The Guild - S6 Episode 2: New Party Members

Uploaded by geekandsundry on Oct 9, 2012


CODEX: Dreams can turn into nightmares so, so quick.
One second, you're flying through the clouds with George
Clooney, the next, you're falling onto spikes with
Angelina Jolie's lips on the tips.
I actually had that dream.
Super scary.
I was never the teacher's pet in school.
I specifically underperformed so I would get no attention
The fact that Floyd has confidence in me
is terrifying enough.
And then within five minutes here, I
alienate 70% of the workforce.
ROY: 100% Hand over my sketch pad.
CODEX: Oh, did you draw this?
ROY: Yeah.
I'm the lead artist of The Game.
CODEX: Oh, my god.
I am such a huge fan.
ROY: Me, too.
Of this cubicle.

TINKERBALLA: Then someone posted on the local Spacebook
page how I use guys.
It became a county-wide pile on.
CLARA: There's, like, 200 comments.
This one guy is never going to give you
another free pedicure.
ZABOO: No one is reliable.
Learn this lesson while you're young, Tink.
TINKERBALLA: Who said I learned anything?
ZABOO: Half our guild is offline now.
New resolution-- find someone who's going to be loyal to me
no matter what.
Dude, I know you were hoping it would be you, but I'm just
not feeling that forever vibe.

VORK: For the purposes of Feng Shui, I had to move your
toddler bed into the alley.
I'll give you a 50 gold discount on rent this week.
ZABOO: Oh, yeah, rub it in more.
If you could stop thinking about Madeline's needs for one
second, we could start raiding.
VORK: Do we have a priest?
I had to kick the last pug I brought in.
Totally wiped the group.
ZABOO: I had to kick out a pug, too.
During the interview, he was all [SNUFFLING NOISES].
Ugh, annoying.
Well, at least we'll have Codex after work.
Once she's used to the fantasy, she's not going to
play with us at all anymore.
CLARA: She's hanging with the A list now.
Her life couldn't get any more awesome.

FEMALE SPEAKER 1: We need to go over the cost
reports from last--
FLOYD: All right, but first let's hear from our newest
inner circle member, Codex.
Speech, speech, speech, speech.
CODEX: Uh, hi, hello.
I am a great aficionado of the game.
I hope to bring a fresh perspective.
I'm here to be helpful.
Just think of me as the Vice President for Community
Creative Consultancy.
FLOYD: Unbelievable.
Unbendmywookie24, I hope you get herpes too.
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: It never ends.
CODEX: Uh, Floyd, I brought a whole portfolio of ideas.
Do you want me to get those out now?

MALE SPEAKER 2: Can we and Cyd talk about the expansion we've
been working on for six months that
should've been out already?
CODEX: Expansion?

Underwater castle.

MALE SPEAKER 3: Meeting is done early, thank God.
What is Bladezz doing here?
BLADEZZ: What's up?
CLARA: Oh, his mom is boning that Axis cop-- you know, the
one that I had that dream about--
and he got kicked out of his hangout.
So I'm letting him hang here for a while.
MALE SPEAKER 3: OK, what dream?
And, uh, shouldn't he be in school?
BLADEZZ: Just sign this as my mom and I'll be sick all week.
Good moms encourage things.
You can make your videos here too.
BLADEZZ: Oh, Tink's right.
No one watches those anymore.
Got to think of some other way to make some mad money.
CLARA: Um, isn't all money mad?
None of those guys on the bills look happy.
BLADEZZ: You are so stupid.
CLARA: No, you are.
BLADEZZ: You are.
CLARA: You are.
CLARA: You are.
CLARA: Oh, my god, this is going to be so much fun.
MALE SPEAKER 3: Clara, I don't think I feel
comfortable with this.
CLARA: Oh, I have maternalality
shooting out of my nips.
There's plenty to go around.
Are you hungry yet?
Gabby roasted you a chicken.
She's such the little chef now.
Right, baby?
MALE SPEAKER 3: Gabby, stop sawing.
Button off.
CLARA: She wanted a pink kitchenette.
I gave her the entire yellow kitchen.
MALE SPEAKER 3: Where's Blake?
CLARA: Um, the back door's closed, so
look below knee level.
BLADEZZ: Do you mind if I film Gabby carving for my channel?
Babies plus danger equals mega view.
Listen, live it up now, because fun leaves your life
when baby comes out of wife--
or your prom date before she's your wife, and
then you get married.
This is how chauvinism got started.

BLADEZZ: Let's see if that drama get some Bladezz views.
ROY: I reconfigured the castle area to be closer to the
beginning spawn points, so that the dungeon entries are
here, and here, and oh, sharky.
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: The community will squee over the
new offline chat feature.
MALE SPEAKER 2: I smoothed out the flow dynamics
for the 50th time.
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: We would love to
submit this to QA, Floyd.
Release date, two weeks?
FLOYD: Yeah, yeah.
uh, uh, yes.
Yes, let's-- no.
Damn it.
Who would have thought-- yeah, let's do it.
No, there's no way.
We can maybe--
I don't know, guys.
ROY: You don't know?
Look, we've pushed back the release four times now.
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: In a poll I conducted last month, an
underwater zone was the number one most requested.
FLOYD: Yeah.
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: With Cloud City and
Space Hell close seconds.
FLOYD: I can't risk it.
The Dragonor expansion got reamed.
Butterball45 said, "screw that noise." That's a quote.
MALE SPEAKER 2: We've done so many revisions.
There's nothing more we can do to the mermaids.
CODEX: Mermaids.
FLOYD: There's been seven patches.
They still look like they got hit with the ugly end of a
fish stick.
Plus, without working plumbing, how
do they do the deed?
I'm going to be on joysticks, on a thread.
They're going to triple ream me.
ROY: Oh, I can put a boop in the graphics.
That's my sound for a fake vagina hole.
Boop, boop, boop, boop.
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Roy, stop.
Floyd, we are begging you.
If we want to stay on track with quarterly goals--
FLOYD: It'll get released when I say it will get released.
I'm the creator.
Right, Codex?
That's right.
I'm your idea daddy.
I'm the idea daddy.

ZABOO: I'm the douchebag?
really You look stupid.
ZABOO: Yeah.
You can go.
God, I will not be calling you.
No chemistry at all.
Maybe I'm more of, like, a shiba inu kind of guy.
VORK: Zaboo, you need to find your human soulmate.
I did.
ZABOO: Yeah, easier said than done, dude.
ZABOO: I mean, how did you know that
Madeline was the one?
VORK: My ideal woman was Charity Maddox from "Time
Rings." And I got--
Charity Maddox from "Time Rings."
So I got to know what I'm looking for so I can know what
I'm looking for.
All right.
VORK: Are these even?
ZABOO: Uh, pretty much.
Madeline does have some amazing qualities.
VORK: You're investigating Madeline?
Digital hands off my woman.
ZABOO: Chillax, Vork.
It's kind of my thing.
Did you know that her favorite flower is the calla lily?
VORK: What a subversive fauna.
I knew everything about Charity Maddox from "Time
Rings." But Madeline, apart from her character, Charity
Maddox from "Time Rings," has been of now interest to me
ZABOO: Oh, you are in for some happy surprises, my friend.
She's super into the protest thing.
Especially when she can get the naked.
VORK: Excuse me?
Holy handbag of denial.
World hunger?
I'm in situ with a rabble-rouser?
ZABOO: Hey, hey-- hey.
VORK: You've ravaged my innocence.
I don't want to see you grinning in my face here until
her visit is over.
ZABOO: What?
Where am I supposed to go?
VORK: Go find your one true love in the gutter.
Out, Spot, out!
ZABOO: OK, god.
VORK: Madeline's great mounds.

FLOYD: Look what you made me do.
ROY : You never let anything from the test server in the
game anymore.
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: A single person on a single blog entry
says something negative about a game feature and you're
running for the sanatorium.
MALE SPEAKER 2: I put my soul into NPC reputation mechanic.
FLOYD: So many words.
So many words.
CODEX: Floyd.
As your grassroots point of view contact, I think this
area looks amazing, especially the mermaid.
FLOYD: How dare you talk of mermaids with that ballistic
whimsy on your face?
No whimsy.
None here.
FLOYD: You were supposed to be my right hand man.
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: I guess we won't be
needing your start paperwork.

Goodness, this is high poundage paper.