The Guild - S4 Ep 10: Festival of the Sea!


Uploaded by watchtheguild on 14.03.2011

Transcript:
Ugh... Three relationships in my life have ended with a whimper.
A boyfriend in high school, a boyfriend in college, and my cousin Christine.
After a while we just stopped calling each other. They faded away...
It was easier that way. No messy breakups.
Well... Christine forged my signature
and took a bunch of credit cards out in my name, so...
I guess that's a whole 'nother story...
Now, I'm adding one more name to that list: Ollie, Pirate Man.
Maybe he won't even notice I'm gone...
I hope he doesn't track me down and keelhaul me!
I wish I had a working computer, I could look up what that word really means...
[Phone ringing] Augh! It's Ollie! So much for a whimper! Rude! Augh!
The fabric is milk-resistant...
Oh hey! Welcome to Cheesybeards, and the Festival Under the Sea Festival!
Zaboo! I told you to stop saying that, it's stupid and redundant.
Welcome to Cheesybeards, and the Festival Under the Sea... Event!
- That is not a festival. - You guys, what's going on here?
Well we threw it together after you left my house!
Thanks to my +20 to Intelligence squid hat.
Yeah, we spammed general chat, and everyone showed up to celebrate
the last day of the Festival Under the Sea Fest... thingymabob.
And Pregamers even has a place to sell shirts to pregnant gamer ladies!
- Awesome! I'll take one of those... - Oh, but we're not...
Give our largest shirt to this man over here. It'll fit fine.
And Bladezz actually helped, in exchange for some stage space.
My brother did a mashup of you and Keyboard Cat. Can I have your autograph?
Well, yeah! Uh... which boob do I sign?
Oh my God, he's just as skeevy in real life!
A-hoy! Well, you've uh, blown a fair wind!
Actually, I didn't...
Lie, lie! You're good at that now, remember?
- What? Uh? - Um, thank you, Ollie.
It's been a lot to coordinate, from my home,
but uh, I think everything has turned out great!
Yeah well you filled the galley tighter than a booty chest, hehehe!
Entertainment, eh?
Oh, Bladezz is gonna put on a magic show later.
- Oohh! - Yeah, that.
And the 8-bit band got cut, 'cause we didn't want to go overboard on anything.
Band? Well, no worries! We can drop anchor for that, enh? Eh, Beauty?
Sooooo I... pull off their balls and sever their heads,
ran them all through 'till the deck had run red,
scooped up the goop from their skull like molasses,
pulled out theirs lungs and filleted their asses, served...
Mrs. Zaboo I can handle my own drinking, thank you.
...my belly was full by the time I was through!
- Will not happen, sir. - You cheap bastard!
- Great uke-playing Codex! - I only know three chords...
Three amazing chords, heh!
Sir Vork! I need to talk to you about my potion portfolio...
Fluffykins, of Gigglebunny Guild, I presume?
No one's investing in the potion market... It's hit bottom.
I need another week to pay my debt back...
Should've considered the long-term repercussions
before you took a game loan through my Knights of Good Loneout Corp.
It seems unfair that you run the stocks AND loans...
Are you trying to regulate me, sir? Are you a socialist?
The price of Infinite Potions has hit a new low...
Fluffykins, I suggest you start grinding. The deadline stays!
Vork, you can't keep manipulating the game, you're bankrupting people!
Amassing a fortune will benefit the game economy in the long run!
Trickle down'd.
The Guild Hall is within my reach!
Oopsie Mr. Vork! Allow me!
There, all better.
Zaboo, I'm going to the men's bathroom, accompany me!
Oh no.
Well, how 'bout a ballad mateys?
"Music is essentially useless". Santyana.
How'd you like to scrape a barnacle off me rudder, eh sharkbait!?
Nice hook.
So... it's nice to... I'm seein' ya. Heh.
Hey, I heard this whole "lass" look was coming back in this season, hehe.
But gratz, you managed to make it look really awkward.
She looks OK... How about we get you one of those, my sweet?
- Be my wench? - Any day of the week.
I was just pointing out the table where you begged me to date you.
That experience inspired me to blog about the feminine ego.
- Got tons of up votes at Reddit. - Should I be impressed?
Well, it made the front page, so... Yes.
Well, I don't have to suck up your snork anymore, so...
Go blow a fair wind out of your arrrgh-holes!
Dry, dry! I've been poisoned!
Dude, that's what mom's do, man!
I mean, she's been licking my hair since I was 4 years old, in lieu of shampoo.
But this is fifty percent of my wardrobe that I'll have to burn
when I arrive home! What are you doing?
I'm going to the bathroom 'cause we're in a bathroom.
This is a conference! Find a better time and place!
- I'm in midstream. - Ugh... Hurry up.
Go out with me again.
Are you kidding? Now?! Why, why, why now?
Contrary to my expectations,
this entire experience has been very interesting to me.
You're interesting Codex, and that has surprised me.
Well you have been a total d-bag, soo...
That has not surprised me. Why would I go out with you again?
I make good brownies?
Look at that! It's good to see you again cutie.
Aah you must be the waitress.
I will have a glass of water, please. Room temperature, no ice, thank you.
Oh no! You think you can just get all up in Janete
and then treat her like hired help?
You got all up in Janette?!
Well, I was up until very recently an Epicurean...
I'm gonna give you something there is no cure for.
- Your bladder is like the Hindenburg! - OK, I'm done, I'm done.
Now look, Zaboo, we need to jettison your mom out of our lives completely!
Tell me what repulses women, it seems to be your specialty.
You're very very good at it!
Well, I dunno, I mean... Codex says I overdo everything,
so why don't you just go overboard, you know?
Make a giant gesture that's really inappropriate
and then she'll run the other way!
Go overboard, OK. Formulating...
I know this guy who does van art, so... I don't know...
Collect fingernail clippings, and make a necklace out of...
- Stop! I've got it. Let's go. - Alright, I'm going.
Oops, I gotta wash my hands, it's the law!!
I've had better sex with a bicycle!
That satisfies something in my brain... Like, a lot.
- Janette must be a boxer. - Mixed martial arts!
I am such an idiot with men... This is a lesson. Paladins over rogues.
You should make a men's litmus test.
The one thing in chemistry I learned when I wasn't sleeping.
A litmus test? What do you mean, like a checklist or something?
I did the negatives. No misers, no amputees, no cuddlers.
That's a weird list. OK, I can do that!
And then the next time someone asks me out, I will say "excuse me,"
and consult my list before responding!
Yeah, you better stick to online dating.
Hey, wench, Bladezz needs you to help him out at the magic show.
- Can't you do it? - I'm center stage or nothing at all.
- Is that your card? - No.
- Are you sure? I believe it is. - Prove it!
I'll cut to the chase, because I want this to end. Mrs. Zaboo...
Will you marry me?
Oh my goodness...
Yes! Yes I will.
So, what'd I miss?
Ladies and gentlemen! For my next trick,
that I have NEVER done before, I... will eat... FIRE!
Fire in the hole!