Michelle Vargas and DailyGrace LIVE Advice - 5/31/12 (Full Ep)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 31.05.2012

Transcript:

GRACE HELBIG: I'm going to eat your face, let's party.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
GRACE HELBIG: Hey, toaster drudels.
[INAUDIBLE].
Pwned!
You are insufficient.
Feel my wrath!
It is menacing and maternal.
Come close.
I'm sorry.
Did I hurt you?
I'm so sorry.
You're adopted.
Motherly love.
Speaking of never knowing your parents, did you see
yesterday's show?
It was I-mazing.
Here's a clip.
-There's a lot of weird things floating in this, actually.
-What's that black thing?
-I don't know.
Sometimes you get presents.
-Doesn't matter.
-Yeah, it's karma.
My hands still smell like tequila.
Just how I like them.
Guys, let's start off today's show with MFCFLTS, my favorite
comment from last Thursday's show.
It's from swiminjim.
And he says, I feel so empty inside, now that it's over.
This must be what it feels like to be a hooker.
Actually swiminjim, I think that's the opposite of what it
feels like to be a hooker.
Usually a hooker's are always full of things, and then
they're pretty happy when it's over.
So it's sad to be a hooker sometimes.
Speaking of dads, here is an episode of Daddy Knows Best.

[MUSIC PLAYING]
-A penis.
Dirty Sanchez.
Money shot.
-Yes, money shot.
-I said that, too.
Money shot.
-I told you porno pictionary was the way to go.
-Hey, why don't we kick it up a notch and make this into a
swingers party?
-Oh yeah, yeah.
-I choose Nancy.
-What?
-That little filly.

-What are you talking about?
-For the swingers party.
I thought we were choosing up, like draft picks.
No?
-No That was a joke, Steve.
-Yeah no I totally--
I get that.
I was kidding, too.
I'm not even attracted to Nancy.
So, yuck.
-So my wife's unattractive.
-On the contrary, my friend.
You're wife's smoking hot, and if I were single I would be
[MOUTH EFFECTS]
in that.
-Oh yeah?
Oh, yeah.
You would just [MOUTH EFFECTS]
No.
-You would do that?
-No Steve, actually you're the last person in this room that
I'd want to have sex with.
OK?
Yeah.
-You know Brad's here, right?
Have you met Brad?
He's sitting right over there.
-Yeah, I met Brad.
-You're telling me you would have sex with Brad before you
had sex with moi?
-Yeah, you know what?
You'd have to get to get behind me in line, though.
Because, I would totally hit that.
[EXCLAMATIONS]
-Oh.
I would hit that.
Look at me.
Everybody's getting on the Brad wagon.
-Yeah, Steve, OK.
He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he speaks
three languages.
It's very sexy.
-Well 2 and 1/2.
Spanish, French and soupcon of Klingon.
[LAUGHTER]
-That's not even a language.
What are we talking about?
Phil, can you do me a favor and help me out, here?
Help a brother out.
-What am I going to say?
Brad's awesome.
I've got to agree with the girls, he's pretty attractive.
And if I was going to have a relationship with a man, if I
was going to experiment, I'd want Brad to be my first.

-Are you telling me right now, you're looking at me and
telling me you would have sex with Brad before you let me
enter you as your first?
-Yes.
You're aggressive.
You would, I fell like you would hurt me down there.
And you're like a bull in a China shop.
-Damn right I would wreck you.
You know what's wrecking me right now?
All this talk about Brad being better than me in bed.
You have no idea what I have to offer.
You see this move, Brad?
You cannot even fathom what this move is.
-No, Steve.
Don't do this.
-Nancy, stare at my face right now.
Watch, double time.
Emily, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump.
Bump, bump, bump.
-Just stop, Steve.
Please.
-I will not stop, because Brad started this with his macho
atmosphere.
You want to have a hump off?
-I'm not going to hump the air.
I'm too busy humping my wife.
[EXCLAMATIONS]
-Wow, lucky her.
No more, OK.
No.
No.
No.
-How about that?
4 1/2 inches, cut, no VD's, grade A meat.
-That's enough.
That's it.
You crossed the line, Steven.
Get out.
Get the fuck out.
-I'm so sorry.
I 'm sorry.
-No, we're not sorry, opposite of sorry.
-Steve are you happy?
-No, I'm not happy.
-Oh really?
So you're sorry.
Finally.
-They didn't even let me show them my go to move.
The hot toboggan were I do the whirl-and-twirl.
I'm going to go back and show Brad.
That'll put me over the top.
Hey, Brad, check this one out.

GRACE HELBIG: Oh, who doesn't love Brad?
I want Brad to just hold me in his arms and feed me cereal.
That was tremendous fun.
Now I'd like to introduce a woman who's near
and dear to my heart.
She is my former roommate, an amazing singer, a life coach
extraordinaire, and I used to drunkenly eat out of her pasta
leftovers out of our fridge.
Please welcome, Michelle Vargas.
Whoo hoo.
I like you entered like you finished a tiny marathon.
MICHELLE VARGAS: I was back there.
GRACE HELBIG: It was great.
A lot was going on back there, I hope you caught it.
Michelle, now some people might not be familiar with you
on the internet because of their learning disability,
which is that they're dumb, in general.
Can you enlighten them and let them know,
What do you do online?
MICHELLE VARGAS: Sure.
I have a bunch of different YouTube channels.
My main channel is Fart with Headphones On,
where I give advice.
And then I have another one called Smush21 where I sing.
And I have another one where I blog with your face.
GRACE HELBIG: Speaking of, we just posted
a video this Saturday.
I hope you guys caught it.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Grace N Micelle.
GRACE HELBIG: With the letter N.
MICHELLE VARGAS: And not the sign & as in and.
GRACE HELBIG: It's an N, because gravity
is key on the internet.
You know that.
Michelle is an expert at giving advice.
So we Tweeted at you guys to ask us questions, or concerns.
Air your shit to us and we will do our best to give you
some advice on that.
So let's take some of your Twitter questions right now.
What's the first one we got on Twitter?
It comes from Cindy B. Nguyen.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Nice.
GRACE HELBIG: Cool.
How do I know if someone likes me?
MICHELLE VARGAS: Well, body language is really key.
You know if they touch you a lot.
GRACE HELBIG: That's an example of touching.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe not inappropriately, necessarily, but covertly.
GRACE HELBIG: That's some inappropriate.
MICHELLE VARGAS: A covert boob touch.
Then you know.
GRACE HELBIG: Yes.
I also think that if they make eye contact with you.
MICHELLE VARGAS: A lot.
GRACE HELBIG: I stare down the people I like.
And then I make no eye contact with people I don't like.
So you'll know if I hate you, instantly.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Can you look at me.
Hi.
Thank you.
GRACE HELBIG: Let's take another Twitter question.
And what do we have?
This is from itsliv I think, 1stliv, itsliv.
Help, I'm going to college.
Oh, you're going to the cool college, though.
What are some things I need to do to mentally prepare myself?
MICHELLE VARGAS: Well,
GRACE HELBIG: Michelle and I both went to college together.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Together.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah, We met in college.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yeah.
Be prepared for everyone else there not really thinking
class is cool and wanting to party a lot.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
Also be prepared for talking.
And be prepared that it might not be that fun, sometimes.
MICHELLE VARGAS: But it's going to be fun at some point.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
And try to find people that are fun.
MICHELLE VARGAS: And hang out with them.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
And then live with them for a little bit.
MICHELLE VARGAS: And then be on their web show.
GRACE HELBIG: Right.
And then share a tiny Teacup Chihuahua.
MICHELLE VARGAS: And then take care of it yourself.
GRACE HELBIG: And then give it to that one friend just to
take care of.
MICHELLE VARGAS: That's just what we think, though.
GRACE HELBIG: That's How you should prepare for college,
almost exactly.
Let's take another Twitter question, shall we?
This is from GQRainbow.
Any tips for getting used to watching yourself on video?
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yes.
Do it a lot.
It's going to be real weird for awhile.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
You're going to hate a lot of things about yourself.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yeah.
GRACE HELBIG: Unless you're one of those people that
doesn't hate anything about yourself
then maybe you should--
MICHELLE VARGAS: Good for you.
GRACE HELBIG: No.
Put that ego somewhere else.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yeah.
But do it a lot.
You get more and more used to it the more you do it.
GRACE HELBIG: Yes.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Like sex.
Tumbler.
GRACE HELBIG: Let's take a Tumbler question, shall we?
Do you guys have any advice for people trying to stick to
a workout routine?
GRACE HELBIG: Oh, God.
Oh, God.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Something I've never done.
GRACE HELBIG: No.
I say don't be so hard on yourself.
French fries are delicious.
Everything in moderation.
MICHELLE VARGAS: You can get a salad and fries.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
That's what I do.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yeah, I do it all the time, pretty much.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
I think just--
MICHELLE VARGAS: That's dieting.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
Exercise routine?
Don't be so hard on yourself, but try.
MICHELLE VARGAS: If you have a real goal that you want to
reach then, I don't now, don't be so hard on yourself when
you're not reaching it, because then
you'll never reach it.
GRACE HELBIG: Or, use social accountability.
MICHELLE VARGAS: That.
GRACE HELBIG: Tell your friends that you
want to work out.
MICHELLE VARGAS: And work out with a friend.
GRACE HELBIG: Work out with a friend.
Work out what a stranger.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Let that stranger know I have this goal
I need to reach and I'm not reaching it.
GRACE HELBIG: And then if you turn into liking that
stranger, touch him.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Then they'll know.
GRACE HELBIG: Then they'll know.
Let's take a YouTube comment, shall we?
How to ask somebody if he's gay and not making it awkward.
I like him.
Oh.
How to find out if somebody's gay, and you like them, and
you don't make it awkward.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Well I'm wondering if they know, I
don't know, if they think that--
GRACE HELBIG: Maybe that person doesn't know.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Maybe that person doesn't know.
And maybe you're not the one that's going to tell them.
They're going to figure it out for themselves.
GRACE HELBIG: Yeah.
Or you just say, what do you do with your dick?
And then you find out.
MICHELLE VARGAS: And then if they say I actually prefer
touching other men's dicks.
Then you know.
Yeah.
Then you can be like, oh, cool.
Let's take another Twitter question, shall we?
This is from monikerlynn.
What is the best way to kick a habit?
MICHELLE VARGAS: Ah, that's funny.
That's actually one of the topics I'm doing a workshop on
this starts next week.
GRACE HELBIG: You don't say.
MICHELLE VARGAS: But I go really in depth into it.
But I'd say that the main thing about it is that you
have that habit for some underlying reason.
So it's really getting to what makes you go to that habit and
dealing with that.
Not necessarily the habit.
The habit isn't the thing.
GRACE HELBIG: The habit is surface.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yeah.
It's a symptom.
GRACE HELBIG: You gotta get to the core of it.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Get down.
GRACE HELBIG: Get down in it.
This is also how Michelle and I dance at weddings, if you
didn't know.
Just like this.
Oh man, guys, that's it for the show today.
Oh bummer town, population all of us.
Make sure that you guys follow Michelle on Twitter at
FARTWHO, for all things helpful for your
brain and your butt.
And Michelle, this workshop that you were just speaking
of, enlighten us.
What is this thing?
MICHELLE VARGAS: It is an online workshop, so no matter
where you are in the world you can take it.
It starts on Tuesday.
And it's going to be about procrastination, breaking bad
habits, and making life choices.
So those are three things that people ask me about a lot.
GRACE HELBIG: I think a lot of us have those problems.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yes.
So you can find out more about it if you go to
FartwithHeadphonesOn.com.
All of the info is there.
And you can sign up.
Starts on Tuesday.
GRACE HELBIG: Oh.
How lovely.
And make sure guys follow me every other day of the week at
mydamnchannel.com/dailygrace.
Speaking of my own channel, are you guys subscribed yet?
Why not?
Is it because you're adopted and I
brought that to the surface?
Sorry, it's why you're biting your nails.
This is the surface, that's the surface issue.
That's the problem.
You're adopted.
Surprise.
I could ever be a parent.
Wouldn't it be funny to tell your actual kid
that they were adopted?
MICHELLE VARGAS: Yeah
GRACE HELBIG: Brains.
Another big announcement.
For the month of June I will be in L.A. I'm actually
leaving tomorrow morning and that means that I will be
hosting MyDamnChannel Live on Monday's instead of
Thursday's.
MICHELLE VARGAS: Why do you keep leaving me?
GRACE HELBIG: Because I like to hurt people.
And the first live show I'll be doing is this Monday, the
4th of June.
So mark your calendars.
Set your alarm on your phone.
Whatever you little assholes do.
Don't forget, until Monday guys, live long and proper.
See you tomorrow, Beth.
Bye.
[BELL RINGING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]