My Damn Channel LIVE - Thanksgiving Feasting w/ Fodder LIVE - 11/14/12


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 14.11.2012

Transcript:
[MUSIC PLAYING]

BETH HOYT: Is it time for turkeys yet?

It's time here!
Hey, guys.
It's me, Beth Hoyt.
It's Wednesday on "My Damn Channel LIVE," and it's time
for our Thanksgiving spectacular.
Turkey day is right around the corner, and so who better to
invite over but our friends from the Cooking Channel, the
cast of "Fodder."
Their amazing second season debuts today.
These funny guys are here for a full hour to
show off their videos.
Plus we've got Thanksgiving games, crafts, cooking, and
pumpkin guts.
What?
We'll get to that.
Now, the "Fodder" team, they got here a few hours ago.
And already they feel like family on Thanksgiving.
Like, everyone's just happy to be together,
spending quality time.
I kinda, like-- let's just--
I miss them already.
Let's take a walk and say hi and see what everyone's up to.
Does that sound fun?
Because we're just going with the flow
because it's a holiday.
So I thought I'd show you--
this is our studio.
Everyone stop doing--
[APPLAUSE]
BETH HOYT: Ooh, no applause for me.
No applause for me.
Hey, guys.
GEOFF LERER: Hey.
JOHN MURRAY: Hey.
BETH HOYT: Oh, look.
It's Geoff and John, who are going to be on the show, and
these guys.
JOHN MURRAY: Hey, Beth.
How are you?
BETH HOYT: I'm great.
I'm really excited that you're here.
JOHN MURRAY: Yeah.
Yeah.
We're pumped to be here.
BETH HOYT: Oh.
Oh, you're watching the game.
JOHN MURRAY: Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, good play.
Right?
Or something.
Go team.
GEOFF LERER: A little to the left, Beth.
BETH HOYT: Oh, sorry.
So what are you going to make on the show today?
What are you going to contribute to the feast?
GEOFF LERER: No!
JOHN MURRAY: No!
[SCREAMING]
BETH HOYT: I'm sorry.
I thought you were going to--
you agreed to--
JOHN MURRAY: No.
No, not you.
No, no.
The--
BETH HOYT: Oh, the play.
Good.
Yeah, go team.
OK, so--
I'll get you in the studio.
I'll get your--
GEOFF LERER: You sure are, Beth.
BETH HOYT: OK, great.
Football's very essential for Thanksgiving day.
So it's OK.
They're into the game.
That's how it goes.
Hey, Morgan.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, hi.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, hi.
BETH HOYT: You really just brought the
whole bar out here.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, well, hi.
Oops.
BETH HOYT: Football was kind of driving you crazy too, huh?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, yeah.
Oh, there's football on?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
So what's--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I'm just--
BETH HOYT: You're just going for--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Just measuring some vodka.
I just want to make sure I have my measurements right.
BETH HOYT: Sure.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: --for--
BETH HOYT: And how does this--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: --measuring.
BETH HOYT: How does this--
I mean, there's no marks on this.
How does that measure?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah, well, I put it in my mouth and
I drink it, and then I measure it as it's going down.
So--
BETH HOYT: Got it.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That's what I do.
BETH HOYT: That's a good holiday tip for you guys.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: OK, great.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Take it.
You can have it.
Use it.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
It's an hour long show, so just--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Sure.
Great.
BETH HOYT: Take it easy.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Thanks, Beth.
BETH HOYT: Save some.
OK, that's great.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
BETH HOYT: Morgan, you guys.
She'll be in the studio later.
A lot of drinking going on so far, but it's Thanksgiving.
And that's kind of how we do.
It's just weird that I haven't started yet.
So I'm going to--
I'm going to do my job.
I'm going to get back in the studio.
Hey, guys.
NATE: Hey, Beth.
SHANNON COFFEY: Hi!
BETH HOYT: Nate, this is our table for our feast.
What are you--
NATE: They challenged me.
BETH HOYT: And you love a challenge.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: They're kicking your butt right now, though.
LAURA WILLCOX: You lose.
BETH HOYT: I am thankful for Nate.
I am thankful for Nate.
I am thankful for Nate.
OK, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to pass the time
until the feast is ready.
We know how that goes, right?
We will end this show with a feast, BTW.
We'll be making it before your eyes.
But before we dine, we've planned a really great show
with some crazy games and lots of chat time with you.
So mute your football game, get your first drink, put your
feet up, and get some questions and
comments in the chat.
We'll be using those.
We'll be right back.
And when we do, you guys, we're bowling with turkeys.
It's the first annual "My Damn Channel LIVE" Turkey Bowl.
But first, here's a brand new video from this "Fodder" team.
It's Gwyneth Paltrow doing a bodega hall.
For those of who don't know, a bodega is a corner store or a
market in New York City.
And for those of you who don't know, Gwyneth Paltrow is an
alien human.
I want to play.

GWYNETH PALTROW: Hello.
I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.
And I am so excited to share with you a very vibrant,
cultural haul.
I grew up in New York City, and Brooklyn is
just a bridge away.
I went into, for the first time, an authentic, very
vibrant bodega.
The root of the word bodega, it means corner store.
The corner store of my apartment in New York is a
Mark Jacobs.
I've been in there.
I got Combos.
So let's check out what these "combos" are all about.

You know what?
I didn't know, but I guess Combos are dog food.
Yeah.
Just-- thank you.
Yech.
So these just popped right out at me.
I've heard of these authentic Jarritos.
My son will love this.
This is Mandarin.
He speaks fluent Mandarin.
I just thought this would be really fun to look at--
not to drink.
Never to drink.
They say 100% natural sugar.
I say 100% decoration.
There was also a kitty cat in the bodega.
And I have called PETA.
So they're on their way.
And that's all good.
I picked up some apples.
You guys, we're going for it.
So everyone knows my daughter's name is Apple.
And we've just never had her eat an apple because it
promotes narcissism.
And I am against that.
This is the first time she's going to be seeing an apple.
It's going to be very exciting.
I found this there--
Chef Boyardee.
So we'll see what an authentic South America bodega has as
far as Italian food.
Now, I know where I usually go for Italian food is--
I just call up Mario Batali, and I say, come on over.
I'm starving.
I don't remember buying these.
But sure enough, a little souvenir--
it says, "Thank you for shopping with us." De nada.
So the next time you're in a bodega, make sure to look for
really unique experiences with anyone else in the store.
Just catch someone's eye, and make sure that you make an
experience out of it.
I hope you enjoyed this haul as much as I did from an
authentic bodega in Brooklyn.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Do one thing a day that scares
you." So check.

TOMMY WISEAU: Hi, this is Tommy Wiseau, and you're
watching "My Damn Channel LIVE." Have a groovy time.

BETH HOYT: Welcome back.
It's time for Turkey Bowl.

OK.
[CHEERING]
BETH HOYT: We're very excited.
The game is pretty simple.
We bowl a frozen turkey.
You guys have done this before.
Now, in our version of turkey bowling, you
only get one chance.
You have to be on your knees, and you
push it with two hands.
It's not easy.
I'm going to go first to show you how it's done.
OK.
So first of all, just because I'm going to be-- not have
salmonella.
I'm going to just put those gloves on.
Get on your knees, and two hands-- ooh, it's so chilly--
on the turkey.
And we grease up this runway here.
You really got to use your core.
I'm just going to nail this right now.
[CHEERING]
BETH HOYT: That felt really great.
That was really satisfying.
All right, Shannon you're up first.
SHANNON COFFEY: This is so juicy.
BETH HOYT: Wow, it really smells like--
SHANNON COFFEY: Get on my knees.
Get on my knees.
LAURA WILLCOX: Look at all that turkey juice.
SHANNON COFFEY: Oh, yeah.
BETH HOYT: Oh, love that.
SHANNON COFFEY: This turkey just took a big old piss.
BETH HOYT: So you take that and put that on top of the
turkey to give it a little more, like, seasoning.
SHANNON COFFEY: All right.
Yeah.
And a back massage.
BETH HOYT: Save that turkey juice.
SHANNON COFFEY: [GRUNTING]
[CHEERING]
BETH HOYT: Wow.
SHANNON COFFEY: Oh, yeah.
Let's do this.
BETH HOYT: Go, Laura.
All right, so it's looking like it's
pretty difficult, Laura.
How do you feel like your chances are right now?
This is looking tough.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh, boy.
I'm completely unathletic.
So--
thank you.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, you really got to use your
core in this one.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh, no.
I don't have one of those.
SHANNON COFFEY: You have a nice body, Laura.
LAURA WILLCOX: Thanks, Shannon.
BETH HOYT: That's good, Shannon.
You're a good side coach.
LAURA WILLCOX: I believe I can fly!
BETH HOYT: Yes.
[GROANING]
JOHN MURRAY: Gutter.
Gutter.
BETH HOYT: You still--
look, Nate didn't even get it all the way back to you guys.
LAURA WILLCOX: Nate.
SHANNON COFFEY: Your body still looks good.
JOHN MURRAY: Grease up the lane.
BETH HOYT: All right, Morgan.
LAURA WILLCOX: Wait, I will--
yeah.
NATE: I can reset the lane.
JOHN MURRAY: Grease up the lane, man.
BETH HOYT: Oh, she's blaming the lack of grease.
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Ooh, nice.
BETH HOYT: Look at Nate.
Nate is--
LAURA WILLCOX: Now I'm ready.
BETH HOYT: Good job.
Good job, Nate.
SHANNON COFFEY: Laura!
Laura!
Laura!

[GROANING]
GEOFF LERER: Split!
It's a split!
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh, no!
It's the 7-10 split.
You can't do that, right?
It's impossible.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
But from now on, you only get one-- sorry that you only get
one turn Oh my god.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
BETH HOYT: I'm risking my life to get the turkey back.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: This is scary.
I'm afraid I'm going to mess up really bad.
BETH HOYT: You're not.
Well, I don't know how much you drank up back there, but--
LAURA WILLCOX: How are you going to mess up?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I don't know.
LAURA WILLCOX: By, like, I don't know, not getting the
turkey all the way there?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I don't know.
BETH HOYT: You look like you're in good form.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK, is everybody ready?
SHANNON COFFEY: Hey, you're cheating.
You have to be on your knees.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I don't know.
Wait, am I not?
BETH HOYT: No, that's not--
oh, you're right.
JOHN MURRAY: Come on.
Hurry up.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: All right.
You kids ready?
Watch Mom do it, OK?
Ah!
SHANNON COFFEY: Yeah, Mom!
[CHEERING]
BETH HOYT: The domino effect.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh god.
That was great.
Mom's cool, too, right?
JOHN MURRAY: Way to go, Mom.
Way to go.
All right.
Thank you.
I'd just like to point to her that this is a young turkey,
which makes this even sadder that we're doing this.
BETH HOYT: You know what?
This--
LAURA WILLCOX: Thanks for giving us your love.
JOHN MURRAY: Hey, guys, this was a living thing that we're
bowling with.
BETH HOYT: Well, let's bowl it.
Hey.
[CHEERING]
BETH HOYT: But if feels so good to get a strike.
Yes.
By the way, this is the one I'm going to cook up for
Thanksgiving.
Who's coming over?
I'll be like, remember this turkey?
We bowled with it.
LAURA WILLCOX: That would be divine.
SHANNON COFFEY: Tenderizing it.
JOHN MURRAY: I think I'll just eat all the vegetables.
I'll avoid eating the turkey.
BETH HOYT: OK.
SHANNON COFFEY: Don't mess this up.
BETH HOYT: Geoff, how do you feel?
You're closing this out.
GEOFF LERER: I don't feel good, but I feel--
all right.
BETH HOYT: Are you going one-handed?
[GROANING]
BETH HOYT: He took--
GEOFF LERER: The point--
BETH HOYT: He took a risk and he did not--
GEOFF LERER: One more.
One more.
NATE: All right.
Pick up the spare, man.
Pick up the spare.

JOHN MURRAY: Pick up the spare.
BETH HOYT: Put that back.
All right.
Let's just--
let's give him a chance.
He took a chance that didn't pay off.
JOHN MURRAY: Here we go.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
Holy crap.
LAURA WILLCOX: That was aggressive.
BETH HOYT: That was so much intensity.
JOHN MURRAY: You covered the cameraman in
Pam and turkey juice.
BETH HOYT: OK.
You guys, that was a lot of physical activity for a
Thanksgiving party.
I think we should get back to just hanging
out and eating, OK?
JOHN MURRAY: Sounds good.
BETH HOYT: All right.
When we get back, Miss Shannon Coffey and Morgan Grace Jarett
are going to be in the truth booth taking all of your
questions from the chat.
I don't know why I'm still on my knees but
get them in the chat.
See you in a minute.

-Can I say something about your snack?
-What?
-OK, this is why my snack is better than your snack.
And I don't mean this as, like, anything personal.
Like, I'm not saying I'm better than you.
But so many animals had to die--
-Oh, boy.
--to make that stick of death that you're putting in your
mouth like it's no big deal.
Yeah, I can, like, hear the animals crying as you bite
down.
-OK.
-But this was always just a vegetable.
Like, no animals had to die.
It just grew in the sunshine.
And I picked it up out of a field.
And I just don't have that, like,
weighing on me, you know?
I don't have to, like, have death be a part of my life.
-That must be nice.
-No!
[SCREAMING]
-Please, don't eat me.
GABE: Hi, I'm Gabe.
MAX: And I'm Max.
GABE: And you're watching "My Damn--
MAX: Silvestri.
Max Silvestri.
GABE: --"My Damn Channel LIVE" with Max Silvestri.
MAX: And Gabe.
GABE: Yeah.
MAX: Delahaye?
GABE: Mm-hmm.
MAX: Gabe Delahaye.
Nailed it.

BETH HOYT: Hey, what's up, guys?
I'm here with Fodder cast members Morgan Grace Jarett
and Shannon Coffey of Coffey Chat.
You know what's going on.
So let's take your questions from the chat.
Here's a comment.
From KingPurcival.
"I should be working but instead I'm watching Shannon
Coffey bowl turkeys."
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That's what we're all doing.
SHANNON COFFEY: Thank you.
BETH HOYT: It's not very often you get
to write that sentence.
So you better take a break from work.
SHANNON COFFEY: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: Are you happy about that, Shannon.
SHANNON COFFEY: I am.
Because there's nothing better to do at work than watch me
just bowl some turkeys.
I mean, you weren't doing anything
productive anyway, right?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah.
When I used to have a job, I never actually worked.
In fact, my blog suffers now because I don't work anymore.
SHANNON COFFEY: Lazy.
BETH HOYT: See?
Yeah.
That's good that you're doing that.
Also that she got a strike for you.
SHANNON COFFEY: Yeah, that was for you--
BETH HOYT: King--
Pur--
SHANNON COFFEY: Pur--
King--
BETH HOYT: We know.
OK, here's another comment from YouTube.
And it's from I'mTheCoolCookie.
"Is this really live?"
BETH HOYT: Yes.
Yes.
Let's prove it.
Seriously, our hands still smell like buttered Pam.
We didn't have time to wash them--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Icky.
BETH HOYT: --because it's live.
They're setting up for the next segment over there
because this is live.
What else can we do to prove it's live?
SHANNON COFFEY: I don't know.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I don't know.
Like, if I clap my hands, like, will you hear it?
SHANNON COFFEY: Just anything.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I think that's a good test.
Are you hearing this?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Can you hear this?
Because if you can, this is live.
BETH HOYT: We're also raising some fairy from the dead.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yes.
BETH HOYT: OK, here's a Twitter question.
From HannahBob987.
"Could you all try to say 'Brussels sprouts' in a
Scottish accent?
Grace has, can you all?" All right, on the count of three.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: At the same time?
BETH HOYT: And then.
One at a time.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, sure.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Do you want to start?
BETH HOYT: Sure, yeah.
SHANNON COFFEY: You should start.
BETH HOYT: Brussels sprouts.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That's good.
BETH HOYT: Thanks.
SHANNON COFFEY: All right.
Oh, I go next?
OK.
Brussels sprouts!
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah, wow.
You really encapsulate the Scottish
spirit you had in there.
SHANNON COFFEY: It's live, right?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Scottish.
What is Scottish?
OK, Brussels sprouts.
BETH HOYT: Yes.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No, that was--
BETH HOYT: No, I can see--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That was just, like, Shrek.
MAX: No, that was good.
It was a weak person.
BETH HOYT: I could see how someone who just moved to
Scotland might say it like that.
SHANNON COFFEY: Yeah.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Thanks for that question.
BETH HOYT: So can you tell us about-- you shot that carrot
video with the carrot killing you with the
lighter hair color.
You looked beautiful.
And now there's a sort of darker hair color.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Thank you.
That's right.
BETH HOYT: Where did the inspiration come from?
Are you vegetarian?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Well, I actually am sort of a
vegetarian.
BETH HOYT: Sort of.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Sort of.
BETH HOYT: Which means?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Which means occasionally, every now
and then, I will participate in eating meat.
But mostly I don't.
BETH HOYT: How did you feel bowling the turkey?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I felt a little bad.
Actually, I was going to recommend that we donate that
turkey so it doesn't just go to waste.
BETH HOYT: Oh, we are.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
But yeah, and so we did that sketch where I get to play,
like, a really annoying vegetarian.
And I think it turned out pretty funny.
BETH HOYT: What are the ways that you as a vegetarian think
that vegetarians are annoying?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: It's sort of how people say, like, oh,
this is my beach home.
It's like, oh, I don't--
oh, you eat meat?
I don't eat meat.
Oh, this is my tofu that I'm eating.
SHANNON COFFEY: It's sounding like you're
saying, oh, you eat me?
Oh, you eat me?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, you eat me?
I don't eat me.
SHANNON COFFEY: I don't eat myself.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
SHANNON COFFEY: Which is also very obnoxious.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: But either
way, it would be annoying.
BETH HOYT: Right.
And Shannon and I just eat our bacon and be like-- right?
SHANNON COFFEY: Oh, yeah.
I eat meat.
BETH HOYT: I've seen you eat burgers.
SHANNON COFFEY: Oh yeah.
BETH HOYT: OK, here's another comment from YouTube.
From D'Anna Ward.
"Shannon, how did your plant die in the 'Plants are
Friends' video?
Was it your fault?"
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Uh-oh.
BETH HOYT: This is really-- get her some bacon.
Get-- get--
You going to be OK?
SHANNON COFFEY: Why would you bring that up on a live show?
Why would you bring up that?
BETH HOYT: This is proof.
She's proving it right now.
SHANNON COFFEY: Dead plants.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, no.
SHANNON COFFEY: No, I didn't kill my own plant.
I watered it, and I treated it nice.
And it died because of autumn.
It's in the video.
I explain it.
It gets cold, and plants die.
Apparently, a mother's love can't save a plant, not even
in the autumn, OK?
BETH HOYT: I've killed a few pet birds.
SHANNON COFFEY: Ew.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That's worse than plants, Beth.
BETH HOYT: Here's a comment from YouTube.
I didn't kill them.
They died.
Logicaypelusas.

"How much time do you spend preparing Thanksgiving
dinner?"
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Is that for all of us?
BETH HOYT: Morgan, without a turkey for you--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, sure.
BETH HOYT: --do you just whip up your salad?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Well, actually, I am going to be
making a turkey this year.
This is my whole "I'm not always a vegetarian" thing.
But I don't know.
I think it's going to be a couple days' process.
I'm going to start some things the day before and then do the
main things the day of.
I think I'm going to start at 5:00 AM.
SHANNON COFFEY: You're like a real lady.
BETH HOYT: You're, like, planning it out.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I am a real person, you guys.
For so long, people thought that I was a
robot, but I'm not.
I am a human person.
BETH HOYT: Oh.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I'm real.
I have real skin.
BETH HOYT: Shannon, what about you?
SHANNON COFFEY: I am just going to kick it old school,
eat some chips, you know?
BETH HOYT: Is that what they-- that's the old school way?
SHANNON COFFEY: Yeah.
I was going to make some popcorn.
BETH HOYT: Really?
SHANNON COFFEY: No, I'm not going to prepare.
I can't do that real-person stuff.
You're doing, like, turkeys, and I'm probably going to roll
around on the floor for a while and
be like, am I hungry?
I don't know.
Oh, there's the cat food.
I'll eat a cat food can thing.
BETH HOYT: Wait, are you mixing yourself up with what
Kachoo's going to be doing?
Because it sounds like that's what Kachoo would do.
Like, roll around and then be like, oh, there's cat food.
I'm going to eat cat-- but that's your plan.
SHANNON COFFEY: I'm a cat.
BETH HOYT: I get it.
I get it.
I've known that all along, I just--
I forgot.
Robot, cat.
No, ladies.
OK.
SHANNON COFFEY: Ladies
BETH HOYT: Here's another comment from YouTube from
Lunis Badman.
"Is there room for a Canadian at your American
Thanksgiving?"
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Aw!
BETH HOYT: Of course.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No.
Nah.
Sorry.
BETH HOYT: She's the one cooking, so--
SHANNON COFFEY: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: I guess not.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No.
No room.
Be American.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
BETH HOYT: Sarcasm.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yes.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
We welcome everyone to come eat the corn out of the can.
SHANNON COFFEY: That's what Thanksgiving is all about--
people from different locations locating each other,
sitting down--
BETH HOYT: Getting drunk together.
SHANNON COFFEY: Oh, there's some food here.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah, eating the food.
SHANNON COFFEY: I hate where you come from, but eat it up.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Eating too much.
Crash dieting--
BETH HOYT: And then you drink more to get over fighting.
That's what it's all about.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: And then you just drink green juice
afterwards because you just hate yourself from
eating all that food.
BETH HOYT: Or you can just keeping more of the
food that made you--
you'll learn.
You'll learn.
Come, and you'll learn how this works out.
OK, that's all of the segment for this one right now.
Was that a sentence?
SHANNON COFFEY: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Thank you very much--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yes, that was a sentence.
BETH HOYT: --Shannon and Morgan for being with us.
We're going to have a lot more questions with you guys.
So keep sending them in.
You'll see both of these ladies a lot more.
Morgan will be--
I don't know if you know this, but-- fist-deep in a pumpkin
in a little bit.
And Shannon is concocting dessert for the dinner.
So that's happening.
And up next, though, we're doing side dishes.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh!
BETH HOYT: Which sounds calm, but it's Side Dishes, Bitches.
SHANNON COFFEY: Damn.
BETH HOYT: We're doing that next.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.

BARTENDER: What can I get you?
JAMES BOND: I'll have a medium dry martini, lemon peel--
shaken, not stirred.
BARTENDER: Ooh, you know that, uh, it bruises the gin, right?
JAMES BOND: Just make the drink.
BARTENDER: Yeah, no, but I'm saying by shaking it, you're
actually making it--
JAMES BOND: Actually, shaking the gin breaks down the
hydrogen within the drink therefore giving it a larger
antioxidant percentage than if it were stirred.
Besides, many people prefer the bruised
flavor and colder results.
So if you don't mind, please, make my drink.

BARTENDER: My bad, dog.

HANNAH HART: Hi, I'm Hannah Hart.
And you're watching "My Damn Channel LIVE."
BETH HOYT: We are back.
And I am here with John Murray.
Hi, John.
JOHN MURRAY: Hey, Beth.
How are you?
BETH HOYT: Thanks for being here.
I'm great.
JOHN MURRAY: Oh, good.
BETH HOYT: So you're going to show us how to make some easy
side dishes for a Thanksgiving feast, is that right?
JOHN MURRAY: Well, wait a second, Beth.
I don't celebrate Thanksgiving.
I celebrate something called "Hanksgiving." And I think we
all know what that is.
BETH HOYT: Well, I--
I--
I don't know--
I don't--
JOHN MURRAY: Well, Hanksgiving is a holiday where we
celebrate the life and work of America's
greatest actor, Tom Hanks.
FORREST GUMP: My mama always said, life was like--
JOHN MURRAY: Thanksgiving.
Uh.
Yup.
Just like a big old box of Thanksgiving, right?
BETH HOYT: Oh, sure.
I mean, it's new to me.
JOHN MURRAY: Oh, well, OK.
Let me fill you in.
Because I know everyone at home is just-- we're all
speaking the same language here.
So basically--
BETH HOYT: No.
JOHN MURRAY: --you just use a dish that correlates to one of
his movies.
And you have millions to choose from because there's so
many great roles and so many great films that
Tom Hanks has done.
BETH HOYT: That's very true.
JOHN MURRAY: Right?
You can't argue with that.
He's just America's sweetheart.
BETH HOYT: It's a fact.
JOHN MURRAY: So but today we're going to focus on the
side dishes, OK?
BETH HOYT: OK.
JOHN MURRAY: All right.
So let's start it up here, OK?
Right here we got some kale.
All right, you break that in half--
BETH HOYT: I love kale.
JOHN MURRAY: --and you're going to get something called
"You've Got Kale," OK?
All right?
BETH HOYT: Wow.
Oh, and look at that.
JOHN MURRAY: There you go.
BETH HOYT: "You've Got Kale" in the mailbox there.
JOHN MURRAY: I made that poster last night.
BETH HOYT: OK, you're really taking this seriously.
JOHN MURRAY: Because it goes with part of the holiday.
And you see, with "You've Got Kale," here's a difference,
it's not like "The Kale Around the Corner," OK?
It's like, "You've Got Kale." It's got more Hanks in it,
which is a lot more romance, a lot more charm, and some of
Meg Ryan's DNA.
BETH HOYT: All in this salad?
JOHN MURRAY: All in this salad right here.
You take a bite of this, I'll tell you right now, you'll
turn into a manic pixie girl right away.
I'm feeling it happening right now.
BETH HOYT: I'm not seeing it yet, but I kinda
get what you mean.
JOHN MURRAY: And then I get older, and you don't see me in
movies as much anymore.
BETH HOYT: Oh, I see.
JOHN MURRAY: But for a while, I'm also America's sweetheart.
BETH HOYT: Oh, I see.
And then-- oh, this is--
JOHN MURRAY: Look, I got a sweet little hat for you.
Well, no.
This isn't a hat.
That'd be funny if I wore this as a hat, right?
BETH HOYT: That'd be-- yeah, this is interesting, what you
think a hat looks like.
JOHN MURRAY: Well, in Tom Hanks language,
this is called a hat.
BETH HOYT: Oh, OK.
JOHN MURRAY: OK?
In Hanksian, this is a hat, but it's a sign.
BETH HOYT: I'm not bilingual.
JOHN MURRAY: And it says, "You've Got Kale," all right?
BETH HOYT: Abso-- you sure have got it.
What is next?
JOHN MURRAY: There you go.
It's in a bowl. "You've Got Kale." All right, next we got,
uh, "Catch Me If you Cranberry," OK?
BETH HOYT: OK, yeah.
JOHN MURRAY: Because cranberry sauce, it's a fruit--
BETH HOYT: Oh, there it is.
JOHN MURRAY: --but it can be a sauce.
BETH HOYT: That's a good one.
JOHN MURRAY: Much like Leonardo DiCaprio can be a
lawyer or a doctor, OK?
BETH HOYT: Sure.
JOHN MURRAY: It can change guises.
And one man can bring it to the table.
And that man is Tom Hanks.
Am I right, everybody?
OK?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, you're definitely right on that.
It's just, like-- that's not--
JOHN MURRAY: Steven Spielberg called him America.
He said, he is America.
So let's get this out here.
BETH HOYT: Right, and you know, that is what
Thanksgiving is about.
JOHN MURRAY: Oh, I got you.
You're not escaping me.
I got you right there.
Bam, I caught you.
I caught you.
BETH HOYT: Delicious.
JOHN MURRAY: You're so charming.
You're like a heart throb.
BETH HOYT: This is making me nervous.
JOHN MURRAY: Mm, I love you.
BETH HOYT: Yep.
And then you share that with everybody
after you've done that?
JOHN MURRAY: You share that with everybody.
You've got to make out with it.
Because cranberry sauce is the heart throb of the table, OK?
And right there, boom, another hat. "Catch Me If you
Cranberry."
BETH HOYT: Yeah, that's very good.
That's-- really, I get it.
What's your favorite Tom Hanks movie?
JOHN MURRAY: You know, I love his whole catalog.
I mean, I can't choose--
BETH HOYT: Apparently.
JOHN MURRAY: --one more than the other one, all right?
Because if I choose one and it's Tom's favorite, then Tom
will get mad at me.
It's just, like-- it's just the whole catalog.
It's the huge thing, you know?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
So you know him?
If he gets mad at you--
JOHN MURRAY: No.
I have never spoken to Tom Hanks, but I have spoken to
the characters he plays when they're on my TV.
BETH HOYT: Are they nice to you?
JOHN MURRAY: Of course.
Have you seen "Forrest Gump?" That guy talks to people on
park benches.
Of course they're nice.
They're, like, the nicest people in the world.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
JOHN MURRAY: They'll just talk to you for days.
"The Burbs," he's a great neighbor, OK?
BETH HOYT: That's true.
JOHN MURRAY: You know?
I mean, "Bachelor Party," he wants to throw a party.
He's America's friend.
He is.
BETH HOYT: He's bad in "Cloud Atlas," though.
He was a bad guy.
I mean--
JOHN MURRAY: Hey, hey, hey, OK, OK.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
BETH HOYT: I'm sorry.
JOHN MURRAY: Whoa, you just lost 8 million
viewers, all right?
She's wrong.
Come back.
BETH HOYT: I'm really sorry.
JOHN MURRAY: Come back.
BETH HOYT: OK, you're right.
JOHN MURRAY: Turn it back on.
She didn't mean that.
BETH HOYT: Bring us back into it.
JOHN MURRAY: Speaking of bad guy, OK, he did play a bad
guy, right?
In "Cloud Atlas."
BETH HOYT: Yeah, he did.
JOHN MURRAY: Which you and I loved.
We saw it together.
It was great.
BETH HOYT: Neither of those things are true, but--
JOHN MURRAY: You haven't returned my calls from that
night, which I find kind of strange.
But anyway, here we go.
BETH HOYT: You can see why.
JOHN MURRAY: So here is the last one, all right?
This one is called "Jell-O Mold to Perdition," OK?
BETH HOYT: Oh, OK.
Yeah.
I like that one.
JOHN MURRAY: Now, Jell-O to me, it just resembles kind of,
like, a fat man, OK, that's kind of done.
And I almost feel like these little rolls here are like
mustaches, like a weaselly mustache, OK?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
JOHN MURRAY: But you know what?
You cut this open.
You break that open, right, and there's sweetness inside--
just like Tom Hanks in the "Road to Perdition." that's
why it's the "Jell-O Mold to Perdition." You want to share
this with your friends and your family.
Just don't invite over Jude Law, OK?
Because he's going to be all hunchback-y and weird.
BETH HOYT: Well, I would like Jude Law at my Thanksgiving.
JOHN MURRAY: So from this, this was Paul Newman's last
screen appearance, you know that?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
JOHN MURRAY: This was his last one.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
I mean, the--
OK, you're pointing in the Jell-O mold.
Also, you're just really owning that--
but you mean the movie or the Jell-O mold?
JOHN MURRAY: It's all one and the same.
You see how I'm connected to this Jell-O?
BETH HOYT: I sure do.
JOHN MURRAY: That's like how Tom Hanks is
connected to this food.
It all is all part of America, all right?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, mm-hmm.
JOHN MURRAY: (SINGING) My country 'tis of thee.
There's something going on between us right now.
BETH HOYT: Um--
JOHN MURRAY: I'm getting a Daryl Hannah, Shelley Long
kind of vibe. "Money Pit," "Splash," early Hanks.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I appreciate that.
Um--
that, you know--
OK, oh.
Yeah, I like Tom Hanks as well.
I just don't see what these have to do with-- with the--
thank you for that.
JOHN MURRAY: No problem.
BETH HOYT: It's freezing in there.
And it's very sticky.
So what else is happening with you and your cooking advice?
JOHN MURRAY: I was just going to say, I'm making a book, OK?
BETH HOYT: Oh, great.
We love to--
JOHN MURRAY: It's called "Serving Private Ryan," OK?
And it's going to be coming soon.
It's going to include these great recipes, as "A Quiche of
Their Own," "Forrest Gumbo," "Charlies Wilson's Waldorf
Salad," "Sloppy Joe Versus the Volcano," "The Polar
Espresso," and "That Thing You Chew."
BETH HOYT: What are the ingredients in "That Thing You
Chew?"
JOHN MURRAY: You know what really works out, Beth?
It can be anything that you chew, OK?
BETH HOYT: Oh, OK.
JOHN MURRAY: But here's the thing.
It's got to leave you feeling light and airy, much like Tom
Hanks' directorial work.
Like, "Larry Crowne"--
I'm choking on Jell-O right now.
BETH HOYT: I hear it.
JOHN MURRAY: I apologize.
BETH HOYT: No, it sounds delicious.
JOHN MURRAY: You know, that kind of thing.
So you feel light and airy.
Not like you're like, oh, I went and saw a movie.
It makes me feel really weighed down.
It's just light and airy.
BETH HOYT: Mm-hmm.
This is very good, actually.
JOHN MURRAY: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: So that's fantastic.
JOHN MURRAY: Hey, all you vegetarians out
there, don't worry.
I've got another book coming out called, "Meatless in
Seattle," OK?
BETH HOYT: That sounds really good.
JOHN MURRAY: Gonna be a lot more Meg Ryan
DNA in that one too.
BETH HOYT: Gosh, make sure to pick up that book.
JOHN MURRAY: With a touch of Rosie O'Donnell, huh?
And we're all going to do-- we eat that meal on top of the
Empire State Building.
BETH HOYT: That sounds like a plan.
JOHN MURRAY: It is.
BETH HOYT: Thank you so much for sharing these side dishes.
I can't wait to share these with the group.
JOHN MURRAY: That's good.
That's good.
BETH HOYT: They're going to be great.
We're going to be answering more
questions with John later.
JOHN MURRAY: I'm watching "Big" later on.
You gonna-- you want to do that?
BETH HOYT: I have no doubt that you are.
We'll--
I kinda--
we'll see.
Yeah.
OK, we're going to get wrecked answering more questions with
you guys later.
Stick around.

GWYNETH PALTROW: Hello, and welcome.
I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.
This is the one and only--
thank God--
Lindsay Lohan.
LINDSAY LOHAN: I went trick or treating.
And I got so much candy.
It's one of my favorite things, this candy.
GWYNETH PALTROW: Well, if you're going to have sugar,
you should go for a little nibble of dark chocolate.
A fourth of a square after lunch, that should satiate
your sweet tooth--
LINDSAY LOHAN: Ew.
Ew.
Someone gave me raisins.
GWYNETH PALTROW: Great.
LINDSAY LOHAN: Who is the Satan worshipper
that gave me raisins?
GWYNETH PALTROW: That's a great option to give out for
trick or treaters.
LINDSAY LOHAN: If I want to put something tiny and wrinkly
in my mouth, I'll just make out with Mark Kate Olson.
Ha!

ABBI: Hi.
I'm Abbi.
ILANA: And I'm Ilana.
And we're Broad City.
ABBI: And you're watching "My Damn Channel--
ILANA: --LIVE."
BETH HOYT: Hey, you guys.
I'm here with "Fodder" writer, and you guys
love her, Laura Willcox.
And of course you know Nate.
NATE: Hi.
BETH HOYT: We're here to answer your
questions from the chat.
And thanks for being in it and asking us questions.
And I think we've got a Twitter question.
This is from flyingwolfmusic.
"You all look like sisters." Me and Laura and Shannon.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
LAURA WILLCOX: Are we?
BETH HOYT: I've wondered--
LAURA WILLCOX: Are we?
Get real.
Are we?
NATE: Do you want me to leave you two alone for a second?
LAURA WILLCOX: Are we?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
No, it's not a sexual thing.
We're wondering if we're sisters.
NATE: I know, but it's a breakthrough.
LAURA WILLCOX: Mom?
BETH HOYT: Wait, what's your--
Mom?
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: We're both talking to Mom.

We're going to figure this out and get back to you if we're
really sisters.
Well, if I see at Thanksgiving, then I'll know.
LAURA WILLCOX: That's a good way to tell.
We'll let you know.
BETH HOYT: Oh.
OK, here's a comment from YouTube.
This is from Petersoncinema.
"Which person in your life are you most thankful for?"
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh, probably me.
Because I get myself places, I do things for myself--
probably me.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
That's good.
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah.
You look disgusted by that.
NATE: Yeah.
LAURA WILLCOX: Why?
NATE: I don't know.
Maybe your parents or something.
For me, it's my mom and dad.
They tie.
BETH HOYT: Well, you have to pick one, though.
So which one?
NATE: Oh, no.
Don't make me choose.
BETH HOYT: That's what the question is.
NATE: I can't.
They might be watching.
It has to be--
ugh.
BETH HOYT: You were going to say it.
NATE: My mom.
LAURA WILLCOX: Ooh!
BETH HOYT: You didn't have to actually choose one.
NATE: I know I didn't have to choose one.
You made me, Beth.
BETH HOYT: Oh my god, your dad's going to be so pissed.
LAURA WILLCOX: That's a dad diss.
NATE: Oh my god.
I can't go home.
I can't go home now.
BETH HOYT: I'll tell you who my favorite person is--
Nate's dad.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh god.
BETH HOYT: He needs it.
NATE: Look, it's even now, right?
BETH HOYT: No, not really.
Because I've never--
LAURA WILLCOX: You should have said your dad.
BETH HOYT: But listen--
NATE: Who's really your favorite person, though?
BETH HOYT: I'm not answering that.
Here's a comment from Lunis Badman. "Nate is
the greasiest guy.
Anybody?"
NATE: Look, I just took up the challenge
for No Shave November.
And it's not--
is it?
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: No, I don't think so.
I think your hair looks washed and fluffy today.
LAURA WILLCOX: No.
It's still greasy.
NATE: Well, I was the gutterball person for
greased-up turkey.
Yeah, it's probably--
BETH HOYT: Oh, it's because--
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh, yeah.
He's covered in Pam.
NATE: I was the Pam guy.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, Nate was the human Zamboni.
NATE: You're welcome, by the way.
BETH HOYT: Thank you, Nate.
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah, thank you.
NATE: Dirty job.
BETH HOYT: Also, Nate, this is temporary.
Maybe.
What if this happens-- what if you grow it out and in
December everyone's like, Nate, you've
never been more handsome?
He's just doing No Shave November.
NATE: Yeah, I only listen to what people tell me, anyway.
So I'll never make a decision for myself.
So maybe it'll just stay forever.
BETH HOYT: That's why I like having Nate around.
LAURA WILLCOX: Nice.
That's why you're thankful for your mom?
BETH HOYT: Because he does what I tell him.
NATE: I'm easily bossed.
Yes.
BETH HOYT: Here's a comment from YouTube.
This is from jacksryan1196.
"Anyone, what is the rudest thing you've ever said?" Well,
I know what Nate's was.
It was when he picked his mother over his dad.
NATE: Yeah.
LAURA WILLCOX: That was freakin' rude.
BETH HOYT: That was pretty rude.
I don't know.
Laura?
LAURA WILLCOX: Mine was probably,
oops, I've passed wind.
BETH HOYT: Oh, gosh.
LAURA WILLCOX: This in front of the President.
BETH HOYT: You said that out loud?
LAURA WILLCOX: I said it out loud in front of the President
of the United States.
BETH HOYT: Oh my god.
NATE: Rude.
BETH HOYT: So Laura, you write the "Fodder" sketches?
LAURA WILLCOX: I do.
Some of them.
Not all of them.
But a few of them.
BETH HOYT: Right.
She's not taking credit for all of them.
LAURA WILLCOX: I know.
BETH HOYT: How does that process work?
Do you get ideas, like this--
are you out to eat, and then you're like,
this reminds me of--
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah.
Well, I like food, and I like eating, and I like comedy.
So it's been nice to kind of have a-- what?
NATE: Who doesn't like any of those things?
They're all wonderful?
LAURA WILLCOX: I don't know.
That's what makes me unique and special.
NATE: Oh, OK.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
LAURA WILLCOX: Anyway--
BETH HOYT: There are a lot of people who like food and don't
like eating.
They go on juice cleanses.
They like comedy.
Or they don't like--
LAURA WILLCOX: Some people don't like to laugh.
BETH HOYT: It's a tricky trio--
NATE: You're talking about yourself, aren't you?
LAURA WILLCOX: Some people like to drink instead of eat.
I also like to drink.
NATE: Fair enough.
LAURA WILLCOX: So to not answer your question, I--
BETH HOYT: That's great.
LAURA WILLCOX: I'm not going to answer your question.
BETH HOYT: That's very funny.
You'll see a lot more of those sketches throughout the show.
Here's another comment from YouTube.
This is from Lunis Badman.
"Why no Zach Morris in the Boy Book?"
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh god.
Really?
Did we leave him out?
That was an oversight.
I thought he was dead.
BETH HOYT: Do you want to tell them about the Boy Book for
anyone who doesn't know?
LAURA WILLCOX: OK.
So Boy Book is like a bible that Shannon Coffey and I put
together on "Coffey Chat" of all of the most important boys
of the '90s that shaped us into the women we are today.
We left out Zach Morris.
We did include Andrew Keegan, JTT--
BETH HOYT: She's crying.

LAURA WILLCOX: Marilyn Manson was in there, because Shannon
likes him, and Jon Stewart was in there for me.
BETH HOYT: Here's another comment from YouTube.
So are you going to mend it?
Are you going to put him in there now?
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah, he'll be in version 2.0.
BETH HOYT: OK.
LAURA WILLCOX: I promise.
BETH HOYT: Here's another comment from YouTube.
This is from Nixon4Prez333.
"Has Nate shared Thanksgiving dinner with any of the weird
roommates from his 'Apartment Stories' video?"
NATE: Oh, I did have one where the person I stayed who we had
the murder basement, her family came from California.
But we all just kinda sat a little
away from creepy staircase.
And they didn't want to go down there either.
But-- none of the weird roommates.
The Wrestle Bros did--
one of them did get--
he had a guy who would, give him as a gift, a friend from
somewhere else that would give him pasta.
He got boxes of pasta.
LAURA WILLCOX: Is he Italian?
NATE: No.
Not at all.
LAURA WILLCOX: Weird.
BETH HOYT: Just for Thanksgiving?
NATE: No, just in general.
He would just mail him pasta.
And it wasn't a parent or anything.
It was a friend of his.
BETH HOYT: It was because he needed to keep up his carbs.
NATE: Because he's wrestling at 3:00 AM.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, and he doesn't have a lot of skills
to cook more than that.
I'm making huge judgments.
That's the rudest thing I've ever said.
So I wanted to complete that and bring that full circle.
Also Nate's dad--
I mean, you saw how hard it was for him to choose.
LAURA WILLCOX: We are so sorry, Nate's dad.
BETH HOYT: I know he loves you both.
LAURA WILLCOX: I think you're the second-best
person only to me.
BETH HOYT: OK.
And that's it for this comment section.
So when we get back, we're going to be pumpkin picking.
And we'll also be answering more of your questions later.
So stay in the chat and stick around.

GEOFF: Hey, everyone.
I'm secret chef Geoff.
And today we're at Tracy Palmer's house where I'm going
to cook up the surprise meal of a life-- oh, oh.
Here she comes.
Here she comes.
Sh.
Sh.

Surprise!
TRACY: Oh!
Oh!
Oh my god!
GEOFF: Oh, no.
No.
I'm secret chef Geoff.
I'm secret chef Geoff!
JON GLASER: Hi.
I'm Jon Glaser, and you're watching "My Damn Channel
LIVE."
BETH HOYT: OK.
I'm here with Morgan and Geoff, and it's time to play a
game we made up and are calling Pumpkin Picking.

OK, here's how this works.
We've got six pumpkins.
See, they're numbered-- one, two, three, four, five, six.
And each pumpkin, inside is a special prize along with
pumpkin guts.
You guys are going to tell these guys which pumpkin to
reach into.
So if you want Morgan to stick her hand into pumpkin four,
you just put Morgan, number four in the comments.
Same for Geoff, natch.
They will each get three turns.
OK, let's play.
I'm just going to go first to show you guys an example.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK, great.
Geoff, I want you to go in pumpkin three.
GEOFF LERER: OK.
BETH HOYT: I don't know what's in them, you guys.
GEOFF LERER: That's actually four.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: You pointed at four,
but you said three.
BETH HOYT: I want you to go in three.
GEOFF LERER: OK.
BETH HOYT: Six.
6 No, just kidding.
Three.
Three.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: This is also a counting
exercise for Beth.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
I'm learning.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, boy.
GEOFF LERER: "Seduce the turkey."
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, come on.
Oh god.
BETH HOYT: Good thing we got this puppy still in the room.
This guy's heavy.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, no.
BETH HOYT: All right.
So we've got some gloves for you if you want to use them.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I'm so glad I didn't pick this one.
GEOFF LERER: Yeah, sure.
BETH HOYT: I'm sorry, Morgan, that we're bringing this
turkey out after we learned about--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No, it's OK.
We're going to donate it, and somebody's going to be able to
eat this turkey.
So don't do anything too crazy because we're going to feed
the homeless with it.
GEOFF LERER: So let's assume that--
BETH HOYT: Seduce that turkey, Geoff.
GEOFF LERER: All right.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh god.

GEOFF LERER: How you doing, Turkey?
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah.
GEOFF LERER: I'm sorry, what?
Yep.
BETH HOYT: Oh my goodness.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, it's dripsies.
Oh god.
GEOFF LERER: I have that effect on turkeys.
BETH HOYT: The turkey's so wet for you,
GEOFF LERER: It's wet for me.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, we both said it.
GEOFF LERER: Oh, all right.
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah.
You got it very wet.
So I guess that turkey--
GEOFF LERER: I got this turkey really wet.
BETH HOYT: So mission accomplished.
GEOFF LERER: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: All right.
GEOFF LERER: All right.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
BETH HOYT: Sorry for everyone that I said.
But I'm not sorry because I meant it.
So that's number three.
So you guys get how to play?
Do you have any suggestions?
We've got a comment.
Someone stick their hand in-- "Morgan, 2." From
OurStorySoFar.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, OK.
I get it.
BETH HOYT: They want you to go in number two.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah.
OK, ready?
I get it, guys.
I understand how this game works.
GEOFF LERER: Yeah.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Ooh, OK.
Here we go.
It looks like a long one.
There's a lot of words on this.
OK, do I say it?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: "Reinvent a famous love scene with the
turkey."
BETH HOYT: You love it.
You love this one.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
BETH HOYT: You can hold it or not hold it.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
Well, I'll hold it.
BETH HOYT: Yep, she's committed.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Let me put on these gloves, you guys,
because this can get serious.
BETH HOYT: We've got protection.
GEOFF LERER: What scene are you going to recreate?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I don't want this to be drippy, so I'm
just-- oh, thank you--
OK, I'm just going to walk-- god, this thing is heavy.
BETH HOYT: It's very--
GEOFF LERER: That was me.
BETH HOYT: It's part of the challenge.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
Well, I'm going to reenact one of my favorite love scenes,
which is from "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer," where she has
to kill Angel.
It's the season finale of season three.
So she stabs him.
[GASP]
Angel.
And he's like, oh, what's going on?
Where--
where am I?
And she's like, what--
Angel, is it-- is it you?
And then they embrace.
And he's like, I don't know where I've been for the last
six months.
And she goes--
OK, and then she goes, close your eyes, and then kisses
him-- which, I don't think I want to kiss this turkey.
GEOFF LERER: Yeah, that's fine.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: And then she goes, hunh, and then,
like, all the world crumbles.
And then Sarah McLachlan starts playing--
uh, that song.
And it's beautiful.
That's it.
BETH HOYT: That was beautiful too.
Thank you, Morgan.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Thanks, guys.
Actually, I really enjoyed doing that.
So thank you.
BETH HOYT: It was very touching.
Yeah.
Very emotional.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
BETH HOYT: All right.
Let's bring this guy back here.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, sorry.
BETH HOYT: No, don't worry about it.
I need my work out.
Here's another comment.
This is from Logicaypelusas.
"Geoff, 4."
GEOFF LERER: Four.
All right.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, he's getting in the guts.
I love that feeling.
GEOFF LERER: Oh.
Oh.
BETH HOYT: Do you like that or no?
GEOFF LERER: Yeah.
No, I love seed.
"Break up with the turkey."
BETH HOYT: Oh, such a short-lived romance.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: So we should just leave
the turkey over here.
BETH HOYT: No, it's really--
yeah.
GEOFF LERER: Can you guys see it?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Oh gosh.
This is gonna be tough.
GEOFF LERER: Turkey, we've been together for, heh, a
little too long now.
And um, you still get wet, which is great,
you know, for me.
I'm just not into it.
No, no, no.
How about this?
How about this?
It's not you.
It's that it's November and then it's December and your
family all the time and--
I--
I'm going to start seeing the ham.
BETH HOYT: You didn't.
GEOFF LERER: I did, Beth.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Why, Geoff?
Why?
BETH HOYT: That was too much, Geoff.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Why'd you have to go there?
BETH HOYT: That was really tough.
I mean, the turkey has gone through so much today.
That was really--
seriously.
GEOFF LERER: I've been--
BETH HOYT: Here's another comment.
Geoff, come on.
Grintilicious, "Morgan 6!"
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Exclamation point.
Exclamation point.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Have
GEOFF LERER: Right here, Morgan.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, OK.
I went to one.
BETH HOYT: We're all learning how to count.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: This is six.
OK.
I already took off my turkey gloves.
BETH HOYT: Wait, what?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: So let's see here.
Oh god.
OK.
BETH HOYT: That doesn't involve the turkey.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: "Do your best touchdown dance."
BETH HOYT: Have you seen some of the good ones?
Like, do you know Aaron Rodgers'?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No.
BETH HOYT: --with the--
OK, well, then I won't give you any hints.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I don't watch football.
BETH HOYT: It's a signature move of celebration.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, it is?
Oh, wait.
No, that guy has that signature move.
That guy that does the--
BETH HOYT: But we want your own.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: --this thing, right?
OK, this is my thing.
GEOFF LERER: Yeah.
Good.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Who's that guy?
He's like--
GEOFF LERER: Deion Sanders.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: --a famous quarterback here in New
York, and he's known for doing a dance?
GEOFF LERER: Warren Moon.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That guy.
BETH HOYT: Well, once you keep doing more of it, I'll figure
out how it is.
MALE SPEAKER: Touchdown.
[CHEERING]
BETH HOYT: That's a great touchdown move.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That's it.
BETH HOYT: That's awesome.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That's my dance.
BETH HOYT: Mission accomplished.
GEOFF LERER: I liked it.
BETH HOYT: You did that one.
Here's another comment.
This person wants--
Brennan Flenners.
"Geoff 1." Flanders.
GEOFF LERER: Oh, all right.
BETH HOYT: Sorry, Brennan.
Brennan Flanders.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: That one.
BETH HOYT: Get in there.
GEOFF LERER: Get in.
BETH HOYT: I feel like you could have lost
your hand in there.
This is a long one.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh wow.
BETH HOYT: OK.
GEOFF LERER: "Do your best Gordon Ramsay impression.
He just ate something, and we don't know if
it's amazing or terrible.
Let us know."
BETH HOYT: Do you watch a lot of Gordon Ramsey shows?
GEOFF LERER: I do.
I do.
BETH HOYT: Great, so you know--
GEOFF LERER: Uh, he's the big guy who's goes, bam!
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No.
GEOFF LERER: All right, so--
and what am I doing?
I'm yelling at the turkey?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: You just ate something.
GEOFF LERER: Oh.
OK.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
BETH HOYT: And to the camera.
You can stay there.
GEOFF LERER: Let me get some seeds.
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah.
He's going for it.
GEOFF LERER: OK.
So he's English and he swears a lot.
BETH HOYT: And do it right into this, for these guys.
GEOFF LERER: Is it OK to curse?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
GEOFF LERER: OK.
Ugh.
[SPITS]
Ugh. (ENGLISH ACCENT) Donkey!
Donkey!
BETH HOYT: Good.
That was it.
I felt like he was in the room.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Wow, that was really good.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I feel like he does say--
BETH HOYT: It also smelled overwhelmingly like pumpkin
when you started eating that-- out of the blue.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah.
That-- all of a sudden, pumpkin everywhere.
BETH HOYT: Well, the last one is just this one.
This isn't a trick that we've left this last one for you.
It just worked out this way.
So I promise nothing is going to--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Like, your mom you've never met.
What are you doing here?
That'd be pretty mean.
BETH HOYT: Also, she'd be tiny.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, another dance-- yeah, she
would be tiny.
"Do the cooking dance."
BETH HOYT: Have you seen this?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No.
BETH HOYT: Lil B does this cooking dance.
So basically you have to make something.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Will you do it with me?
BETH HOYT: I'll be your back-up dancer.
But I'll show you.
You basically just whip up something, like make mashed
potatoes, and then, like, stuff the turkey.
We'll both be your back-up dancers.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: So this is a real
dance that's happening?
GEOFF LERER: Right.
BETH HOYT: Pretend that you're making Thanksgiving dinner,
but you dance it.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, OK.
Can I get some background music?
GEOFF LERER: Yeah, of course.
[BEATBOXING]
BETH HOYT: I don't know how to do this at all.
[BEATBOXING]
BETH HOYT: Eat it.
Mash it.
Mash it and serve it and serve it and
something with the cart.
You're taking the cart to the grocery store.
And she's picking the cans.
But you've got to cook it.
Cook it, Morgan, cook it.
Whip it up.
Whip it up.
And she's sweating and sweating and cooking.
And why is this turning into an embarrassing thing for me?
When it's supposed to be--
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I can't!
I can't cook anymore.
BETH HOYT: That was a lot of--
and then the breakdown-- a complete cooking process.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Yeah, and then it goes into a breakdown.
Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Yay.
GEOFF LERER: Yay.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
OK, you guys.
I don't recommend playing this at home, kids, unless you're
in the safe hands of two professional improvisers.
But the good news for me is that now I have lots of
pumpkin guts to put in unsuspecting people's purses.
So that's good news.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Oh, no.
Not mine.
BETH HOYT: OK, when we come back, more live
comments with you guys.
Right now, it's time for a brand new video from "The Jon
Friedman Internet Program" called Edible Arrangements.

THEME SONG: It's "The Jon Friedman Internet Program" on
your world wide web.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Gregory, no!
Don't eat the bouquet.
THEME SONG: It's the "Jon Friedman Internet Program" on
your world wide web.

BETH HOYT: You guys, I'm here with Geoff
Lerer and John Murray.
Geoff got all the pumpkin guts almost off his hands.
JOHN MURRAY: Doing pretty good.
GEOFF LERER: Almost.
JOHN MURRAY: A little tinge of orange.
GEOFF LERER: Orange hands.
Jaundice.
BETH HOYT: So we're here to take your questions.
Put them all in there.
Here's a comment from 0xyzabcx0.

GEOFF LERER: Good pronunciation.
BETH HOYT: Thank you.
"Is it counterproductive or reproductive to down a beer
before the gym?"
JOHN MURRAY: Oh, man.
That's a good question.
BETH HOYT: Meaning you might make a baby if you down a beer
before you go to the gym?
JOHN MURRAY: I think it's to get the--
to play with your calorie counting.
GEOFF LERER: Yes.
JOHN MURRAY: You toss some calories in there and then you
work them off.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
JOHN MURRAY: Maybe to feel good.
Yeah, if you want to feel better about yourself, pound a
beer because then you'll work off the beer calories and
you'll have conquered something in the day.
BETH HOYT: Also I have a hard time picking which music I
want to run to sometimes.
But after I have a drink, I love all my music.
JOHN MURRAY: So you keep going with it.
So you already know you're going to work off that beer.
And you'll be like, I love house music.
I love everyone in this gym.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
And if it's a Michelob--
one of those 64 ones-- then you've got five minutes before
you work that one off.
JOHN MURRAY: That's off, right.
And then you're already feeling like $1 million.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
JOHN MURRAY: So thank you.
I'm going to go get blind drunk and work out after this.
So that really works out for me.
BETH HOYT: Lime drunk?
Like a Bud Light Lime?
JOHN MURRAY: I'm just gonna--
BETH HOYT: Any of the lime beer products.
JOHN MURRAY: Yo, Murray's really limed tonight, man.
He's so limed.
Oh, dude.
It's worse than getting Iced--
getting limed.
BETH HOYT: It is worse.
JOHN MURRAY: It's worse.
BETH HOYT: Yep.
Or the beer margaritas.
Have you guys seen that?
GEOFF LERER: Yes.
JOHN MURRAY: Yes.
GEOFF LERER: Beeragritas.
BETH HOYT: Have you had it?
GEOFF LERER: I have not.
BETH HOYT: What is it?
GEOFF LERER: Beeragrita.
BETH HOYT: Beeragrita.
I think they could have come up with a better pun.
JOHN MURRAY: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: It doesn't really fit.
JOHN MURRAY: Well, Bud Light Lime, even, is
just so, eh, whatever.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
That's exactly what it is.
JOHN MURRAY: Let's just name it-- meh.
BETH HOYT: Here's a comment from YouTube.
This is from Lunis Badman.
Smiley face with an O. "Geoff is wearing a ring, and not
only is he having an affair with a turkey, but he just
dumped it for the ham." Man.
GEOFF LERER: In all fairness, the ham--
I've been with the ham for a while now.
And I was going--
BETH HOYT: This makes it way worse.
JOHN MURRAY: Wait.
And also that's a young turkey, dude.
You're dating an underage--
you're doing a turkey that's chicken.
You know what I mean?
No!
I'm not high-fiving that, dude.
No way.
GEOFF LERER: I thought that was a good one.
JOHN MURRAY: No way.
GEOFF LERER: No, in all seriousness, though, the ham
that I'm seeing--
no?
Don't do the ham thing?
BETH HOYT: It's just--
I think that you're digging yourself into a hole of making
yourself even more of a bad guy without the ham--
GEOFF LERER: This ring is to keep other chickens--
BETH HOYT: Oh.
JOHN MURRAY: OK.
BETH HOYT: That makes sense.
JOHN MURRAY: --in the coop.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
In the kitten.
Here's another comment from YouTube.
This is from AndThenThereWereCats.
"Cranberry sauce from a can or homemade?" Is there homemade?
JOHN MURRAY: There is homemade.
My wife makes homemade.
And it's good.
BETH HOYT: So she takes it out of the can and
then scrapes off--
JOHN MURRAY: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: You scrape off the can marks, and then you're
like, I made this.
JOHN MURRAY: Dude, you totally know.
Oh, you've made homemade.
No, you cram up cranberries.
BETH HOYT: You shape it into an octagon
JOHN MURRAY: They're both great.
They're both good.
We actually put both on out table.
Because I'm so locked into traditional kind of stuff that
I'm like, we gotta have the can.
BETH HOYT: I like how you said traditional and
made a square shape.
JOHN MURRAY: Exactly.

But they're both good.
So I would say, go with both.
Treat yourself.
BETH HOYT: I've never had homemade cranberry sauce.
JOHN MURRAY: It's great.
I'll make you some.
GEOFF LERER: I thought your wife--
JOHN MURRAY: We'll have some when we're watching "Big."
Don't think I forgot about it.
BETH HOYT: I knew you didn't.
All right.
Here's a comment from YouTube.
This is from Troy Lund. "Geoff Lerer is just damn dreamy."
GEOFF LERER: If Troy Lund is a girl, I'm going to say this.
Troy Lund, I am dreamy.
And you can find me on Facebook and Twitter.
But--
BETH HOYT: Geoff, I don't trust you at all.
JOHN MURRAY: Yeah, you're just a shark, man.
BETH HOYT: You're with the ham.
You're--
JOHN MURRAY: Troy is into you.
BETH HOYT: --rushing off with the chickens.
And then you're, like--
JOHN MURRAY: This is insane, man.
BETH HOYT: --ready to jump on Troy if Troy's a girl.
GEOFF LERER: If Troy's a girl and, you know, 21--
BETH HOYT: There's a lot of lines that you're crossing
that make it hard to know if--
GEOFF LERER: If Troy Lund is a boy, I'll do it too.
JOHN MURRAY: An aura of creep coming over here.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
You know that John likes Tom Hanks.
It's just like--
JOHN MURRAY: I like to Hanks it up.
GEOFF LERER: I'm not saying I wouldn't party with Hanks.
I'm just saying I like to party.
BETH HOYT: Oh, well, if that's what you're saying then you're
in the right place.
All right.
Here's a comment from YouTube.
This is from djames216.
"Hanksgiving--
what's Wilson's favourite dish?"
JOHN MURRAY: Oh.
Good question.
Good, good question.
I'd probably say, just sweet potatoes.
He just seems like a sweet potato kind of guy.
Or asparagus too, because especially when he
grew that long hair.
Remember Wilson grew hair later on when
he was on the island.
He had hair.
Don't look at me like I'm insane talking about how a
volleyball grew hair.
GEOFF LERER: Wilson's-- oh.
You did know it was a ball.
JOHN MURRAY: I do know it's a ball.
But he does grow hair in that movie.
And I think maybe asparagus and then sweet potatoes just
because Wilson's so sweet.
Because you've got to love him.
BETH HOYT: Wilson is the most lovable sidekick.
JOHN MURRAY: When he floats away in the ocean--
BETH HOYT: Oh my-- we've lost John.
We've totally lost John.
JOHN MURRAY: Oh man.
A little sad.
BETH HOYT: Sorry.
Here's a comment.
Let's bring John out of this dark hole.
Colby Mills. "What is Geoff's favorite car?" I've
been dying to know.
GEOFF LERER: Ah.
All right.
So I don't know what it's called, but in "The
Flintstones," they had one of the cars where they would hold
up and their feet would fishtail--
that.
JOHN MURRAY: All right.
BETH HOYT: You want to work for it.
JOHN MURRAY: Hey, that answer goes back to the beer.
Work it off.
BETH HOYT: If I had to pick the one car I
wouldn't, that would be--
like, just give me a ride.
What?
I just came from the gym.
JOHN MURRAY: Batmobile.
GEOFF LERER: Yeah, but--
you know--
OK.
JOHN MURRAY: Aw.
BETH HOYT: OK.
But I appreciate your work ethic just getting
from here to there.
It's a real New Yorker kind of mentality, I think.
GEOFF LERER: You think so?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
GEOFF LERER: All right.
I'm Canadian.
JOHN MURRAY: Oh, there you go.
BETH HOYT: All right.
That's a wrap on this Q&A segment with you guys.
Thanks for joining us.
When we come back, I'll be right back
with Laura and Shannon.
We're making an epic dessert.
And we're all going to get to eat it later at our feast.
JOHN MURRAY: Oh, that's exciting.
We'll see everyone again.
We'll see you guys in just a few seconds.
Not bye.
See you.

ROBERT PATTINSON: Hi, I'm Robert Pattinson.
KRISTEN STEWART: And I'm--
you know.

ROBERT PATTINSON: And when we're not shooting "Breaking
Dawn, Part 2"--
KRISTEN STEWART: Or "On the Road"--
ROBERT PATTINSON: Or "Breaking Dawn, Part 1"--
KRISTEN STEWART: Or "Snow White and the Huntsman"--

ROBERT PATTINSON: We like to spend time
right here in our kitchen.
KRISTEN STEWART: It's really good to be back.

ROBERT PATTINSON: Just sharing some food
and some time together.
KRISTEN STEWART: And not sharing anything else.
Not again.

ROBERT PATTINSON: Right.
OK.
MAMRIE HART: I'm Mamrie Hart, and you're watching "My Damn
Channel LIVE." Keep watching, guys.
I'll be back.

BETH HOYT: Welcome back, Laura and Shannon.
You guys are tackling a very important
course called dessert.
It's not your average dessert.
Can you please explain what's about to
happen to our viewers?
LAURA WILLCOX: OK.
So more and more people these days, they're forgoing that
traditional turkey dinner on Thanksgiving for the very much
more ambitious turducken, which you all know is a
chicken shoved inside a duck which is then
shoved inside a turkey.
BETH HOYT: Sounds like Geoff's dream date.
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah.
Geoff loves turducken.
SHANNON COFFEY: But just so you know, we wanted to take it
a whole nother step further.
And since we needed a signature dessert for our
feast, today we're going to be preparing Pixie Stix in a Milk
Dud in a Mounds bar in a brownie in a jelly donut in a
blueberry pie in a chocolate cake wrapped in a
Fruit by the Foot.
LAURA WILLCOX: It's the turdessertken.
Not the turd-dessertken.
That's something else.
OK, so we're going to show you how to make it.
BETH HOYT: The turdessertken.
LAURA WILLCOX: The turdessertken.
SHANNON COFFEY: The tur-ga-dur-ga-dur-sen.
BETH HOYT: What's that, Shannon?
SHANNON COFFEY: The tur-ga-dur-ga-dur-sen.
BETH HOYT: Exactly.
LAURA WILLCOX: That's right.
It's very important to be a little sugar high when you
make this, otherwise it might seem gross to you.
So step one is Pixie Stix.
So you're just gonna--
SHANNON COFFEY: Rip that off in your friend's mouth or in
your own mouth.
And then insert it into this part.
BETH HOYT: It does require two people.
That move especially.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK, that's good.
That's good.
SHANNON COFFEY: There you go.
Make eye contact with your partner.
We're in this together.
LAURA WILLCOX: Good.
SHANNON COFFEY: So next step, you're going to take the
little sugar Pixie-dust-covered turd that
you just did.
LAURA WILLCOX: That's a Milk Dud.
SHANNON COFFEY: You're going to pick it up with your hands.
Do it with me.
BETH HOYT: It's fine to use hands.
LAURA WILLCOX: You're going to place it inside an Almond Joy.
BETH HOYT: No, this is a Mounds, I think.
Because if it was an Almond Joy, there'd be an almond
right there.
I get how this--
I get--
LAURA WILLCOX: No, no.
Shannon.
BETH HOYT: Oh, Shannon.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh, Shannon.
SHANNON COFFEY: Some people want to make sure
it's really in there.
Other people want things loosey-goosey.
If your partner drops the ball and starts making a mess, you
just go on your own.
You just go on your own.
BETH HOYT: Laura, contain her.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK.
Drop it.
SHANNON COFFEY: And then you gotta go to the next step.
BETH HOYT: How many of the tuz-ur-derkens have you had
before you started this?
SHANNON COFFEY: 15.
BETH HOYT: OK, well, you know, practice makes perfect.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK, so then you're going to place your--
SHANNON COFFEY: In the brownie.
It's in a brownie.
LAURA WILLCOX: It's in a brownie.
BETH HOYT: It sure is.
LAURA WILLCOX: You know it's a brownie because it's chocolate
and square.
BETH HOYT: Yep.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK.
So after that, you're going to take it--
thank you.
You're going to place it inside a jelly donut.
SHANNON COFFEY: Just spread it open.
Just spread it open.
Make sure that the jelly's actually there.
If you don't feel jelly--
BETH HOYT: I like your nail polish, ladies.
SHANNON COFFEY: If you didn't feel jelly when you touched it
inside of the donut, you didn't get a jelly donut.
You didn't get a jelly donut.
BETH HOYT: That's a good indicator.
SHANNON COFFEY: You got the wrong donut.
LAURA WILLCOX: I'm glad you brought that up.
Blind people can make this too.
You've just got to use your hands.
Thank you, Shannon, for your help.
SHANNON COFFEY: There you go.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, like in "Master Chef."
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah, exactly.
So using your hands and your eyes, if those are available
to you, you're just going to--
SHANNON COFFEY: Just watch that it closes.
LAURA WILLCOX: Just shut that.
SHANNON COFFEY: Just make sure it's closing.
BETH HOYT: The teamwork is very-- you're seeing how
they're working together for this.
LAURA WILLCOX: It looks like a hamburger, but it's not.
SHANNON COFFEY: And it's not done yet.
I know this looks good, but don't put it
in your mouth yet.
Just hold off.
Because we've got a couple more steps here.
BETH HOYT: I'm just going to move over here.
LAURA WILLCOX: You're going to take it over here.
SHANNON COFFEY: That tastes so good.
LAURA WILLCOX: You've got a beautiful blueberry pie.
The lid has been eaten off.
It's important to immediately eat that as soon as you cut it
off or else it'll go bad.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
The top is the best part.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK, so you're going to--
SHANNON COFFEY: It's not ready, Laura.
LAURA WILLCOX: It's going to be ready.
Just let it go.
SHANNON COFFEY: It's not ready.
BETH HOYT: I think it's ready.
LAURA WILLCOX: Look at me.
SHANNON COFFEY: It's ready.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK.
SHANNON COFFEY: So you're gonna make sure that it's in
there good.
Get more Pixie dust.
LAURA WILLCOX: I ate it all.
BETH HOYT: It looks like the Turdessertken does require a
bit of an unstable personality.
LAURA WILLCOX: No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
BETH HOYT: Just to kind of dream it up and to follow
through with it.
LAURA WILLCOX: Only sugar.
Only sugar.
Only sugar.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, we'll look through the
balloons on the table.
LAURA WILLCOX: So now we've got a pie.
Now you're going to place it also with the foil inside a
chocolate cake.
Don't worry about the foil.
It will dissolve eventually.
BETH HOYT: I don't know if that's a rule.
LAURA WILLCOX: So you're going to put it in there.
It's a rule of science.
BETH HOYT: Oh, OK.
LAURA WILLCOX: Trust us.
BETH HOYT: I don't know science.
I don't know science at all, so I trust you.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK, are you on a show on the Cooking
Channel or are we?
SHANNON COFFEY: We are, so.
BETH HOYT: Good point.
LAURA WILLCOX: So you're going to put it in there.
And now you're almost done.
SHANNON COFFEY: Almost done.
But don't you get ahead of yourself.
You're not done yet.
LAURA WILLCOX: Then you're going to take what I like to
call the gods food--
Fruit by the Foot.
SHANNON COFFEY: We're talking about these things, the last
ingredient.
LAURA WILLCOX: We're talking about what the Pilgrims would
have eaten if they had been lucky enough to be born in a
time when Yellow No.
5 existed.
SHANNON COFFEY: Those unlucky dumb Pilgrims.
LAURA WILLCOX: What a bunch of idiots.
SHANNON COFFEY: Dumb, dumb, dumb.
LAURA WILLCOX: So we're going to do what those idiots
couldn't, and we're going to wrap this--
BETH HOYT: Yeah, use what you got.
SHANNON COFFEY: Just wrap it up.
LAURA WILLCOX: Just a layer.
Just a nice little layer.
SHANNON COFFEY: Just put it all over.
BETH HOYT: Who needs protein or vegetables.
SHANNON COFFEY: Pretend that it's naked and that the Fruit
by the Loop is a bunch of clothing and you're like,
don't show us your body on Thanksgiving.
LAURA WILLCOX: Ooh, pretend it's the chick from--
SHANNON COFFEY: Cover your body.
LAURA WILLCOX: Pretend it's that chick from "Fifth
Element" and this is her little--
SHANNON COFFEY: Oh, like, oh, oh, just this.
I'm just going to cover this.
That's what she was like in that movie, right?
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah.
We hate her.
SHANNON COFFEY: Thanksgiving.
LAURA WILLCOX: OK.
Now, we're a little hopped up because we snorted Pixie Stix
before we started this segment.
So this doesn't look great.
BETH HOYT: OK, that's happening.
LAURA WILLCOX: So Shannon, why don't you pull out the
finished one that we did.
SHANNON COFFEY: Excuse me, guys.
LAURA WILLCOX: Don't waste that.
SHANNON COFFEY: I won't!
I'll eat it.
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
BETH HOYT: This is what Thanksgiving is really all
about, you guys.
LAURA WILLCOX: This is a completed one.
BETH HOYT: This is a completed Turdessertken.
SHANNON COFFEY: There we go.
There we go.
Don't distract.
LAURA WILLCOX: If you have time, this is what
it should look like.
This is what it should look like.
BETH HOYT: And I think we have one more thing
we can do with it.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh yeah, you can top it off with whipped
cream if you want, if you're not lactose intolerant.
SHANNON COFFEY: Do you guys want to?
You want?
BETH HOYT: Why would you not?
LAURA WILLCOX: Yeah, go for it.
SHANNON COFFEY: Do you want to?
Should we?
Do you want to?
Do you want to?
LAURA WILLCOX: Let's do it.
Let's do it.
SHANNON COFFEY: And just make sure that you don't put too
much because you don't want to overload it.
You know what?
You're going to pack on the pounds and eat that turkey.
So keep it cool, ladies.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, that's a nice lite dish.
SHANNON COFFEY: Keep it cool.
BETH HOYT: This is amazing.
We have a recipe for people to try at home, right?
Can we see the recipe.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh, yeah.
Here's the recipe you can follow.
BETH HOYT: It's super-easy and complicated,
but mostly just easy.
Because you've just got to buy the ingredients, basically.
SHANNON COFFEY: It's all in a store.
And you can find it.
And you can do it yourself.
You don't have to be a professional.
LAURA WILLCOX: You can put a little pine cone on top.
BETH HOYT: So let's dig into this, you guys.
SHANNON COFFEY: Let's dig in.
BETH HOYT: You should try this at home.
Yeah, we should definitely try this.
Can you guys--
do you think you can beat this?
Can you get more things inside?
Even more things?
LAURA WILLCOX: Doubt it.
SHANNON COFFEY: I don't think you can.
I don't think you can.
BETH HOYT: It's a challenge.
SHANNON COFFEY: If you think you can, send us your videos.
Because I don't think you can.
BETH HOYT: This is a perfect beginning--
SHANNON COFFEY: I don't think you can.
BETH HOYT: --to the lovely feast we have coming up.
I want to get right in the middle there.
SHANNON COFFEY: Don't get the fruity parts because those are
the parts that are not so good.
LAURA WILLCOX: See, look, the foil's dissolved away.
BETH HOYT: Which reminds me, I think everyone's ready.
I think the dinner's all ready.
Everything's been cooked.
SHANNON COFFEY: But we're eating dessert.
BETH HOYT: You guys, dinner's ready.
We still need to set our table, and I want to highlight
our amazing guests from today's show.
Here is a trailer for season two for "Fodder" for the
Cooking Channel.
SHANNON COFFEY: (GARBLED) It's a good show.
You're going to like it.

-This one's very racist.
I would take it off the shelves sooner.
Before it says something.
-Surprise!
-Oh my god.
-Look at me.
I don't know how to pour pasta.
-Making salad is fun.
I can't even get the [BLEEP]
eggplant open.
-Mister Teet.

-Chug!
Chug!
Chug!
Chug!
Chug!
Chug!
-There's ants in this rice.

-Oh my god.
It's Bobby Flay.
-People heads.
-I had sex in a Porta-John!
-So you're-a-peein'--
-Let the battle begin.
-You're a very hairy man.

-Tuna.
-Who wants some bris-cuit?
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
-Mustard, mayonnaise.
-Is this what you want?

KURT BRAUNOHLER: Hi, I'm Kurt Braunohler.
You're watching "My Damn Channel LIVE." It has nothing
to do with guns.
But we had this.
So.

BETH HOYT: Welcome back.
We're here.
We've got our friends with us, and we have a feast to enjoy.
We're celebrating in classic style for Thanksgiving.
It's "The Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" way.
So we've got buttered toast and pretzel sticks and popcorn
and jelly beans.
And of course, our Turdess--
Turdessertken.
LAURA WILLCOX: Turdessertken.
BETH HOYT: We've got two of them.
And our lovely centerpiece--
a frozen turkey with a pumpkin taped to it.
OK, it's time for everyone to say what they're thankful for.
Let's go around the room.
John, what are you thankful for?
JOHN MURRAY: I'm Hankful for--
BETH HOYT: Oh, right.
There it is.
JOHN MURRAY: --just the fact that "Cloud Atlas" might be
down low, but guess what, it's still early
in the holiday season.
It might go up in the box office, OK, guys?
So fingers crossed.
TH, I love you.
BETH HOYT: OK, so he's grateful
for his hopeful wishes.
Geoff, what are you grateful for?
GEOFF LERER: So during the break there, I actually spoke
to the turkey.
BETH HOYT: Oh god.
GEOFF LERER: And we're going out tonight.
We're going to work things out.
So I'm grateful for the chance to--
sorry.
LAURA WILLCOX: Oh wow.
You OK?
BETH HOYT: Laura, what are you grateful for?
Thankful for?
LAURA WILLCOX: I think I'm grateful for season three of
"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," but it's too
soon to tell.
Step it up, ladies.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
All right, well, TBD on that tankful note.
Shannon, what are you grateful for?
SHANNON COFFEY: I'm grateful for everything.
BETH HOYT: Oh.
OK.
LAURA WILLCOX: Ew.
BETH HOYT: Great.
Morgan?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Hi.
I'm gonna be real right now, you guys.
Is everybody ready?
SHANNON COFFEY: I'm not.
BETH HOYT: I don't know if this show is ready.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Well, put on you real hats because
things are about to get real.
Everybody got on their real hats?
JOHN MURRAY: Yeah?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK.
I am thankful--
oh!

SHANNON COFFEY: Don't try to get real.
Don't try to get real.
BETH HOYT: Not on this show.
Nate?
NATE: Aw, that's it?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: No, it wasn't good anyway.
NATE: I'm thankful that my dad will probably forgive me for
picking a favorite parent.
SHANNON COFFEY: I highly doubt it.
JOHN MURRAY: I doubt it.
NATE: You're right.
No.
That's-- ugh.
BETH HOYT: And I'm thankful for Nate's dad.
And guys, how can people find you online once this show and
the meal are over?
Nate, go first.
NATE: Youtube.com/oknate.
BETH HOYT: oknate.
Go subscribe.
Morgan?
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: OK, I'm going to get real again.
No!
BETH HOYT: Shove it up her nose.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: My Twitter is @MsMorganGrace.
Or you can see, I do a show every Saturday at the UCB
Theater here in New York at 10:30 with my
team Grandma's Ashes.

Shannon, what's happening?
SHANNON COFFEY: Yeah, you can find me on
youtube.com/coffeychat.
I'm also performing at the UCB Theater.
I'm on a mod team called super easy you could
check out once a month.
You can find me on Twitter-- @Coffeys.
C-O-F-F-E-Y-S. And you can find me anywhere, really.
I'm everywhere.
JOHN MURRAY: The Port Authority--
BETH HOYT: Laura, what's happening for you?
LAURA WILLCOX: You can find me on Twitter at @Laura_Willcox.
You better believe there are two L's in Willcox.
BETH HOYT: Boom.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: I don't believe it.
LAURA WILLCOX: Believe it.
It's real.
SHANNON COFFEY: I've spelled her name before.
LAURA WILLCOX: It's true.
Or at UCB Theater on my improv team Bucky or
my sketch team Bellevue.
Double B, double L.
BETH HOYT: Boom.
Geoff?
GEOFF LERER: You can find me at geofflerer.com or on
Twitter at @GeoffLerer.
And weekends, most nights, between 11:00 and
2:00, 53rd and 3rd.
BETH HOYT: Who knows where you are?
GEOFF LERER: You just gotta drive by and put your hand out
the window.
LAURA WILLCOX: Only if you're a turkey, though.
Or a ham.
BETH HOYT: John?
JOHN MURRAY: You can find me on Twitter @TheJohnMurray.
You can find me on this thing called Facebook.
Just put Hanksgiving when you friend me, man.
Why not?
Let's be friends.
I also perform at the Upright Citizens Brigade every 9:00 PM
on Saturday--
that came out real weird--
with a team called Death By Roo Roo.
And also, I'm on a show that's on the Cooking Channel that
Laura Willcox wrote with another "Fodder" cast member
named Sasheer Zamata called "Back in Time for
Thanksgiving." So keep an eye out for it.
LAURA WILLCOX: Also Mamrie Hart.
JOHN MURRAY: Mamrie Hart too.
BETH HOYT: You guys know her.
MORGAN GRACE JARETT: Why aren't we all on that show?
BETH HOYT: All right.
Well, you're all on this show.
You guys are all precious.
And I have something to tell you guys.
I don't want to do business at the table.
BRB, guys.
One sec.
I'm just gonna--
keep eating.
Keep having fun.
I have--
excuse me.
Don't mind me.
Here I am.
OK, you guys.
I'm talking to you.
So next week we're going to be dark because we're going to be
celebrating actual Thanksgiving with our actual
drunk uncles.
And the week after that, here's the news.
We are combining all of our energies and all of our fun
into one big weekly show on Wednesdays.
Nate?
I'm trying of talk here.
Grace will still be live from LA on Tuesdays
to talk to you guys.
And of course, if you ever want to talk to me any other
day of the week, tweet at me or go to my vlog or Tumblr--
all the info is below-- to get at me.
Get at me.
Sorry, Nate.
That was a little harsh.
Subscribe to this show.
I'll be here tomorrow.
We can talk about anything you have questions on.
OK, that's that.
It's time for the feast.
I'm coming back.
Watch out.
Here she comes.
JOHN MURRAY: Guys, if this is "The Last Supper," who's Jesus
and who's Judas?
BETH HOYT: Oh, but you don't answer that.
I'm coming.
Excuse me.
Beep beep.
I'm here.
OK.
I made it.
SHANNON COFFEY: You're Mama.
BETH HOYT: And that's our show.
Thanks so much to Laura, Shannon,
John, Geoff, and Morgan--
and Nate, I guess-- for being here.
Exactly.
Happy Thanksgiving.
You're my favorite.
JOHN MURRAY: Charlie Brown theme-- doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo.