A Litre of Tears - Nhật Ký Nước Mắt 11/11

[November 14th]
Aya?
You're working so hard.
Mr. Takano is here to see you.
Hello Aya.
Hello.
Thanks again.
Oh!
Here's this month's copy.
[A Letter From The Heart] [Composition by Ikeuchi Aya (20)]
How's Professor Madoka doing?
She's good.
The baby should be just about...
She's in her eighth month.
You must be so excited.
Hey! The clothes are washed!
They're heavy!
Don't complain.
Oh, Mr. Takano.
Everyone hung the clothes up to dry.
The sky was endless and beautiful.
The wind was a little cold but it felt good.
It smelled like winter.
[Building Bridges]
It's painful to be with you.
I'm sorry I can't do anything for you in return.
I can't see you anymore.
I'm 20 years old.
It's already been 5 years since I got sick.
A little bit at a time, I've lost everything.
There are very few things left that I can do.
I can't remember who I used to be anymore.
A potted plant for a hospital patient?
I got it because it was cute.
This is a laboratory mouse at Kobe Hospital,
that is suffering from spinocerebellar degeneration.
I've increased the cells in this mouse and the results have been positive.
The drug HM2098 shows some promise.
How effective were these tests?
Initially when we administered the medicine we saw minor changes in lifetime expectancy, however
at this point, we have not seen a significant change in statistics.
In other words, it has almost no effect.
Exactly.
However, I plan to continue increasing the number of cells in the future.
I hear there is research being done with spiders as well.
The chance of success is not impossible.
This research appears to be taking up a lot of funding and will take a long time.
Please take your time and do the best you can next spring.
Bon appetit!
Enjoy your meal.
Hey!
What's that sweet smell?
Hiroki, did you put something in your hair?
It's hair gel.
Hair gel?
You don't need to use anything like that.
-- He has a girlfriend at his middle school. -- Ako, don't say that!
Girlfriend?
Girlfriend!
You're 40 million years early for that!
Why are you wasting time on a girlfriend?
- You're still a kid! - Stop! What are you doing?
You messed it up...
Idiot!
Aya, this is for you.
We had a field trip.
The leaves were beautiful so I drew them for you.
Wow! Rika, you're really good.
Isn't she?
Thank you, Rika.
She has great taste, doesn't she?
As expected of my daughter.
One of Ako's paintings is
in an art contest too, right?
Ta-dan! I won.
Oh? Really?
Wow! That's wonderful!
They're going to hang it in the school.
At Higashi?
I wish I could go see it.
I wish I could go to Higashi.
You aren't cold, are you?
It hasn't changed at all, has it?
What do you think, Aya?
Do I have any talent?
I'm glad I came here.
It made me remember.
When I was here at 15...
...I was clearly...
...alive.
Final episode ~ A Distant Land Devoid of Tears ~
Well, I'll see you later.
Flower petals start to bloom one at a time.
They don't just suddenly become flowers.
It made me happy to understand that yesterday always has
a clear connection to today.
Aya, sorry I'm la...
Aya!
What happened?
Did you fall?
Are you hurt?
What happened?
Aya!
Mom...
I can't...
...walk anymore.
Aya. Even though you're sad, you have to do your best.
It'll be all right.
I have
more than enough strength
to carry you on my back.
Mom...
What's the purpose of me living?
She'll have little physical strength and her will to move will come and go.
She's in danger of suddenly slipping into critical condition.
We will be observing her closely, however
from now on, I'd like you to make sure that we're able to contact someone in the family at any time.
Hey!
How are you doing?
You don't look so good.
No.
It's been a year already, hasn't it?
Yes.
You know, I...
really
appreciate
you going out of your way
all this time.
So...
from now on
please...
focus on living your own life.
How is your son?
He seems to be studying hard,
but he's locked himself up in a shell again.
It's as if he's gone back in time.
I see.
How is your daughter?
I feel useless.
Even though she gets weaker everyday,
there's nothing I can do for her.
Six years ago, my oldest son died in an accident.
He spread light all around him like the sun.
Even as his father,
I was dazzled by his light.
Mrs. Ikeuchi,
I didn't even have time to say goodbye.
Please, don't leave yourself open to regret.
Please treasure the time that you have left with your daughter.
Yes.
Aya!
You don't have to push yourself so hard.
Aya.
Why don't you rest for awhile?
Aya.
I'm afraid.
If I don't write how I feel right now,
by tomorrow I may forget and it will disappear into nothingness.
My diary is my proof that I'm still alive.
"Aya, you still have more to write."
You said that to me, didn't you?
You're the one who found a reason for me to live.
Aya,
I want to introduce you to some people.
They're medical students who've come here for their internship.
It's nice to meet you.
Hello.
We're here to study to be doctors one day.
It's nice to meet you.
My pleasure.
That was hard, wasn't it?
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me...
Please study more carefully.
That girl may not be able to move well...
She may not be able to speak well...
But she isn't a kindergartener.
She's as smart as you are.
Make sure you understand that.
[Positive results.]
[There is hope.]
[Our expectations.]
Dr. Mizuno's always in the laboratory lately, isn't he?
He seems to keep in frequent contact with a doctor from the University of Kobe.
I wonder if he's going to switch hospitals?
Aya.
I just saw Asou...
Aya!
You okay?
Aya.
She choked on something during lunch.
Prepare oxygen and an IV.
Aya, you're going to be fine.
Just to be safe, get the aspirator as well.
Aya!
Aya!
Aya!
You're going to be okay.
You just choked on a little food.
Now all is well.
Their tear streaked faces
seemed ready to burst into tears.
I wonder if...
I will die from something this trivial?
This postcard arrived for Aya.
I'll bring it to her then.
Thank you.
Aya?
How are y...
Aya.
Hey.
How's the studying going?
Not too bad.
You still haven't seen Aya?
No.
I wanted a job where I could help others,
but in the end
I couldn't do anything about her illness.
The reason I chose to study neurology
was because this branch of medicine, includes many fields.
I thought perhaps I could find
a cure for diseases that other people were unable to cure.
At first I was really ambitious.
I couldn't do anything either.
I tell the patients who sit in that chair
"this disease does not immediately lead to death."
"In the time you have left research will continue."
"Don't give up hope. We have to do our best."
I encourage them, saying
"we have no intent of giving up the hunt for a cure,"
but in the end it's just a lie.
I don't want to give up though.
The patients never give up...
There's no excuse for the doctor to.
As a doctor, I ask the same of you.
Plants and animals are content with the world from the time they're born.
Humans are the only creature
that try to force life to continue.
Doctor?
You've cared for it all this time... The plant.
Long time no see.
You've been publishing excerpts from
your diaries every month, right?
A postcard arrived from a middle school girl
who says she read what you wrote.
"I wished I was dead."
"I have the same disease as you, Aya."
"When the doctors told me that I'd never recover,"
"I couldn't stop crying."
"I can't walk well anymore."
"I get stared at in school."
"My boyfriend left me."
"Every single day I ask my mother,"
"Why did this have to happen?"
"But,"
"Aya, when I read your article,"
"I realized that I wasn't the only one suffering."
"Ever since I got sick, I've been depressed."
"I realized that I just stare at the ground."
"I want to become strong like you."
"From now on, even if I'm in pain and cry my eyes out,"
"I want to overcome it, and try to move forward."
"It's thanks to you, Aya, that I can think this way."
You said you wanted to help others, right?
When I first met you,
I thought
I couldn't care less
whether people lived or died.
But...
I've changed.
When it comes to you...
Even if it is greedy...
Even if it's forced...
I want you to keep living.
So, I...
Asou.
I can't walk anymore.
But... I was able to help someone.
I was able to help.
Of course.
It's already time for Christmas.
Aya.
Here you go.
Doctor...
Are you going to different hospital?
Of course not.
Why?
Will you always stay here?
Yes.
Thank God.
I was afraid you were going to abandon me.
Since it seems like I'll never get any better.
I won't abandon you.
I'll never abandon you.
You're my patient.
I'll never give up...
...on trying to cure you.
So...
Aya, you can't give up either.
But...
If...
If I do...
use my body for medical research.
Find the cause of this disease, ok?
I want to help other people with the same disease.
You're saying you want to donate your body to science?
I want to help you, doctor.
Aya.
You're doing so good right now.
So please,
don't think about things like that.
[There is hope.]
[Effective cure.]
That phrase: "I won't abandon you,"
gave me so much courage.
Doctor, thank you for not abandoning me.
Aya, is there anything you'd like for Christmas?
Is it ok?
Is it okay to ask for something selfish?
Of course!
Ask for whatever you want.
I want to go back.
I want to go back home.
As long as it's only for one day.
Really?
Normally I wouldn't allow it.
I'm concerned about her condition.
It could lead to further damage of her nervous system.
She could also experience a sudden drop in blood pressure.
Truthfully,
the other day, Aya told me that
she wants to donate her body to medical research.
She says she wants to help other people with the same disease.
If Aya's wish right now is to go home,
then let's give an effort to give her what she wants.
So that she has some time to feel alive.
I'll be here at the hospital.
If you notice any change in her condition,
please contact me immediately.
I have something,
to discuss with everyone today.
Did something happen to Aya?
She's coming home tomorrow, right?
Yes.
But...
your sister...
...isn't doing well.
When she goes back to the hospital
she probably...
won't ever be back.
So,
this trip home, will...
If you guys act like that how is she going to react?
We have to do our best to be cheerful.
Let's all show her our affection.
I agree.
Right.
Yes, you're right.
They're here!
Welcome home!
I'm home.
Here we go!
Even though we're a little early, today is our Christmas Day.
Shioka.
These are for you.
What did I get?
Ako.
For Hiroki.
This one's for Rika.
How cute!
How cool!
So many colors!
Truthfully, these gifts
are from your sister.
From Aya?
She chose each of them for you.
Now...
I'm going to read the letters she wrote to all of you.
"I'm sorry Ako."
"Lately,"
"even though you love to be in fashion,"
"you're always wearing old clothes."
"You probably couldn't say that you wanted new clothes,"
"since all I wear is pajamas."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry Hiroki."
"Ever since elementary school you've used the same sports bag"
"Now that you're in middle school, "
"you must have wanted a more stylish one, right?"
"I'm sorry for making you hold back."
"Rika, I'm sorry to you to."
"In order to make pictures for me"
"you've squeezed out every last drop of color you had."
"Ako, Hiro, Rika,"
"Thank you for everything."
"I apologize for always stealing mom's attention."
It seems like your sister
noticed a lot of things I hadn't.
Aya, you're always too polite.
I'll cherish it forever.
Rika won't use them. I'll keep them safe for later.
Well then! Let's start the party!
Ready? Merry Christmas!
Cheers!
We'll be home later!
Don't be late!
Watch out for cars!
Hiro, Rika!
Wait!
Dad.
I have a favor to ask.
Rika stands here.
I want to be by Aya.
- No. Rika! - No, me!
Don't argue. Just line up.
Ready?
It'll be here forever, Aya.
A place for you to come home to.
That'll never change.
This is always your home.
Thank you everyone.
When I put my hand to my chest
I can feel my heartbeat.
I'm so happy
that I'm alive.
Aya's diaries?
Yes.
Aya's articles have
received many responses.
Look.
If possible, I'd like to publish her old diaries.
I'll ask her what she thinks.
Aya,
you're looking good today.
O
ne
ga
i [Please.]
Diary?
Ka
ki
ta
i [I want to write.]
I want to thank you for everything you have done for my daughter.
No, I haven't done anything.
Haruto has never listened to my opinion.
He's a boy who thinks for himself and decides his own actions.
Doctor...
Don't you think that
when people raise children, some of their beliefs also begin to shift?
I...
Even though I couldn't minimize her pain,
I always tried to understand how Aya felt.
It may be a little late,
but I reread all of her diaries.
I'd ask, "Why Aya?"
While I was in a rut,
she fought it on her own.
Searching as hard as she could
to find words to encourage herself.
Calling it "raising children"
might be a bit presumptuous of us.
It's clear that every day,
Aya, and her brother and sisters,
are the ones who've been raising me.
Aya?
You came to visit again today?
Are you okay, staying up this late every day?
As I am now,
I can't do anything significant, but...
Even the doctors feel the same.
The older you get,
the more incompetent you feel.
Our fate is not something that can be changed easily.
Even I still have the same thoughts.
Why Aya?
Why Keisuke?
Maybe I underestimated you.
You've always been different from Keisuke.
Stubborn, arrogant, clumsy.
That's why I always worried about you.
You remind me of myself.
I won't say anything anymore.
Do what you believe is right.
You're a man now.
Hey.
Sa
mu
ka
t
ta [You're cold]
It's snowing hard outside.
There's over 3 meters of snow on the ground.
U
so
tsu
ki [Liar]
Yo
n
de [Read]
Ni
k
ki [The Diaries]
These?
Can I?
"Don't be impatient, or greedy. Never give up."
"Everyone has to take things one step at a time."
You're a good writer, aren't you?
"I'm not the only one suffering."
"Not being understood. Not being able to understand."
"Both options are pitiful."
"If I were a flower, I would be the bud."
"I want to treasure..."
"the early days of my youth with no regrets."
"Mom,"
"at the bottom of my heart"
"I know that you'll always believe in me."
"From now on, please continue to stay by side."
"I'm sorry for only bringing you problems."
"Why was I chosen to have this disease?"
"I can't brush it aside with words like "fate."
"I want to build a time machine, so I can go back in time."
"If I didn't have this disease,"
"I may have found love."
"Longing for someone to hold on to is unbearable."
"I'm done wishing to go back in time."
"I'm going to accept myself for who I am now."
I'm going to live.
I realized that although there will be heartless looks that hurt me,
there will be an equal number of caring ones.
I still want to stay here though.
This is the place where I belong.
It's okay to fall down, isn't it?
You can always get back up again.
If I look up at the sky when I fall down,
even today, I can see a limitless smile stretching across the blue sky.
Rather than living in the past,
we need to focus on doing everything we can right now.
Mom,
will I...
...be able to get married?
"Mom,"
"will I be able to get married?"
You've really done your best, haven't you?
You've given everything you have to stay alive, haven't you?
So
u
da
yo. [Of course!]
Don't get cocky!
I
ki
te
ne [Please Live]
Zu
t
to
i
ki
te [Live Forever]
[Live Forever]
I understand.
[Thank you]
You fell asleep, didn't you?
You're smiling.
[Ikeuchi Aya]
Aya!
[5 Years Later]
Aya!
Excuse me.
Aya.
Aya!
Please stand back.
Defibrillator.
Please wait outside.
Aya!
[Thank you.]
To Aya,
It's already been a year since we last saw each other.
Aya?
Are you walking?
Can you eat?
Are you laughing out loud?
Can you speak now?
Even though I'm not at your side,
are you doing your best everyday?
That's the only thing I worry about.
"Why was I chosen to have this disease?"
"What is the purpose of me living?"
That's what you said, isn't it?
You suffered for so long,
crying endless tears... Wondering what the purpose of your existence was.
Even now, I still think about that.
I still
haven't found an answer.
But Aya...
Long time no see.
Doctor!
How are things?
Same as usual. I spend everyday with patients and doing research.
Your daughter was a wonderful person.
She didn't give up until the very end.
She was a normal girl, like any other.
She was just our daughter.
It's very slow, but advances are being made one step at a time.
If we'd had another 10 years...
Even 5 years...
No matter what, I'll always think that.
At this point it sounds like an excuse.
Maybe there was more I could have done
while Aya was still alive.
Doctor, you did plenty for us.
We're truly grateful.
Mr. and Mrs. Ikeuchi.
As I said,
Aya was a genuinely amazing person.
But Aya,
thanks to you
a lot of people started to think about the meaning of their lives.
They started to appreciate that they could
live normally through each day with warmth and happiness.
They've realized their affection for those close to them.
The people with the same illness as you
have realized they aren't alone.
The words born from all the tears you shed
have reached the hearts of so many people.
So, Aya...
wherever you are, please don't cry anymore.
Your mother wants to see your smiling face,
just one more time.
You're alive.
On March 23, 1988 at 12:55am Kitou Aya, at the age of 25, drifted into eternal sleep where she rests surrounded by flowers.
The diary that Aya kept from the age of 14, "1 Litre of Tears," has sold more than 18 million copies to date.
Even 29 years after she was diagnosed, it continues to bring courage to many people.
Her sister Rika is now teaching children as a supplementary school teacher.
Her brother Hiroki is protecting the safety of his district as a policeman.
Her sister, Ako, graduated from Higashi, the school that Aya had to leave.
Like her mother Shioka, she now works in health care.
Her father, Mizuno, and her mother, Shioka, continue to share Aya's experience.