Beth of the Week - 9/21/12 (Full Ep)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 21.09.2012

Transcript:
[POP MUSIC]
[POP MUSIC]

[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Hi, guys.
OK, today is World Gratitude Day.
And I'm not sure if you knew that, because I found that on
this obscure website that lists weird holidays.
It's called holidayinsights.com.
I'm not sure how legit it is.
Check it out.
Let me know what you think.
Because apparently today is also International Peace Day.
But yesterday was National Punch Day.
So I'm assuming the people in the nation who just celebrated
punching are probably really grateful that its
International Peace Day.
Which I guess makes sense in that it's World Gratitude Day.
OK maybe the website is legit.
That makes sense.
All right.
Well, since the world is celebrating World Gratitude
Day, I figured I'd do a list of the things I'm most
grateful for.
One, my mom.
My mom is the greatest.
And also, everyone always includes their
moms in these lists.
Unless your mom is, like, Monique in Precious.
If she was my mom, she would not be in this list.
Two, breakfast.
It's my favorite meal.
People who say--
people who are like, I forgot to eat breakfast this morning.
I don't--
I don't understand these people.
Three, Friday Night Lights on Netflix.
It's always there for me when I get home super tired or
super drunk.
And it never ends.
I'm never, ever gonna run out of epip--
I'm never going to run out of episodes of
that show, you guys.
Um, four, that I have 10 fingers.
There are-- there are other things that the Honey Boo Boo
Show make me grateful for, but this is one of them.
And lastly, you guys, for watching and for commenting.
You make this really fun for me.
And just in case some of you weren't here every day, here
she is, the Beth of the week.

BETH HOYT: Disney's the Magic Kingdom is no longer dry.
You can buy beer and wine inside the park now.
How were adults convinced to go before?
Out of, like, love for their children?
BETH HOYT: Favorite cartoon, anime movies?
MALE SPEAKER: Why?
BETH HOYT: Yes.
MALE SPEAKER: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: For some--
For some reason--
MALE SPEAKER: And Wall-E.
BETH HOYT: I'm figuring out emoticon faces.
I think that one is--
yeah.
RETTA: The one I don't get is the one where they do the--
just the X with the D. And I'm like, is that--
BETH HOYT: Oh, I know.
RETTA: What is that?
Is that--
BETH HOYT: This is from Mackenzie Boughner.
Is that really the last name?
If it's not, that's how I'm going to pronounce it.
Great.
So who are some of your favorite YouTubers?
Ooh, that's a great question, Boughner.
Thank you.
BETH HOYT: I think I'd like to be an octopus because they're
really smart.
MALE SPEAKER: Mm hm.
BETH HOYT: And I'm really afraid of them.
MALE SPEAKER: And they're chewy.
BETH HOYT: Oh, God.
I hate them so much.
They're so scary.
MALE SPEAKER: Are they delicious?
Do you think they're delicious?
BETH HOYT: If other people put them in their mouths.
FEMALE SPEAKER: That2ndGirLily.
If you could have one superpower, what
would it be and why?
I've answered this question before.
And I stick by my answer.
I'd want to have the superpower to never have to
shit in public in a situation where there are no toilets
readily available.
BETH HOYT: Hey, Beth and Retta.
Are you guys going to get drunk?
RETTA: Looks like it.
BETH HOYT: That's the plan.
RETTA: I'm already sweating, so I'm on my way.
SIR TERRY JOE: What I have here today is the brand new
iPatch from Apple.
Let's take a look.
BETH HOYT: It's really small.
SIR TERRY JOE: It's the smallest and
thinnest iPatch yet.
BETH HOYT: On the eye.
SIR TERRY JOE: It's the smallest
iPatch we've ever made.
It's incredibly small.
BETH HOYT: It sure is.
Thank you, um, Sir Terry Joe.
SIR TERRY JOE: Welcome to the world of Apple.

BETH HOYT: Wait, what?
NATE: I--
I yield.
BETH HOYT: Why are-- you're going to just yield?
Nate, that's such a wimpy-- you can't just-- you can't
just surrender.
You have to walk-- you have to walk the plank now.
That was lame.
NATE: We have a plank?
BETH HOYT: I'm taking this very seriously.
I told you.
I have a plank.
All right, when we return, Nate will
be walking the plank.
Don't get sad.
I'm not.
Nate, like, call your mom and say goodbye or something.
BETH HOYT: Chett Pease.
I've got to give a speech in my class.
Do you think I can get away with doing it in pirate?
MALE SPEAKER: I'm gonna stick with don't do it.
Uh, because that-- that's just my opinion.
BETH HOYT: I'm--
I'm in this costume and I've got a skull on my belly.
So I'm gonna say, go for it.
MALE SPEAKER: Wow, so now you have to choose between us.
And, uh, remember, if you don't follow my instructions,
you're racist, Chett.

BETH HOYT: We have so much fun here.
OK.
Um, it's still back-to-school season.
And I know most people are using pens
or mechanical pencils.
But there's a whole world out there of lead-- excuse me--
graphite pencils that we don't know much about.
Luckily, we know David Rees, artisinal pencil sharpener.

BETH HOYT: Hello, you guys.
I'm here with David Rees, pencil expert, author of How
to Sharpen Pencils, here to give us a demonstration.
So we're going to do that.
Also answer some questions that you
guys had from YouTube.
So, um, what are these?
DAVID REES: Uh, well, these are pencils.
You can hold it if you want.
Does that feel familiar to you?
BETH HOYT: Um, yeah.
Yeah.
I remember this.
I remember this.
DAVID REES: You got it.
But before you use it, we should maximize its utility
and its aesthetics by sharpening it.
BETH HOYT: I agree.
I mean, other--
otherwise, it's just an eraser really.
DAVID REES: Well, it's a bit more than just an eraser.
BETH HOYT: Not if you don't sharpen it.
DAVID REES: It's also a cedar shaft.
BETH HOYT: This is true.
DAVID REES: And a ferrule.
The metal part that connects the shaft of the pencil to the
eraser is called the ferrule.
BETH HOYT: But as far as practical uses, it--
DAVID REES: Enough foreplay.
Sharpen the pencil.
BETH HOYT: OK.
I'm gonna do it?
DAVID REES: Yeah.
I want you to do it.
BETH HOYT: Oh, it's a test.
DAVID REES: Can you figure out how to operate this device?
BETH HOYT: OK.
So this thing moves.
DAVID REES: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: Ooh, I see.
And there's a blade-- there's a razor blade right here.
DAVID REES: Mm hm.
BETH HOYT: So I'm gonna--
this seems small.
That obviously-- this doesn't fit into there.
DAVID REES: Right.
It doesn't fit into there yet.
BETH HOYT: Yet.
I assume that will be where we make it really fancy.
DAVID REES: Mm hm, exactly.
BETH HOYT: Um, so I assume that it sits here.
And then am I just going to shave it like this?
DAVID REES: I would secure the pencil shaft.
Hold it in place.
BETH HOYT: OK.
Secure the shaft.
DAVID REES: And then, um, simply start slicing away at
the pencil.
BETH HOYT: Should I use this or this?
This is just the screw.
DAVID REES: No.
Yeah.
You really need to stop fixating on the screw.
BETH HOYT: I'm sorry.
It's just so shiny.
DAVID REES: OK?
That really is not--
I agree.
It is shiny.
But shiny things are often the most dangerous things and the
least useful to our-- to our self improvement.
BETH HOYT: Like this is just hardly useful.
DAVID REES: So focus on this handle here.
BETH HOYT: Got it.
DAVID REES: And simply begin cutting away the wood at the
end of the pencil.
BETH HOYT: That feels really good.
DAVID REES: Right?
BETH HOYT: That was really good.
DAVID REES: Our goal here is to expose the graphite core in
the pencil.
BETH HOYT: Yup.
DAVID REES: And shape the point so that
we can use the pencil.
BETH HOYT: We have the same goal.
DAVID REES: We share that goal.
BETH HOYT: And now do I rotate this puppy?
Or--
DAVID REES: I'm glad you asked that.
And the answer is yes.
You need to continually rotate the shaft of the pencil, of
course, so that the point is even.
BETH HOYT: I'm rotating the crap out of this thing.
DAVID REES: OK.
BETH HOYT: I'm really just--
Oh, that one felt not as good.
DAVID REES: Isn't it so interesting how quickly the--
you recognize a satisfying stroke.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVID REES: Right?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVID REES: Versus an unsatisfying or a truncated--
BETH HOYT: Yeah, that felt--
DAVID REES: --or a maladaptive stroke.
And see how it's starting to look--
BETH HOYT: It's starting to look like a sharpened pencil.
DAVID REES: --like a--
a--
a pencil.
We are seeing the iconic--
BETH HOYT: I'm doing it, you guys.
DAVID REES: We are doing the--
we're seeing the iconic scalloped edges
BETH HOYT: And then it's going to start to fit--
DAVID REES: --of the bottom of the pencil point, what I call
the collar bottom, where the straight sides of the
hexagonal shaft are giving way to the conical surface of
exposed cedar point.
Now, we don't need to go--
BETH HOYT: Sorry.
DAVID REES: --you know, crazy.
BETH HOYT: I just want it to be done.
DAVID REES: You--
BETH HOYT: I just want-- not that I want
to hurry the process.
I just can't wait to see the tip.
DAVID REES: You--
you--
I understand.
But you really should take your time.
BETH HOYT: OK.
DAVID REES: Linger on these delights.
BETH HOYT: OK.
DAVID REES: Don't push yourself.
BETH HOYT: That's a really good life lesson.
Other than--
I mean, I can see how this
translates to, just, a lifestyle.
DAVID REES: The pencil is an extremely potent
metaphorical object.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVID REES: And sharpening the pencil affords us
opportunities for reflection and renewal.
BETH HOYT: When you see a mechanical pencil,
do you, like, gag?
Or what happens?
DAVID REES: You know, I have a whole chapter in my book on
mechanical pencils.
Uh, Chapter 11, a few words about mechanical pencils.
Uh, you can read it to your viewers.
BETH HOYT: Sure.
I'll read the whole chapter.
Mechanical pencils are bullshit.
That's the-- that's the end of the chapter.
DAVID REES: That's it.
But enough about mechanical pencils.
BETH HOYT: That answers that.
DAVID REES: Let's get back to our real pencil here.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
DAVID REES: This is looking great.
BETH HOYT: I'm doing pretty well.
Let's talk again about how--
let's bring this up.
It's pretty good.
DAVID REES: It's not bad.
BETH HOYT: I really want to write with it.
Really bad.
DAVID REES: It's a shame there's no paper in the
borough of Manhattan.
We'll never know if it works.
BETH HOYT: I wanna write with this pencil so bad.
DAVID REES: It looks good.
You did a good job.
Can I see it for a moment?
BETH HOYT: It's a little bit not clean and
smooth on that side.
DAVID REES: That's all right.
We could--
if we had some fine sandpaper, like something over 300 grit,
we could, uh, clean that right up.
But I think you did a good job.
I mean, this is what the tip-- point of a pencil would have
looked like, you know, 100 or so years ago.
BETH HOYT: If we didn't have the grinding.
DAVID REES: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Did you use the grinding when you were in
grade school?
Or did you always-- did you bring this to school when you
were a wee boy?
DAVID REES: No.
I--
I grew up sharpening on single-blade wall-mounted
[INAUDIBLE] sharpeners.
BETH HOYT: Oh, sorry that you had to do that.
DAVID REES: I love it, There's a whole chapter
in my book on it.
BETH HOYT: Oh, good.
DAVID REES: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: We have a comment from YouTube.
Petersoncinema.
What kind of entry level pencil would you recommend to
an amateur pencil enthusiast?
DAVID REES: Amateur pencil enthusiast.
I would say you need to invest in some well made pencils.
You need to experience what it's like to have pencils
where the graphite is centered within the wooded shaft or
barrel of the pencil.
BETH HOYT: It's not usually?
Are they--
DAVID REES: I'll show you an example.
Look.
Look at the unsharpened end of this piece of shit pencil.
BETH HOYT: Oh, my God.
DAVID REES: Right?
Can you get this?
How are you supposed to produce an even point when
you're starting out with such
compromised graphite placement?
BETH HOYT: I bet you could.
DAVID REES: I could not, but I thank you for that.
But I could not.
BETH HOYT: Next comment is from AlmondBaller.
As a lefty, I hate pencils because of the smearing.
DAVID REES: Well, uh, AlmondBaller and I have so
much in common.
BETH HOYT: Are you a lefty?
DAVID REES: No, I'm an almond baller.
No.
I am left handed.
And so actually, in my own life, I don't use pencils.
Because you do get the graphite smudge.
BETH HOYT: Wait, wait, wait.
DAVID REES: The way I describe it is, it looks like you've
been karate chopping chimney sweeps.
It's a mess.
And so I--
BETH HOYT: But concerning your profession, you'd think that
that's like--
DAVID REES: If I said I was a brain surgeon--
BETH HOYT: It's like a skinny chef.
You know?
DAVID REES: If I said I was a brain surgeon, would you be
like, oh, you operate on your brain?
No.
BETH HOYT: I would never say that.
DAVID REES: Yeah, you would.
Next question.
BETH HOYT: djmistiquo.
If you could make a pencil a flavor-- the pencil flavor--
so when you chew on the end of it, it was OK, what would you
want it to taste like?
DAVID REES: Well, there's an appendix in my book--
because I do love flavors, and I do love pencils--
there's an appendix in my book of wines
that taste like pencils.
So I gave my friend who runs a wine store--
I gave him a Tupperware bin filled with pencil shavings.
And he opened all these bottles of wine in his cellar.
And we tasted wines that taste like pencils.
If you find yourself overwhelmed with desire for
pencils such that you want to swallow pencils, you want to
consume them, I don't recommend doing that.
But I do recommend drinking a lot of wine
that tastes like pencils.
So there is a list here.
I don't know if that user is old enough to purchase and
drink alcohol legally.
But when he or she is of age, they should--
BETH HOYT: Vet it?
Because I have had wine that tasted like pencils.
Did you test them too?
DAVID REES: Yeah, you could say that.
BETH HOYT: But I mean, do you have palate for that?
Are you like, ah.
Were you just like, this one.
Pencils.
This one.
I imagine you just--
DAVID REES: I was a little more articulate than that.
But-- but yeah.
BETH HOYT: I imagine you just, like, being overwhelmed with
desire and love for the wine that tastes like pencils.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
DAVID REES: It was a nice evening.
I will say that.
It was a nice, nice evening.
It was fun.
BETH HOYT: Do you think you can find love after
experiencing that?
I don't know.
It just felt--
I just feel like that would be really--
DAVID REES: I'm not sure where we are right now.
BETH HOYT: I just feel like that would be a-- like nothing
could compare.
DAVID REES: Oh, no.
Other things are fun too.
I have a broad pallet of desires.
BETH HOYT: OK.
Next comment from YouTube is from FusionNauts.
Why do you like pencils?
DAVID REES: Uh, no one's ever asked me that before.
Um, this is what happened.
I got a job working for the United States Census Bureau
knocking on doors and recording people's
information with a--
BETH HOYT: Pencil.
DAVID REES: Right.
On a Scantron sheet.
And on the first day of staff training, they had us all
stand around and sharpen pencils with little tiny
pencil sharpeners.
And I had-- it had been so long since
I'd sharpened a pencil.
I was like, this is fun.
I wonder if I could get paid just to do this, just to
sharpen pencils.
So that's when I started my website.
I have sharpened almost 800 pencils for paying customers
since I launched my business.
BETH HOYT: Was there an extraordinary pencil that you
came across?
DAVID REES: Well, usually I supply the pencils.
But I do like it when somebody sends me
some old, ratty pencil.
And they're like I've had this pencil since I
was in third grade.
And then I sharpen the shit out of those.
Fucking amazing.
BETH HOYT: Gosh.
Do that, guys.
All right.
Thank you, David Rees.
DAVID REES: Thanks.

BETH HOYT: That's our show.
Subscribe.
Have a great weekend.
I'll miss you because you're my favorite.