A Born-Again Atheist Meets a Born-Again Christian

Hello, I'm a Christian.
And I'm an atheist.
I'm not one of those wishy-washy cafeteria Christians, I'm a true Christian who's been
born again.
And I'm not one of those fake dictionary atheists, I'm atheism plus.
I've accepted Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior.
I've accepted Rebecca Watson, P.Z. Myers, Greta Christina and Jen McCreight as the deciders
of my opinion on any given social or political issue.
I believe in all-powerful and all-pervasive but invisible, unverifiable entities like
God and Satan.
I believe in all-powerful and all-pervasive but invisible, unverifiable entities like
The Patriarchy and rape culture.
I use "God did it" as the answer to every question.
I use "male privilege" as the answer to every question.
I think all men are sinners.
I think all men are rapists.
I think all women are helpless victims who need a man to take care of them.
I think all women are helpless victims who need Big Brother to take care of them.
I like to tell people who disagree with me that they are simply ignorant because they
haven't studied the more arcane points of theology. For example they haven't read Eriugena
on subjectivity, Rahner on grace or Moltmann on hope. It couldn't possibly be that they
actually have valid arguments. This is called the Courtier's Reply.
I have a similar tactic. Whenever anyone disagrees with or simply questions the dogma of radical
feminism, I tell them, "Fuck off, this isn't a 101 space. Don't come back until you've
taken at least a semester of women's studies and are proficient in privilege theory, patriarchy
theory and rape culture theory."
I can dismiss people's arguments out of hand by quoting at them, "The fool has said in
his heart, there is no god."
I can dismiss people's arguments out of hand by calling them misogynistic scum and rapists.
If anyone points out flaws in my argument, I just tell them that they are blinded by
their refusal to accept Jesus Christ into their heart.
If anyone points out flaws in my argument, I just tell them that they are blinded by
their male privilege.
I don't allow comments on my blog because I don't want Satan or his minions abusing
it. I want to create a safe space for persecuted Christians.
I allow comments on my blog provided commenters are in lockstep conformity with my ideology.
As soon as they show any sign of independent thought, I kick them off and delete their
comments. I want to create a safe space for persecuted minorities.
I like to arbitrarily redefine commonly understood words like "god" and "faith" so that god can
always be said to exist, albeit as an increasingly vague and vacuous concept.
I like to arbitrarily redefine commonly understood words like "rape" and "privilege " so that
I'm always right and men are always rapists.
I think Christians should regard God's laws as taking precedence over secular laws enforced
by activist judges.
I think Atheism plussers should regard their need to feel smug and sanctimonious as taking
precedence over copyright law.
The preacher at my megachurch is so charismatic, I would follow him anywhere.
P.Z. Myers is so charismatic, I would follow him anywhere.
Okay, whatever. I believe that when children go to school, they shouldn't be exposed to
viewpoints that I disagree with. Otherwise it's brainwashing by God-hating liberals.
I believe that when I go to atheist conferences, I shouldn't be exposed to T-shirts that I
disagree with. Otherwise it's harrassment by woman-hating MRA rapists.
I get all butt hurt when people point out ways in which government and the legal system
give Christians special privileges over other groups.
I get all butt hurt when people point out ways in which government and the legal system
give women special privileges over men.
I believe you're either with us or against us.
I believe you're either with us or against us.
I revere the crucifix as the symbol of my deeply held faith.
So do I. I just put a red letter A in front of it.
Don't take this the wrong way, but I find you very interesting and would like to talk
more. Would you care to join me for some coffee?
Sure! We obviously have a great deal in common.