MURDER MYSTERY PARTY - Horrible People with Kristen Schaal


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 08.02.2008

Transcript:
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-Hey.
-There you are.
-Hello, darling.
-What took you so long?
Mother's been asking about you.
She wants to have that champagne toast or something.
-Oh, yes, the big announcement.
This is an engagement party after all.
-Look at you two.
So much in love.

-Well, I don't know about you, ladies, but I could use a
drink after that cab ride.
-I'll go tell your mother I'm here.
-All right.
-I love you, sweetheart.
-And I love you.
-If you just hand me your coat and I will see you at the bar.
-Actually, I'm hungry again.
I just can't seem to stop eating these days.
-Well, I wonder what that could mean.
Hm-hm.
-Do me a favor, Carter, and escort Danielle to the buffet?
-Will do.
-See you inside, sweetheart.
Thank you.

-Why are you wearing that sweater tied around your neck?
-I don't know.
In case it gets cold.
-So why don't you just wear the sweater?
-Because I like the way that it looks.
[CHOKING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-[SPEAKING FRENCH]
-Hello.
-Congratulations.

-There you are.
I began to think you'd run off with some slutty Hooters
waitress, gotten addicted to crystal meth and drowned in
the pool of your own vomit.
Just like your father.
-Mother, I was just welcoming our guests.
-Look at you, so handsome.
This is your night.
-Don't you mean your night?
-I just want everything to be perfect when we make your big
announcement.
Did your remember to wax your asshole?
-Jesus, Mother.
-Well, the wax does close the window to this soul.
-Mother, I don't know if I can go through with this.
I don't even know if I love Margaret.

-Silly boy.
Marriage has nothing to do with love, it's got everything
to do with money.
And once you marry that rich little hussy Margaret, I'll
have access to the Carver fortune.
And one day, ha, ha, ha it will all be mine.

-Oh, Carter, you're just in time.
We're going to build the pyramid.
-No, thanks.
-Come on, Carter, you can be on top.
-Yeah, the cherry on top of the sundae.
-Ha, I guess that means that I'll be--
-The nuts.
-All right, it's fine.
Let's just get this thing over with.
-Hey, everybody.
Get a load of these guys.
They're building a pyramid.
-Well, thank God.
This is hysterical.
OK, say cheese.
-Smoked Gouda.
-Muzzarella.
[LAUGHTER]
-What a great picture.
-Yeah, except that there's someone missing from this
hilarious snapshot.
Danielle.
-Danielle, Oh my God.
I just realized.
I wonder where she went.
-Well, Carter, you said you took her to the buffet, right?
-Right.
-Well, then she must still be there.
If I know my Danielle, she's camped out next
to the deviled eggs.
And she won't stop eating them until she's
finished every last one.
Especially now that she's eating for--
well, let's just say that I have my own
announcement to make.
But I think Danielle should be here when I make it.
Excuse me.
-I wonder what Michael's announcement is.
-Who gives a shit?
-I do.
God, Carter.
This is supposed to be our magical night.
It's our engagement party.

-Make sure there's plenty of dip for the crudites, Arturo.
-Yes, Ms. Binkley.
-Ms. Binkley, you look like a million dollars tonight.
-Thank you, Matthew.
-It's Michael.
I've been your son's best friend
since elementary school.
-OK, then.
Thank you, Michael.
-Ms. Binkley, I was going to ask you, have you seen my
fiance, Danielle, around?
She was supposed to be over here next to the buffet, but I
don't see her.
-No, Michael.
I'm sorry, I haven't.

-Where are you, Danielle?
Where have you gone?

I've got a bad feeling about this.
Danielle!
Danielle!

-Billy, what are you doing there?
-Oh, what's the matter, Mother?
Don't you love me?
-No, I don't.
I regretted having you the moment you slithered
out of my baby hole.