Beth of the Week - 4/20/12 (FULL EP)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 20.04.2012

Transcript:

BETH HOYT: You guys, it's 4/20.
You know what that means, don't you?
It's April 20th.
Come on.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Hi, guys.
I'm wearing glasses.
Do you want to know why?
It's because I have two corneal abrasions.
I know I looked stoned.
But I promise you that I'm not.
Even though it is 4/20.
Um, it's just that my eyes have tiny little cuts on them.
It's very serious.
You can send me flowers at the address on our website.
Um, actually it heals itself in 48 hours, but it sounds
serious, though, right?
Yeah.
OK, so despite the fact that someone apparently secretly
rubbed my eyes with sandpaper, this is a really great week at
MyDamnChannel LIVE.
Awesome things happened.
You're probably thinking, I wonder what those awesome best
moments were.
Well, we've got them.
This is "Beth of the Week." Hit it.

I'm going to do a back flip in five, four, three, two, one.
This is cowsy.
Cowsy right there.
And this is a dangerous light box here.
There's a scorpion and a dinosaur.
Let's have a cow in there to make things feel
a little more homey.
I mean, are you guys seeing these pants I'm wearing?
FEMALE SPEAKER: The pants are hot.
BETH HOYT: [INAUDIBLE].
That is me.
I was not a dominatrix.
I wasn't doing--
I wasn't being a dominatrix.
I just was in a really bad play in a theater that sat
about 20 people.
I'm in the--
I'm in the studio.
Oh, you do it-- oh, you do it on your phone.
You do it on your phone.
I enjoy my roster of fresh trash flags--
trash bags.
I like trash bags.
I also like trash blogs.
What would you, um-- what would you name this puppy?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Wrinkles?
Wrinkly face Jones?
BETH HOYT: Also, I want to comment on you--
I want to comment on you, all over your face right now.
I feel like it's snakes up your body.
So it's like, [MUMBLING].

You don't need to sing to be a pop star.
FEMALE SPEAKER: No, not at all.
BETH HOYT: That's what I just learned.

I can't wait till we make that music video.
Once I write the song.
Whatever.
We'll figure it out.
So today I walked under a movie theater marquee and it
read, Titanic in 3D and American Reunion, which is
basically a double feature that I went to in high school.
We've made no progress.
Anyway, it got me thinking about other movies from that
era that I'd like to see in 3D or sequels of.
Do you have ideas too?
Tweet me @thebethhoyt and I want to talk about them later
in the show.
But for starters, I'll start with my list off the top of my
head of three double features I'd like to see.
Jurassic Park in 3D.
Why has that not happened yet?
Billed with a sequel to Cast Away, Tom Hanks could end up
stranded on an island again.
It could be called Cast Away 2--
What are the Chances?
Next, I'd like to see Gladiator in 3D because of all
the muscles.
Just I would like that.
Paired with a girl--
paired with Girl Interrupted 2.
Because that's such a great cast, and I want to see them
all together again.
Except Brittany Murphy could be hologramed in Tupac style.
Please know that my reverence for Clueless exempts that from
being a nasty comment.
OK?
And Face/Off.
Want to see that in 3D.
For real, I love that movie.
Followed by What Women--
What Women Want 2.
You know, where Mel Gibson knows what women are thinking,
but he just streams racial epithets at them.
OK, tweet me your remember when movie ideas.
Next order of business.
I'm still working on my master list of 100,000 of my favorite
YouTube videos.
It changes every day.
I just watched "It's Too Heavy." Have you seen that?
YouTube it.
It's now in position number 46 on my list.
Top 50.
Send me your favorite video with a short intro from you to
live@mydamnchannel.com
Here's one that Liz Day, aka [INAUDIBLE]
sent in.
Let's check it out.
-Hi, Beth.
It's Liz Day and my favorite YouTube video
is trampoline kitty.
It's kind of like The Man Show meets Dora the Explorer.
It's so graceful and elegant.
We should all be as free as a cat on a trampoline.
OK, so me and [INAUDIBLE] are going to go find some
neighborhood trampolines and bounce around until someone
calls the police on us.
Isn't that right?
Yeah.
Buh-bye.

[COUGHING]
-Oh, hello.
Welcome to Hell.
-What?
-Come with me.
-No, no, no.
-Come on.
-There's some mistake or something.
BETH HOYT: That was awesome.
We're going to see that video next Wednesday, that full
Co-op of the Damned next Wednesday.
And look how easy that YouTube video was to do that.
Thank you, Liz.
I could watch that cat all day on that trampoline.
The video was awesome.
It's going to be number 36 on my top 100,000 list.
Just put it right in there.
This next video won't make my list, but it's extremely
important that you guys watch it very carefully.
We'll talk more in a minute.

-My name is Robert [INAUDIBLE].
I'm the legal counsel for Donnie Hoyle.
And if you're watching this video, my attempt at
constructing a crew camera from a fax
machine was a success.
I apologize for any low-video quality.
You must submit this video to MyDamnChannel.
They're legally obligated under the Digital Millennium
Fairness Act to display this.
I have been held against my will in what I believe to be
the basement of some remote toy robot factory.
I--
I was absconded by a wild pack of virulent four-year-old
children who overwhelmed me with their size.
Not their physical size.
Their overwhelming quantity.
I believed they were normally-sized
four-year-old children.
It doesn't matter.
I believe that they are hirelings under the direction
of one Ronnie Cox, the creator of You Rock at Photoshop.
And forget about me, this is a message out to my client,
Donnie Hoyle.
Donnie, I apologize for violating the client-attorney
trust and privilege.
Donnie Hoyle is alive.
Donnie Hoyle is alive.
And Donnie, you need to return and unseat this false
[INAUDIBLE] kingdom.
I need you to--
to make things that are wrong right.
Folks, this is the message that you must send out.
Donnie--
Donnie must be summoned.
Donnie, please.
We need you.
We've never needed you more, Donnie.

BETH HOYT: OK, it's time to come clean.
Mr. Munge is right.
Donnie is alive.
Uh, we hear at MyDamnChannel have known this for some time.
But Donnie begged us for his own
protection to keep his secret.
Now, Donnie, we did the best we could for
as long as we could.
But the increasingly erratic and violent behavior of little
four-year-old Ronny Cox, it's left us with no choice.
Ronnie, you're done at MyDamnChannel.
You are out of the You Rock at Photoshop business.
And are we are openly joining the Donnie 2012 movement.
Donnie, please.
Come out of hiding.
Return to your Photoshop work.
We can protect you.
We can protect you.
And the world needs you.
Now is the time.

Shake that off.
OK.
Thanks to those of you that watched the show live.
I appreciate that.
And here are some of the tweets that you sent in with
your double feature ideas for movies.
So let's see.
This is from golfgrasshopper.
He suggests "Barbarella, when Fonda looked good.
Certain points would leap out of you in a good way."
I think we might be thinking of different points that would
leap out at us, but I agree that that would be a great
movie to see again in the theater.
What's another suggestion?
From--
I don't know how you say your name.
But Euan Graham.
"A 3D Iron Giant would melt my heart with joy.
Or a sequel to Chaplin's The Great Dictator somehow."
Yeah, the dot, dot, dot, somehow.
It is--
it's either-- it's tough to remake a thing like that.
I'd like to see it though.
If done the right way.
How can you trust them to do right by that, though?
Good suggestions, though.
Another one.
Give me more.
MFrans says, The Next Best Little Whorehouse in Texas in
3D IMAX."
Yes, that's a great suggestion.
And also they're redoing so many musicals right now that
that stands a chance to be remade.
Um, thanks for your-- thanks for sending all those tweets.
That was fun today.
And I want to know, who missed Wednesday's show?
Hm.
Stick out your hand.
Just stick it out if you missed it.
Well, here was one of our favorite moments with our
special guest from Wednesday, Michael Showalter.
Please, welcome Michael Showalter.
See?
Oh, god, you can just see it.
Oh, OK.
If you didn't see Wednesday's show, that's your homework for
the weekend.
What great homework to have.
Wow.
OK, thank God it's Friday.
And also, since it's Friday, it's time for "Lesson Learned
with Beth
Hoyt." Lesson 1.
Don't start Friday Night Lights if you aren't ready to
admit you'd be into younger men, and that you're OK with
crying at things you didn't even care
about in high school.

Lesson 2.
Your earphones were not plugged into your phone when
you were listening to your recording of your monologue on
the subway on the way to your audition.
Lesson 3.
Blow-up women's dolls at Ricky's are $35.
But the men's blow-up dolls are only $17.
Lesson 4.
Take care of your eyes.
And if you cry in the eye doctor's office because you
worry you're going blind, she can't help treat your symptoms
of dry eye.
And lesson 5.
I quickly stop caring about the dangers of global warming
when I get to hit up rooftop bars in April already.
That's it for today's show.
Next week is going to be huge.
We have special guests almost every day.
And the Gregory Brothers will be in
here with me on Wednesday.
Holy crap.
Be good this weekend.
And pick up a new instrument or a spare language if you
have a sec.
[MUSIC PLAYING]