The Tweekly News - NPR and Albert Pujols Can't Spell

RANDY SKLAR: Today on the show-- exploding yachts,
Pujols, and scallion schmears.
JASON SKLAR: No, it's not a night out with Andy Cohen.
It's the one and only "Tweekly News," and it
starts right now.
Hey guys, welcome to "The Tweekly News."
RANDY SKLAR: Where we deconstruct the week through
the nest of narcissism that is Twitter.
JASON SKLAR: I'm Jason Sklar.
RANDY SKLAR: And I'm Randy Sklar.
JASON SKLAR: And together we are @Sklarbrothers.
And we are here taking time out from our busy schedule
pitching "Celebrity Ice Road Truckers Starring Lindsay
Lohan."
Now every week, you can count on Twitter to
handle the big stories.
But Randy and I, we're often fascinated by the random,
ephemeral stories that sometimes trend.
RANDY SKLAR: That's why we've designed a segment called
"That Was Trending?" This week, "yacht
explosion" was trending.
JASON SKLAR: What?
RANDY SKLAR: 1010 WINS tweeted, "Breaking--
Coast Guard is responding to a yacht explosion reported off
Sandy Hook, New Jersey."
JASON SKLAR: Now when I heard about a yacht explosion in the
tri-state area, my first thought was, oh my god.
I hope Donald Trump is not OK.
RANDY SKLAR: But Twitter hastily corrected itself and
new tweets came out revealing that it was a hoax.
The "New York Post" tweeted, "Listen to the hoax call to
the Coasties.
Yacht explosion hoax cost taxpayers
$88,000." Come on, America.
We should know by now, you can't trust an
a-hole with a yacht.
A-hole.
A-hole.
And A-hole.
JASON SKLAR: Now, believe it or not, everything people type
hastily on their smart phones--
not that smart.
It's time to re-learn.
RANDY SKLAR: If you didn't learn this during our
premiere, it's time for you to re-learn that we're
sponsored by EX.
JASON SKLAR: And just like how EX helps people re-learn life
without cigarettes with its free quit plan, we learned
this week that NPR needs to re-learn how to spell.
RANDY SKLAR: NPR tweeted, "Immigrant advocates, Obama's
deportation policoes have failed."
JASON SKLAR: It was actually, Randy, a fail on two levels.
RANDY SKLAR: It was.
It was not just misspelled in the tweet.
They linked to the article on their website with the same
misspelling.
JASON SKLAR: Come on, NPR.
You're supposed to be the gold standard in dependable
journalism.
RANDY SKLAR: And tote bag pimping.
JASON SKLAR: I'd expect that kind of garbage from
John King on CNN.
RANDY SKLAR: Easy, J. Easy.
I just read a tweet that his show got canceled this week.
JASON SKLAR: Fine.
Moving on.
RANDY SKLAR: And this happened less than two weeks after the
2012 National Spelling Bee title was
won by Snigdha Nandipati.
Good luck getting that embroidered correctly on a
wait, wait, don't tell me, avocado satchel.
JASON SKLAR: Now speaking of bees--
this week, ESPN dug into their vaults to rebroadcast past
spelling bees.
And Twitter was all over it.
Divya Spandana/Ramya tweeted, "Have you guys watched
spelling bee on ESPN?
Kids are amazing.
Feel so proud to see Indian children doing so well."
RANDY SKLAR: Has an Indian child ever not
done well in school?
JASON SKLAR: I don't think so.
OK, sports fans, grab a hold of your jocks.
Because it's time to get a little ballsy up in here.
This is "At Sports."
RANDY SKLAR: And like many sports, that intro was
ridiculously homoerotic.
JASON SKLAR: It was.
Now the LA Kings winning the Stanley Cup for the first time
in franchise history lit Twitter's lamp this week.
And it inspired a winning tweet from Angels
star, Albert Pujols.
Now before we get to Pujols, I have to say, I love it when
athletes tweet.
Because you never know what you're going to get.
A little light racism.
RANDY SKLAR: The occasional gays shouldn't marry.
JASON SKLAR: Or just epic nonsense.
RANDY SKLAR: Let's see what Pujols tweeted.
"Great game last night.
I was da hero ang da whole city of Los Angeles was
celebrating like we wong a championship.
Called us Kings.
Awesome."
JASON SKLAR: Epic nonsense.
Seriously, Randy, did you understand any of that?
RANDY SKLAR: No.
And I've read it like, 50 times.
Pujols.
Dude.
Who are you.
The first baseman for the Angels or a
copywriter for NPR?
Now even though each tweet maxes out at 140 characters, a
cool twitpic is worth a thousand characters.
This is "Pic This."
JASON SKLAR: On Monday, Katie Couric instagram tweeted this
pic with the caption, "making my own low-fat scallion cream
cheese."
RANDY SKLAR: Katie, it's tweets like these that remind
us why you replaced Dan Rather on the CBS Evening News.
JASON SKLAR: By the way, making my own
low-fat cream cheese.
Is that a sexual euphemism?
RANDY SKLAR: It is, Jay.
It actually involves lactating, onions, and Matt
Lauer's abs.
JASON SKLAR: Yikes.
RANDY SKLAR: Now if you're keeping up with the
Kardashians on Twitter, then you're a sad person who's
proud of the fact that you black out at parties.
JASON SKLAR: On Monday, Khloe Kardashian Odom tweeted this
pic of unidentified breasts with the caption, "Early Twit
Pic, Titty Tuesday.
Guess whose knockers these belong to."
RANDY SKLAR: Uh, Phil Mickelson.
Fore!
Actually, there's just two.
JASON SKLAR: Two oversized man boobs.
RANDY SKLAR: Now before we log-off, it's time for our end
of show, "Tweets to Re-Tweet."
JASON SKLAR: That's right.
It's where we highlight tweets from people we follow who we
think you should follow too.
Andy Borowitz tweeted, "Finding out Charlie Sheen is
back on TV is like learning we didn't get Bin Laden after
all."
RANDY SKLAR: OK, I'm doing the logic here.
Fran Drescher has that new show on TV Land.
Does that mean that we didn't get Gaddafi either?
JASON SKLAR: Or his son.
RANDY SKLAR: Hey, if you want your tweet featured on the
show, all you have to do is tweet
something achingly clever.
JASON SKLAR: Hey, thanks for watching "The Tweekly News."
RANDY SKLAR: And don't forget to follow @thetweeklynews.
And if you want more of "The Tweekly News," go to
BecomeAnEX.org/Sklar for exclusive content, outtakes--
JASON SKLAR: And of course, uncensored photos of Katie
Couric's schmear.

JASON SKLAR: ESPN dug into the vault to read Brad--
[BLEEP]
RANDY SKLAR: Terrible.
Really, you're going to blow my line, right above that.
JASON SKLAR: Uh.
I--
I have the hardest thing to read.