INTERNET POOL PARTY w/ DailyGrace & Beth Hoyt LIVE - 8/29/12 (Full Ep)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 29.08.2012

Transcript:

BOTH: Gangnam style!

BETH: And--
oh, that's it for talking in sync.
GRACE: Oh, yeah.
Oh, sorry.
BETH: We were going to do the whole show in sync.
GRACE: Aw, When I think about 'N Sync it makes me sad for
"Bye, Bye, Bye."
BETH: That makes me excited.
[HUMS]
GRACE: Oh, yeah, dance it.
Dance it girl.
Get it girl.
Get it girl.
BETH: Yeah, that's a summertime song.
That's still on a summer playlist that I
do listen to sometimes.
GRACE: Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
It can't not.
It's a classic.
BETH: It produces good memories of feeling insecure.
GRACE: Speaking of summer, it's the end of summer now.
What a huge bummer.
BETH: I'm sorry, guys.
We didn't mean to bring you down.
But we're going to celebrate summer all show.
GRACE: Yes.
BETH: So we're going to really enjoy this last week here.
GRACE: We're gonna blow it out and have a crazy amount of
celebrations all related to summer all throughout this
entire show.
It's gonna be so great.
BETH: I'm excited.
GRACE: What'd you do this summer, Beth?
BETH: It really has gone by so fast.
I went to a lot of weddings.
Spent a lot of my weekends at other people's joyous events.
GRACE: Celebrating other people's love.
That's always fun.
How many of those weddings were open bar?
BETH: All of them.
GRACE: That's the best.
That's the best summer wedding.
BETH: Yeah.
I mean, I can't complain.
GRACE: Yeah.
No.
When you have a cash bar at your wedding, why would you
invite anyone to come to the wedding?
BETH: I haven't been to one of those in a long time.
And even then, I think it was a family
wedding and my uncles--
this sounds creepy--
bought my drinks.
I remember that.
But with a family, you can make them do that.
GRACE: Yeah, absolutely.
They have to.
BETH: 'Cause you're like, I'm the child.
Pay for drinks?
GRACE: Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
BETH: And we have a comment from YouTube.
GRACE: Let's look at it.
BETH: Let's look at it.
GRACE: Let's take a peek.
BETH: donutnawzi.
"What if Beth and Grace morphed into one ultra super
being?"
GRACE: Oh my god!
BETH: Rent would be a lot cheaper.
GRACE: A lot cheaper.
Buying hair products and clothes would be the same,
pretty much.
BETH: It'd be a lot cheaper for My Damn Channel.
GRACE: Yeah, exactly.
BETH: Instead of paying out $3 million a year.
GRACE: Get a scientist and figure it out, guy.
BETH: So it would save the world a lot of money.
GRACE: That's probably the only thing.
BETH: Grace, what did you do this summer?
I didn't mean to just answer--
GRACE: Oh, no.
I don't know what I did.
I went to Los Angeles for a little bit.
BETH: You lived there.
GRACE: I lived there for a little bit, for a month.
All of June, which when I think of summer--
BETH: Where it's summer all the time.
GRACE: Yeah, exactly.
It was good.
It was good.
I drove in a car for a little bit there.
It was fun.
Shot some web series.
BETH: Amanda Bynes didn't hit you?
GRACE: No, but I hit someone out there.
But I left them a note on their car and then they
never called me.
BETH: Did you really?
GRACE: Yeah.
I hit them early in the morning, at 6:30 one morning
when I was trying to go to set.
And I felt so bad, my instinct was to drive away immediately.
But then I was like, no, this is a neighborhood.
Someone obviously heard that.
Someone is watching me.
I have to do the noble thing.
And I didn't have a pen.
So I wrote it in lipstick, like a hooker, my phone number
and left it on the windshield.
And then they never called me.
And I came back that night and drove by where they were.
They weren't parked there anymore, and I thought, maybe
the phone number blew away or something, and I'm free.
I get to my apartment, they're parked in front of my
apartment building.
And I was like, oh my God, this is "Tell-Tale Heart."
This is haunting me outside of my apartment building.
But then they never called.
Ever.
And I never saw them at all.
BETH: OK Did you leave a mark on their car, do you think?
GRACE: Yeah.
They had a bungee cord holding their bumper up in the front.
So they probably have a warrant out for their arrest,
which is why they didn't want to hassle with insurance.
BETH: Guys, let's look out for Grace.
I thought it would be funny if you didn't really leave a mark
and it wasn't that bad of an accident.
And then there was just this number in lipstick.
I'd be like, what a lucky day I'm having.
OK.
We have a comment.
GRACE: Let's take a look at a comment.
OK, From RainbowMoobies.
"Who would you rather get drunk with--
Whoopi Goldberg or Jesus?" Ooh.
Some might say--
BETH: I mean, there is a right answer to this one, right?
GRACE: Some might say they're the same person.
BETH: Yeah, no.
Exactly.
GRACE: I saw Sister Act.
Whoopi?
Yeah.
BETH: Well, I mean, because--
I feel like you're leading us.
If we don't say Jesus--
GRACE: Jesus loves wine.
But I think he's probably one of those people that--
BETH: And then he could keep producing more of it.
GRACE: Right.
And he'd probably like--
BETH: Constant happy hour.
GRACE: Yeah.
And I don't think Jesus ever gets embarrassingly drunk
because he can just go up by himself and repent instantly
and be fine.
BETH: Yeah.
I don't imagine him ever telling secrets that we're not
already supposed to know.
GRACE: Exactly.
And I would just be really self-conscious around Jesus.
BETH: It's true.
I don't know if I could really open up because he already
knows everything.
GRACE: Exactly.
He knows everything.
BETH: That's a very complicated question so early
on in the show.
Really getting right into it.
Let's look at another comment.
PossessedByADinosaur.
"Is this live?
It doesn't seem very live."
GRACE: Oh, please.
Oh, please.
BETH: What?
GRACE: Oh my god!
BETH: That's how you prove it's live.
Also, I knew I was wearing two shirts, so it was
just kind of a trick.

GRACE: I don't understand why no one thinks this is live.
BETH: I know.
GRACE: It's very confusing to me.
But I hope now that you feel the error of your ways.
BETH: Good.
You think about that.
We'll be back in just a second.

THEME SONG: It's the Jon Friedman Internet Program on
your World Wide Web.
[PHONE RINGING]
[MODEM CONNECTING]
-19, I think?
-Yeah, 19.
-Oh, there it is.
-Sorry I'm late.
Let me explain.
THEME SONG: It's the Jon Friedman Internet Program on
your World Wide Web.
HANNAH HART: Hi.
I'm Hannah Hart.
And you're watching My Damn Channel LIVE.

BETH: Uh oh, this might be tricky.
Looks kinda wobbly.
GRACE: Oh, we're back.
You leave us alone for 30 seconds and look what happens.
BETH: We make margaritas.
GRACE: We make margaritas.
And we're going to play a drinking game that's very
appropriate when you're having a margarita.
We're playing I Never--
which if you guys have never heard of this game, basically
you say something you've never done.
And then if you have done it, you drink.
And then you have to tell the story about when
you did that thing.
BETH: Yep.
We'll show you by example.
Also, get in the chat and give us examples of things that you
want to see if we have done or have not.
GRACE: Yeah.
Send us your I Nevers.
We've got some here in this bowl.
BETH: All right.
So you drink if you've done it.
And then we talk.
Yeah.
Why don't you go first?
GRACE: OK.
I'll go first.
BETH: But it's for both of us, right?
GRACE: Yeah.
And if you're drinking something at home, you can
play along with us.
BETH: Yeah.
Unless you've had a lot of coffee.
Just don't hurt yourself.
GRACE: Yeah, exactly.
Safety first.
I never fell off a horse.
BETH: [GASP].
No, Grace?
GRACE: No.
I only ridden a horse twice, and I was very, very
concentrated on staying on.
BETH: I was too.
But this is what happened.
It was for Girl Scouts.
And I got the experienced horse because I was
experienced-- only because I'd written once
before at Camp Tegawitha.
And I got this experienced horse.
And they said, don't scream when you're on the horse.
The only thing you couldn't do is scream.
And Jacqueline Sarabeck and Jackie Shumway, if you're out
there, they're these little girls that had
never been on a horse.
GRACE: They sound like bitches.
BETH: They were.
And they both screamed.
And my horse went up on its hind legs.
And I fell off the horse.
GRACE: Did you get hurt?
BETH: Well, mostly, in general, I just was shaken and
crying and felt bad for myself.
And then Mrs. Willis, our Girl Scout Leader, came up and was
like, you shouldn't have screamed.
And I was like, I didn't scream.
It was Jacqueline and Jackie.
And she never believed me.
And I was like, I just fell off a horse.
GRACE: You were like, whatchoo talking about, Willis?
BETH: We have a tweet.
GRACE: Let's check out the tweet.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
BETH: Me too.
Clearly not over it.
GRACE: From AllyCMarie.
"I never got run over by a bike." Oh, you mother--

BETH: It's New York City.
You can't walk around anywhere without getting hit by a bike.
GRACE: What happened to you?
BETH: I mean, when didn't it?
Every day.
No.
I'm sure it's happened at least three times that
I just think of.
You got hit twice?
GRACE: No, sorry.
It was really a powerful experience to
me when it did happen.
BETH: Tell me.
GRACE: I have a dent in my leg here from when I
got hit by a bike.
BETH: The dent looks good.
GRACE: You guys can see that from a distance.
BETH: I mean, they did you a favor.
GRACE: Right here.
This guy.
Hey.
BETH: Oh, you really do.
GRACE: Yeah.
I was walking down the street and the bike was coming the
other way, and it was a one-way street, so I was
looking this way.
And I walked out.
And he hit me.
And I fell on my back.
And then I had to make a video when I got home because I was
vlogging for My Damn Channel at the time.
And I got home and the electricity
was out in my apartment.
So I was just overrun with emotions.
I turned on my camera, I was like, guys,
this is a sad vlog.
I got hit by a bike.
There's no electricity in my apartment.
My mom's not answering her phone.
I don't know what to do.
It was really, really a really annoying video.
The best part about the whole story was that there were
Christmas carolers caroling in a park diagonal to where I got
hit by the bike.
And I turned around, and none of them
noticed that it happened.
They were so engulfed in there caroling--
BETH: That's a true caroler.
GRACE: Yeah.
It was great.
The guy on the bike was like, are you OK?
And I was like, I think so.
And he just sped away.
And I was like, OK, ahh!
BETH: Oh, I'm sorry.
The good thing is we can all go watch that video again.
GRACE: Yeah.
It exists.
Someone go try and find it.
BETH: Grace, really raw.
GRACE: It's real raw.
It's overly dramatic.
BETH: When is that about?
So Christmastime-y?
GRACE: It was like
Christmastime-y, probably 2008.
BETH: All right.
I'll see you guys all at that video later.
GRACE: 2009?
Yeah.
BETH: Next tweet is from michugana.
Josh Olmsted.
"I never combined very small amounts of random foods to
form a meal in order to avoid going grocery shopping."
GRACE: I feel like-- yeah.

BETH: I wouldn't be alive.
I'd be malnourished if I didn't do that.
GRACE: Yeah.
That's called eating in New York City.
BETH: That's called my diet.
GRACE: Yeah, I have.
BETH: Like grapes and cottage cheese?
GRACE: Sometimes my favorite thing to eat
is condiment salad.
It's great.
BETH: Condiment salad.
It's delicious.
GRACE: Every condiment in your refrigerator in a bowl.
BETH: You need to watch your sodium intake, but it's the
best way to do it.
GRACE: It's worth it.
BETH: You just need one crunchy thing to make it seem
like, this is just a sauce.
GRACE: One tiny crouton.
BETH: One pretzel, if you find it in the back of your
cupboard, that just happened to fall out
of an airplane pack?
You just put that.
That's a meal.
GRACE: Done.
Let's take another tweet.
What do we have?
From The JCL Jockey.
"I never ate chicken with a clown."
BETH: I'm so glad you didn't drink. 'Cause I--
GRACE: That seems like a nightmare.
BETH: I'm about to cry just thinking about that.
GRACE: That seems horrible.
BETH: I don't even want to hear what the vlog you'd do
after that.
GRACE: No.
It'd be real raw.
BETH: Really raw.
GRACE: Real horrible.
Oh my goodness.
BETH: Wow.
GRACE: What would even--
BETH: Why?
GRACE: What situation?
BETH: Don't accept chicken from clowns.
GRACE: Ever.
BETH: Ever.
GRACE: And don't be in places where there are clowns.
BETH: It's true.
Chicken is fine.
GRACE: Yeah.
No.
BETH: Gosh, sorry about that, you guys.
Anyway, let me--
GRACE: Let's do one from the bowl.
Or no, should we do a tweet?
BETH: Let's do a tweet.
GRACE: Let's do what you guys say.
BETH: Let's go at the same time and see if this is the
same thing.
GRACE: OK.
Yeah.
BETH: Ready?
Let's look at the tweet.
It's from Evan Kirkman. "I never drank pickle juice
straight from the pickle jar." For a pickleback.
GRACE: Pickebacks!
Yeah, exactly!
A shot of whiskey--
BETH: We're not crazy.
GRACE: You drink the pickle juice.
BETH: Yeah.
Because it's really hard to get the smell of the pickle
juice out of a cup.
If you hate washing dishes, just drink it out of the jar.
GRACE: Exactly.
The jar is a cup.
BETH: They're like sisters.
GRACE: Just called a different name.
Exactly.
They're like step-sisters.
BETH: Oh my god.
GRACE: What is this one?
BETH: I've never drank pickle juice straight out of the
pickle jar.
GRACE: Oh my god!
This is kismet.
BETH: That's really crazy.
GRACE: Weird.
Weird, weird, weird.
BETH: Wow.
We're going to think about that and kick
all the clowns out.
And we'll be right back, hanging out
with you guys again.
GRACE: Cheers.

COOLIO: Can you pass me a spoon, soul roll brother
number one?
Lights up, please.
Come on, now.
Damn, director-io.
What it do?
You must be on the red devils.
Y'all know what a red devil is?
I'm not gonna tell you, either.
But I know my uncle used to take 'em and fall
asleep at the light.
[LAUGHS]

JERRY: Darlene, did you now we're live right now?
DARLENE: I did.
It's fantastic, Jerry.
JERRY: You know what else is fantastic?
I had the boys in the back rig up this virtual censor bar I
can throw across your mouth if you want to start swearing.
DARLENE: Oh.
JERRY: What's your favorite cuss word?
DARLENE: Well, Ffff--
[PUNCH]
JERRY: I'm so sorry.
I'm terribly sorry.
JON GLASER: Hi, I'm Jon Glaser, and you're watching My
Damn Channel LIVE.

GRACE: Another summer prop!
BETH: Can you tell?
It's Popsicles, even a Drumstick.
It's all the things you get at the concession
stand at the zoo.
GRACE: We told you-- leave us alone for 30 seconds, and look
what we do.
BETH: And we'll get frozen treats.
GRACE: Yeah, we can't help it.
BETH: We told you.
We told you.
GRACE: But let's keep playing I Never.
This game is really fun.
Which one would you like?
BETH: Well, this is going to drip if I don't help it.
So don't worry.
I'm coming to the rescue.
GRACE: You're saving the party.
BETH: Yeah.
I'm here to save the day.
Shall we-- mmm.
GRACE: Oh my goodness.
This is actually--
BETH: I told myself recently I was allergic to nuts because I
have a peanut butter problem.
I just like it.
GRACE: Then you should not be eating that.
BETH: So I've convinced myself that I'm allergic to
nuts, but I'm not.
But I looked at this, and I was like, I can't have this.
But I can.
GRACE: Are you sure?
BETH: Yeah.
GRACE: OK.
Because this might change everything at this party.
I trust you.
BETH: Oh, my-- blegh.
I'm fine.
GRACE: Let's take a comment from YouTube.
"I have never accidentally banged into a clear glass
door."
BETH: MrAnonymousteenagers.
Never accidentally banged-- oh.

I have one.
It was my brother's graduation party, and I was
carrying the big cake.
And I was going through a revolving door to the party
where there was my whole family and all
my brother's friends.
They're all seven years older, and I've tried whole life to
date one of them.
And I'm carrying this cake.
And I'm walking through the revolving door.
And the glass just goes just a little bit
farther than I think.
So I go into the party and the cake smashes.
You can picture this scene, right?
GRACE: Oh my god.
BETH: Just the cake just caved in and the cake went all over
the glass wall.
And laughter and they're all married to other people now.
GRACE: And that's OK.
You saved them all from getting type 2 diabetes from
eating all that cake.
So you did them a service.
BETH: Thanks, Grace.
GRACE: You're welcome.
I try and be optimistic about all things in life.
BETH: Do you have a story about yours?
GRACE: I don't have a specific story, but I know I've done
it-- just in passing hit a wall without really--
BETH: It's those screen doors.
GRACE: Yeah.
I'm just not aware of everything all the time.
BETH: We know.
GRACE: Let's take a comment from YouTube.
From maddyc1228.
"I have never broken a bone." I've never
broken a bone either!
Really?
Oh my god!
Ow, my leg!
BETH: Yeah, seriously.
Oh, I just broke all my knuckles.
GRACE: It's one thing I'm really paranoid about because
I feel like I've never done it so I'm going to
eventually do it.
And it seems like the most painful thing
in the entire world.
BETH: Tell me about it.
I've hurt myself so many times, but I've never, never
broken a bone.
Except when I broke a rib, I think, when we were doing this
dance piece with Retta.
I hugged the choreographer hard, and I swear
that I broke a rib.
But you can't do anything about it.
You just have to let it heal.
GRACE: Really?
For ribs?
BETH: So I think that I broke a rib on a hug.
GRACE: Wow.
I think I've probably broken a toe.
BETH: Yeah.
We probably have, you guys.
We just got over it.
GRACE: Yeah.
We've done it before.
BETH: We just barely noticed.
OK, another comment from YouTube.
It's from Isabel Hershey.
"I never put on all my clothes at once."
GRACE: What does that mean?
BETH: How do you do that?
GRACE: What does that mean?
BETH: Like a big jumpsuit that includes footsies?
GRACE: 'Cause I've done that.
I've put on footsie pajamas before.
BETH: Yeah.
I haven't, I don't think.
I have a long torso.
I can't wear onesies.
I don't buy them.
GRACE: Aww.
Yeah.
My mom got us onesies for Christmas five years ago.
BETH: Cool.
What does yours look like?
GRACE: I don't have it anymore, unfortunately.
I don't know where it went.
But it had sheep on it.
BETH: How do you lose that?
GRACE: I know.
I don't know.
I neglected it, and it left me.
And so I think it had bunnies on it.
And then I had slippers that had bunnies.
As an adult.
BETH: That's a good one.
Maybe she means like in The Jetsons thing.
GRACE: Oh, where they put them all on at once?
BETH: Yeah.
GRACE: I don't know how you would even do that.
BETH: Someday, you guys.
GRACE: If we could strive for something.
BETH: When we're hosting this show again, our last summer
episode, in 2025--
GRACE: 50--
BETH: Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe.
I'm thinking it's gonna happen pretty quick.
GRACE: You know, Japan has a lot of technology that we
don't know about yet.
BETH: It's true.
GRACE: It's coming this way.
Let's take another comment from YouTube.
This is from emmayefilms.
"I never said I'm going to the bathroom on a date and just
bailed." We are great people.
We're really nice.
BETH: Yeah.
Does that happen in real life?
GRACE: I don't know.
I feel like it only happens in Jennifer Aniston movies.
BETH: Absolutely.
Yeah.
GRACE: I can't ever see myself doing that.
BETH: Yeah.
I mean, excuses and lies, for sure.
GRACE: I'd be like, family emergency or something.
BETH: You would just disappear.
GRACE: Or cancel the date before it starts.
BETH: Right.
GRACE: But I've never left someone.
BETH: Me neither.
Let's do one from in here.
GRACE: Yeah.
What's in there?
BETH: It is, "I never wore cut-off
shorts." GRACE: OK.
So.

It's--
BETH: That was very somber.
It was like, let's show them what we've done, Grace.
GRACE: It's convenient.

It saves you money.
BETH: Did you wear yours as pants, initially?
GRACE: Yeah.
These were once pants.
And then I cut them into shorts, which is usually what
happens at the beginning of every summer for me as I go
through all the jeans that I'm not a fan of and I turn them
into shorts so I don't have to buy shorts.
Because all these girls wear these shorts that stop right
below their butt cheeks.
BETH: I don't get it.
Do you sit on the subway?
I don't understand that.
GRACE: And then they get upset when guys catcall at them.
And I think, you brought this upon yourself.
BETH: Seriously.
GRACE: So I enjoy making my own shorts to the length that
I approve of.
BETH: I'm with you.
Also, then they're worn in to fit your butt and stuff.
GRACE: Exactly.
BETH: All right.
Next comment from YouTube is from holamaddiee.
"I've never skinny dipped."
GRACE: I've never.
BETH: Never?
GRACE: I'm such a prude.
No, I've never done it.
Where'd you do it?

BETH: In this pool-- no.
GRACE: It was 20 minutes.
BETH: I came in to work early and went into this
kiddie pool back here.
It was very freeing.
GRACE: By herself.
She turned the camera on.
BETH: There's a beach that my friends now go to at Kismet in
Fire Island.
And part of it's a nudist beach.
GRACE: I've gone to a nudist beach before, but I
haven't been nude.
BETH: It's--
sand gets--
GRACE: Places.
BETH: If feels--
it's exhilarating.
GRACE: I believe it.
I absolutely believe it.
BETH: Let's look at the next comment.
How about that?
705Andy.
"I've never got stung by a bee!" Getting to the bottom of
my drink, here.
I once got stung by a bee five times on my back.
Although, does that mean it was five bees?
GRACE: Don't bees die?
BETH: Yeah.
GRACE: 'Cause bees die when they sting you.
BETH: They don't die.
Don't they just lose their stinger?
GRACE: I thought they died.
Do they die?
BETH: Tell us, guys.
GRACE: I don't know.
Maybe--
BETH: Well, I got stung by five bees at once.
I had five welts.
GRACE: Wow.
All on your back?
That's crazy.
I got stung by a bee during a tennis match in high school
once, right below my butt.
And our tennis instructor, Mr. Forst--
who taught special needs kids his whole life, so he would
talk to us like we were special needs kids--
was like, show me where you got stung.
I was like, no.
He was like, you can't call the match if you don't show me
where you got stung.
BETH: The most awkward scene.
GRACE: It was so awkward.
And I had to be, like--
BETH: Wait, but he didn't talk like that?
He just thought that he could communicate
with you if he did?
GRACE: Well, he talked so slow to all of us all the time.
But then when he would talk to adults, he'd talk normal.
And we'd all be like, what is going on right now?
It was a bad situation all around.
BETH: That's terrible.
GRACE: What a way to end this.
What a way to end this.
BETH: That's terrible.
We have more fun planned for you guys.
I'm at the bottom of my drink, so we're going to fill up.
And you guys watch this.
We'll see you in a second.
-(SINGING) Brains.

Brains.

Brains.
Brains.
Brains.

Brains.

Brains.
Brains.
Brains.

Brains.
Brains!
Brains!
Brains.

Brains.

Brains.
Brains.
Brains.
Brains.
Brains.

Brains.
Brains.
Brains.
Brains.

(WHISPERING) Brains.

GRACE: Guys, today we want to talk a little bit with you and
reveal the song of the summer!
And I don't think It's going to be a surprise to you.
You've heard it on the radio a bazillion times.
You've seen parody videos of it.
BETH: It's been in your head non-stop.
GRACE: It's been on Tumblr like crazy.
And the singer got really big because of it.
It makes you want to pick up a phone, maybe.
Who knows?
Let's take a clip of it.
[MUSIC VIDEO - PSY, "GANGNAM STYLE"]

BETH: Yeah.
GRACE: Yeah.
BETH: Gangnam style!
GRACE: Gangnam Style, of course.
And now some of you left a very interesting comment.
"I think Grace and Beth should do the Gangnam Style dance."
BETH: And it's very aptly named.
IsThisAwkwardEnough.
So we're about to do that.
GRACE: Let's do it.
BETH: Nate?
We need a back-up dancer.
Can you--
GRACE: Go behind us and dance.
BETH: Here you go.
You're gonna need this.
So are you going to be ready?
GRACE: You good?
You got this?
OK.
Hit it!
[MUSIC - PSY, "GANGNAM STYLE"]

BETH: Yes!
That felt great.
I don't know if I breathed that entire time.
GRACE: That felt really--
BETH: I forgot to breathe.
GRACE: --really good.
BETH: Nate?
Yeah.
Get back to work.
GRACE: Stop not working.
Wow.
Thanks guys.
BETH: That was exciting.
GRACE: Did you dance with us?
It's OK if you didn't.
BETH: You're learning.
It took us--
we practiced it.
GRACE: For minutes, even.
BETH: Yep.
GRACE: It was great.
So we're going to go catch our breaths.
You guys catch this video.
BETH: All right.
See you soon.

-And that's why Daddy doesn't go to Tijuana anymore--
because VD is a real thing, buddy.
You have no idea how much penicillin I had to take to
get rid of that.
You taking this all in, or--

Hey, buddy!

Whoa-ho-ho.
Hey!
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Buddy, you can't run off like that, huh?
Gosh.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
He's, uh--
I'll just get my--
-No.
No.
I would like to speak to his mother.
-But uh--
that can't happen.
-You are a piece of shit father, and I'm not about to
let you take this child anywhere.
-All right, listen to me.
Listen to me.
I may not be Madea.
-What?
-But to err is to be human.
You know that.
Look, Will Smith said that at the end of Hitch.
-WIll Smith?
Really?
You said it because he was black or something?
You're a moron.
Call your wife.
-I can't call my wife.
I can't.
-Why?
-I'm on thin ice as it is.
If I call my wife, she's gonna leave me.
And then this kid's gonna grow up in a broken home.
We can't have that.
We cannot-- you know what it's like?
-Oh, I should know?
I should know about a broken family?
Call your wife.
-No.
I can't.
I'm not gonna call my wife, all right?
I'm not gonna call my wife, and I'm not negotiating with a
stranger for my own son.
I own him.
I'm taking him with me.
-You own him?
Oh, you white folks.
What, y'all think y'all own everything.
You can't own a kid.
-I made him.
He came from me.
I'm gonna take him.
-Call your wife.
No, you're not gonna take him nowhere.
[TASER ZAP]
-What?
-Huh?
[TASER ZAP]
-OK, listen.
You're strapped.
Obviously.
-Yeah.
I will tase the taste out of your mouth, son.
-You win.
-I know I win.
-I'll call my wife.
Checkmate.
-That's right, checkmate.
Queen me, all that shit.
-Queening is checkers.
-I had to leave work.
What's going on?
-Oh.
Great.
This lady won't let me have our son back.
-Oh, so this is my fault?
This is my fault?
Hey.
Your dipshit husband left your child in the park.
-What?
Steve, are you serious?
-Yeah.
-That's only 80% accurate.
-Hey.
Between me and you, you can do a lot better than him.
-OK, I don't need you running my family.
-What?
-Yeah.
We don't need you running our family.
-Wait a minute.
Hold up.
I'm just trying to help you out, you know?
Obviously you like putting up with his bullshit.
Y'all dumbasses deserve each other.
-We do.
-What did you just say to me?
-I said, I said that y'all deserve each other.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa Ladies, ladies, ladies, please.
Violence is not the answer.
-Steve?
-Yes.
-Get your hand off my boob.
-Dude, are you serious?
-Let's respect boundaries.
-Dude, seriously?
You got a boner?
Really?
-He-- he's all yours.
[TASER ZAP]
-Ahh!

BETH: Hi, you guys.
GRACE: We're back.
BETH: We're in the pool.
GRACE: We got in the pool.
You leave us alone for a minute, we find a pool.
BETH: We get in a pool.
Here's what's cool-- is that I'm allergic to chlorine.
So this is the best pool party because I don't
have to get a rash.
GRACE: Yeah.
I respect everyone's allergies, so
this is fun for us.
BETH: Respect.
GRACE: Yeah.
Exactly.
BETH: We got some foam.
You guys can't even see it.
GRACE: Christer, we need more foam.
BETH: We need foam.
GRACE: Get in here.
BETH: I just tried to show you guys the foam,
and it all just popped.
GRACE: Yeah.
BETH: Wooo.
GRACE: Look it-- this is science.
This is Christer.
He does the foam.
CHRISTER: Hi.
BETH: We're going to just get back to the show as soon as
you fill up this whole tub from this gun.
We'll get there.
Oh, thanks.
GRACE: Thank you.
BETH: Thanks.
Let's look at a comment while you're doing that.
GRACE: This might take a while.
BETH: That's all.
Look at the foam we got, you guys.
GRACE: Look!
It's like we're--
BETH: If you touch it, it leaves.
GRACE: I feel like we're in Cancun at a
foam party right now.
Whoa!
It's so fun.
BETH: OK.
We've got a comment from YouTube.
Let's take a look.
It's from cyberchasefan200.
"You guys should dance to more K-Pop songs." Smiley face.
GRACE: I don't know any other K-Pop songs.
BETH: Send us one and the breakdown of the dance moves
in a stick figure--
GRACE: Is choreography very big in K-Pop music?
Is that a thing?
I don't know much about music in general,
let alone K-Pop music.
BETH: Me either.
I mean, we're willing.
That was very fun.
I enjoyed it.
GRACE: It was great.
That's the extent of my dancing.
Anything that gets more complicated than what we just
did is not up my alley.
BETH: Grace is leaving us on that one.
She's speaking like she isn't an amazing dancer.
She pretty much held us together.
Next comment from YouTube is from Uberbaldy.
"Bees die when they sting you.
Hornets and Yellow Jackets don't."
GRACE: So you must have got stung by maybe a yellow jacket
or a hornet.
BETH: That makes me feel--
GRACE: That makes you a bad-ass.
BETH: Yeah.
Sexy.
I feel like I'm more of a catch just because of that.
GRACE: You survived five hornet stings.
BETH: I've been stung by a--
oh, well, you said yellow jacket.
That's what I want to go with.
GRACE: Oh, yellow jacket.
BETH: That sounds cooler.
GRACE: Yeah.
I also like jackets that are yellow.
BETH: Right.
That also sounds like the name of the popular boys' group.
GRACE: Oh, yeah, The Yellow Jackets?
In like--
BETH: The '70s or '80s.
GRACE: Yeah, the movie Grease?
BETH: In Grease.
Next comment from YouTube is from--
GRACE: Mrc316.
"Glitzy or Sugarbear?" These are people from Honey Boo Boo.
BETH: Oh, yeah.
Which one's Glitzy?
GRACE: Glitzy's the pig.
Sugarbear is the father figure.
Also--
fun fact that I learned before the show--
Honey Boo Boo's sister had a baby.
BETH: Oh, she did?
GRACE: Yeah.
BETH: Early?
Premat--
'cause wait.
So did she have it early?
GRACE: No.
Not on the show yet.
But in real life, the pregnant-est
sister had the baby.
The baby was born with three thumbs.

On one hand, it's got three fingers and two thumbs.
And they said it makes the baby--
I think her name's Kaitlyn, the baby--
it makes Kaitlyn more special.
BETH: It sure does.
GRACE: Gotta love their optimism.
BETH: It sure does.
GRACE: When she rates movies now, there's gonna be a whole
new system.
It's pretty fantastic.
I'm so excited.
And Honey Boo Boo is on tonight.
And I'm excited to watch it.
BETH: Oh, my gosh.
That's exciting.
GRACE: But to answer the question--
BETH: So, but didn't they get rid of Glitzy?
GRACE: They got rid of Glitzy because Glitzy's loud.
And Sugarbear is not loud.
But I also read on Dlisted today that they said
Sugarbear's got an extra derp gene, which I thought was such
a funny thing.
But also very offensive.
So I would go with both.
I'm equal parties on this one.
BETH: Yeah.
Why can't we have both?
Is she can have two thumbs, we get to have both.
The pig and the papa.
All right.
Let's look at another comment from YouTube.
And it's from nygleek.
"Do you ship anything?" Like packages?

Oh, I have something.
This isn't that, but guess what.
When I was growing up, we had a boat.
And do you know what we called it?
GRACE: What?
BETH: Ship Ahoyt.
GRACE: Oh my goodness.
BETH: That's pretty good, right?
This is like a laugh track.

Well, Amazon shipped a present to my nephew today.
I ordered it, and they shipped it.
GRACE: I did not get my shipment.
In my apartment building, my buzzer
doesn't work for my apartment.
And UPS--
screw you, UPS--
you never bring me my packages.
And I sign the shipping label.
And you refuse to just put them in my lobby.
BETH: This is the segment where we talk
about mail and shipping.
GRACE: Yeah.
You've got mail, except for Grace Helbig who doesn't get
any of her mail.
BETH: I'm sorry, Grace.
GRACE: It's really sad.
I ordered a lot of things off of fab.com that I'm expecting.
BETH: You should have them shipped here.
GRACE: Yeah.
So I don't ship anything.
BETH: OK.
Next comment from YouTube.
GRACE: This is from sarue55.
"This is a better version of iCarly.
Grace, you're Sam and Beth is Carly. lol!"
BETH: Thanks.
GRACE: OK.
That's cool.

BETH: No?
GRACE: Is it toxic?
BETH: Um, find out.
GRACE: Well, it's all over our skin.
BETH: It's for children, so I'm sure that there's a clause
that it's edible.
GRACE: It tastes like--
BETH: What does it taste like?
GRACE: Doesn't taste like anything.
No, it tastes like soap.
BETH: Tastes like--

tastes like soap.
You're right.
I wanted to find out for myself, but you were right.
GRACE: I'm going to let it settle on my
tannins for a second.
BETH: Tastes like hand soap.
GRACE: Yes.
With subtle notes--
BETH: Some kind of generic hand soap?
GRACE: Subtle notes of horrible toy.
BETH: Right.
GRACE: Let's take another comment from YouTube.
This is from Sendmeadrift.
"Shipping is like when you ship a couple-- two people
from books or movies who you think belong
together." BETH: Wow.
GRACE: OK.
Great.
BETH: So that's news to me, but that's cool.
That's interesting.
GRACE: Thank you.
You're the kid in class that everyone hates.
Just kidding.
You're probably a very nice person.
BETH: Are you the one that also told us about the bees?
GRACE: Yeah, are you just on Wikipedia all day?
BETH: Yeah.
Tell me--
how do I say this in Russian?
GRACE: So is there anyone that you ship, then, that you want
to be together?
BETH: Um.

GRACE: This is a lot of pressure.
BETH: We're stumped.
GRACE: I know.
Yeah.
There's no one in my life that--
BETH: It's like I have no imagination for people who
aren't already together.
I'm like, well, they're just--
GRACE: Mmmm.
BETH: So I don't think we have any answers.
I don't think we want to ship anyone.
GRACE: No, I want people to be shipped if
they want to be shipped.
BETH: Grace wants her packages delivered to her apartment.
GRACE: Yeah, UPS.
I want me and you to be shipped together.
BETH: Yeah.
Next comment.
GRACE: Let's take a comment.
BETH: Is this drowning us out?
ryanwillis1986.
"I love you girls so much.
The show is amazing."
GRACE: Wow.
BETH: Thank you for that comment after the shipping--
GRACE: Debacle.
BETH: --business.
'Cause we do need that.
Otherwise we're gonna just drink all of this foam to make
ourselves feel better.
GRACE: You leave two girls alone in an empty inflatable
pool, they're going to eat the foam.
BETH: Yep.
GRACE: It's a classic saying.
BETH: Till the batteries run out.
Which is gonna happen soon.
GRACE: Oh my goodness.
Man, this is so much fun.
But you know what would make this even better?
BETH: It's the one thing I never got to do this summer.
I do know.
And it's a good old-fashioned drive-in movie.
GRACE: Yeah.
BETH: I miss them.
I wish I--
I need a car, first of all.
GRACE: Well, we have something that sounds like a motor.
BETH: OK, so we'll play that.
We're going to fix this right now because we're going to do
a special outdoor screening of the latest My Damn Channel
original video premiere.
GRACE: Yeah!
Check it out.
This is Save the Supers with Super Force
versus online dating.
Slow turn.
BETH: Let's watch the movie, guys.

ANNOUNCER: Previously on Save the Supers, the Super Force
budget keeps shrinking.
Fleet Foot made a video with some lofty claims.
-The world's fastest man.
ANNOUNCER: Merman was super-bummed to see Elementra
sucking face with a teacher.
Will he ever get laid?
Jesus Christ.
Find out now.

-We're recruiting off Hero Date now?
-Oh, um.
-Oh, you're using Hero Date.
Well, that's cool.
As in, not at all.
-Yeah, you know, we can't all use our truth breath to score
hot dates.
-That was one time, post-Salem witch trials, with Brad.
-Brad, eh?
Is that the, uh--
that's the teacher?
-Yeah.
-I thought that was just gonna be, like, a flingy thing for
you.
-So did I, but I mean, he's not just hot.
He's nice and funny.
And he fucks like a jackhammer.
-Oh, yeah-- hey, guys.
-There's no one here yet.
-No, they're coming.
I can hear them.
-There's this one thing he does with my leg that's like--
-What's it matter who's fastest when we're all on the
same team?
-I'll just draw you a diagram.
-It's important that we know all the ways
I'm better than you.
-OK.
Uh, we all here?
Where is Night Knight?
-Gentlemen.
-Dude, were you there the whole time?
-And fair lady, Elementra.
I'd like to introduce you to the 42nd Boy Sparrow.
-Great.
Another Sparrow?
You know you don't get paid, right?
-42nd Boy Sparrow.
You bet.
42nd time's the charm.
-OK.
Hey, Sparrow, all right.
Yay.
Welcome to the team, man.
-OK.
-So the high school got back to us with a giant bill for
the confetti bomb clean-up because all the janitors got
sick from inhaling confetti dust.
[COUGHING]
-Confetti lung.
I lost Sparrow 12 that way.
-OK.
So that's a thing.
So to pay for it, we're going to have to dip into the
entertainment budget.
And that means we're going to have to cancel our
headquarters tonight.
-Oh, what?
-What?
-What?
-How horrible.
Oh my god.
-Shut up.
-Look, I got a lunch meeting, so let's get to it.
Fleet, get on cancelling all the party arrangements--
DJs, caterers, etc.
-Yay!
A project.
-Night Knight, I need you to update the software on the
Super Force computer.
Just stop trying to revise the terms of service.
It's non-negotiable.
Just click Accept.
-Come, Boy Sparrow.
-OK.
Is it even worth learning his name?
And you two, 20 felonies each.
Stop 'em.
-Busy work.
-Oh, and I hope your meeting goes well.

-I hope your meeting goes well.
-OK.
You don't even know-- you have no frame of reference.

-No.
I don't want to hire new DJs.
I just want to cancel the one that we already hired.
-Hey, Fleet.
You're black.
-Thank you for noticing.
I'll just be one second.
I'm on the phone.
-That's why you think you're faster than me.
That's racist.
-Wait.
Three DJs for the price of one?
That is a deal.
-I saw your presentation--
Fleet Foot, the world's fastest Super.
First off, you can't say "world." I bought that word
off that guy who sells words outside the post office.
-That sounds like a scam.
-So you're slower than me and stupider too.
It's a sad day for your people.
-I'll call you back.
Nobody calls me slower.
ANNOUNCER: Now we join Merman on his
date, already in progress.
-Well, we won Frederico here.
All right.
What's that, buddy?
Oh.
Frederico says that I'm way out of your
league, by the way.
So-- sorry.
-Oh, nice fish-talking abilities.
-Thank you.
So Rascal, what is your power, outside of being rascally?
-I don't usually talk about it on the first date.
It's a little embarrassing.
-Look, I squirt ink out of holes in my hand.
So it doesn't get much worse than that.

That's hot.
-Not really.
I'm an energy absorber.
I will literally suck the life out of you if you touch me.
-OK.
So I'm dating someone that I can't touch.
-Well, I don't normally kiss on the first date, but--
-How can you--
-Sh.
-I mean, how does it even--
OK.

Wow.
All right.
-Rarr!
-It's like--
OK.
-So Nepal to Shanghai to Ecuador.
-No skipping Australia.
-No flying.
-All right, let's just do this race quick.
I don't think leaving Night Knight alone at the HQ is ever
a good idea.

-Whoever tags Sparrow's hand first wins, right?
-Right.
-So why are you standing in front of me?
-Because we're going around the world, idiot.
Turn around.
-Let's go, Fleet Foot.
-Whoo!
-Let's go World Man.
-OK.
On your mark, get set, go!

-Winner.
-Oh, let's let Sparrow be the judge of that.
Right, Sparrow?
-Something's different.
Where are my arms?
[PANICKY SCREAM]
-We should probably--
-My arms.
-Stay with us, Sparrow.
You need to tell us who won the race.
-No, we need to get him to Hero Hospital.
-Oh god.
-I'm going after his arms.
-Find out which arm flew farther.
If it's the right, then I won.

DJ (OFFSCREEN): Check, one, two.
One, two, three.

-Fleet, I asked you to do one thing.
Whoa, whoa.
What happened to Sparrow?
-We saved the Hoover Dam from the Man Car.
-The Man Car?
-He was some kind of crazed Transformer, busting holes all
through the Hoover Dam--
-Which Sparrow selflessly plugged with his arms.
-Jesus.
Night, couldn't you have cancelled the party
arrangements here?
-Fleet Foot said he was going to take care of
it after the race.
Hello.
Salutations.
Fleet Foot and World Man were going to race.
Utilizing my detective skills, I'll surmise that my Sparrow
here was tasked as the finish line.
His arms ripped off due to the sheer velocity of our
companions.
DJ (OFFSCREEN): All right, let's get this party started!
[DANCE MUSIC - "PUT YOUR HANDS UP"]

-The left side won the race.
-No.
-Yes!
MALE SPEAKER: Ew, that robot just barfed.

GRACE: Oh, man, I love Save the Supers.
What a great episode.
But you know what I don't love?
Are you OK?
Are you choking?
Is this the time that someone does the
Heimlich maneuver on you?
BETH: I was trying to make a smiley face with the lime, but
it just got really sour.
And now there's lime in my teeth.
Take it, Grace.
GRACE: I respect your boldness.
Guys, that's the show.
BETH: Mm-mm.
GRACE: Thank you.
Oh, wait!
Oh no!
We're going to take a comment first.
I'm sorry.
I got ahead of myself.
"Do you girls believe in ghosts?
Yes!
Oh my God.
So when I was younger, I went to CCD, which is religion
class for people who don't go to Catholic school.
BETH: Yep.
GRACE: And we'd have it once a week.
BETH: Luckily, I went to the Catholic school, so I didn't
have to go to the extra class.
GRACE: Lucky you.
You won the lottery on that one.
I had a teacher in fourth grade that used to tell me
that the Virgin Mary showed up to her one night
when she was a child.
And I used to think, I'm going to pray at night that that
never, ever happens because that is the most terrifying
thing that could ever happen.
She was like, my life was forever changed.
I knew I had a calling.
And I was like, no!
Ugh!
I never, ever, ever want to see a ghost in my life.
BETH: Did you ever play Bloody Mary in the mirror?
Is that what it's called?
Yeah, when you circle around in the dark?
'Cause it happens.
'Cause it works.
GRACE: Does it?
BETH: Well, 'cause you're like looking into the light or
something, so then--
I haven't done it in so long.
We used to play it in the church basement bathroom,
which was already creepy and dark and scary and full of--
GRACE: Ghosts.
BETH: Scariness.
And you look in the light, and then you spin around a bunch
of times and say, Bloody Mary, or something.
You look in the mirror, and you do see, because you were
just looking at light, spots.
And it looks like a ghost.
And you pee your pants.
And the whole day you have to make excuses for the fact that
your pants are wet 'cause you peed them.
GRACE: Thank god for Catholic school.
BETH: No scars.
GRACE: No emotional or physical scars.
Guys, that's it for the show.
Thank you so much for hanging out.
We're going to be taking a few days off for the
holiday this weekend.
But I will be back on Tuesday, which is my new day, here on
My Damn Channel LIVE.
So tune in then.
BETH: And on Wednesday, I'll be hosting.
And our guests are Dan Brown, the vlogger, and comedian
David Rees.
David Rees will be here, you guys.
It's exciting.
GRACE: Oh my god.
Thank you for hanging out and learning all of our secrets.
BETH: This was so fun.
GRACE: Cheers, bye!
(SINGING) Sexy ladies.
Gangnam style.