Brokeback Boston - Massholes Episode 7 featuring Haylie Duff & Jay Harrington


Uploaded by LOUD on 08.11.2012

Transcript:

JEREMY: So, Jimmy and Paddy were a little bit mad about
the whole Craigslist thing.
And I did a little bit of research and I found out that
Kenny has a lead in a new Boston movie.
And I figured, these two are clearly from Boston, and it's
probably my best shot to get them anything.
So I sent them on an audition for the supporting cast.
CASTING ASSISTANT: OK, so we have two newcomers today.
Their names are Paddy Q and Jimmy Valentine.
Some resumes.
KENNY: What the fuck?
What roles are they reading for?
CASTING ASSISTANT: Sammy and Bobby.
DIRECTOR: What?
Do you know these guys?

All right, fellows.
This will just be a quick read.
See how it goes.
If it goes well, we'll have you back for round two.
JIMMY: OK.
DIRECTOR: OK.
Before we start, any questions?
JIMMY: No.
We don't have any questions.
Two guys from Southie, two tough guys.
PADDY: We are these guys inside and out.
KENNY: Jimmy and Paddy come in.
They're thinking that they're actors
auditioning for Southie gangsters.
What they don't know is that they're
Southie gangster lovers.
They're gay.
PADDY: Every part of these characters, we lived it.
So--
DIRECTOR: Is that right?
PADDY: Yeah, every part.
JIMMY: Yes.
DIRECTOR: OK, well, then this should be interesting.
PADDY: Cool.
JIMMY: Cool.
DIRECTOR: Let's get started.
PADDY: Nice.

MAGGIE: Hey, can I check that out?
I left mine at home.
GIRL: No.
HAYLIE DUFF: Hey, you can use mine.
I already went in.
MAGGIE: Really?
Thank you so much.
You're amazing.
HAYLIE DUFF: No, no worries.
I've read it like a dozen times.
If I read it again, my eyes are literally going to bleed.
BRENT: Whoa, Haylie Duff.
Wasn't expecting to see her at all today.
Like at all.
PADDY: Yes.
Yes.
MAGGIE: How did it go?
JIMMY: Nailed it.
Nailed it.
PADDY: Dude, you wouldn't believe it.
The director said our chemistry is off the charts.
Like Kenny couldn't--
Kenny's face was like, I'm not sure.
CASTING ASSISTANT: Marguie, we'll see you now.
JIMMY: Good luck, Marguie.
MAGGIE:OK.
Thank you.
HAYLIE DUFF: Bye, good luck.
PADDY: --Kenny's face--
HAYLIE DUFF: So, you guys felt good in there?
JIMMY: Oh yeah.
PADDY: Oh, yeah.
HAYLIE DUFF: All, the light touchy-feely stuff?
PADDY: Ah, shit we've been doing since we were kids, man.
This fucking script-- like we basically are these
characters.
JIMMY: Partners in crime, me and him.
HAYLIE DUFF: Wait.
Hold on, you guys in real life are exactly like the movie?
PADDY: Exactly.
JIMMY: Yeah.
Yeah.
Like we grew up in Southie, we're good.
Yeah.
HAYLIE DUFF: Really?
JIMMY: [INAUDIBLE].
PADDY: Partners in crime since we wore diapers, we were like
that the whole time.
HAYLIE DUFF: No way.
JIMMY: I love this fat fucking guy.
Moved out here together from Boston and
the whole nine, yeah.
HAYLIE DUFF: Oh, from-- wait, coming from Boston.
I mean, how were your parents with coming out?
PADDY: You know--
JIMMY: A little rocky at first, but then--
PADDY: Yeah, they're stuck In Boston.
They are like old fashioned, so when we came out, it was
weird for them.
HAYLIE DUFF: Wow.
JIMMY: If we can make it in Hollywood, like fuck--
PADDY: Yeah.
JIMMY: --we got to come out.
HAYLIE DUFF: Just doing it together?
JIMMY: Yeah.
PADDY: And so we came out.
HAYLIE DUFF: Ah, you guys are so cute.
PADDY: Yeah, you know this fucking guy.
JIMMY: Yeah, you're pretty cute yourself, young lady.
HAYLIE DUFF: I like your hair, by the way.
It's so shiny.
JIMMY: Oh, psht, you're making me blush.
You're making me blush.
PADDY: He uses my product all the time.
HAYLIE DUFF: You should share the shine spray.
JIMMY: [INAUDIBLE] we share it.
PADDY: This fucking guy.
JIMMY: He is trying to be the tough guy.
Always trying to be the tough guy, this one.
PADDY: I think this Haylie Duff chick kind of wants us.
JIMMY: Yeah, she was basically begging for it in
the audition room.
HAYLIE DUFF: Do you like my boots?
PADDY: Yeah, you have the whole thing going on.
Look at you.
MAGGIE: Hey.
JIMMY: [INAUDIBLE]?
MAGGIE: Good.
JIMMY: Awesome.
PADDY: Awesome.
JIMMY: Awesome.
Good job.
MAGGIE: Thank you.
JIMMY: Oh, oh.
Here we go.
OK, so we have Jimmy, Patty, Maggie, Steve,
Michelle and Maria.
You guys are all here, right?
MAGGIE: Yeah.
Yep.
CASTING ASSISTANT: OK, so we're going to be looking for
some chemistry inside the room.
I need to make sure that each one of you is OK with that
kissing scene.
JIMMY: Yeah, we're good with that.
Yeah.
CASTING ASSISTANT: Great, here are the new sides.
MAGGIE: Thanks.
CASTING ASSISTANT: We'll be calling you in shortly.
Good luck.
HAYLIE DUFF: Thank you.
Look at you, Boston boys.
Bet, you're ready to show your stuff.
PADDY: Well, you know.
You can say me and Jimmy have had a little bit of practice.
JIMMY: Yeah, it's a lot of bit of practice.
Let's work on it.
HAYLIE DUFF: Wait, should we--
So, these guys are friends of yours?
MAGGIE: Yeah.
I'm with these freakin' idiots.
I love them though, you know?
HAYLIE DUFF: Right, they are so cute.
And you are so lucky.
They're so like manly and rough.
But then, at the same time, they are sensitive and so
loving towards each other.
And they really lucked out actually being a couple.
MAGGIE: What?
CASTING ASSISTANT: Jimmy and Paddy.
Come with me.
JIMMY: All right, let's go.
OK.
Oh, fuck.
MAGGIE: What are you talking about?
HAYLIE DUFF: You know, two gay guys from Boston reading to
play gay lovers in a Boston movie.
It's like, when does that happen?
MAGGIE: You know, I always thought there might be some
funny business going on with those two.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Believe me.
Lord knows, I did my fair share of dabbling back in the
college days, all right?
Haylie Duff.
Instant scissor.
HAYLIE DUFF: I'm sorry.
CASTING ASSISTANT: Pat's here with Jimmy and Paddy.
JIMMY: Did you get through the whole thing?
I didn't finish.
PADDY: No, but we got this.
I'm like heartbroken over some broad, whatever.
We'll figure it out.
JIMMY: Oh cool, cool, cool, cool.
DIRECTOR: : God damn it.
Maria Menounous passed.
What the fuck else does she have to do?
It's offer only, but DeAngelo's is going to cater,
so that's good.
Fellows, thanks for coming back,
stick around, or whatever.
JIMMY: Thanks.
PADDY: Thank you.
DIRECTOR: : Good stuff.
Very good stuff.
I like what I saw.
PADDY: Cool.
JIMMY: Awesome.
DIRECTOR: : I want you to sit down and get into it.
PADDY: Oh, cool.
DIRECTOR: : And get, you know, really close.
PADDY: Yeah, all right.
Oh, yeah.
DIRECTOR: Oh, come on, guys, get close.
You're consoling him.
It's an intimate moment.
It's very pivotal for this movie.
PADDY: Pretend it's like Boone hit the homer off Wake.
Remember that?
Remember how bad I was crying.
Let's go.
Come on.
Geez, I'm going to start crying.
Come on, let's go.
DIRECTOR: : That's it.
Now you're getting it.
JIMMY: OK.
All right.
DIRECTOR: : And action.

BRENT: Oh, ah, sorry, Haylie, hi.
Cameras, are they bothering you, or--
Because--
HAYLIE DUFF: A little but-- it's, It's OK.
It's OK.
Cool.
It's actually Brent McMasters.
Maybe we should--
Oh, boy.
We actually worked together on a Lifetime movie you did,
"Home Invasion." I was the key PA on that.
Actually, I was a PA on it that held keys
for the other people.
BRENT: Brent, get your fucking shit together, man.
Be--
JIMMY: Bobby, you ain't never going to be alone.
I'm always going to be here for you.
Remember that.
PADDY: You promise?
JIMMY: I promise.

PADDY: All right, so it says that a kiss is coming up, so I
don't know if you want to get some broads in here, or--
JIMMY: Yes.
We'd like to go for that.
PADDY: How was that?
Was that good?
DIRECTOR: That was magic.
All you had to do was kiss.
I was going to cut, print, the fucking gate.
PADDY: Yeah, that's why we were trying to get
the girls in here.
Lets get the broads.
DIRECTOR: : What girls?
It's in the script.
You kiss.
JIMMY: Wait, excuse me.
We kiss?
PADDY: Yes.
JIMMY: I'm confused by that.
PADDY: Yeah, get the girls in.
KENNY: Just, just please.
DIRECTOR: It's in the fucking script.
You kiss him.
PADDY: Me and Jimmy?
No.
JIMMY: It say they kiss.
DIRECTOR: Yeah, they.
What?
KENNY: Let me set this--
DIRECTOR: Make it quick.
What hell is going on here, guys?
KENNY: Guys, come on now.
What the fuck are you doing?
PADDY: Yeah, good fucking question.
What's going on in here?
JIMMY: Why didn't you tell us this is Brokeback Boston.
KENNY: Tell you?
Did you read the fucking script?
JIMMY: We didn't get through the whole thing.
KENNY: You must have missed the part
where you are gay lovers.
Kiss--
JIMMY: Yeah, obviously, we missed this part, Kenny.
PADDY: Are you fucking kidding me?
KENNY: Look, I don't know why--
PADDY: Have you seen us with girls?
KENNY: --somehow you, guys, are about to book this movie.
He really likes you.
Get your shit together, be professional and kiss.
PADDY: I don't think so.
JIMMY: Man.
KENNY: All the greats have done it, Brando, fucking
DiCaprio did it, Hanks.
Who else?
They've all done it.
JIMMY: That's all, that's all.
KENNY: Shh.
Shh.
Matt Damon did it.
PADDY: Damon did it?
JIMMY: Fuck.
KENNY: Damon did it.
It's not gay when you're acting.
JIMMY: Matt Damon.
DIRECTOR: Gentlemen.
KENNY: Wait, this it your time to decide.
Did you come out here to make it?
JIMMY: Matt Damon.
PADDY: Damon did it.
What do you want to do?
JIMMY: I don't know, Paddy.
Let's just see what happens.
PADDY: OK.
Just, just roll with it, OK?
JIMMY: You think our dads are going to see this.
PADDY: If they see it, they are going to kill us.
So, let's not even think about that.
DIRECTOR: OK, guys.
So, got this sorted out?
And action.
JIMMY: OK.
Bobby, you ain't never going to be alone.
I'm always going to be here for you.
Remember that.
PADDY: You promise?
JIMMY: I promise.
[SIGHING]
PADDY: Don't look at me like that.
No, why go 90.
Don't go 90.
JIMMY: Fuck 90.
PADDY: Your eyes are closed.
Why are you eyes closed?
JIMMY: I don't want to think about [INAUDIBLE].
PADDY: Your eyes are closed.
JIMMY: Fuck 90.
PADDY: Your eyes are closed.
Your mouth is open.
JIMMY: I'm ready.
PADDY: No.
JIMMY: I don't think so.
Thank you very much.
We're out of here.
PADDY: Got to go.
Thank you.
JIMMY: Thanks for the opportunity.

No, actually, I know Haylie Duff.
Well, I met Haylie Duff.
We worked together.
That's true.
We actually had a moment.
She very well maybe the love of my life.
But, I really think I'm getting some momentum.
HAYLIE DUFF: It's good to see you again.
BRENT: It just worked out better.
HAYLIE DUFF: Yeah, there was a moment.
The moment he got kicked off the set for
creeping everyone out.
Kind of sad, I thought he was kind of cute.
BRENT: We did have a connection on set
and I do love her.