CGRundertow JOHNNY KUNG FU for Nintendo 3DS Video Game Review


Uploaded by CGRundertow on 14.07.2012

Transcript:
QUICKLY. You have one hour. Your girlfriend’s been kidnapped by Mr. Wang, and it’s up
to you and your fists and feet to save her. You are... JOHNNY KUNG FU. Starring Pauly
Shore as Johnny! Scarlett Johansson as Paula! Alan Rickman as Mr. Wang! And Weena Mercator
as The Hopping Woman! Sixty minutes! Story after story of fistfights! Liquid Crystal
Displays! Flying knives! Number-based duels! Ramen breaks! Are you excited yet? Because
I’m running out of breath! I’m going to SIT DOWN. (TJ will be right back after this
gameplay footage.)
Johnny Kung Fu is what happens when you take some rudimentary plot, several Game & Watches,
beat-’em-up action in the style of a Viewtiful Joe (without the time fiddling), WarioWare
Inc. Mega Party Games, and a touch of SOS (AKA Septentrion), hand the whole lot to Martin
Yan, and set Chef Yan to “Course Paste (extra loud).” If it felt like I just dropped a
pile of names, rest assured that every single one of them (with the possible exception of
Martin Yan) is completely justified. Johnny’s on a mission to scale Mr. Wang’s headquarters,
one floor at a time, by jumping between eras of gaming if need be. Both the upper and lower
screens are fair game in this one, with the top playing host to newer-school, split-level
beatdowns and the bottom to handheld Tiger games of yore. You’ve got a hard one-hour
time limit, made more difficult by the fact that continues cost five minutes each. And
it can take quite some time to slam your way through a legion of minions in preparation
for a showdown with today’s boss character (only to see them become just more minions
in just a couple floors), or to survive a battle of reaction time in a Judgement-esque
showdown. You might have to juggle bombs for a time. You might have to return color to
the world by punching out baddies. It doesn’t have to make sense. It’s Kung Fu.
The dialogue is minimalist and cheesy, the character designs are cheesy, the enemy AI
can get super-cheesy at times - not unfair per se, just ruin-your-childhood difficult...
and frankly, that’s the best part about this game. It’s like a flash animation come
to life, with unlockable marathon versions of games, unlockable kung-fu techniques, and...
the occasional pause break for ramen. Complete with life-like slurping sounds! If you’re
up for a laugh, a piece of nostalgia, and perhaps a very relaxed chicken, grab it from
the 3DS store for a scant six bucks. Maybe the best six bucks you can spend on your 3DS
that isn’t called “Mighty Switch Force.”