Dendy Chronicles - выпуск #7

Pavel Grinev a.k.a. Kinaman presents
A Kinamania Productions production
With support by www.U-SM.ru
So, what else have I got there?
Uhm...
Hmm.
Heck, what the...
We are all familiar with this, isn't?
Perhaps every Dendy gamer of these great times
had a few of these cartridges in his collection,
that either were titled God knows how,
or had completely unrelated characters pictured under the well known titles.
Those of us who knew the thing were simply ignoring this,
but those who just discovered the 8-bit wonder Dendy,
could be confused for a really long time
with the fact that, playing, say, Ninja Zen all day,
had completed the game even, they have never met the space transformer,
who is, as the publishers of the cartridge implying, no one but Zen himself.
Those were rough times.
Having no idea that Dendy is a pirate console,
along with all its cartridges,
many of those had heck knows what pictured on them,
it was really difficult to avoid things like that
and getting copies that had more or less adequate presentation.
Most of gamers were simply ignoring the pictures by this reason,
and valued the cartridges by the games itself.
So if a game was good, the sticker didn't matter.
The more so that we had many on them without the plastic cases.
Sure, not a big deal.
They have put a character from Metal Dragon Arm anime
on a cartridge with Zen Intergalactic Ninja,
But the game is still about Ninja Zen, and it is great.
Or, they decided to put the now famous cute duck on Duck Tales cartridge.
Well, they simply couldn't find an appropriate picture of Scrooge McDuck.
Could happen to anyone.
Or, they decided to...
No, that is... too much, you know.
Well, I understand that...
F...!
What is this?!
What the?..
Are you nuts?
That... This...
Stop it already!
How many have you got?
Yes, as you can see, there were many cartridges with insane pictures.
A crap load.
Now I simply have to tell you about them.
So today... Oh...
Today I invite you to see and admire the creations
that pirate's mad imagination did create during the history of 8-bit games.
And next to it, I'll present you my own hit parade
of the most insane Dendy cartridge stickers that I ever saw.
Game Parade
Let's start with the most famous games
that also were the most strangely presented by pirates.
Thereby I would like to recall my very first Dendy cartridge,
that I have found bundled along with the Lifa console,
that once amazed, then suddenly disappointed me with the sticker.
Or, to be exact, with the things that I saw there.
Besides the pictures of the games that are absent on the cartridge,
like Contra and Street Fighter,
the name of the latter we have once read as 'Super Figator' [roughly 'Super Finger Giver']
I have noticed this picture that is seemingly portray four Ninja Turtles.
After closer look, I realized that something is wrong with them.
Since there was no TMNT game on the cartridge either,
I didn't thought where the picture is came from.
And it comes from... this.
My fears were confirmed when I later played a game from this cartridge.
It is in fact Ninja Turtles.
The third game, to be exact, and it is unbeatable again.
Pirates were using this picture while producing early copies of the game.
As you can see, there is barely anything from the original Turtles.
The mouths are covered with something, sunglasses instead of masks,
gloves on the hands, boots on the feet.
Really weird shells, and all four has completely different weapons.
The only similar thing that is remained is the colors of the glasses.
Judging by those you could guess that
this is Michelangelo,
this is Donatello,
this is Leonardo,
and this is Rafael.
In this weird shape, pirates released yet another TMNT game as well,
called it Turtle Ninja 2 this time.
Now they have removed the gloves and boots,
and completely messed up the glasses colors.
Judging by the glasses on this picture,
Rafael is now Leonardo,
and Michelangelo is second Donatello.
We could see the game with this picture practically everywhere at the time.
as well as the third game.
Today, it you would think what was the reason
why pirates decided to not use the original pictures of the green four,
rather redrawing it so heavily,
barely leaving any resemblance to the Ninja Turtles,
there could be only one reasonable and compelling explanation.
Copyright.
The author rights, as we call it.
It is quite possible that Chinese pirate companies
were simply afraid legal actions from Nintendo and other right holders.
So they were trying to camouflage pirated games as much as possible.
This is probably the reason of most of these pictures on Dendy cartridges.
...I would say so, if there wouldn't be one thing.
This cartridge was bought in the same exact time frame at a flee market.
And this one is at a brand Dendy shop.
Both are the same pirate copies imported from China,
with the same exact games.
Looking at these, I just can't understand.
Why the company that released these cartridges
wasn't afraid to use the original pictures and names,
while the company that released these was afraid and changed everything?
The same thing is with hundreds of other games.
Mario games, for example.
Are you remember how I was telling about Super Mario Bros. 3
cartridges in one of the past episodes?
Pirates has removed the characters and the title from the picture on one,
but left everything in place on another one.
So why ones were camouflaging everything while others did not?
Heck knows.
Perhaps it was like one pirate boss was talking to another: [label 'pirate bosses']
'Suan Fuck, we can't draw Mario, Nintendo gonna punish us!'
And the other answered:
'Hold up your pee, Kusch Khul! There are tens of others like us.'
'Nintendo gonna lose more money than it could earn suing us one by one!'
You know, he probably was right.
There are known cases when Nintendo
was filing lawsuits on Famiclone manufacturers.
but I have never heard about any legal actions
against manufacturers of pirate cartridges.
Could you imagine, however, that the Steepler company
didn't hesitate to take legal actions on its own.
In late 1994 they has filed a lawsuit on a Moscow company
that illegally copied Dendy cartridges using the Dendy trademark.
There was an article in the Kommersant newspaper about this,
the case was named
'Steepler v. pirate Dendy copies'
It sounds like 'Nintendo v. Nintendo production'.
Well, in that case the reason of the legal action was
unauthorized use of the registered trademark 'Dendy', owned by Steepler,
No one did bother about the fact that the trademark
was used to sell the same counterfeit stuff.
So, let's get back to our today's Game Parade... [laugh]
I said g-a-m-e parade!
Speaking of the most bizarre pirate cartridge stickers,
I cannot skip the countless Mario sequels
that I was talking in depth in the first Dendy Chronicles episode.
The craziest picture I have seen back then is this one.
M.C. Mario,
a hack of M.C. Kids, also known as McDonald Land
Another one that got us quite some nerves
is the pirate version of Dr. Mario with that completely unrelated stupid girl.
Besides this wonderful Steepler's release,
the game was also released in different form,
with the Dr. Mario himself on the picture.
Although he is more of Dr. than Mario.
Anyway, considering that all these cartridges are pirate versions,
this is much more related to the game than this.
Oh yes, do you remember the amazing version of Super Wonderful Mario,
a.k.a. Super Mario 5 and Super Mario Bros. 2?
It was released here in two versions as well,
and the last time I shown you more or less adequate one.
It also had this one.
OK, Mario clothes here has colors of the American Flag,
taken from the cover picture of Mario Golf.
OK, Mickey Mouse is here.
OK, some... cartoon general.
A goat in a suit.
A walking cabbage head.
A dragon.
But why the heck is the Snow White here?!
And whose cut hand is this, her dead Prince or herself?
Did they really thought that her picture could be taken as Princess Toadstool?
Or, maybe Mario is broke up with the Princess and married the Snow White?
Disney would have been delighted.
Well, all this is just beginning,
because many more weird things were seen on Dendy cartridges.
Judging by many of those, the Chinese guys who drew the pictures
often had no clue what they could draw for some game.
Let's take Tetris, a truly great game, as an example.
Why could you draw on the sticker, besides the falling blocks?
In Western-targeted releases there were pictures of St. Basil's Cathedral.
So everyone would know where the game is came from.
In the Dendy release, however, intended for ourselves,
the pirate publishers somehow decided to draw
flying aircrafts as a background to the game.
We can only guess why they are there.
There are many hypothesizes about
the source of all these endless blocks.
So, maybe they are dropped on the players from these aircrafts.
Or they are sent to the Earth by Tetris God.
Interestingly, judging by the pixelized look, these pictures has 8-bit roots.
So I wouldn't be surprised if they were simply taken
from a screen shot of some other Dendy game.
It most certainly happened that way for another 8-bit game,
The Adventures of Bayou Billy.
Released by Konami in 1988, it was kind of a breakthrough,
combining a few genres in one game for the first time.
The look of the hero of the game was blatantly copied
from the notorious 'Crocodile' Dundee,
although the game itself was completely unrelated to him.
The pirates probably didn't realize that, and on the Dendy cartridge
they named it Sir Crocodile.
Crocodile Sir, to be more exact.
But they didn't stop there,
and in order to make the title even better match to the game
they also put a picture of a crocodile on the sticker.
Not this one, however,
but this.
Now take a look that they have got in the result and explain me, please.
How in the world one could get by looking at this picture
that there is The Adventures of Bayou Billy on this cartridge?
You know what was even funnier?
When Chinese pirates were putting different stickers on the same games,
that not only were radically different between themselves,
but neither of those were matching to the actual game.
Look here, a cartridge with the Kick Master game.
The sticker is trying to convince us
that this is a game about Ken from Street Fighter,
who is eager to fight with an one-eyed ninja.
Alright, so be it.
However, there was another version of a cartridge with the game,
and those of you who haven't seen it,
would never guess who was pictured on the sticker.
Yes, the Mask.
A character from the eponymous movie with Jim Carrey.
It is impossible to find any connection
between these pictures and the game until you play it.
I did, so I can explain you the story of the game.
A medieval kingdom got attacked by forces of the dark,
lead by evil sorceress Belzed.
They killed the King and Queen and kidnapped the Princess.
Two knights went to the rescue.
Thonalan
and Macren.
The latter got seriously wounded in the beginning of the game,
so only Thonalan enters the battle.
What could I say.
We are lucky that they didn't picture the kidnapped Princess.
It is too scary to even imagine
what kind of monstrosity we should save.
Tho...
Nah!
Game Parade
God, oh my God, how much shit is here...
Sometimes it is even scary how the eyes got open over the time.
Look at that, they weren't able to find a good picture
and drew it by themselves.
It isn't too bad drawing actually,
maybe except the Ursula...
Well, yeah.
Oh my...
You are here too.
Of course you are remember this sucker, isn't?
So much desired dream of many 8-bit gamers that never came true,
but turned into a grand spoiled shit instead.
Besides being one of the most crazy hacks of the famous titles for Dendy,
it is also a bright example of a special kind of the insane pirate stickers.
Unlike other kinds, pirates were using proper names on most of them,
proper pictures that were actually related to corresponding games,
but added an awkward crap for shit and giggles.
In this case it is Louie the orangutan from the TaleSpin series,
and a cartoon crocodile that is unfamiliar to me.
Both also got guns.
There were a lot more like that.
For example, The Last Action Hero,
where you can suddenly see Nicolas Cage behind the Schwarzenegger.
Perhaps not all pirates agreed that Arnie is the last action hero.
Or the famous copy of the Jungle Book that was widespread in 90s.
that somehow got a storey cottage behind the jungle and Mowgli, and...
Tails?..
And this one, a copy of NY Nyankies, is simply unique.
Paying no attention to Willy the Cat, the hero of the game,
Baloo and Mowgli from Jungle Book are dancing here.
The cartridge also contains a truly unique version of the Rockin' Cats.
You won't believe that, but it is ported from
Atari 2600!
Here is a super exclusive for Dendy console.
This version of the game about rockin' cats was released only here,
you won't find it anywhere else in the world.
Because only in Russia...
You know.
As you can see, it was ported from nowhere else but Atari 2600,
because it barely has any graphics, but it does have the music.
If it wouldn't have the music either, I would say it is ported from the Odyssey.
Looks quite similar, isn't?
So, you are looking at a perfect example of one of the things
that were inspiring development of children's imagination back in the day.
What is this game about, who is the hero, why, where...
Who cares!
The only thing that matters is when you press a button
the square moves and attacks another squares.
So it isn't inferior to the Pac-Man, at least.
This means that we gonna play, play, and play.
Now we have seen quite a lot of cartridges with crazy stickers.
So what have we learned?
We learned that the root of evil
that brought all this unthinkable nonsense to life
was located somewhere at Eastern Asia.
This restless evil genius was forcing the huge pirate machine to work,
that was making new cartridges for him every day and every hour.
It was drawing the pictures, putting them on the cartridges,
sending them into long misadventures to conquer new places,
to enslave helpless minds of the young generation with these nonsensical,
really f.... up stickers.
It wasn't always the case, though.
Sometimes the pirate entity simply wasn't able
to handle out the huge stream of their production.
Maybe in order to save time or work force
it was sending these completely blank cartridges to the shops
sending in printed stickers later.
So sellers at the places would match and put them
on to the corresponding games by themselves.
This approach wasn't used everywhere or very often,
but it probably was the reason in most of the cases
when you, bought the Tiny Toon game once,
found there Double Dragon 3 once returned home.
That's not the point, though.
The point is that if you were the seller who got a pile of the stickers
and found there ones like
Psy Buster,
Bomber King,
or Captain Majid,
what games would you put these on?
You may put sticker from Snooker to the Side Pocket,
or NHL '97 on the Stick Hunter.
But tell me please, where would you put this one?
Battletoads or Super Mario?
Could you imagine how high one had to be to make something like that?
Just look.
A multi storey house, two UFOs,
one of those looks like cyber Cipollino's head,
two characters from An American Tail: Fievel Goes West,
and this... thing.
A mutant frog in striped pants and glasses,
but with human ears apparently.
And it is titled Toads Mario.
Could you imagine to see this on a cartridge in the childhood?
For better or worse, we have only got the sticker,
so we don't know what game it was supposed for.
I think if it would be Battletoads with Mario logo hacked in,
it would get a top place in our hit parade.
You know what?
The pirates weren't freaking out with pictures on the stickers only.
They also did that with equal success
on the pages of the cheat books for Dendy.
And...
No, take it away.
I got a better one this time. It is so pirate...
That it got no cover!
You could find many different drawings there.
Some are drawn pretty weird but correspond to the games,
while others would make you forget your own name.
For example, how would you like this character from Home Alone 2?
How would you like this Jackie Chan?
Or the Cliffhanger?
Or Kunio Kun?
Famous Ninja Turtles are there too,
and while this picture is fine,
this one is...
Yeah.
Robocop and Terminator also got there.
Robocop looks very proud being drawn like that,
but I just felt sorry for the Terminator here.
No wonder, because they put him into description of Power Blade 2.
The pirates certainly deserved a monument for some things, though.
They are so good in taking everything literally,
especially when it comes from their colleagues.
Those of you who watched the fifth episode of Dendy Chronicles.
This picture is dedicated to you.
Created and directed by Pavel Grinev aka Kinaman
Camera work by Maksim Edush aka McSIM
Music by DJ Sky
Cover version of a 'Super Mario Bros. 3' song by Sephiroth
Graphics by Pavel Bressky aka imetators
Artwork by Evgeny JjAR With the participation of Dmitry Udalov aka FCst1
Many thanks for props to: Sergey Nikonec aka Oreanor, Alexey Tsitsulin, Ruslan Serdukov aka Sephiroth, Artem Pirinyazov aka GooDook, Dmitry Nikitin, and CaH4e3
To be continued...