Dave Hill LIVE with Beth Hoyt - 5/22/12 (Full Ep)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 22.05.2012

Transcript:

BETH HOYT: Ah, I, this is from hot wax.
Let's just address that right now.
Thank you.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hot--
It's from a candle.
It's from a candle.
It's not--
I didn't mean that like I was hot waxing.
OK.
Hey guys, whatcha working on?
Whatcha reading?
Whatcha looking at?
Whatcha tweeting?
Whatcha doing?
Oh.
Oh my god.
Oh, you're watching this show?
Oh, that's so cool.
Thank you.
That's so nice of you.
That's so nice of you to come by.
It's like, and I was like it's gray and it's rainy in New
York here, again.
But you know what they say.
They say May showers bring May showers, and then, and then
some more rain probably.
That's a terrible saying.
Why do--
why is that so popular?
That's a-- that's a bad phrase.
So guess what?
We've got a special guest on the show today.
His name is Dave Hill.
He's so funny and he's so talented.
And his brand new book, Tasteful
Nudes, comes out today.
We're going to talk to him in just a-- sorry about that.
We're going to talk to him in just a second, but first, it's
a video of a guy.
His name is Dan.
His roommates are kicking him out of his apartment.
You're gonna--
guess what the name of the series is.
It's called Kicking Dan Out.

[INAUDIBLE]
DAN: Hey, what's going on roommates?
TIM: Dan, can you sit down?
DAN: Holy shit.
Is this an intervention?
TIM: No.
DAN: Give me a second.
Give me a second.
I had to smoke crack to suck dick.
Other way around.
I'm sorry.
I'm nervous.
You guys put me on the spot here.
TIM: Dan.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGERS: Kicking Dan out.
Kicking Dan out.
Kicking Dan out.
Kicking Dan out.
TIM: We're kicking you out.
DAN: No, it's cool.
I'm totally addicted to hydrocodone.
TIM: It's not just because you're a drug addict.
DAN: What else?
JILL: You haven't paid rent in three months.
DAN: Well, that's fucking Lehman Brothers' fault.
If they hadn't collapsed and I hadn't lost my job.
JILL: Uh, you were a janitor and they fired you
way before the crash.
DAN: Because they saw it coming.
JILL: Uh, I think it was because you called a woman in
a wheelchair a [BLEEP].
DAN: She was being a [BLEEP].
What, if you're handicapped you're not
allowed to be a [BLEEP]?
That seems pretty narrow-minded Jill.
JILL: You're such a bad person.
DAN: John, how about you?
JOHN: No.
You, you tried to fuck my girlfriend
when she came to visit.
DAN: I was just giving her a whore test man, for you.
JOHN: Oh.
DAN: Turns out she's just really stuck up.
JOHN: Ugh.
TIM: I'll help you pack even though I'm pretty sure all you
have is a book on flipping houses and a Bud Light t-shirt
that says, "beware of penguins."
DAN: Oh, OK.
Not all of us have fancy dress shirts or, or Blu-ray, or
medicine, or Google, Todd.
TIM: It's Tim.
DAN: Tim, Todd, whatever.
I've been kicked out of four places this year, four.
And that's not even counting the time I got thrown out of
Lady Footlocker for eating a muffin.
This place is great.
There's no water that leaks on me and, and bugs, and I, I'm
not having that dream where I'm, where I'm driving a bus
and we're trying to get the kids to heaven, but, but, but
the kids don't know they're dead, so I've got to tell them
they're dead.
And we're so close to the park.
JOHN: [CLEARS THROAT]
TIM: I'm sorry.
DAN: My dad treats me like shit.
I've got a weird body.
TIM: Yeah, we're done.
DAN: I just want you guys to know.
You were never second best.
JILL: Thanks, Dan.
DAN: Hey Jill?
JILL: Yeah?
DAN: Fuck you.
I was talking about the guys.

TIM: You, you're gonna take that cat right?
DAN: He's been dead for three days.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGERS: Kicking Dan out.
Kicking Dan out.
Kicking Dan out.
Kicking Dan out.

BETH HOYT: I'm back with Dave Hill.
DAVE HILL: Hi.
BETH HOYT: Maybe you know him from his vlog, Dave Hill's
Vlogging Funtime, or his podcast, Dave Hill's
Podcasting Incident, or from TV or comedy venues or music
halls with his band.
But today, today we're going to talk about his new book,
Tasteful Nudes.
It comes out today.
DAVE HILL: It's out.
It's totally out.
BETH HOYT: It's so good.
I really, really enjoyed reading this book.
I read it this weekend.
And I have some questions about the book.
Um, it's a really funny book.
DAVE HILL: Thank you.
BETH HOYT: It's also really heartfelt.
DAVE HILL: Oh, thanks.
BETH HOYT: Do you find that these two things often come
hand in hand for you?
DAVE HILL: Mm.
I don't know.
I mean, I wouldn't say the one--
I'd guess that's up to the, the rea--
I mean, the book's incredible.
I guess what I'm trying to say.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, yeah.
DAVE HILL: I don't know, no.
I guess when I wrote it, I, I didn't think that it was
heartfelt, but then--
BETH HOYT: It's just who you are.
DAVE HILL: Then it's like, yeah, that's pretty heartfelt.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVE HILL: But I didn't set out to.
I just wanted the money--
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVE HILL: --for writing that book.
BETH HOYT: That's--
It's the best incentive to really just--
I mean it's cause it's where the heart of a
struggling comic is.
DAVE HILL: Yeah, yeah.
Because they said they would give me some
money, so I wrote this.
BETH HOYT: How's that going?
DAVE HILL: They gave me a lot of money.
BETH HOYT: You guys go out and buy this book.
DAVE HILL: Look at this jacket.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVE HILL: They didn't give me enough money--
BETH HOYT: That's cool.
DAVE HILL: Uh, I'll say that.
BETH HOYT: This, this just came out today though, so I
mean like don't--
DAVE HILL: Well, yeah.
BETH HOYT: Don't throw in the towel about it with it yet.
DAVE HILL: No, no.
I'm not going--
BETH HOYT: It's just started.
DAVE HILL: --to quit the world of literature.
Now I'm in the world of literature.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVE HILL: So that's why.
BETH HOYT: This is an exciting new beginning--
DAVE HILL: It is, yeah, for everybody.
BETH HOYT: --for the billionaire that will become.
DAVE HILL: Not just for me.
BETH HOYT: For all of us that get to read it.
DAVE HILL: Well, I'm going to write--
BETH HOYT: I'm so excited for you guys.
DAVE HILL: Yeah, yeah.
BETH HOYT: Um, I'd love to, if we're having you, since
reading it you can really sense your personality, but
I'd love to have, since we have you here, to have you
read it for us out loud for all of us to enjoy the sound
of your voice.
DAVE HILL: No, no.
That's cool.
I'd-- thank you.
BETH HOYT: We'd love it.
Wouldn't you guys love it?
We love, we want it.
We want it.
DAVE HILL: I would, um, but, I don't feel that the
environment is really right, uh, for the kind of work that
I've produced.
I would like something that--
more dramatic lighting and music-wise.
BETH HOYT: Oh, oh sure.
I was--
DAVE HILL: If you could.
BETH HOYT: I thought it was personal.
I--
DAVE HILL: No, gosh.
BETH HOYT: OK.
We can do that.
Can we, with the, can we get the--
yeah, that's, that's better.
How about some music, and, like, we'll just--
is that?
Do you feel--
DAVE HILL: All right.
This is from--
should I just started reading?
BETH HOYT: Take it, Dave Hill.
DAVE HILL: Can I swear?
BETH HOYT: Please do.
DAVE HILL: Can I?
I'm going to read the fuck out of this book.
This is from um, well, it's from the title essay.
"It was a typical Sunday, and I was coming down from another
red-hot weekend of doing laundry and picking up a few
things at Bed Bath & Beyond, so I decided to spend a quiet
night at home, just me and the internet.
As this sort of thing often goes, it wasn't long before I
started to wander.
I clicked on a link on one website that sent me to
another website, where I clicked on yet another link
that sent me to yet another website.
And so on and so on, until I found myself on a website
that, much to my complete and utter disbelief, featured
photographs of women who didn't seem too crazy about
wearing clothes.
I try not to make it a habit of frequenting websites like
this, mostly because I think they pose too much of a threat
to the print industry.
But I figured I'd come this far, so it felt
weird to turn back.
Also, I must stress that this website was not a pornographic
website with all sorts of poking and prodding and
various bodi-- wait-- various fluids, bodily and otherwise,
flowing about the room from time to time.
I'm told these exist, but trust me, this was definitely
not one of them.
It was simply a website that made it its business to
showcase photos of women in various states of undress,
particularly that state of undress that involves not
really wearing any clothes at all, which is to say the best
kind." How was that?
BETH HOYT: How was that guys?
DAVE HILL: Thanks.
BETH HOYT: That was fan-- that was really great.
That was really great.
DAVE HILL: I really shouldn't complement [INAUDIBLE].
BETH HOYT: You absolutely should.
Don't ever stop doing that.
DAVE HILL: I've never read that out loud.
That's why I struggled with some of the words.
BETH HOYT: You didn't struggle.
You did a great, you did great.
You wrote it.
Who cares if you--
DAVE HILL: I wrote.
BETH HOYT: You can struggle the crap--
DAVE HILL: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: I said crap.
DAVE HILL: I wrote it.
BETH HOYT: Thanks, Dave.
When we come back, we're going to come back we're going to
get to the heart and soul of you with some Twitter
questions and some comments from YouTube from you guys
because yeah.
So get in there and comment, tweet me or Dave.
We'll get back to this in just a second.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGERS: It's the John Friedman Internet Program on
your World Wide Web.

GOD: No, no, no.
That's not for you.

I mean, I guess, if you want.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
SINGERS: It's the John Friedman Internet Program on
your World Wide Web.

BUFFALO BILL: All right, so this is the part of the
massage where I dim the lights and put on my
night vision goggles.

So do you like to watch videos on the internet?
Gotta love the internet.

MALE SPEAKER: Tell me, have you and your wife considered
having a child?
FEMALE SPEAKER: You mean, like for you guys?
Ah, you guys are Satanists.
MALE SPEAKER: Totally.
Count us in.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Just like that?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Sean, can you imagine me carrying
the spawn of Satan?

BETH HOYT: OK, we're back.
We have so many questions from you guys.
Thanks for sending them in.
The first one is a tweet, and it is from Kevin Conn.
"Will Dave ever get his own E! reality
show with Glenn Danzig?
That would be like Ice Loves Coco except more Metal."
DAVE HILL: That would be awesome.
I would, I would both do that show and watch that show.
But it, it would be more metal.
I think we would fight a lot, Glenn Danzig and I, but I
don't think we could stay mad at each other.
BETH HOYT: No.
DAVE HILL: I love Ice Loves Coco though.
BETH HOYT: Good.
That's out there.
DAVE HILL: Get that way.
BETH HOYT: I--
DAVE HILL: I, I've never watched any reality show with
any sort of fervor.
And then Ice Loves Coco came along--
BETH HOYT: Made its way into your heart.
DAVE HILL: And I was like--- yeah, it's like
an instructive program.
Here's how you make it work.
Here's how opposites attract and stay attracted.
BETH HOYT: I need to get on that.
Man, that sounds like--
DAVE HILL: It's the, the best show.
BETH HOYT: --something I need.
DAVE HILL: If you like Ice-T and, and Coco,
you'll love that show.
BETH HOYT: I love them.
DAVE HILL: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: All right, thanks for that.
Next tweet.
DAVE HILL: Because they're both on it.
It's the reason I bring it up.
BETH HOYT: Oh, yes yes.
This is from wuhuhuh.
How do you think that goes?
Wa-ha-ha?
DAVE HILL: Wah.
BETH HOYT: Wahuhuh.
Anyway, what is your favorite fruit?
DAVE HILL: Oh, god.
BETH HOYT: It's a tough question.
Really tough.
DAVE HILL: I go back and forth, you know.
I mean--
uh--
BETH HOYT: I do too because you know the seasons.
Let's say, we'll say your favorite summer fruit.
DAVE HILL: I'd probably like, I don't know, mango maybe.
But then you get me with some bunch of grapes and I'm like,
well maybe I like these the best.
BETH HOYT: I can never turn grapes.
I also can't stop when I start eating grapes.
DAVE HILL: I like a mixed berry situation.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I hate raspberries though.
They're always--
DAVE HILL: Fuck those.
BETH HOYT: They get mushy and, like, they're sometimes sour.
DAVE HILL: Fuck raspberries.
BETH HOYT: We're done-- we're done with the raspberries.
I'm glad we agree on that.
DAVE HILL: No, they're bullshit.
Everyone knows that.
I'm tired of the reign of terror.
BETH HOYT: Seriously.
DAVE HILL: But you know, as long as we're talking about
fruit salad--
BETH HOYT: We are.
DAVE HILL: I hate white--
I'm not--
I don't like melon or cantaloupe.
Like if someone were to give it to me, you
know, I'd be like.
BETH HOYT: I really don't like cantaloupe.
DAVE HILL: No, it's fine.
Don't get me wrong.
But I just think it's like padding for when you get,
like, a fruit cup situation.
BETH HOYT: Oh, see--
DAVE HILL: And then it's like--
BETH HOYT: I thought pineapple--
DAVE HILL: It's like lettuce.
It's like, get this out of here.
BETH HOYT: And we disagree.
This is our Ice and Coco situation.
DAVE HILL: That's how we make it work.
BETH HOYT: But we agree on the raspberries.
DAVE HILL: Because then when we're having fruit salad
together, guess who gets a little bit of extra melon and
cantaloupe?
BETH HOYT: Guess what we're doing this summer?
DAVE HILL: At our summer share.
I want to talk to you about that.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, thanks.
All right, next tweet.
With all the money you're going to make.
So next tweet is from, um, Ruralhybrid.
Uh-oh.
Wait a second.
"What is the sweetest book of all time? (sorry, had to do
it.)"
Why did they, why did they apologize?
Is that an inside joke with you and him or her.
DAVE HILL: I don't.
Not that I'm aware of.
BETH HOYT: Is that, is that, why is that, why are they
apologizing for asking you about the sweetest book?
DAVE HILL: I don't know.
That is, in turn, a question for them.
Uh, the sweetest book.
I mean, it could be like, sweet, like that's pretty
sweet in general.
But I would go--
BETH HOYT: Yeah, so what's your answer to that?
DAVE HILL: --with this, my book, uh, Tasteful Nudes.
But the sweetest book is probably I, Tina by Tina
Turner, the one that the hit movie What's Love Got to Do
with It is based on.
BETH HOYT: What about The Notebook?
That's pretty sweet.
Like, you know, as far as like sweet.
DAVE HILL: Is Ike Turner in that one?
BETH HOYT: Uh, yeah, he's a, he's a potential love interest
for Rachel McAdams.
DAVE HILL: Oh, I should read that one.
BETH HOYT: We have another Tumblr, a Tumblr comment.
This is from keenlyblogs.
Um, "How do I avoid looking like a pervert while reading
Tasteful Nudes on the bus?"
DAVE HILL: Um, I don't think it's
possible to avoid, really.
I mean, a big thing--
BETH HOYT: It's part of the experience.
DAVE HILL: My family, my dad, and my sister, they both live
in Cleveland, and they urged me not to call it that because
my dad was like, well, I can't, like, show that to my
friends at church.
BETH HOYT: But it's so classy, Tasteful Nudes.
DAVE HILL: That's what I think.
It's right there in the title.
BETH HOYT: Yup.
DAVE HILL: So I'm not sure what the problem is.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I think you're spelling out what a
distinguished and classy guy you are.
DAVE HILL: Yeah, it's basically like, here's how I
live my life, which is pretty great.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
I don't want to stop.
DAVE HILL: No, no, let's keep going.
I have nowhere to go.
BETH HOYT: What if we do--
[INAUDIBLE]
YouTube.
The YouTubes.
Mr. YouTube.
DAVE HILL: Why are there, I thought the whole thing with
the internet was there's no rules.
BETH HOYT: There are rules.
DAVE HILL: It was like the rodeo or something.
BETH HOYT: I know, but--
DAVE HILL: But with less rules than that.
BETH HOYT: If you don't abide by their rules,
they stick a candle--
DAVE HILL: What happened?
What--
BETH HOYT: It was YouTube.
DAVE HILL: How did you?
BETH HOYT: I didn't.
We have to end for today.
DAVE HILL: Were you in a nightclub?
BETH HOYT: I was.
DAVE HILL: The Hustler Club's right done the street.
BETH HOYT: Would I wear this shirt to a nightclub?
DAVE HILL: It's reputable.
BETH HOYT: God, Dave.
I thought you wouldn't put a, say that a girl,
say that to a girl.
DAVE HILL: What about the Hustler Club?
BETH HOYT: Wear a t-shirt, a tissue tee to a nightclub.
OK, we, we're going to.
We have to stop.
DAVE HILL: Oh, I'm sorry.
I ruined everything.
BETH HOYT: You made everything so much better.
DAVE HILL: I had a nice time though.
BETH HOYT: So did I. Thank you for being here.
And if you're in the New York area, you should totally check
out Dave's book release party.
It's on Thursday at the Bell House, 8:00PM.
There's going to be lots of stars.
DAVE HILL: Yeah, Janeane Garofalo, John Hodgman.
BETH HOYT: Gosh.
DAVE HILL: TAB the Band.
Doug Gillard.
My band, Valley Lodge, is going to play.
It's a surprise, but we're going to come out.
BETH HOYT: OK, if you're, if you're in New York.
DAVE HILL: We weren't going to, but--
BETH HOYT: Spoiler alert.
DAVE HILL: --they finally agreed to it.
BETH HOYT: It's in, at the Bell House in Brooklyn.
Um, before that, tomorrow at 4:00 PM Eastern,
I'll see you here.
Gilbert Gottfried will be here, will be here as well as
our special guest, who is Wyatt Cenac.
DAVE HILL: Oh, that's a much better show.
Those guys, that's so much a better show than this one.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, it's going to be awesome.
DAVE HILL: No, this is the better.
I beat both of those guys up.
BETH HOYT: Be good.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]