.
They changed everything but her eyes!
{ You all... deceived me? }
Mm-hmm!
{ Initiate happy cry sequence! }
Cry? That's not a war face!
{ I love you! }
You see? We ARE a rattlesnake!
We may have missed the eclipse, but I felt it was imperative that I save your soul!
Together, we can start planning for next year.
Yeah! { Yes! }
{ But where? }
The spa, of course!
For whatever reason, Celestia wants us to send letters, now, so what did we learn?
It's a good thing that earlier I swallowed that micro-tape from Twilight.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, in a separate adventure, the Brohoof Bash...
...I learned the importance of loving your brother!
Even if you don't always get along.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
SPIKE: Hello...
Is this thing on?
Okay.
My name's Spike the Dragon...
...and this is my audition for the Hearth's Warming Eve pageant!
Here we go.
Look at me
I will never pass
For a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter!
Can it be
I'm not meant to play this part!
Who is
That girl I see
Staring straight
Back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am insi-
Oh, please don't tell Twilight!
She said I was forbidden to dream!
But it'll all be okay...
...because we're friends and I can trust you guys with my secret, right?
{ No! }