The Guild - S3 Ep 9: Wit's End


Uploaded by watchtheguild on May 7, 2010

Transcript:
Hi, my name is Codex.
As the temporary Guild Leader for the "Knights of Good" guild,
I am posting this call-to-arms against another gaming Guild:
the Axis of Anarchy. And before you comment,
yes, I'm a girl and yes I play the game. Where was I? OK.
Despite our attempts to make peace,
this other said Guild has continued to attack
one of our members out of game in a skeevy fashion.
I appeal to the community to take a stance
against harassment and injustice, and join us
in asking the Axis of Anarchy to stop messing with us like jerks.
Thank you for helping us make our world a better place to game.
Dead again?! Nooo!
This is insane! We can't do anything in-game anymore!
Now that the Axis of Anarchy has put a bounty on our head, no, we can not!
I thought confronting them was the right thing to do!
Yeah. Broadcasting to everyone in the game that we're Share Bears?
If I saw that video, I'd be ganking me too!
He's right you know.
I just don't understand how they're finding us in the game so easily!
People keep messaging me, offering to help us out,
but when I tell them where we are, no one shows up!
Who's messaging you?
Wiggly, where did you get all that badass armor?
You didn't have that when I was showing you the game ropes.
Some guy and his girlfriend hooked me up.
Hooked you up in exchange for what?
Knowing me? A real nice Korean couple.
I bet it's that Anarchist!
A mole? Classic warfare technique.
Oh my God, Wiggly! You've been spying on us for the other team!
Hey, watch it! My husband may play like Helen Keller, but he's not two-faced!
Yeah!
He just admitted to giving out our location in the game to everyone,
and now he's tricked out in bribes!
- I was leeting on my own! - Dude, that's not a verb!
OK that's it. You are out!
- Whaaaaa? - Finally.
I'm sorry Clara but I gotta stand for something as Guild Leader!
Mr. Wiggly, you are no longer a Knight of Good.
Now listen here, I'm too old to get kicked out of anything!
- Clara and I are leaving! - Yeah! Wait, what?
You heard me!
I did this so we could spend more time together.
You can't keep playing by yourself if I'm not welcome!
Clara, don't... leave.
I... I have to!
"Take that you Dungeoneering Bozos."
"Clara is ixnay in your uildGay nanymoreay."
Whaa... wai-wait...
That could have been handled better.
Shut up, Vork! You know what? You dumped all this in my lap,
and and and all you've been doing is back-seat leadering the whole time.
I am sick of it! You're just a...
poo face!
Codex, you of all people, turning on me as well?!
Do I truly have the power to snap your gentle spirit?
I must be a monster! Need... alone... now.
God!
Great. Clara's gone, Vork's gone.
Guess I'll hit the road, pack a backpack.
Street kids always look like they're having fun.
Like it's an apocalypse or something.
They've done it. They've destroyed us. We've got nothing left.
"A small force is but booty for one more powerful."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Why is everyone quoting stuff?!
Wait. The Art of War?
Well, I do dioramas of Civil War battles as a hobby.
You see, you went on the offensive,
but were unable to withstand the provoked onslaught.
OK, I'm just gonna go with this. What should I do?
Well with your forces weakened, you should go after their weakest link.
Weakest link, OK. OK.
So I tried Tink and the other Guild Leader, that didn't work.
The one guy's a cop, the other one doesn't speak English,
the wheelchair girl is just mean... so... uh...
- The damask guy. - What's damask?
Ha! See, you don't know everything.
- Shut up. - Sorry.
You ever get the feeling that people just don't like you?
Knowing that, how can I ever be Guild Leader again?
Leading isn't about being liked.
What do you think about me?
On first sight I kinda hated you.
But I'll take money from anyone.
I'm not paying you anything!
Then I really hate you!
Embrace the hatred.
Gimmie a hot dog.
It might be time to go home.
Let's do it!
Thanks for coming. We're the last ones standing.
No worries. My every waking moment is a humiliation.
This assault will not go unanswered!
What are you talking about?
Oh, this situation.
OK, he's alt-tabbed... go, go! Judo roll! Judo roll!
What?
You have been disarmed, sir!
What are you guys doing here? How did you find me?!
You guys gotta get out before my boss sees you!
You are so uncoordinated!
Oh, the Rathweed Plains. I know that area well.
Farming for Heatherwood are we? Interesting workplace assignment.
If your Guild doesn't stop harassing Bladezz, we're gonna tell your boss
how much you like playing games at work.
Oh, 913 hours logged on this IP address. Own'd.
No, please, please. I can not lose this job.
How am I supposed to stop the rest of my guild
from messing with you guys? I'm not their keeper!
I don't know. How are you gonna stop from screaming
when I take these bracers of the Oon'ret tribe...
- ...off your character... - No, no. No, please. No, no.
- And hold them over the trash bin... - No, no. That doesn't go there.
- Hold him down Codex! - No, you wouldn't.
And then let go!
And then click "yes" when prompted... to DELETE THEM!
- Noooo! - Yeah...
Yeah, keep him down Codex. Close the Iron Maiden!
Ok, what's the next move for the Anarchists?
- I... - Ooohh!
Pretty Pauldrons of the Duel Dragons going poof!
Bye Bye'd!
Those pauldrons had adamantium sockets!!
Well, just tell us something. We'll stop!
- Your leggings will be safe! - Oh no they won't. Delete!
There goes your 5 piece set bonus buddy!
Who's helpless now?!
Lock me in a closet?! I'll show you!
Don't! Zaboo, stop! You're being crazy!
I'm not puny! I'm well proportioned for a man of my size!
What?
OK, he's basically freaking both of us out now.
So tell me what I can do to stop this.
Nothing! We'll never stop.
At our next LAN party we're gonna make a list
of all the things we're gonna do to the rest of you, OK?
In your real life! It's out of my control!
When is the LAN party? Where!?
What is damask?
Delete, delete, delete!
Tomorrow!
Charlie's internet cafe. 2 o'clock. Back room.
And damask is a reversible fabric.
It's sewn with one warp yarn and one weft yarn.
You know it was invented in the Byzantine era.
Oh that's really interesting... And delete!
No! Not my longsword! Oh, you tiny monster.
He's naked. You killed his outfit.
Sorry there fabric boy.
Why don't you gather up the rest of your peeps and tell them...
that we're coming for you.
Your... Your breath is hot.
- You should go with him. - Oh, OK.
Zaboo! What happened back there...
I'm pretty sure there's a UN mandate against it!
How could you?!
I don't know. I don't know what came over me, you know?
It was just his pain and all that power, it was...
It was intoxicating.
What's happened to me?! NOOOO!
And then there were none.
You're my ride, actually, so...