TableTop - Fiasco Set-Up


Uploaded by geekandsundry on Jul 19, 2012

Transcript:

WIL WHEATON: All right.
This is the set up for our Fiasco, which is called
Saturday Night '78, a playset that I kind of wrote.
So I'm going to roll the dice.
JOHN ROGERS: I'm going to break up and find out--
BONNIE BURTON: Ooh!
ALISON HAISLIP: Nice.
WIL WHEATON: And you transformed from my
friend to my dad.
[LAUGHTER]
All right.
OK., cool.
Now, I like to arrange them by number just so we
know what we have.
Remembering that the last die is wild.
Not a lot of sixes.
A lot of deuces.
Not a single one.
That's also very funny.
Wow, what an odd distribution we have.
OK.
So and only--
BONNIE BURTON: What's up with the dicer?
For us at the table.
WIL WHEATON: And only one three.
ALISON HAISLIP: The poor little three.
JOHN ROGERS: I know.
So sad.
WIL WHEATON: Let's see.
So we're going to start out with relationships.

JOHN ROGERS: And so we use each number of the dice to
burn off one of these and just lock them in the game.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, we start with a broad category.
Our relationship categories are partnerships, rivalries,
crime, romance, secrets, and show biz.
So I think that there really needs to be a crime
relationship in this game.
ALISON HAISLIP: Obviously.
Yeah.
WIL WHEATON: So there's only one trey.
So I'm going to establish a crime relationship.
But is it going to be with me and Bonnie?
Or is it going to be with me and Alison?
ALISON HAISLIP: Hmmm.
WIL WHEATON: Is either one of you--
ALISON HAISLIP: Who's a better partner in crime?
WIL WHEATON: --more interested in?
Oh, oh, that's you.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yep.
Ha, ha, ha.
WIL WHEATON: So This is going to be crime.
So you and I have a crime relationship.
JOHN ROGERS: Now these cards you can download, right?
You can actually build this whole set online.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
These were made specifically.
I just asked Bully Pulpit.
Hey, I have an idea.
And Jason was like, that's a great idea.
Do that.
ALISON HAISLIP: And they were like, we have
some heavy stock paper.
BONNIE BURTON: Honestly this would be great for speed
dating, now that I'm thinking.
Is that what this is?
Did you guys really trick me into speed dating?
WIL WHEATON: So now, you can decide what kind of
relationship exists between our characters or you can
establish a relationship between John's character.
So you can choose rivalries, romance, secrets, or show biz.
And that can either be between us or it can
be between you guys.
Keep in mind that Allison and I already have a crime
relationship.
So whatever you choose, it means that the relationship
between us is going to somehow be influenced by the crime
relationship I have with Allison's character.
BONNIE BURTON: Hm.
I love the idea of celebrity and spurned fan between you
and I.
WIL WHEATON: OK, great.
Then you want to establish a showbiz
relationship between us.
BONNIE BURTON: That's perfect.
WIL WHEATON: So then you just write down showbiz.
And then if there's still a six when it gets back around
to you, you can add that detail.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, I see.
Got it.
WIL WHEATON: And then we'll host it, and then
BONNIE BURTON: Gotcha.
So it's just a generic.
ALISON HAISLIP: She does 't pick a three.?
WIL WHEATON: Or a three, yeah.
ALISON HAISLIP: So she can't because there's no threes.
WIL WHEATON: Oh yeah.
So you can't be celebrity and spurned fan.
BONNIE BURTON: That's OK.
WIL WHEATON: But you can still have a show business
relationship.
BONNIE BURTON: I've been wanting a show business
relationship with you for a while.
WIL WHEATON: OK, so John you get to build up--
JOHN ROGERS: You know what?
I'm torn here.
You get show biz, romance, or rivalry seems to be just sort
of conflict.
And there's a lot of twos on the table.
So considering you've go show biz, I'm going to go with
rivalry with you.
BONNIE BURTON: That sounds awesome.
WIL WHEATON: Nice
JOHN ROGERS: So in category, yes.
So I will put rivalry.
WIL WHEATON: OK, Allison.
ALISON HAISLIP: So I can choose our--
WIL WHEATON: You can choose the nature of our
relationship.
Or if you want to, you can define our crime relationship.
ALISON HAISLIP: OK.
So what do we have left?
Six, five, four, and two.
BONNIE BURTON: This really should be speed dating.
It would make it so much easier.
JOHN ROGERS: Yes, it would.
ALISON HAISLIP: I know, right.
JOHN ROGERS: Except with fictional personas you create
at the table.
BONNIE BURTON: Well welcome to my speed dating.
WIL WHEATON: Welcome to speed dating.
ALISON HAISLIP: I know.
BONNIE BURTON: Were you ever jaded?
WIL WHEATON: And just like speed dating,
everything goes bad.
JOHN ROGERS: I've been married 20 years.
I'm not even close to remembering what
dating looks like.
It seems awful.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
ALISON HAISLIP: It is.
It is.
BONNIE BURTON: It really is, yeah.
ALISON HAISLIP: I think since you guys started a rivalary
relationship, you and I should have a romance relationship.
JOHN ROGERS: We'll rock that out.
There you go.
WIL WHEATON: Awesome
ALISON HAISLIP: I hope your wife of 20 years doesn't mind.
JOHN ROGERS: Be jealous--
WIL WHEATON: OK, now let's see.
Am I going to define our show biz relationship or am I going
to define our crime relationship?
We've got plenty of twos, so we could be
newly minted gangsters.
Newly minted gangsters have very high ambition.
ALISON HAISLIP: And little experience.
JOHN ROGERS: And the game is high ambition
and low impulse control.
WIL WHEATON: Low impulse control.
So that's sort of interesting.
We could be like, out to sort of like make a big score or
something like that.
That's kind of cool.
Or--
ALISON HAISLIP: And we're still trying to figure out
what our positions are.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Like speed dating, speed
dating, speed dating.
WIL WHEATON: Or let's see, we could be director and star,
which is interesting.
Or we could be desperate talent agent and hot young
thing, which would be interesting, if we're in a
crime relationship.
BONNIE BURTON: Depending on who the hot young thing is.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah
WIL WHEATON: The star and oh, yeah, the other one.
I don't think those really work.
I think if we're in a crime relationship, and we're
director and star, then that makes sense.
That makes sense in New York in 1978, right?
And it's sordid.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yes.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
So director and star.
I define that with a deuce.
So I put a two there.
And then you just write down director and star.
BONNIE BURTON: Do we know who's who?
WIL WHEATON: No.
We'll figure it out.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
Sounds good.
WIL WHEATON: Now, if you like, you can define further.
You can add details to the rivalry that
you have with John.
Or you can move on to giving your characters--
you can go to like figure out what your needs are.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.

WIL WHEATON: Your relationship with me can have a need.
And that's one of these six things.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
WIL WHEATON: Or you can do the same thing with John's
relationship.
This is how we know how the story is
starting to come together.
We'll be getting a sense of where the narrative arc's
going to go.
JOHN ROGERS: You're either direct or the star.
You haven't locked that in.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, yeah.
JOHN ROGERS: That's the fun part of the story.
WIL WHEATON: And either way, the director who's involved in
crime or the star who's involved in crime, I have a
strong feeling that there's going to be cocaine involved
in this somewhere.
ALISON HAISLIP: It's the '70s.
Is that in question?
JOHN ROGERS: And also, our relation doesn't
have to lock in.
So even if chose like dancers on the same slick floor, that
just might be our separate rivalry that's separate than
your relationship with him.
BONNIE BURTON: Right.
JOHN ROGERS: Or you don't necessarily have
to build it on that.
Otherwise, it's cool to build it on that.
BONNIE BURTON: Right.
Or contenders for the same heart.
JOHN ROGERS: Contenders for the same heart.
BONNIE BURTON: A little romance.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, and you guys are in a romantic
relationship.
JOHN ROGERS: Ah, there you go.
BONNIE BURTON: I've got it.
JOHN ROGERS: Contenders for the same heart.
Which one is that?
BONNIE BURTON: Two.
JOHN ROGERS: All right.
Burn a two.
WIL WHEATON: Just put a two there.
JOHN ROGERS: And I'll write it down.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
OK, so that means that you guys, your characters actually
do have a thing.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah, baby.
What!
WIL WHEATON: So that you guys are contending for her.
JOHN ROGERS: Also, are we going to gender bend?
Can she in theory play a guy?
WIL WHEATON: We absolutely can, yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: It's the '70s, so seriously gender--
JOHN ROGERS: And also we really don't need to.
ALISON HAISLIP: Or she could also be a lesbian.
Deal with it.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Yeah.
ALISON HAISLIP: It happens.
JOHN ROGERS: I'm cool with it.
Some people like to play the other set.
That's fine.
And guys in cat suits.
That's cool.
It's the 21st century.
We're cool.
WIL WHEATON: OK
BONNIE BURTON: It's not contenders for the same cat,
just so you know.
JOHN ROGERS: You know what?
To show the game actually allows varying it up, I'm
going to vary it up, if that's cool.
I'm going to jump to needs.
WIL WHEATON: Great.
Go to needs.
JOHN ROGERS: And so I should go to needs.
I'm going to try to nail down a need between Alison and I.
So we got to get in, to get out, to get free, to get
respect, to get even, to get high.
All right.
Let's see, what have we got here?
We've got a lot of fives blowing around,
which is to get even.

I think a romantic relationship is based on
mutual hatred of someone.
To get even is pretty cool.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, that's great.
BONNIE BURTON: Says the guy that's been
married a long time.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah.
JOHN ROGERS: It's no mutual hate, mind you.
WIL WHEATON: So burn a five, and then, yeah.
And then between you guys.
JOHN ROGERS: Category is--
WIL WHEATON: That's a great idea, John.
JOHN ROGERS: --to get even.
WIL WHEATON: So now we know why they're in a romantic
relationship.
BONNIE BURTON: Someone's going down.

JOHN ROGERS: I'll put that there.
ALISON HAISLIP: So I can either define us--
JOHN ROGERS: Or define us or define that.
WIL WHEATON: You have to figure out what kind of crime
relationship we have.
ALISON HAISLIP: Right.
Right.
WIL WHEATON: So we can be criminal accessories.
We can be the muscle and the mouth, the
official on the take.
I don't think that really makes sense.
Or new minted gangsters.
But yeah.
It's up to you.
ALISON HAISLIP: I like the newly minted gangsters.
I like that we're no good at what we do.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
Yeah, sure.
I think that's great.
JOHN ROGERS: Newly minted gangsters and
director and star.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
So if we're newly minted gangsters, I'm
going to go to objects.
I think it's drugs.
It's gotta be drugs.
JOHN ROGERS: Look at misplaced.
It could be weirder.
Some of the categories do lend themselves more towards
violent fiascoes.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ALISON HAISLIP: Although a Lincoln
loaded with heroin is--
BONNIE BURTON: Cut with the creative records that are--
ALISON HAISLIP: --pretty awesome.
WIL WHEATON: Also, the very last die that we use for the
set up, it can be anything at all.
It's wild, so that's cool.
BONNIE BURTON: All right.
Gotcha.
So you only have to do misplaced or drugs.
Is that what you're saying?
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
My instinct is to do drugs.
JOHN ROGERS: Go drugs.
It already looks like the relationships are complicated
enough that just a simple bad idea--
BONNIE BURTON: I just want to say that the Lincoln loaded
with the hidden heroin, I instantly went to Abe Lincoln,
thinking it was a prop of Abe Lincoln.
JOHN ROGERS: By the way, that's a perfectly acceptable
way to play that one.
BONNIE BURTON: I'm just saying.
WIL WHEATON: That is absolutely correct.
ALISON HAISLIP: It is non specific.
BONNIE BURTON: We don't say what kind of a movie--
JOHN ROGERS: An animatronic Abe Lincoln.
BONNIE BURTON: This could be an historic smut film.
We don't know.
We have no idea.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
So Bonnie, go ahead.
If you want, you can nail down drugs.
JOHN ROGERS: Oh, it could be location.
We need location.
WIL WHEATON: Yep.
Yep.
Or you could start thinking of locations.
ALISON HAISLIP: Just between you and I, drugs as a general?
WIL WHEATON: Well, it's primarily between our two
characters.
I think it's related to why we're gangsters.
JOHN ROGERS: Like to get even is really to our romance.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah.
OK.
JOHN ROGERS: What's the good balance?
Is it like you want a lot of needs and then do we need to
get like a location or two floating around here too?
WIL WHEATON: It's good to have a location, because it helps
narrow things down.
I think needs inspire.
And then locations and objects kind of direct.
JOHN ROGERS: And define.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: I can go the needs route, yeah?
WIL WHEATON: You can.
You're going to burn two dice if you do needs.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, oops.
WIL WHEATON: Well, you're going to burn two dice anyway
no matter what you do.
So yeah, just go ahead and decide.
BONNIE BURTON: I won't be too needy, Wil.
WIL WHEATON: Too late.

BONNIE BURTON: And it would be needs between you and I or
director and star.
WIL WHEATON: Yes.
Either one.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow.
I kind of like the idea of getting inot Studio 54,
because at that time, every sta director wanted in there.
Because that's where all the deals were made, the romance
was made, the drugs were made, crime was made.
ALISON HAISLIP: But we don't have a one.
JOHN ROGERS: See, our contenders for the same heart
already burns out a lot of needs and a lot of--
WIL WHEATON: Oh, right, right, right.
BONNIE BURTON: But it's a two.
JOHN ROGERS: But you could use the wild one.
ALISON HAISLIP: But you need a one to get that.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, we need a one to get in.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, just like real Studio 64.
ALISON HAISLIP: Or 54.
WIL WHEATON: Another thing I love about this game as a
writer, is that it forces you into new choice, right?
ALISON HAISLIP: I don't want to do that choice.
Well, you have to.
WIL WHEATON: Well you have to.
BONNIE BURTON: If I were the director, I'd
probably want respect.
Stars don't so much care about the respect part.
WIL WHEATON: Right.
So if you choose that, we know that you're the director.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, but man.
That is such a tough choice.
And then you and I have a--
JOHN ROGERS: I'm a contender for the same heart.
And by the way, that might not necessarily be-- we have a
romance, but it might be him.
WIL WHEATON: And then it might be, yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Right.
ALISON HAISLIP: Woo.
WIL WHEATON: You're working really hard to make sure that
you and I have a romantic relationship.
JOHN ROGERS: I swear by Thor's hammer I will kiss you before
the end of this game.
ALISON HAISLIP: Oh my gosh.
JOHN ROGERS: I love the fact, by the way, your stalkers are
like, Haislip is right there.
Why is he moving past her to Wheaton.
I don't understand.
ALISON HAISLIP: I don't get it.
WIL WHEATON: It's because you know something
none of them know.
BONNIE BURTON: The ending to all slash fiction that
involves Wil.
That's basically--
I'm just going to go that star route.
That I always want to get even with the ones you couldn't see
that I was special, because most stars are
like, you know what?
WIL WHEATON: That's great.
BONNIE BURTON: I was in obscurity.
Now that I'm a rising star, I'm going to get back at all
the girls that never invited me to things.
ALISON HAISLIP: Except we don't have any threes.
JOHN ROGERS: Wow Your voice just went like totally dead
when you said that.
WIL WHEATON: I know.
To get even is five.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah, but we have a to get even, but the
one that is--
WIL WHEATON: There could be another to get even.
ALISON HAISLIP: Oh, there can?
WIL WHEATON: Sure.
ALISON HAISLIP: Don't hold me back.
OK.
You said there's no threes to define what you
wanted it to be.
JOHN ROGERS: But if you're stuck with a general one, then
you can kind of wing it.
You can pick.
Plus we still have a lot of die floating around.
ALISON HAISLIP: I've never played the game before.
Do what you what you want to do.
BONNIE BURTON: Also, when you are that revenge filled and
want to get even, it doesn't have to be specific.
ALISON HAISLIP: Agreed.
BONNIE BURTON: I can be mad about a
donut that was misplaced.
I mean it doesn't really--
JOHN ROGERS: Your revenge is like you want fame.
You want fame so bad.
BONNIE BURTON: Yes.
WIL WHEATON: You'll show them.
BONNIE BURTON: I'll show them.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, you're 25-year-old me.
BONNIE BURTON: Or 39-year-old me.
WIL WHEATON: That's not necessarily tied to a
relationship.
So just sort of put it in front of you, and we'll figure
out what relationship that goes into.
ALISON HAISLIP: It could be why you guys
have a rivalry though.
WIL WHEATON: So just go ahead and put down to get even.
JOHN ROGERS: We'll pull a five.
WIL WHEATON: We'll pull a five, and it's all you, John.
JOHN ROGERS: Oh.
All right.
Cool.
In that case, I'm going to define either the to get even
or romance for us.
ALISON HAISLIP: OK.
So let's see.
What we have we got left?
A one-night stand that the gonorrhea won't
let you forget about.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
You're welcome.
JOHN ROGERS: Number four, just another Romeo and Juliet.
WIL WHEATON: That was all Will Hindmarch.
JOHN ROGERS: Yeah.
Five is someday soon, maybe tonight.
Nice.
Doesn't really define the relationship, though.
And six is estranged and you both hate it.
Oh.
A divorce, but teamed up to get even.
ALISON HAISLIP: Oh.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
ALISON HAISLIP: I like it.
WIL WHEATON: Take the six.
That's awesome.
ALISON HAISLIP: So then, contending for the same heart,
you could be either trying to get me back or completely
trying to get someone else.
JOHN ROGERS: Well, it's strange that you both hate it.
We could tweak that.
Or neither one knows we want to be back together.
ALISON HAISLIP: Right, right, right.
BONNIE BURTON: Maybe you both don't know at the same time
you want to get back together.
JOHN ROGERS: We think it's just motivated by the get even
and meanwhile, we turn away and do the, ha.
ALISON HAISLIP: If only.
I miss him.
JOHN ROGERS: The audience is like, why?
Just kiss her.
Then it all ends in blood.
BONNIE BURTON: Put down the gun and make out.
ALISON HAISLIP: Obviously.
BONNIE BURTON: Again speed dating.

JOHN ROGERS: You totally said that out loud in the theater.
BONNIE BURTON: I know.
JOHN ROGERS: Put down the gun and make out!
BONNIE BURTON: I'm that person.
Don't go in there.
ALISON HAISLIP: Actually, I'm pretty sure I said that in The
Expendables.
BONNIE BURTON: It really is, yeah.
WIL WHEATON: I said that a lot in Inglourious Basterds.
BONNIE BURTON: Not Deliverance?
WIL WHEATON: No.
Not Deliverance.
No, I was like, please pick up the gun.
Please pick up the gun.
ALISON HAISLIP: Fast and Furious 5, when Vin Diesel is
fighting The Rock and they they're literally like.
I'm like, make out.
Just make out.
It's fine.
It's cool.
No one's watching.
Just make out.
BONNIE BURTON: If you put the right music on--
JOHN ROGERS: We're fighting and kissing and
fighting and kissing.
No, we weren't kissing.
We were fighting.
BONNIE BURTON: You put the right music on, The
Expendables can be rather sexual.
I'm just saying.
WIL WHEATON: That's a horrible thing that I wish
you hadn't told me.
JOHN ROGERS: Haunt my dreams--
BONNIE BURTON: Sexy, sweaty, old man dudes.
JOHN ROGERS: Haislip, Haislip, grab it.
Grab it.
ALISON HAISLIP: Anyway.
Moving on.
We don't have a location.
WIL WHEATON: We don't have any locations.
So if you want to set a location then--
ALISON HAISLIP: Or should we settle drugs?
WIL WHEATON: What I think we ought to do is if you set
location, I'll define drugs.
ALISON HAISLIP: OK.
WIL WHEATON: Or the other way around.
It's also possible that we may not need to nail down drugs.
It's just drugs, then we pick out whatever it is.
JOHN ROGERS: It is '78.
WIL WHEATON: It is 78.
I mean drugs are everywhere.
BONNIE BURTON: The thing with drugs is you pick
out what you want.
ALISON HAISLIP: Let's see.
I think I'm going to do location.
We have clubs, public, and hellholes left.
So maybe it needs to be in a club.
JOHN ROGERS: It's '78.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to go with clubs.
JOHN ROGERS: OK.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yo, in a club, y'all.
WIL WHEATON: I think I'm going to set the club.

This is kind of cool, the last night of
a club called Glamorous.
JOHN ROGERS: There you go.
It's all built around that one last night.
WIL WHEATON: It's all built around that one, yes.
JOHN ROGERS: And by the way, if you're actually writing a
movie, a tight little time frame is your friend, if
you're going to use Fiasco to help build your movie.
So--
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
JOHN ROGERS: That's great.
WIL WHEATON: So let's do that.
So go ahead and write that down, Alison.
ALISON HAISLIP: That's why we're newly
minted gangsters too.
Because we had to put it together last minute.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
I think maybe we're trying to get out the
club with a big score.
JOHN ROGERS: So you can make your movie.
And I can get the girl that you actually, in theory, would
be sleeping with.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah, buddy.
JOHN ROGERS: So '78.
WIL WHEATON: It's all coming together.
And then the Tilt is going to completely fuck us and make
all of our well-laid bad plans go horribly, horribly,
horribly wrong.
JOHN ROGERS: Also, we're not tied to just the
characters or the table.
If we need to bring in an outside character, one of the
other players generally just plays them while the other two
players roll.
BONNIE BURTON: Interesting.
JOHN ROGERS: So if you need to bring in club-owner, gangster,
bartender, whoever fits the setting.
Because when you establish, you're kind of calling what
that scene is gonna be.
BONNIE BURTON: Gotcha.
WIL WHEATON: I nailed down clubs on here for her.
Yeah.
JOHN ROGERS: OK.
Cool
WIL WHEATON: And then I think we're just going to go ahead
and just leave drugs--
JOHN ROGERS: As drugs.
WIL WHEATON: --as drugs.
ALISON HAISLIP: Although I do get one more.
WIL WHEATON: Yep.
That's true and the last die is wild.
So you're going to get the last die.
So you can do--
ALISON HAISLIP: I can do whatever.
WIL WHEATON: Whatever you want.
Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: What's going to make this more
interesting to throw in?
JOHN ROGERS: Another object makes things pretty
interesting.
BONNIE BURTON: Does it?
OK.
JOHN ROGERS: Do we have enough needs on the table?
BONNIE BURTON: That's what I was just thinking.
WIL WHEATON: Let's see.
To get even.
JOHN ROGERS: And we don't really have a need, but come
on, crime and drugs.
ALISON HAISLIP: Let's be honest.
JOHN ROGERS: There's an implied need there.
We're OK for needs.
BONNIE BURTON: If we're OK for needs, I'm going to the object
bill and see what we have left-- a five,
a four, and a two.
So five, four, two.
I like the idea of misplaced, but--
WIL WHEATON: Guys, if it was misplaced keys to the club and
it's the last night of a club called Glamorous, that kind of
plays in together.
Those sort of work together.
OK.
Now, this is really important.
That object is either going to be between our characters or
it will be between your characters.
And where you choose to place that, it's going to be very
important to the relationship.
JOHN ROGERS: So the bag of drugs defines their crime
relationship.
That's the basis of their crime relationship.
WIL WHEATON: So let's see.
You guys are rivals, you are contenders for the same heart.
Your need is to get even.
JOHN ROGERS: No.
Her need is to--
WIL WHEATON: You both have to get even, but for different
reasons, yeah.
So you're a starlet, right?
And you're a starlet who needs to get even.
You guys are contenders for the same heart.
Maybe you are contending because you need to get even.
That's interesting.
So if you're going to do an object with that, choose an
object that is connected to that.
BONNIE BURTON: Gotcha ya.
So I think I've changed my mind.
I think I might be back to the Lincoln.
JOHN ROGERS: Lincoln loaded with missing heroin.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Because I'm just thinking drugs could be the center of
getting even, becoming a star, last night of a club.
ALISON HAISLIP: What if it was keys to the club between the
two of you guys?
What if you guys owned the club together?
Like you're the actual money guy, but you're the celebrity
name to the club.
JOHN ROGERS: Oh, Haislip, no.
WIL WHEATON: Well done.
JOHN ROGERS: There you go.
WIL WHEATON: It all comes together.
And that actually really simplifies what we
have going on here.
BONNIE BURTON: I'm good with that.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
So you're the celebrity owner of the club.
And it's the last night of the club, so the club is clearly
not doing well.
JOHN ROGERS: Exactly.
WIL WHEATON: Right?
And I'm a director.
I don't know what's going to happen with that.
But I'm also a criminal with you.
And I'm basically helping you- romance estranged
but both hate it.
Basically the divorced couple, and I'm helping you because I
basically plan on fucking him once you try to do the job.
That's who I'm trying to get even with is you.
WIL WHEATON: You're trying to get even with me.
Yeah.
JOHN ROGERS: Because you are taking her off to Hollywood
and wrecking my chance to keep the club open.
BONNIE BURTON: Zing.
ALISON HAISLIP: Zing.
JOHN ROGERS: She's actually successful.
We have to think of what actress/model she is for '78.
Like who got sucked up out of the New York
scene and brought to--
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
I don't know.
I was six in '78, so I don't--
JOHN ROGERS: Yeah, don't remind me.
ALISON HAISLIP: I wasn't even born.
WIL WHEATON: God damn it.
BONNIE BURTON: Am I the old--I'm not old.
OK, we're around the same.
JOHN ROGERS: No.
I'm older than you.
Just because I drink so much, I look great.
ALISON HAISLIP: Preservatives.
BONNIE BURTON: It's the glasses.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
So what did you settle on?
ALISON HAISLIP: Was misplaced.
WIL WHEATON: Misplaced.
Keys to the club?
Is that what we--
JOHN ROGERS: And I'll define keys to the club.
WIL WHEATON: So we'll burn a five.
JOHN ROGERS: A five and a four.
WIL WHEATON: And then we'll burn a four for John.
So write down keys to the club there.
And now, Alison, you can do anything you want with that.
ALISON HAISLIP: What!
WIL WHEATON: You can define to get even.
You can define drugs.
ALISON HAISLIP: So I think I have two good options.
We could do, since it's our to get even, we could do by
getting back what was taken.
Cause if now she's leaving, with like the keys to the club
and all that or the misplaced keys to the club, she's
basically taking the club with her.
JOHN ROGERS: To get even is needs, sorry.
OK.
ALISON HAISLIP: Or it could be without
getting taken down yourself.
Are we trying to get even and not get caught, or are we
trying to get even because she is--
JOHN ROGERS: I'm trying to get even and not get caught,
because my dreams are shattered.
Because you were the greeter and then you were the dancer.
And I financed the whole thing, and now you're famous
and you're leaving.
And now it's all going toes up on me.
ALISON HAISLIP: And that also plays into us being criminals
without getting taken out.
Yeah.
JOHN ROGERS: So the whole question is because you need
money to finance your movie and stuff, we'll talk about
how you got the drugs.
WIL WHEATON: That will come out.
That will come out.
ALISON HAISLIP: So we're going to do it with five, without
getting taken down yourself.
JOHN ROGERS: Exactly.
So you're trying to unload the drugs with him.
And I'm trying to screw her without being taken down.
And maybe we wind up together.
Maybe we just wind up bleeding down the same alley.
ALISON HAISLIP: Oh my gosh.
We'll have to play to find out.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
The last thing we have to do--
this is super important--
is name our characters.
So that's actually really, really important.
BONNIE BURTON: Now, I have a dilemma.
So most starlets, that's not their real name.
JOHN ROGERS: Stage name and real name.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, just do them both.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
That's all I'm saying.
JOHN ROGERS: Do you know where I'm going.
I'm going with Eddie O'Malley, because he's
from a westy gang.
He tried to go straight by opening the club, and now this
bitch is ruining it.
And now he's just going to have to
settle things old school.
ALISON HAISLIP: So do I have the same last name as you?
JOHN ROGERS: No.
ALISON HAISLIP: Because we're divorced?
JOHN ROGERS: We're divorced.
Matter of fact, we should be--
ALISON HAISLIP: But back then, did people actually change
their names back or did they just keep their name?
WIL WHEATON: That says
something about your character.
JOHN ROGERS: Also, you don't have to be Irish.
Maybe that's why the marriage broke up
ALISON HAISLIP: Ooh, maybe like I'm Italian.
JOHN ROGERS: Yeah.
Italian New York.
BONNIE BURTON: Italian and Irish mixed
together, are you kidding?
WIL WHEATON: There are a lot of broken
plates in your house.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah.
WIL WHEATON: Eddie O'Malley, yeah.
JOHN ROGERS: Eddie O'Malley.
BONNIE BURTON: I'm trying to think of '70s names where I'm
just thinking.
I'm going through the Welcome Back Kotter cast list as I'm
thinking of good '70s names.
ALISON HAISLIP: I'm now trying to think of a really good
Italian name.
JOHN ROGERS: You know there was a big thing is the
European sort of New Wave and everything of
cinema was so big.
A lot of actresses took those weird, artsy names.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Right.
JOHN ROGERS: You know like a working class first name and
then some sort of bullshit European last name.
BONNIE BURTON: Like a French.
Like a Deneuve.
JOHN ROGERS: Deneuve type of thing.
Like Trish Deneuve.
That's just, you know, bad choices.
BONNIE BURTON: Trish Deneuve.
That's the worst drag queen name ever.
WIL WHEATON: Like look this guy calls
himself a director, right?
But basically, he's never going anywhere with any of
that, right?
So he's sort of like a street thug who acts like a director.
So what if he gives himself a stage
name like Johnny Slaughter.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yes.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow.
JOHN ROGERS: I actually pitch mid-level guy.
WIL WHEATON: Mid-level guy?
JOHN ROGERS: Because if you're a thug, I would know how to
handle you.
If you're a real director who's taking her away, I don't
know how to handle you.
WIL WHEATON: Really good point.
Really good point.
So that totally changes everything.
JOHN ROGERS: You know, this was right when all the Raging
Bulls guys were breaking.
You could be like little indie guy who's just
about to go to Hollywood.
You're taking her with you.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, that's perfect.
That's perfect.
Yes.
So in an homage to Scorsese, my name will be Marty.
BONNIE BURTON: Brilliant.
Nice.
WIL WHEATON: And, let's see.
What will my last name be?
I'm definitely Italian.
So I'm like--
ALISON HAISLIP: Ooh, we're Italian gangsters.
JOHN ROGERS: Cousins, or something like that.
WIL WHEATON: Apologies, Anti-Defamation League.
I don't know.
I'm Marty somebody.
I'll figure it out.
BONNIE BURTON: I'm going to get even.
I'm a star.
JOHN ROGERS: What's your prettiest princess
name in your head?
BONNIE BURTON: I don't do princess names.
ALISON HAISLIP: Leah.
JOHN ROGERS: What's your prettiest--
WIL WHEATON: You know what?
Marty Spano?
JOHN ROGERS: Marty Spano.
ALISON HAISLIP: Marty Spano.
Oh, good old Marty Spano.
JOHN ROGERS: By the way, N-E-A-O. Spano.
He changed the Italian spelling to be French.
WIL WHEATON: N-E-A-U at the end.
BONNIE BURTON: Neuvo, Spaneau, foe.
WIL WHEATON: I'll just write that down here.
S-P-A-N-E-A-U?
JOHN ROGERS: Yeah.
ALISON HAISLIP: Nice.
WIL WHEATON: Dude, that's great.
What a great detail.
Marty Spaneau.
ALISON HAISLIP: I'm definitely going to have the first name
Betty, so we were Betty and Eddie when we were married.
JOHN ROGERS: Oh, nice.
People loved Betty and Eddie.
That's actually who Billy Joel based the song on.
Don't sing it.
We can't pay for it.
But yes.
That's the couple.
ALISON HAISLIP: There you go, Betty and Eddie.
BONNIE BURTON: So I'm trying to think of a glamorous '70s
type starlet names.
JOHN ROGERS: You know, Leah is great because I like the idea.
That was one of the biggest--
Star Wars was what, '77?
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Lily, or--
JOHN ROGERS: Lily's nice.
WIL WHEATON: I like Lily a lot.
You like Lily, go with Lily.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
Lily.
JOHN ROGERS: We're in New York.
We're in 1978.
Russian name.
It's the full mix.
It was the full mix of all the ethnic stew that was in New
York in the '70s.
WIL WHEATON: That's such a good idea.
BONNIE BURTON: And I know a little Russian.
And I don't mean like a short guy that's named Boris.
JOHN ROGERS: Is there some short guy out there right now
watching YouTube right now going, ah.
BONNIE BURTON: She likes a little Russian.
WIL WHEATON: Why don't we steal from my 36 game, and
call her Lilyanna Anastasia, or Lily Anastasia?
BONNIE BURTON: Keep in mind I have to pronounce it often.
JOHN ROGERS: She changed her name to be the Russian
princess who died tragic.
It's plainly not your real name.
It was some unspeakable--
BONNIE BURTON: But that is my starlet name, yeah?
Not my real name, which is going to be horrible.
ALISON HAISLIP: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
ALISON HAISLIP: I think I'm going to be Betty Capozi.
JOHN ROGERS: Betty Capozi, great.
Nice.
WIL WHEATON: That's great.
ALISON HAISLIP: Super Italian.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah Right.
I'm already figuring what I look like
and outfits and stuff.
WIL WHEATON: So that was a fiasco.
What a fiasco.
Fiasco.
Go home.
It's over.