CGRundertow ONE EPIC KNIGHT for iPhone Video Game Review


Uploaded by CGRundertow on 23.08.2012

Transcript:
If you could own stock in a common physical activity...this would the time to sell on
running, you know? You sell high, and running is higher than it’s ever been...I mean,
with all the running games out there. And the Olympics.
You’d make a fortune!
You’d be like Scrooge McDuck! Jumping into coins. You know, that would kill a lesser
water fowl, but not Scrooge McDuck. He’s impervious to injury due in large part to
the fact that he too sold high on running.
Alright, the truth is...obviously, I know very little about how the anatomy of the duck
actually works. And I know as much about finances as the average Wall Street broker, which is
to say I just make **** up. But what I do know is that this is a game based on continuously
running, there are a lot of them...and this one is great...and Duck Tales was a phenomenal
program.
It’s One Epic Knight for the iPhone, laddy.
Just released to the App Store, One Epic Knight is the latest endless runner on the iPhone.
This one puts you in control of a knight who is understandably livid over the media’s
love affair with Usain Bolt. When asked for comment, the knight said, with anger boiling
in his eyes and steam rising from the top of his helmet...
“That skinny hack doesn’t even carry a sword.”
The knight chooses to avenge his media snub by running through a sprawling cave filled
with monsters, chasms and living blobs of lime Jell-O. It’s your job to guide him
through the caves by swiping your finger...and you know very well which finger the knight
would use.
Oh, what’s that, Usain Bolt? You run in stadiums? Oh, how strenuous.
I RUN IN A **** CAVE.
The Scrooge McDuck reference is actually valid here, because One Epic Knight is mostly about
collecting coins. They’re scattered through the cave like lines of bread crumbs...only
bread crumbs that can buy you tools of death. The more money you collect, the more upgrades
and power-ups you can purchase.
The only real issue I had with this game was that...it was sometimes hard to see obstacles
until you were already falling into them. Otherwise, One Epic Knight is another solid
runner for your iPhone...as well as a tragic tale about media coverage during the middle
ages and its effect on athletes.