How to Get Out of Being a Bridesmaid | Bad Girl Guides

Uploaded by BadGirlGuides on 05.09.2011

"How To Get Out Of Being a Bridesmaid"
Being a Bridesmaid. One of the greatest honours a woman can bestow on another.
A proof of friendship. A mark of respect.
And let's be honest - a massive pain in the arse.
So how do you dodge all the fittings, planning sessions, and group-hugging without losing the friend?
Here's some helpful tips:
"The Ground Work"
The first week of bridesmaidom is the most important.
It's when the bride works out who's actually going to be helpful in the build-up to the wedding
- so make sure you screw it up royally.
Disapprove of the ring; push for a "sci-fi theme";
tell her you've written a love-rap that you want to perform;
suggest the hens get matching tatts...
you'll be relegated to confetti-buying in no time.
"The Fail"
Bagsy a hands-on job like writing the place settings, then get your dyslexic nephew to do the first 5.
Proudly show them to the bride-to-be, saying:
"before I do the rest, do you think more, or less pictures of Spider-Man?"
If that doesn't get you stripped of responsibilities then mail an invite with hearts all over it to her fiancé's ex "by mistake
- that should do the trick.
"The Speech"
If your friend does the unthinkable, goes all "modern" and asks you to make a speech about her,
here's how to get away without doing your homework:
when it gets to your turn, pull out some blank sheets and say "the first time I met Sophi..."
then stop, hold for a beat, then break down with emotion: "augh... I can't... I'm just so ...happy for you",
Quickly raise a glass, then run off to the toilets. Job done.
Everyone's moved and no one had to sit through half an hour of you squeezing out feelings
about your friendship that probably dried up 10 years ago
...or at least, the moment she asked you to make the damn speech!
Little tip: to help sell the big moment, make sure you're wearing non-waterproof mascara and have a pre-soaked tissue in your pocket.
When you go to "dab your eyes", the wet tissue will give you that streaky panda face effect
that seems to be required of bridesmaids after speeches.
"The Dodge"
By far the best way to avoid any wedding work is to not be picked as a bridesmaid in the first place,
so as a point of good practice make sure any time a friend of yours gets a new boyfriend -
hit on him.