Hey, here’s a shocker. I grew up in the eighties and never watched a single episode
of He-Man. I was more into Ghostbusters, the Ninja Turtles and some Thundercats on the
side. My only experience with this franchise is when my friends would get drunk, then fart,
then tell everyone in the room to “Smell the gaseous stench of Skeletor.”
They did that voice, too. I’m assuming that’s relevant.
Even so, my excitement when I saw this freaking thing was, like, a nine out of ten. Ten is
reserved for bratwurst and Ocarina of Time. And Emma Watson. But if you did watch He-Man
growing up, your excitement must be off the freaking charts. And it should be, godd*mnit.
Because it’s He-Man: The Strongest Game in the Universe.
Smell the gaseous stench of Skeletor!
Come on, that’s all I got.
Just released to the App Store, He-Man comes from GlitchSoft...the same people who did
the iOS Contra clone Star Marine: Infinite Ammo. Now, I was a big fan of that game conceptually...but
I didn’t think it played all that well on the iPhone. Just didn’t have the degree
of control a game like that needs, and of course, much of that is due to the platform.
But this time around? They freaking nailed it.
He-Man: The Strongest Game in the Universe is a side-scrolling beat ‘em up, another
game in what I’ve come to call the “modern retro movement.” So the basic idea here
is take a game like Shank, streamline it a bit for iOS and slap on an awesome license.
In this case, freaking He-Man. And it works beautifully.
Part of the reason for that is...a game like this doesn’t quite require the precision
of a game like Star Marine. But also...the controls are just smarter. This time around,
there are no tiny virtual buttons to lose track of. Instead, the screen is basically
divided into two. Drag your finger on the left to walk, tap on the right to shoot.
Simple, smart, really effective.
And not only does it control well, but the game itself is just awesome. He-Man travels
through 27 levels scattered across seven gorgeous worlds, each one with its own look. It’s
colorful, the sprites are really detailed...and beyond its style, the game also has a sense
of humor. Skeletor even makes fun of He-Man for his poor animation.
So I assume he’s the villain, then.
This is the easiest recommendation I’ve made all week. Whether you’re into retro
games, fun beat ‘em ups, slick iOS games or of course, He-Man...this is a game you
should check out immediately. Like a real man. It’s He-Man for the iPhone.
