Clint Eastwood Meets Mister Ed - 2 of 2 (Captioned)

Ed. Somebody got on Mr. Eastwood's party line and made him lose a big job.
Have any idea who that practical joker might be?
Well....ah....maybe Addison?
Maybe Ed?
No....I vote for sour-puss Addison.
Ah huh. Well, this has all the earmarks of an inside job.
You had the opportunity, the motive, and the telephone.
Come on, Ed. Admit it.
This is America. You can't make a horse testify against himself.
On account of you, Carol isn't speaking to me.
I've gotta finish writing a play in a couple of days that I can't even start,
and just now Clint Eastwood roughed me up.
Please, holler but don't hit.
You promised me you would leave Mr. Eastwood alone!
Ok, I promise.
Good.
You don't mean it. You've got your hooves crossed.
Now say "I promise."
I promise!
That's better.
Chee!
Let's see now.... Act 1, scene 1, page 1.
Stuck again.
(Ed evil laughing.)
What's going on in here? What happened?
A monster!!
A monster?
Oh! I don't mean.... oh....oh....
Take it easy, will you. Sit down and relax a minute.
I'll look around.
(Knock on door.)
Come in.
Oh, Mr. Post?
Oh! Mr. Eastwood! Come in! Come in!
Mr. Post...um... I need your help.
Well, anything I can do to help a neighbor....ha..ha..ha.
Why don't you sit down!
Thanks.
Now...uh... What seems to be the problem?
Horses.
Horses!
I uh...I don't have any trouble with horses.
I have other problems. - Have you?
Like trying to write a play.
Look...uh...Clint!
If I help you with your problem, will you help me with mine?
Well, yeah, if I can. But I came here to talk about a horse.
You're having trouble with your horse, eh?
Who said anything about my horse?
You did.
I don't remember anything about...
Look here, Post.
Ever since I moved into this neighborhood, I've had nothing but trouble.
And now to top it all off, your horse scared my housekeeper clean out of her wits.
In fact she's threatened o quit on me.
My horse scared her?
That's right. Your horse.
Oh no, you must be mistaken. No, Mr. Ed would never do a thing like that.
It's no mistake. I saw him. I followed him right over here.
I think he needs some discipline.
I have a little experience with animals.
I could work with him a few days a week, help you train him.
Discipline Ed? - Yeah!
Look, that's very kind of you, but I don't wanna impose.
It's no imposition at all.
Come on, boy!
Yeah, I don't think I would try this today, Clint.
Why not? I can handle him.
Yeah well, you see some days he acts a little different than he does other days, and....
I have a feeling that....
I'll ride him around the neighborhood... work him out a little for ya.
I told you, he wouldn't learn anything.
About this play that we're doing for charity...
You know, uh, horses who act this way are usually pretty smart.
You should have seen Midnight at first.
He's so well trained now though, the studio insisted on buying him from me.
Want to ship him off to Europe for a big picture.
Then you don't have any horse at your place now, huh?
No. I'm getting another one tomorrow though.
Pretty little filly, two year old.
See, he likes you!
How 'bout that.
Remember Clint.
You promised to help me with my problem if I helped you with yours.
I thought I just did that.
Oh...you mean the little play you're writing.
Yeah, little is right.
The way it's going it's only going to have two words, "the end".
Tell me Wilbur, are you a writer?
If I am, that typewriter can sue me for non-support.
I'll tell you what. I have a little western sketch at home
that I've been saving for a benefit performance.
Is it written for four people?
No, nine. But that's alright, it's a western.
We can kill off five of them in the first few seconds.
Wonderful! What's the story all about?
Well, you know, typical western.
Boy finds horse. Boy loses horse.
Boy meets girl. Boy still wants horse.
Story of my marriage.
Well, my wife and I are always having little tips over my horse.
She hasn't spoken to me since last night.
Well, I might have an idea about how you two can patch it up.
Oh...how?
You just leave things to your new director.
New director!
Yeah. One of the things we specialize in our business is happy endings.
You know I don't go for any gun play in my saloon, Sheriff.
So I'd appreciate it if you'd wait for Blackbart outside.
Oh, I'm so afraid that Tex is gonna be gunned down by Blackbart.
Carol.
Do you really think I look my part?
Perfect, Kay. You know you've got great legs.
Well, I didn't win Addison with my cooking!
But uh, I still think you should be playing the part, Carol.
Oh no! I can't play Wilbur's girlfriend.
How can I kiss a man when I'm not speaking to him?
Well, I've been doing it for twenty years, sweetie!
You know you and Roger are crazy about each other.
Yeah, but that's the only thing that's holding our marriage together.
Well!
Well!
Gee, you look terrific, Kay!
Well, thank you, Wilbur!
You look very beautiful in that outfit, Carol.
Thank you.
Well, when do we start, Clint?
Well, right away, uh...but we can't have a western without our killer.
Where's Addison? Is he dressed yet?
He was dressed hours ago.
When I left him, the killer was in the garden spraying his apples.
Addison! We're ready!
Coming, Kay!
I reckon I don't have ta tell ya ma name, Sheriff.
No! I hear you're the fastest spray gun in town.
Alright, I hope we haven't forgotten anything from our last rehearsal.
Uh killer, I think you better wait in the kitchen until you hear your cue.
Cue? Cue. Oh yeah, sure.
Think I'll kill a roast beef sandwich while I'm waiting.
Alright, places everyone.
Alright, curtain!
(Western music plays)
Howdie, Miss Flossy.
Oh Tex! You promised me you wouldn't come in here today.
You don't stand a chance against Blackbart!
Don't worry, Missy Ma'am.
I can take care of him!
Hold it!
What'd we do? Something wrong?
No, Kay. It's just that you're not the type to be playing the sheriff's girl.
I'm uh...thinking of switching parts.
You mean you want me to play Flossy?
Carol, why don't you try Flossy's lines?
But...but...I...I...I...
Kay, you don't mind do ya? Of course not, sweetie.
Carol, come on, you stand here. But, I can't, I..I..I...
You stand right here. I can't do it!
No problem. You ready Sheriff?
Ready!
Ok, curtain.
(Western music plays)
Howdie, Miss Flossy.
Tex, you promised me you wouldn't come in here today.
You don't stand a chance against Blackbart.
Ah...now, Carol...
You have to stand closer to him.
Hold him, hold him. That's it.
Forget you're married. Pretend you love him.
Don't you worry about me, Missy Ma'am.
I can take care of him.
Come on, Carol! Next line.
But I love you so much.
Now you kiss him.
Come on, Carol! Come on kiss him.
Go ahead! Go ahead kiss him.
If you'll excuse me, I have to wipe out a gang of bugs on my apples.
There's your lunch, Sheriff.
Oh...thanks, Flossy!
Oh, honey, the play went over great. Everybody loved it!
And you were the hit of the evening.
Oh no...you were the hit of the evening.
Oh no! You were! No...
If I don't wanna sleep on the couch again tonight, you were the hit of the evening.
Well, I've got some work to do.
He, he, he, he, he....
(Ed continues to laugh.)
What are you laughing at?
I met Clint Eastwood's filly last night.
I was the hit of the evening!