Settlers of Catan: Wil Wheaton, Jane Espenson, James Kyson, Neil Grayston. TableTop Episode 2

WIL WHEATON: We all have a few go-to games that we use as
infection vectors to introduce gaming to our non-gamer
friends and family.
Well, today on Table Top, Neil Grayston, Jane Espenson, and
James Kyson are joining me to play the game that I used to
introduce my wife and our two children to the joys of
trading wood for sheep.

It's a lot more fun than it sounds.
You also get to build roads.
And I'm not doing a good job of selling it.
Listen, just sit back and watch us play a modern-day
classic, The Settlers of Catan.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
WIL WHEATON: This game is a global phenomenon.
Since it was released in 1995, it has sold hundreds of
millions of copies.
That means that right now, at this instant, there are
thousands of people playing this game all over the world,
including us.
We are settlers on the legendary island of Catan.
The first person to reach 10 victory points wins the game.
You get victory points by collecting
and managing resources.
You get resources when one of the settlements you have built
is adjacent to a tile that has spawned a resource.
We find out which tiles spawn resources every turn by
rolling dice.
No one will have enough resources on their own to
build the roads, settlements, and cities they need to win
the game, so we will all have to barter and
trade with each other.
Just like in real life, there are nasty
surprises waiting for you.
Whenever we roll a seven, the robber gets activated, and he
steals from you.
We hate the robber.
The robber is a dick.
But if you got robbed, it's not the end of the world.
There are other ways to get victory points.
Having the longest road, having the largest army, or
you can also trade in resources to buy these
development cards.
You are about to see all of this in action, because it is
time to play The Settlers of Catan.

NEIL GRAYSTON: Well, my name's Neil Grayston.
And I guess most people know me as Fargo on Eureka.
JAMES KYSON: I'm James Kyson.
I'm an actor.
I guess most people know me from Heroes, a TV show on NBC.
I played Ando.
JANE ESPENSON: I'm Jane Espenson.
I am a TV writer/producer.
I'm best known for sci-fi and fantasy shows like Buffy the
Vampire Slayer, and Game of Thrones, and Once Upon a Time.
WIL WHEATON: All right, Jane, so you get to place a
settlement and a road.
JANE ESPENSON: I'm going to put one right here.
I'm going to send a road that way.
WIL WHEATON: All right.
OK, James?
A settlement and a road.
JAMES KYSON: All right, I'm going to start on this site.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Right, I am going to go right here.
WIL WHEATON: That's where I was going to play, Grayston.
I will begin here.
No.
Yes, I will begin here.
I have not played this game in five years.
No, here.
I will begin here.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I mean, it seems like Wil, he's sort of
the master of the game as it relates to the rest of us.
WIL WHEATON: Seven!
Anyone can win at any time.
It really depends on the dice.
The only way that you can eke out an edge at all is if you
get real good board placement, and if you can kind of work
the other players to trade to your advantage.
Now we go back the other way.
The second settlement you place gives you the resources
where that settlement lands.
So I will put a settlement here.
And now I will get lumber, clay, and ore.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Well, I do believe then
that will go here.
So I get clay/brick, wood/lumber, and wheat/grain.
WIL WHEATON: Wheat/grain.
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right.
WIL WHEATON: That was actually-- wheat/grain was my
family's name when we emigrated from Scotland.
And they changed it at Ellis Island, because they had a
very hard time pronouncing it.
All right, James, you're up.
JAMES KYSON: Wow.
Let's see.
I'm going to go this way.
WIL WHEATON: Very bold.
Very interesting move.
So you will get an ore, and you will get a brick.
JANE ESPENSON: James might have screwed up early on when
he placed his development along the seashore.
JAMES KYSON: I started by trying to utilize
the three for ones.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
WIL WHEATON: And Jane?
JANE ESPENSON: Showing up here today, this is the first time
I've played this game.
I'm going to go right there.
WIL WHEATON: You actually can't build there, because you
are adjacent to Neil.
JANE ESPENSON: All right, I meant--
WIL WHEATON: That's all right.
JANE ESPENSON: --I'm going to go there.
WIL WHEATON: Listen, you could become lousy with sheep.
JANE ESPENSON: I could be.
Exactly.
WIL WHEATON: Which is my Proclaimers cover band.
JANE ESPENSON: So I get two sheep--
WIL WHEATON: You get two sheep--
JANE ESPENSON:--and a wheat?
WIL WHEATON: --and a wheat.
JANE ESPENSON: Oh my god, I can make my
lamb and wheat stew.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, jeez.
I read about it on the internet.
OK, so go ahead and roll the dice to find out which tile
produces resources.

11.
So orange gets wheat.
Red gets wheat.
And blue gets wood.
JANE ESPENSON: So is anyone willing to trade a sheep, and
give me a--
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, I'll trade you wood for sheep.
JANE ESPENSON: Fantastic.
I will do that.
And is anyone willing to give me some bricks for some wheat?
NEIL GRAYSTON: I am going to hold on to my bricks.
JANE ESPENSON: What if I sweeten the deal and give you
two wheats for one bricks?
JAMES KYSON: She's dealing and wheeling already.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yeah, yeah.
JAMES KYSON: Uh-oh.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I'm good for wheat.
JANE ESPENSON: All right.
WIL WHEATON: James, you're up.
JAMES KYSON: OK, here we go.
And it's a five.
WIL WHEATON: James rolls a five, which
means white gets ore.
And the other five is here, so orange gets clay.
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right.
WIL WHEATON: There you go.
JAMES KYSON: Would anyone like a ore for a wood?
WIL WHEATON: I'm good.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I'll give you an ore for a clay.
JAMES KYSON: OK, I will give you an ore for a clay.
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right, I'm done.
JAMES KYSON: All right.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I've been playing Settlers probably
about once a year for the past decade, I'd say.
So every time a refresher is kind of needed.
11.
I think that's me again.
I will trade a wheat for a sheep.
JANE ESPENSON: I have so much wheat, I don't even know.
NEIL GRAYSTON: OK, then.
WIL WHEATON: Would you say you have a ton of wheat?
[LAUGHTER]
WIL WHEATON: That's my name.
I know.
NEIL GRAYSTON: This guy.
JAMES KYSON: Yeah, I don't get it.
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right, I'm going to build a road.
WIL WHEATON: Build that road.
Build that road.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Hmm, where do I build the road?
[WHISPERS]
I build the road to there.
WIL WHEATON: All right.
My turn.
Seven.
JAMES KYSON: Oh, yes.
WIL WHEATON: Seven.
So that means the robber is going to come in and rob us
and be a dick.
JAMES KYSON: Right now?
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, which sucks for everybody.
It sucks a little bit less for me, because it means that I'm
going to get to steal a card from someone.
JANE ESPENSON: Doesn't seem like it sucks at all for you.
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
WIL WHEATON: Now, I know that Jane is lousy with wheat.
JANE ESPENSON: Mm-hmm.
WIL WHEATON: So I am going to do my very best to
steal wheat from you.
Yes Now you don't know what I have.
JAMES KYSON: Oh, a seven.
WIL WHEATON: It's a seven.
Doh!
All right, so the robber's going to move again.
JAMES KYSON: You could get it right back.
WIL WHEATON: Yep, the robber's going to move again.
And if you want to steal the wheat back from me--
oh no, you're stealing from me.
JANE ESPENSON: I'm going to steal this one.
WIL WHEATON: Damn it.
JANE ESPENSON: I am going to buy a development card.
WIL WHEATON: Curses.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JANE ESPENSON: It's still my turn?
WIL WHEATON: It is.
JANE ESPENSON: I'm going to buy another development card.
WIL WHEATON: Holy crap.
JANE ESPENSON: Empty my hand.
JAMES KYSON: All right.
Come on, six.
Seven.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, man.
JANE ESPENSON: I did a trade that allowed me to buy two
development cards in a single turn and empty my hand out,
which turned out to be fantastic, because then the
robber came along, and I had nothing to steal.
I figured out how to be robber proof.
JAMES KYSON: Just to be fair, I'll put it here.
And I'll take a card from Neil.
JANE ESPENSON: Does Neil feel that's fair?
JAMES KYSON: Well, I'm sure it'll come around to me.
The next one will be me.

NEIL GRAYSTON: And it's a six.
JAMES KYSON: Oh, finally.
WIL WHEATON: Six.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Oh.
WIL WHEATON: I get paid with ore, and you
get paid with lumber.
JAMES KYSON: Yes.
WIL WHEATON: All right.

Seven.
JAMES KYSON: Oh, wow.
WIL WHEATON: I know that James has wheat.
So let's shut that down, and let's hope that I can steal
wheat from you.
JAMES KYSON: I will just give it to you.
Here.
WIL WHEATON: Really?
NEIL GRAYSTON: James is just giving his cards away.
And it's like, at least make him work for it, man.
JAMES KYSON: No, wait a minute.
NEIL GRAYSTON: He's stealing from you.
WIL WHEATON: Don't worry, I'm not going to watch your cards
and figure out exactly where the wheat goes.
Is it--
argh!
JAMES KYSON: This one, I really found out like how
aggressive people are playing.
WIL WHEATON: Would you be interested in
trading wheat for brick?
JAMES KYSON: So the brick that you just stole from me?
WIL WHEATON: Yes.
Yes.
JAMES KYSON: I will give you my wheat if you will give me
brick and another card.
WIL WHEATON: I had almost convinced James to trade me
wheat so that I could build a city.
And James then realized--
JAMES KYSON: Oh, wait.
What am I doing?
No, I need this wheat.
WIL WHEATON: I was so close.
JAMES KYSON: I got seduced by you, Wil, for like--
oh my god.
NEIL GRAYSTON: It was right there.
WIL WHEATON: It was happening.
We were in the bedroom and everything.
JAMES KYSON: I was like, what am I doing?
I need to--
I need to win.
JANE ESPENSON: Don't give up your wheat 'til
you first get wood.
JAMES KYSON: You almost had me.
You Jedi-minded me, Wil.
Oh!
WIL WHEATON: You cannot blame a sexy, sexy man like myself
for trying to get his wheat on.
I am going to buy a development card.
JANE ESPENSON: All right, it's my turn.
But before I do that, I'm going to play a knight.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JANE ESPENSON: So I'm going to go over to there.
Then I'm going to take something
from you, Mr. Orange.
OK.
I want that one.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Now, what did you take?
Ah.
JANE ESPENSON: Now I roll my dice.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Four.
WIL WHEATON: Four.
JAMES KYSON: Four.
WIL WHEATON: That's going to give lumber to red and orange.
And where's the other four?
It's going to give clay to me.
JANE ESPENSON: After all that maneuvering, I have enough
cards to do nothing.
So my turn is done.
WIL WHEATON: James, you're up.
JAMES KYSON: All right.
I roll a seven.
I think we rolled like five or six sevens in a row.
JANE ESPENSON: Who do you think has the
resources you need?
WIL WHEATON: This is less Settlers of Catan and more the
Robber of Catan.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yeah.
Yeah, this is.
JAMES KYSON: I know.
Robber after robber, back to back to back.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Seven.
JAMES KYSON: Oh my god.
Are you kidding me?
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right.
JAMES KYSON: It's unbelievable.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I will also--
WIL WHEATON: The year of plenty.
NEIL GRAYSTON: --play a year of plenties.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
NEIL GRAYSTON: Well, I would like a wheat.
WIL WHEATON: All right.
NEIL GRAYSTON: And because--
hmm, yeah.
Hmm.
I guess I'll get a lumber.
WIL WHEATON: You never have wood or clay.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yes.
Yeah.
WIL WHEATON: Those are those things that are necessary in
the beginning of the game.
NEIL GRAYSTON: And I will purchase a settlement.
WIL WHEATON: The one that's in front of you.
NEIL GRAYSTON: It's right in front of me.
Yeah, pass me my thing that's right here.
OK.
I'll put it there.
WIL WHEATON: There you go.
Let's see if I can not roll a seven.
How about that?
JAMES KYSON: Let's get some eights, Wil.
WIL WHEATON: That would be kind of cool.
JAMES KYSON: Let's get some eights or sixes.
WIL WHEATON: And--
JAMES KYSON: Eight.
WIL WHEATON: There's an eight.
JAMES KYSON: Thank you.
WIL WHEATON: Which I rolled because you asked for it.
JAMES KYSON: Yes, thank you.
WIL WHEATON: All right.
So let's see.
That means clay for orange, clay for white.
And where's the other eight?
JANE ESPENSON: Here.
WIL WHEATON: And the eight means wheat for red.
And I can do nothing, and I have nothing to trade.
So that will be the end of my turn.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Seven, please.
WIL WHEATON: 10.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Double sheep.
JANE ESPENSON: Double sheep.
JAMES KYSON: Oh, boy.
WIL WHEATON: Look at that.
This place is lousy with sheep.
And a sheep for you, and then the other 10 does nothing.
JANE ESPENSON: All right.
Now I'm going to do something tricky, if it's still my turn.
WIL WHEATON: Yes.
JANE ESPENSON: It's that I have a monopoly card.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JANE ESPENSON: Oh, but crap.
What if I name a thing that none of you have any of?
Oh, no.
I may not have thought this through.
I'm going to say lumber, and see if anyone has any.
NEIL GRAYSTON: No lumber from me.
JANE ESPENSON: I have a strategy for winning the game
today, which is, I want to win it on the bonusy things, the
longest road, the biggest army.
JAMES KYSON: Jane totally got me by surprise, because I
thought it was her first time playing.
She must have been coached really well, because she
turned into this killer.
JANE ESPENSON: Now I would like to build a road.
WIL WHEATON: No!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JAMES KYSON: Oh my god.
WIL WHEATON: 10.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Give me more sheep.
I'm the sheep king.
WIL WHEATON: God, you guys are like-- what is
up with your sheep?
JAMES KYSON: Can I offer something to anyone to remove
that robber?
I can't--
WIL WHEATON: I'll do my best to roll a seven for you again.
JAMES KYSON: Like, can I contribute to the bank?
WIL WHEATON: I don't think you can.
No, I don't think you're allowed.
I don't think you can do that.
JAMES KYSON: Argh, I wanted to kill him.
When Wil put his robber on it, I was just like, unbelievable.
That was the one thing that I had going for me.
Can I give you an ore for a wood?
NEIL GRAYSTON: I do not have wood.
JAMES KYSON: Because ores are handy.
JANE ESPENSON: Wood is tough to come by.
I got the only wood on the table and turned it in.
JAMES KYSON: OK.
WIL WHEATON: Which is weird, since you're at a
table full of dudes.
Thank you.
Thank you, everyone.
JAMES KYSON: It's the one wood she took from me.
WIL WHEATON: Thank you.
Thank you.
12-year-olds everywhere are-- seven.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Here we go.
Murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur.
I'm just making sounds now.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
They're good sounds.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I am going to steal from you again, Jane,
because I think you have slightly better than--
aw, of course.
WIL WHEATON: Did you steal a sheep?
NEIL GRAYSTON: I did.
I'm like the sheep kidnapper now.
I'm going to buy a development card.
JANE ESPENSON: Nice.
WIL WHEATON: All right, here we go.
JAMES KYSON: Some sixes, Wil.
Again, please.
WIL WHEATON: I'd kind of like an 11.
JAMES KYSON: Four.
WIL WHEATON: A four?
Wait.
Wait, before I'm angry about it, does a four help me?
Oh, it does.
It gives me clay.
OK.
JANE ESPENSON: It gives me lumber.
WIL WHEATON: And it gives you lumber--
JANE ESPENSON: Thank god!
WIL WHEATON: --and it gives you lumber.
This is the worst thing in the world for me.

How you doing?
NEIL GRAYSTON: Oh, are you going to--
do you want to steal one of my sheep?
WIL WHEATON: Nope.
Nope, I want to trade you for lumber.
My strategy right now is to get the longest road and keep
the longest road.
I'm building a road.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Oh, snap-a-diddly.
JANE ESPENSON: You're putting that out of reach.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
JANE ESPENSON: I'm trying really hard to extend my road
in both directions.
But in the small chance that I don't win, I think Wil is
going to take it.

WIL WHEATON: Seven.
JANE ESPENSON: Seven.
Where shall I put it?
It was so exciting when it was sitting over here, when it was
still on that.
JAMES KYSON: Please, please don't.
I'm hurt.
JANE ESPENSON: No, I think Wil is the threat.
So I'm going to put it back over here.
WIL WHEATON: No.
But-- argh.
JANE ESPENSON: Thank you.
WIL WHEATON: Fine.
There, have another one of those.
JANE ESPENSON: Yes, I know.
It's not really what I need.
But I would like to trade to get either wheat or bricks.
And I'm willing to offer sheep.
Does anyone have wheat or bricks?
You can have two sheep for either a wheat or a brick.
Then my turn is over.
WIL WHEATON: Jane's sort of the sheep herder in this game.
And that's great in the later stages of the game.
But in the early stages of the game, when you're trying to
build roads and settlements, you don't really need sheep.
JAMES KYSON: Five.
WIL WHEATON: So that's going to be ore for white and ore
for orange.
NEIL GRAYSTON: And clay.
WIL WHEATON: Clay for orange.

NEIL GRAYSTON: Five.
JAMES KYSON: OK.
NEIL GRAYSTON: OK, that gives me an ore.
JAMES KYSON: And it gives me an ore.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yeah.
JANE ESPENSON: So someone has to give you those things.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Banker.
WIL WHEATON: I know.
I'm just thinking that if I don't have any cards, I don't
see why you guys should get any cards either.
All right, ore, ore, and clay.
NEIL GRAYSTON: OK.
And I will trade in four sheep for a wheat.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
NEIL GRAYSTON: And with that wheat, I will buy a--
WIL WHEATON: OK, good.
NEIL GRAYSTON: --card.
WIL WHEATON: Because I was ready for you there.
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right.
Meh, I'm done.
I will pass this to--
WIL WHEATON: I would trade you nothing for a thing.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Really?
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Would you like an orange road?
WIL WHEATON: I would love an orange road.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yeah, good.
WIL WHEATON: Wow, thank you.
NEIL GRAYSTON: You can place it wherever you like it.
WIL WHEATON: No, that's great.
I'm going to put it right here on top of my houses.
Look at that, so they're all tied together now.
That was a great trade for me.
NEIL GRAYSTON: It was fantastic.
Ooh.
WIL WHEATON: Seven.
JAMES KYSON: Wow.
WIL WHEATON: OK, so I get him off of there.
And so let's block that so you can't draw lumber.
And let's hope that I get it from--
OK, good.

JANE ESPENSON: That was terrible.
WIL WHEATON: All right, your turn.
JANE ESPENSON: Oh, I had such plans.
Ah.
JAMES KYSON: How is this possible?
WIL WHEATON: Oh, crap.
The most commonly rolled numbers statistically are six,
seven, and eight.
Well, we've rolled a lot of sevens.
We've rolled hardly any sixes and eights.
JANE ESPENSON: So I'm going to move it here.
And I'm going to take one of his clays.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Is it a clay that you got?
JANE ESPENSON: No.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Ha, ha.
JANE ESPENSON: I can't do anything, so I am done.
JAMES KYSON: Boy.
This is tough.
Nine.
WIL WHEATON: Nine.
JAMES KYSON: Which did-- oh, OK, it helped me one.
NEIL GRAYSTON: There's nothing there.
And does--
JAMES KYSON: I get a sheep.
JANE ESPENSON: Give me more sheep.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Sheep.
JANE ESPENSON: Sheep, sir.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I think I'm doing all right so far.
I don't know what everybody has, and there's still a lot
of little victory cards to be played.
And I've got some stuff in my pocket that I'm
really excited to play.
Five.
WIL WHEATON: Five.
So that's going to be ore for white and ore for orange.
JAMES KYSON: Unbelievable.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I am going to move my knight.
WIL WHEATON: Ooh, all right.
I was going to put it on that, because I want to steal your
one card that you have.
WIL WHEATON: You are a terrible person.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I am the most awful person.
WIL WHEATON: You are a horrible,
horrible, horrible person.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I'm a horrible person who builds a road and
then builds another road.
Well, actually two more roads.
JANE ESPENSON: Two more roads?
WIL WHEATON: Plays two new roads as if you
had just built them.
Oh, you filthy, filthy swine head.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Did you see what I did?
WIL WHEATON: Oh my god.
I helped you get that.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Ha ha, thanks.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
NEIL GRAYSTON: Four.
WIL WHEATON: Four.
That's going to give lumber to the two people I don't
want to have it.
And it's going to give me clay.
Go ahead.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Eight.
WIL WHEATON: Eight.
We finally rolled an eight.
JANE ESPENSON: So I get some wheat.
WIL WHEATON: So you get some wheat.
And let's see, you both get clay.
JAMES KYSON: All right.

A seven.
JANE ESPENSON: Ooh.
JAMES KYSON: Well, Neil, you are in the lead, so I think
that has to be accounted for.
So all right, here we go.
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right.

Seven.
WIL WHEATON: Really?
JAMES KYSON: Unbelievable.
NEIL GRAYSTON: OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
WIL WHEATON: I'd like to say goodnight to everyone who
decided to play the drinking game at home where a seven is
rolled, and they take a drink.
I hope that you drank a lot of water earlier in the day, and
that you have a miserable morning.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Hey, would anyone like
a clay for a wheat?
JANE ESPENSON: Yes, I will give you a wheat if
you give me a clay.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Here you go.
All right.
I will build a road.
WIL WHEATON: You son of a bitch.
Hello, longest road to Grayston.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Bajong.
I will also buy me a development card.
WIL WHEATON: So Neil is like Captain Development, which is
really smart, because he's not getting cards that he can use
to build more roads, and upgrade his
settlements into cities.
But he's getting cards that he can use to turn into
development cards.
We know that he's 2/3 of the way to largest army, and that
is a lot of points.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yeah, OK.
I'm going to do this.
WIL WHEATON: You are upgrading to a city, it looks like?
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yes, I am.
WIL WHEATON: What's the name of your city?
NEIL GRAYSTON: Graystonville.
WIL WHEATON: Graystonville.
I forgot to ask you, Jane, what's the name of your city?
JANE ESPENSON: Espensonitis.
No, wait.
No, that's a disease.
WIL WHEATON: It's inflammation of the Espenson.
JANE ESPENSON: Yes.
WIL WHEATON: Largest army.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JAMES KYSON: Wait, so are you moving the robber?
NEIL GRAYSTON: Oh yeah, I am.
JAMES KYSON: Oh my god.
Please don't put it there.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
JAMES KYSON: If you're going to put it,
just put it over here.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Well, then I'm blocking myself.
JAMES KYSON: How about this?
If you don't put it on me, I'll just give you an ore.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Oh, that's an interesting tactic.
WIL WHEATON: That is an excellent-- look
at the James gambit.
JAMES KYSON: That's beneficial for both people.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yeah, I'll do that.
I'll put it in the desert.
JAMES KYSON: Wow.
WIL WHEATON: Nice.
JANE ESPENSON: Outside the box.
Outside the hexagon.
WIL WHEATON: Look at that.
JAMES KYSON: Doesn't slow the game down.
WIL WHEATON: You're a good person, James.
JAMES KYSON: I'm trying to be, man.
Just roll some sixes, bro.
All right?
WIL WHEATON: What have I in my hand, you say?
JAMES KYSON: Thank you, Wil.
WIL WHEATON: There's your six.
Here's double wood for you, double ore for me.
I sure would like wheat.
Can anybody help me with wheat?
Is there wheat happening in this game right now?
JAMES KYSON: I think everyone's looking for wheat.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Still gluten free.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, all right.
So Jane, you're up.

Eight.
JAMES KYSON: Eight.
JANE ESPENSON: I get a whole bunch of wheats.
WIL WHEATON: Eight.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Clay.
WIL WHEATON: Wow, there's double wheat and single wheat.
NEIL GRAYSTON: And I get a clay.
WIL WHEATON: You each get a clay.
Clay and clay.
There you go.
JANE ESPENSON: Is anyone going to give me
a sheep for a wheat?
I give you a wheat, you give me a sheep?
WIL WHEATON: Wheat is useless to me without sheep.
Wait, is it?
Not necessarily.
OK.
JANE ESPENSON: Thank you.
Then I will buy a development card.
And that completes my turn.

WIL WHEATON: Eight.
So that's clay.
JANE ESPENSON: I'll take some more wheat.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Clay.
WIL WHEATON: And clay.
JANE ESPENSON: Three more wheat.
WIL WHEATON: Jeez.
JAMES KYSON: Actually, you have a lot of wheat, right?
Would you like another clay?
JANE ESPENSON: I'd like a brick-- or I'd
like a log for a wheat.
WIL WHEATON: Not my turn.
I can't trade.
JAMES KYSON: Ah, boy.
All right, I will give you a log for a wheat.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, that son of a-- crap.
NEIL GRAYSTON: The robber.

There is nothing there, because whatever.
JAMES KYSON: Oh, wait a minute.
Did you win?
WIL WHEATON: I think he just won.
I think Grayston won the game.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I'm going to build
another road, just because.
And oh my god, watching all that was making me so
frustrated, because there we go.
There's a palace.
There's my extra victory point.
WIL WHEATON: Oh!
JAMES KYSON: Neil was kind of like this low-key,
smiling nice guy.
But just kind of started collecting
assets turn after turn.
And the next thing you know, he had eight points, nine
points, and then he won.
Totally did not see it coming.
WIL WHEATON: Congratulations, Neil Grayston.
You are the official settler of Catan.
JANE ESPENSON: Very nice.
WIL WHEATON: So Jane and James, we're going to go over
to the very comfortable couch of defeat.
We're going to have a seat there, and we're going to
nurse our wounds.
And Neil, I'll see you downstairs in front of the
wall of victory.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yes.

JAMES KYSON: Wil.
WIL WHEATON: Well guys, we did our best.
But Neil's best was better than our best.
However, I don't think we lost this game on our own.
We had help from someone who belongs in this lounge of
defeat with us.
That guy.
JAMES KYSON: Yes.
JANE ESPENSON: There it is.
WIL WHEATON: You're a dick.
JAMES KYSON: There should be a fire where we go
and see him in flames.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, good idea.
Post, give us a fire.
Nice, good work.
I'm going to go downstairs and pretend to be happy for Neil.
JAMES KYSON: All right.
I'm just going to hang out here on the consolation couch.
JANE ESPENSON: We're going to hang out here with the dick.
WIL WHEATON: So life imitates art.
Just as Fargo beat Parrish to go to Titan, so does Neil beat
me to win the official Table Top Trophy of Awesome for
being the winner of Settlers of Catan.
NEIL GRAYSTON: The coveted trophy.
WIL WHEATON: Yes.
Now I'm just going to write your name on it.
NEIL GRAYSTON: OK.
WIL WHEATON: So that everyone knows it's yours.
NEIL GRAYSTON: All right.
WIL WHEATON: So there you go.
Please feel free to make a speech.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Well, I got to say, it was a hard run, but I
really hunkered down.
I think I got the right cards, and I played my cards right.
And we got through the barren wheatless little bit of it.
WIL WHEATON: Those were awful days, the wheatless days.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Yeah.
And then the surfeit-- is that the right word-- of sheep.
We just had too many sheep.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I guess the point is, I always get the--
buy the cards.
WIL WHEATON: Congratulations.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Thank you, Wil.
WIL WHEATON: Now, I actually have to take the trophy back
now, because we can't afford more than one.
NEIL GRAYSTON: Oh.
WIL WHEATON: But here.
Guess what?
You get to keep the tape with your name on it.
NEIL GRAYSTON: The tape?
Oh, awesome.
WIL WHEATON: So that all day long, everyone knows that you
are Neil, and you are a star.
NEIL GRAYSTON: I am the true Settler of Catan.
WIL WHEATON: We will see you next time, right
here on Table Top.
[MUSIC PLAYING]