Watsky's Making an Album Episode 3

-You have a record deal.
All you have to do is produce an entire album.
-I don't have any money.
-And you have two months, 60 days.
-They explicitly mentioned that I have to talk to you
about the fact that you're setting up an office here.
-If that's what you want, I'm going to leave.
-He's in there with his laptop.
-I'm coming in.
I'm opening the door now.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Oh my God.
-You, out.
[HIP HOP MUSIC]

-(LAUGHING) Feeny.
-Dude, do you think it's gay that we watch Boy Meets World
together every day?
-If that's gay, then I don't want to be straight.
-I hear that.
Dude, the dreamcatcher's getting pretty big.
-You want to catch big dreams, you need a big dreamcatcher.

-Oh, man.

Dude, you said you were broke.
You're making two grand on your SF State show.
-Yeah, when I get paid in two months.
Do you mind staying out of my personal area?
-This area belongs to tenants.
Are you a tenant?
-Rude.
-Oh, OK.
Dude, all you asked for was two bottles of
water in your rider?
-You think I was being a dick?
I mean, I never use more than one.
-This is your chance to be a dick.
That's the point of a rider.
You get to ask for whatever you want for; green M&Ms,
Magnum condoms, Crystal Pepsi.
-They still make Crystal Pepsi?
-No, that's why you demand it.
Look, as your personal friend and volunteer DJ, I
say you demand it.
And I demand justice.
-I don't care about any of that stuff.
So, if you want to tweak the rider, be my guest.

-[INAUDIBLE].

-All right, guys.
Right this way to the green room.
We could not be more excited to have you here at SF State.
I think this is going to be our best hunger awareness
benefit ever.
KURT (OFFSCREEN): Oh my God.
WATSKY (OFFSCREEN): Oh my God, Kurt, what did you do?
-It's all here.
Originals, puffs, flaming hot puffs, cheddar jalapeno.
-Cheddar jalapeno were a little tough to find.
I had to go to some gas stations in some pretty rough
neighborhoods, so--
-I'm so sorry.
I had nothing to do with this.
-You devil.
-I would never have been the one to do this.
And I feel terrible.
-Flaming hot limon.
-They don't make those outside of Canada.
This is unbelievable.
Yeah, I've got a cousin in Quebec.
So, he FedExed them over.
A little expensive, but, you know, we're happy to do it.
-Can I ask you a personal question?
-Sure.
-Is there a penis on your cheek?
-Yeah, ah--
-You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to.
-No, no, gosh, it's a funny story.
The guys from Sigma house invited me to their rush kind
of as a joke.
And when I passed out, I woke up and now it looks like I'm
blowing a guy.
They're fun.
-Yeah,
-Just fun jokesters.
-Yeah, we've all been there, man.
-Fun guys.
[STOMACH GROWLS]
-Was that--
that's you?
-God, sorry.
I actually couldn't afford dinner tonight.
-They make popcorn.
-It turns out we can't pay for alcohol with club funds.
So, all this had to come out of pocket for me.
But, not a big deal, I can reimburse myself in four to
six weeks.
-This is not cool.
And you're going to have this.
-No.
-You're going to eat it.
-No, no.
-Because I insist.
The Jewish mother in me insists.
You're a twig.
-Mm.
-It's good, right?
-Five minutes, let's go.
-Showtime, guys, so excited.
See you out there.

-You bastard.
-Triple extreme?
-You're the best.
[HIP HOP MUSIC]

-The UN reports that every 2.5 seconds another child dies of
malnutrition.

All right, great.
Thanks everybody for coming out to the Team Human
fundraiser.
We have a very special guest for you.
Watsky is an artist and activist that believes in the
transformative power of music.
All right, so something maybe you guys don't know, we had a
few budgetary issues, some unforeseen expenses, so we
weren't able to make a lot of posters.
Attendance is a little light, but that means that you guys
are going to have to be extra generous.
So, make sure you give, give, give.
And keep giving it up for Watsky.
Hit it!

-This is a song about making bad decisions.
So, cool.
You want me to?
Right, right.

Here we go.
-(POOR SINGING) If I could go back then, if I could go back
then, and step into the past, I'd do it all again.
If I could go back then, if I could go back when, and step
into the past, I'd do it all again.

-Look, we can return everything that we didn't
open.
-We ate everything.
-Everything's going to be fine, man.
-Yeah, I just feel like I've failed you.
I mean, you took time out of your busy
schedule to come here.
And I couldn't deliver.
And I think everybody just went to that stupid Sigma
house animal cruelty fundraiser.
I don't know, I think they had a chocolate fountain or
strippers or something.
I mean, I guess it's just important that they're saving
the planet.
And it's all good.
-No, no, you're not getting it.
That's not what's important at all.
-Dude, those dicks drew a dick on your face.
WATSKY (OFFSCREEN): Exactly.
Look, what is important is that you are a
sweetheart, all right?
I'm not just saying that.
I've known you for 15 minutes, and you're the nicest man that
I've met in the last seven years.
And what's important is that you are playing and hitting
home runs for Team Human.
And from what I can tell, those Sigma guys are freaking
striking out for team other animals, all right?
-Well, what do you suggest we do?
-Direct action.
-I'm not into this phrase, but we're going to hit the reboot
button right now.
-OK.
-Do you know what a nuclear car bomb is?
-No.
-A nuclear car bomb, bro, is when you take
a handful of warheads--
the candy of the apocalypse--
and you dump them into a glass of hypnotic, and you have the
best night of your god damn life.
That's what we're going to do, OK?
-OK.
-Mazel Tov.
[AGGRESSIVE HIP HOP]
-Boom.
-Ooh.
-Wow.
-Cheers.
-Let it sit.
-I feel that in my face dick.
[GRUNTS]
-L'chaim.
-Oh, it's not--
ew.

[BEEPING]
[GROANS]
-Oh, dear.
What did we do?
WATSKY (OFFSCREEN): How did we do that?
-That's one of the bigger dicks I've seen.
WATSKY (OFFSCREEN): It's large.

[BEEPING]
-Hey, here's a fun fact.
The Team Human Paypal account now has over $3,000 in it.
-Whoa.
-I'm guessing that this had something to do with it.
Hey, the Sigma guys are real fun goofs, as I've mentioned.
But I think this is going to make them mad.

Do you want to run away?
-Yeah, yeah, definitely.
[HIP HOP MUSIC]
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Marker.
-Oh.
WATSKY (OFFSCREEN): It burns.
-I can feel that in my face dick.
-Yeah, you can.
-Oh, I can feel that in my face dick.
Oh, I feel like my face dick just went into a butt vagina.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): All right, cut.