Mubarak - No Longer in DeNile

Uploaded by PLLevinson on 13.02.2011

Yeah, welcome, welcome everyone
I do mostly topical kind of humor like, Husni Mubarak resigned today, that’s pretty funny, No?
He resigned
It was explained to me that the problem in Egypt
was that a few governments types have all the money and everyone else is at the bottom.
Right, that's classic pyramid scheme.
Of course we Jews know all about the Egyptian pyramids
That the subtext of what’s not being said. We wantt to make sure that they don't
destroy the pyramids because we're not going back to build them again
We think there will be a lot of Egyptians celebrating Pessach this year with us
it should be a good time for the Egyptians
I don’t know how much you guys followed this revolution here it was really
a different revolution than has ever happened, you know it was a Facebook
blogging revolution. I mean you know that the number one candidate to become president
Is Justin Bieber, you know
If you ask them,
this is the kind of things you know
and the traditional headlines
“They’re Upset in Egypt”, you know, they’re going nuts in Egypt.
Everyone had
the wrong ideas you know and of course
His son left, you know and good riddance to him, because
If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen Gamal
it was really a quick time out
you know and the headline writers you know: “They hate Us in Egypt”
We need to read that, how about “We hate the Egyptians” That's a headline that we should
have had to look at this time.
And the protestors are saying “Accept the new world”, you know
And meanwhile these (thugs) come in on camels and hit these guys with whips!
What kind of a world is this that they live in
Husni Mubarak is estimated to be worth between seventy and eighty billion dollars worth. Now that’s a lot of money.
And of course he’ll be getting more now with his unemployment compensation
He claims that he did it by (fully) filling his tires with air
He shopped over here in Givat Shaul at Rami Levy
, I don't know, I don't know exactly where he's going
There are a lot of potential jobs for a guy like him, He’s been looking at the classifieds for ruthless dictator

And with his intolerance and threatening personality he’d be a natural
on Fox News, he’d just be great there
or even
i think if he did a hair makeover and he renamed himself,
you know
“Hustin Mubieber”. He would give him (Justin Bieber) a run for his money
but anyway he's there and we're here
and... you know
Hopefully it’ll work out and of course our friend in the last few days, Barak Obama, you know,
Mister tone deaf himself,
Says to Mubarak, you know
“The time has come for you to say goodbye to the Egyptian people”
Of course
So Mubarak says, “Why, where are they going?”, you know I mean
Barak doesn't get it any better than Mubarak did and
But of course Obama has his own problems you know, he talks to these business types
And says, “Why don’t you guys hire more workers?”. He just doesn’t get it that
The only people who hire workers that they don't need are the government
He’s just totally out of it. He had a press conference
On YouTube
he was asked seven thousand times
“When are they going to legalize marijuana ?”and this just by a guy named Chad out in Portland.
It’s not so easy being president listening
to everybody out there
And of course the usual, it’s still a horrible weather story
in the States. There are 300,000 people in Washington (DC)
without power, usually we call them Democrats, but it was like
not a happy time for anybody there.
Joe Lieberman is writing a book
Entitled “The glory of the Sabbath". I don’t
know how well it will sell, but he is working on it 24/6 and it is hopefully going to be
a big hit, a big one for him
In other news, Chevrolet came out with a
way to
update your Facebook (page) while you’re driving
This is what we need, you know you're not busy enough texting and SMSing and talking
on the phone
This is America, a great thing about it
And of course, Sarkozy this week
had his Facebook account hacked, right
I think the reality was that
somebody asked him for his password and he just sort of surrendered and gave it up
The French aren’t great with this
My wife is from Green Bay (actually Milwaukee)
and so we celebrated the Packers victory last week and I don’t know how much any of you know
Anybody know anything about Wisconsin? Yeah, it’s a great place
The phenomena was that they weren’t
this happy in
Wisconsin since they invented aerosol Velveeta
i don't know if you guys know what this is but it’s
something to make all the cheeseheads happy
We haven’t had the best of times here, we’ve had Bibi Netanyahu
You know, they come up with this two-year budget and already three weeks later it’s no good anymore
You know they’re already tarting social networks to buy bread and he’s laying off the taxes
on the graft all the people get locally.
It’s not a happy time for the government. And we had this fire here
..if you locals know. We have a culture here in Israel
Ikea, where everyone likes to build things…
It appeals to people. Anyway we had a fire at the flagship Ikea factory (store)
in Netanya
and the place burned to the ground. The first problem of course was that you needed
the special key to get in, which of course the firemen didn’t have. Mostly it was started by these two Arab kids who couldn’t read the
Instructions how to assemble this Nargilla.
They trashed the whole place. You know and the fire went along the line like everyone is supposed to do in Ikea place
With all sets of great stories with israel and general manager says
“Yes we’ll rebuild it as soon as we get the instructions from Sweden on how to build
an Ikea plant”
And he’s happy to show how well everything burnt, “You see, we do have good quality wood here
in Ikea.”
Also the news this week was Eli Ishai, he’s our Interior Minister he was thinking
extending the
daylight savings time okay but this really hits one of his key constituencies, the yeshiva
Buchers, who say, “No, no, we study enough hours in the day and don’t make it any longer thank
you very much”
But on a related matter he's more seriously considering moving Yom Kippur to…
We have in Israel what we call an After-the-holidays diet season
so he was going to move Yom Kippur to the middle of that and that was going to
kill two birds with one stone
And we had a
We had this big thing with the
chief of staff. I don't know how much you’re into this; It was supposed to be one guy named
And in the end it’s a guy named Gantz
the Defense Minister as a sop to him
this guy decided, yes, he would change his name to Galanz

And we have other stories with that. Actually a big news story thi this week
was that the i-phone came out with a new Catholic application.
You can now do confession by i-phone
Yeah, it’s great, not even my joke.
but the better story is that the Muslims weren’t going to be outdone by this
so they came out with a shaheed application, right
Which gives you both GPS and
pedestrian congestion so you know exactly where you want to go when you blow yourself up
you heard it here first, so watch out when you see Muslims with i-phones
Right, Monday is Valentine's Day , right, I don't know about this crowd but..
It’s always good for a couple of jokes…What do the squirrels give on Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts, right

And I had an aunt who ran away to get married on Valentine's Day
And what did we call her? Antelope, right anyway .. not that much...
and when you see a guy opening his car door for a woman
You know either the wife is new or the car is new
and in America, you know, White Castle was making reservations for Valentine’s Day
For that special lady for the one date that’s never going to happen again
This Republican congressman named Chris Lee, in his real name he
sends a topless picture of himself to a girl on craigslist and he tries to pick her up and he’s married
And the bottom line was it was a great Valentine to his wife.
Anyway,l thank you very much and you’ve been a lovely lovely audience
My name is Pinchas Levinson, The Daily Slog
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