Massholes Episode 5: Good Will Hollywood


Uploaded by LOUD on 25.10.2012

Transcript:

KENNY: Sup, man.
How's it going buddy?
-Good, man.
How are you?
KENNY: Good to see you, man.
Thank you.
-What's up, man?
-What's up brother, how are you?
-Sup man.
Can I see your ID real quick?
KENNY: Andy's cool.
He's my boy.
-Yo Kenny, man, you got these cameras here, dog.
I gotta check his ID.
He looks like he just came from little league practice.
So I just gotta check him out real quick.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
PADDY: So this is a Hollywood bar, huh?
I thought there'd be like, head shots
and shit on the walls.
I will take a pitcher of the cheapest beer
you got on tap, please.

Whoa.
Time out.
I think I'm going to have to go bust a move on these little
Hollywood honeys down at the end of the bar.
Work a little magic.

-Here we go.
PADDY: Oh, hello.
-Hello.
PADDY: Hi, how are ya?
-Fine.
PADDY: You ladies--
-Come here often?
PADDY: Do I come here?
I come here a bit, you know, from time-to-time.
You ladies are actresses, yeah?
-Yup.
PADDY: I think I had a class with you.
-Oh yeah?
What class.
PADDY: It was, uh--
acting.
-Maybe.
PADDY: Yeah, yeah, it was acting.
You might not-- you don't necessarily remember me.
I am an actor.
Just 'cause I'm an actor doesn't mean I'm famous.
I am very well known in Boston.
BRENT: Hey.
PADDY: Hey, how are ya, how's it going?
BRENT: Good.
How you doing?
PADDY: Good, good.
I'm doing well.
BRENT: What class did you say that was again?
PADDY: It was acting.
BRENT: Acting.
Just acting.
Must have been a beginner's course.
PADDY: Yeah, it was for beginners.
It was a good course.
You should check it out.
It was a good class.
BRENT: What'd you like about the course?
PADDY: Frankly, I found it rather superficial.
BRENT: Superficial?
I don't doubt that it was.
I think I remember that course.
It was in between failed auditions and bad Ben Affleck
impersonations.
-Why are you here?
BRENT: Don't worry about why I'm here.
I'm here hanging out with my friends.
These are my friends.
PADDY: I don't understand.
Are we going to have a problem here?
I don't understand.
BRENT: No, no.
No no.
Actor.
I was just hoping you could give you some insight on the
evolution of the Stanislavski system on the modern actor.
My contention is-- prior to the Meisner technique--
is that the improvisational elements-- especially with
monologues--
can most aptly be described as both derivative and
artificial.
PADDY: Let me say-- let me say-- let me tell you
something--
KENNY: Of course that's your contention.
You're a second level improv student.
You just got finished with some
intro group, UCB probably.
You're going to be convinced that til next month, when you
try out Groundings, and then you're gonna be talking about
how active listening and work in the partner keys to
authenticity and believability rooted in character behavior.
That'll last you til next year, and then you're going to
be in here regurgitating Brad Pitt talking about the
usefulness of eating as a doing mechanism and how improv
is all about making choices.
BRENT: Well actually I won't, because Brad drastically
underestimates the impact--
KENNY: Brad drastically underestimated the impact of
distractive behavior predicated upon eating food,
especially junk food?
You got that from Deadline Hollywood, Nikki Finke's Oscar
breakdown, front page?
Yeah, I read that too.
Are you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us, or you got
any thoughts of your own on this matter?
Or is that your thing?
You just come into a bar-- you read some obscure passage and
try to pretend and pawn it off like it's your own idea to
impress some girls and embarrass my friend?
See, the sad thing about a guy like you-- in 50 years you're
going to start doing some thinking on your own.
You're going to come up with the fact there are two
certainties in life-- one, don't do that.
And two, your father wasted $150 grand on film school when
you could've become a reality producer by renting some
cameras and wearing that fucking douche bag headband
BRENT: Well at least I'll have a degree.
You'll be teaching my kids at dance camp while I'm running
trains on supermodels up [INAUDIBLE].
KENNY: Yeah, maybe.
But at least I won't be a fucking poser.
But look, if you want to go outside, we can figure this
out right now.
BRENT: No, man.
It's cool.
KENNY: It's cool?
BRENT: Yeah.
KENNY: Cool.
PADDY: You're goddamn right it's cool!
How do you like me now?
BRENT: I don't.
[SLAPPING]
JIMMY: My boy, wicked big style.
It's three minutes into this place and we already got Brent
trying [INAUDIBLE].
ANDY: At the mail room, there was this agent that told me I
could have a job as assistant but then said that I was too
shy and that I had a speech impediment, so I
said, go fuck yourself.

I swallowed a bug.
CRYSTAL: You're from Footloose, right?
KENNY: What?
CRYSTAL: You're from Footloose.
I've been sitting over there for 45 minutes waiting for you
come and hit on me, but I have an audition in the morning,
and I have to go home.
KENNY: Well, I'm Kenny.
CRYSTAL: Crystal.
KENNY: Crystal.
CRYSTAL: By the way, that kid over there, the
Bret Michaels clone?
He asked us for a threesome.
KENNY: He's a fucking nerd.
Don't worry about him.
He's harmless
CRYSTAL: Good.
Anyways, I'm going to get going.
I have to wake up early and waste some more time on my
Meisner technique.
KENNY: No, I wasn't talking about you.
That was just-- that was him.
CRYSTAL: It's OK.
Here's my number.
I was hoping maybe we could get coffee sometime.
KENNY: Yeah.
Or maybe we could just get together and fuck.
CRYSTAL: Excuse me?
KENNY: If you think about it, it's as
arbitrary as drinking coffee.
CRYSTAL: Yeah.
OK then.
Have a good night.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
KENNY: I already said I'm sorry.
JIMMY: Dude.
You just said James Dean is your thing.
So Matt Damon is my thing, and everyone knows Matt Damon is
my thing, so--
KENNY: If I let you do it, will you stop whining?
JIMMY: Yeah.
KENNY: All right, go do it.
Go get 'em.
JIMMY: Hey Brent, do you like avocados?
BRENT: Yeah, I'm from California.
Of course I like avocados.
JIMMY:Yeah?
Well, my boy Kenny right here?
He's going to fuck her.
How do you like them avocados?
[LAUGHTER]
-Suck a dick.