You Suck at Photoshop - Filter: Liquify


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 15.02.2008

Transcript:

DONNIE: My name is Donny, and you suck at Photoshop.
And I don't feel so good.
And this is making me feel worse, so let's
just get down to it.
Let's just open up Photoshop and let, [WINCES IN PAIN]
let's say you, you know you've got some time to waste.
Like maybe you went on a business trip and when you
were heading home you got stuck at the airport for 96
hours because your boss booked the wrong flight and, and so
you've been living in a shantytown made out of coats
that you borrowed from a German family.
And the whole time you've had to move brown for five days,
but because you have a clinical phobia of public
restrooms you haven't been able to do that.
And it just feels like a hickory farms summer sausage
is just going to come blowing out your ass any minute now.
And maybe that's how you feel, and you want to just spend
some time in Photoshop.
So let's just grab a photo from just any kind of photo.
Something we want to have fun with.
We're just not going to worry too much about this.
And so maybe you've got a picture of your boss, Jeff
Swanson, who is accepting an award that he
didn't deserve, and--
MALE SPEAKER 1: Hey, Donnie-
DONNIE: And what we want to--
what?
MALE SPEAKER 1: Hey Donnie.
DONNIE: No, I'm, I'm just checking e-mail.
MALE SPEAKER 1: Yeah, Taniqua is on the line, she said the
goddamn email is still down.
I'm heading over to Sbarro you want anything?
DONNIE: No, no.
MALE SPEAKER 1: OK.
DONNIE: Go to Sbarro and G off.

Um, all right, so, so we got this photo.
Now all we want to do is just have some fun, and sort of
reveal the inner fat gas that's puffing up inside of
this beef rod.
And so, we're going to use a fun tool, filter liquify.
And then what we're going to do is take the brush down to
about 60 and then we're just going to start to massage the
bloated ego from the fleshy head, just like an early
season honeydew melon.
And as we do this you could almost imagine the voice
saying, I do accept this safety award
on behalf of nobody.
Nobody but me.
Because I'm the only person who had anything to do with
its success.
So--
[SKYPE CALL]
Hold on a second.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Hey, new guild is going up on Undermind.
Log on man.
DONNIE: No, I can't.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Ring of infinite sorrows.
Log in!
DONNIE: I don't want to talk about it.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Have you dropped a load yet?
DONNIE: No don't--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Aw, come on what can brown do for you man?
DONNIE: [GROANS IN PAIN]
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Look, seriously dude, you have
got to make a splash.
DONNIE: No!
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Drop a deuce!
DONNIE: All right, um, so let's just, let's just make
this person feel the way we might feel right now.
Let's get our brush size a little bigger and just start
to bloat out the way, maybe make it look like he's got a
pack of mud covered raccoons just trying to get out of his
stripper scented skeezer suit pants.
Because he made somebody eat fondue three nights in a row,
and it just won't come out.
And it wants to come out, and it [FIGHTS BACK TEARS]
it's just busting at the seams.
And nobody knows what's going to happen because who in the
hell is going to--
[SKYPE CALL]
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Your bottom is going to blow man.
DONNIE: [GROANS]
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Your bottom is going to explode, and it's
going to like cover people like Vesuvius--
DONNIE: [GROANS]
No don't!
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: --and like a thousand years from now
archaeologists will dig people out of your assruption.
DONNIE: [GROANING IN AGONY]
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Drop a deuce!