BACK TO THE FUTURE Nes Review by the Angry Nintendo Nerd - Cinemassacre.com

This game is horrible!
Doc: *GASP*
This game is so bad, I really don't want to play it.
If Darth Vader came from the planet Vulcan and said it would melt my brain if I wanted to go. Honest story.
The first thing that I really admires how well it follows the movie.
You gotta love that music
Doc:great scotts
It sounds just like the movie right?
Marty:No!
That's it, it loops over and over again.
You're not gonna believe it, and that is all you hear in the entire game!
Doc:I don't believe it!
Yup. To the title screen to the all the way to the end. The same fucking music
Marty:NOOOOOOO!!!!!
I'd rather have a fucking buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear than subject them to this horrendous garbage.
Well now, about the gameplay,
well, you're racing against the time limit and...
and you have to collect clocks to get more time.
That's pretty creative isn't it?
So you're walking through Hill Valley
every single thing that you can imagine is out to kill you.
Marty:Holy shit!
Bullys, hoola hoop girls, killer bees
Doc:Gasp!
Guys holding grass window. Just like in the movie.
What happen here?
Is it Hill Valley or is it hell?
Doc:No, it's Hill Valley, although I can't imagine Hell being much worse!
I never knew a hulahoop girls can be so deadly
Why do she want to kill Marty anyway?
Marty:He's an asshole!
Not to mention, he doesn't even look like Marty
Look at the black helmet head.
Also, when does he ever wear that sleesy black shirt?
Oh look, I got a bowling ball.
Remember that in the movie?
Remember when Marty throwing bowling balls at people?
Who's idea was this?
Biff Tannen:Butthead
What was they thinking?
Biff:Hello, hello, anyone home?
Ah the skateboard, now that make a lot more sense.
But it's a most annoying thing in the game.
Yeah it make you go faster, but you can't stop
You crash into everything and make it a whole hell a lot fuck'n harder!
Marty: Whoa, this is heavy.
Jumping is useless!
Try jumping over this bench you'll never make it.
What the point having a jump button if it doesn't help at all.
What is those guy doing with that window anyway?
Why are those giant bees alway coming at you?
Give me a break.
What the fuck is Marty doing when he get killed?
It looks like he having some kind a seizure.
I mean, I guess I would have a seizure too if there are bees and hulahoop girls, and all these wierd shit coming at me.
I mean, just leave me alone, I'm trying to collect clocks.
Doc: damn...
Doc: damn...
Doc: damn damn!
I never got too far in this game.
But after the walking stage is over, you go to the café.
By this time, It's a breath of fresh air to see something different...
and get a break from that horrible music.
You move up and down behind the counter, throwing milkshakes at people.
If any of them touch the counter, you're done for.
If you think it would be easy to hit them, but it's not.
Common sense would say if you stand in front of someone, and throw something. It would hit them
You can't tell where to stand.
Now you actually have the patience to get through the café stage.
Guess what's next?
More walking.
Marty:NOOOOO! Oh god please NO!!!
You know what the worse thing about this game.
It bears the name "Back to the future."
A movie that is well worth putting more time and effort to making a decent game.
The movie came out '85, the game came out '89.
There's no excuse.
No fucking excuse.
Somebody ordered in the past:
"Quick! Make a shitty game, name it after a big movie, and then just spit it into all the stores for all the kids to buy for fifty bucks!"
Yea, 50 fucking bucks.
There's no internet to look up review back then.
You know, you'll buy the game and hope for the best.
With Back to the Future, how can you go wrong?
Yea, you can fuck'n go wrong alright.
Like, I would shat in a bag, and then wrote "Back to the Future" on it, that would be the same as this awful piece of shit.
It brings my piss to a boil.
What a piece of shit!
I will never play it again either. Its my last time.
I rather eat out the rotton asshole of a roadkill stunk than play this game ever again.
I'm dead serious too.
You know what's worse?
You know what's really worse?
Guess what...
There's a sequel!
Marty:AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Yes it's true.
Back to the Future, II and III.
Two shitty games for the price of one.
Let's check it out.
Holy shit! Hey look, it's the Delorean.
I remembered THAT from the movie.
Not to much of the piranas, snails, wierd face, running frogs, ...
the bouncing things, the thing in the sewer that comes out and kills Marty,...
the little dinosaur. A cloud that drops pellet cans.
Whatever what the fuck'n hell that goddamn that is.
Look at they. Who are they? Goombas? The spikey thing that was ripped off from Super Mario Bros.
Fuck'n slackers.
Everytime you die, the DeLorean drops you off and seems like it alway take you to the opposite direction in which you trying to go.
Shit soup!
Oh god, don't let the blue bird get you.
Ack!
Get the key, get the key!
Yeah, the hoverboard.
Cool, a bonus stage.
Wow, fuck this...
I wish I could go back in time to prevent this game from being made.
Unfortunately, I need to build a flux capacitor and I also need some plutonium to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity, so, it's out of the question.
Well, let's think on a positive note.
There gotta be one good thing about this game.
I know what's that is!
It fits in the toaster.
Mr. McFly: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!