CGRundertow THE SIMPSONS: BARTMAN MEETS RADIOACTIVE MAN for NES Video Game Review


Uploaded by CGRundertow on 17.07.2012

Transcript:
Let’s face it, we’ve all pictured ourselves coming to the rescue of our childhood heroes.
It’s the earliest form of self-insert fanfiction, back before the Internet and the ability to
publish such embarrassment in a public forum. That kind of thing was kept to the treehouse
and didn’t really leave. Well, if you’re Bart Simpson, you’ve had people analyzing
your woefully dysfunctional childhood for a good two decades now, so it’s only natural
they’ll muscle in on these... wait. Fallout Boy? Really? Huh, you learn something new
every day.
Bartman Meets Radioactive Man plays like your average side-scrolling platformer, though
it feels significantly tighter and more responsive than the migraine-inducing Bart Vs. the Space
Mutants. Also, you don’t have to go around spraypainting crap! Bartman’s equipped with
a one-two punch-roundhouse kick combo, which - following NES Platformer melee standards
- fires about as slowly as molasses in Siberia. The jumping mechanics themselves feel rather
floaty, and woe betide you if you miss a jump, as long-distance falls are instant death,
even if there’s actually ground down there you just haven’t gotten to yet. For this
reason, the second stage - a painfully long sewer level patrolled by floating platform
turrets and red-jumpsuited henchthugs - becomes even more abusive. You’ve either got to
land on a dangerously narrow pipe, or hope there’s something down there you can actually
fall toward, or... well, you’re screwed. And here, as well. Unless you’ve got something
shooting up from where you can presume there’s a platform, you’re jumping completely blind.
It doesn’t help that the levels reek of paste - as in copy-and-paste - such that if
there’s a particular pain in the butt you’ve finally managed to get past, prepare to do
it all again in a couple seconds.
When he’s not falling to his instant, untimely death, Bartman’s got 5 hit points and an
array of weapons like tornados and cold breath and EYE LASERS. That said, certain low-running
enemies like rats and whatnot actually become untouchable once you gain the eye lasers,
so continue to exercise caution as you... jump into holes. What is this, E.T. for the
Atari? Look, Radioactive Man, you want saved? Make the criteria for saving you PLAYING A
BETTER GAME. You deserve that limbo zone. You deserve all of it. And Acclaim... shame
on you. Me an’ Doc Brown are totally going to go back in time and give the Simpsons license
to Capcom. We’ll have Bartman Meets The Little Mermaid, and it’ll still be awesome,
‘cuz it’s Capcom on the NES. And the soundtrack will be AMAZING. Read all about it.